View Full Version : Frustrating relationship with my mother
chris_in_orbit
Apr 22, 2007, 07:07 PM
Many adults expect respect from children but then my mother tells me that she doesn't have to respect me because I'm a child. Is it me or is this logic flawed? Don't I as a person deserve respect? And from no one else at LEAST from the only mother I have?
My mother is constantly telling me what I don't do right and yells/curses at me for the drop of the hat. If I were to raise my voice at her or curse then she would discipline me and that is ridiculous! Parents are supposed to be setting examples for their children to follow, not doing what they want to do then turning around and telling me what I have to do. It becomes frustrating because I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home and my opinion is not valued nor respected.
If my mom can't even set an example for me and respect me as a person why should I do those things for her? I have constantly brought this up with my mother but she always ends up yelling at me, and in some cases hitting me. Am I wrong to think that I don't deserve I mother like this?
phillysteakandcheese
Apr 23, 2007, 02:48 PM
Generally speaking - Yes, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. However - Respect is a two way street. You have to behave in a respectful manner before you can truly demand others treat you with respect.
If you behave like a screaming 7 year old, I'll treat you like one - no matter how old you are!
I think most young people believe they "already know what's best" for themselves - that's often a delusion based on no real world expereince and a lot of self-centered behavior. As you get older, you realize the pitfals your parents were trying to help you avoid, even if they didn't have the best approach.
Sometimes parents can't let go, or view their children as independent adults. We all know a 30-something guy that is still under his mother's thumb...
Being hit is another matter though. That can be physical abuse...
My suggestion is to objectively look at yourself and your relationship with your mother and determine what you can do to make it better. That might mean changing your attitude, or it might mean removing yourself from an abusive situation.
chris_in_orbit
Apr 26, 2007, 01:39 PM
I don't think the problem is me thinking I know everything. I think it's the other way around actually. Not every child is the same so to say that we all need the same things is a little ignorant. I just want my opinions to be considered so that we can compromise. If a parent isn't even willing to do that and justifies it because she's an adult then things become frustrating. As a junior in high school, who is soon to leave the house, things shouldn't be this way.. subjectively I honestly believe in any situation the child's opinion should be heard out instead of tossed aside as unimportant.
whiteladybug2002
Apr 26, 2007, 01:54 PM
I absolutely see your point of view and you write very well for you age!! Two thumbs up for you!
I don't think that you are giving credit where it is due though... probably your mom! She has probably created and molded you into the wonderful person you are today. She may not always listen to you, but she loves you. She may not "respect" you, but she makes you study. She may not compromise, but she makes sure you are fed. As a mom, our job is not to appease our children and be their friend, it is to make you be the best you can be... To be better than us!
Even though it may not seem like it now, your mom has your best interest in mind! At 16 - 17 yrs old, we all make irrational decisions that make perfectly good sense at the time, but later we really see how ignorant we were... I include myself! You may not, but your mom is there to make sure.
She loves you and even if you feel she isn't listening, she is! It is a mom little secret! She is probably listening more than you know!
Fr_Chuck
Apr 26, 2007, 01:58 PM
So the things she is telling you , that you are doing wrong, you aren't doing those things then right?? But no, kids are to listen to there parents and respect their parents, kids are kids and honestly god could not have helped one of my boys if they tried to lecture me on how to speak to them.
The fact you are still allowed to use a computer means she was not as strict on you as a lot of parents out there.