I need a answer to a problem with my sister. Our parents are both gone. My brother is 8 years older, my sister is 4 years older. We are all late middle-aged. For twenty years, my sister and I and our families have lived in the same large city, very close in proximity. My brother lives across the country. In that time, especially when my Mother was alive, I tried to get the family together aleast 2 or 3 times a year at a dinner, so that we could all stay close. We always included them in birthdays, etc. (No presents, just would you like to eat with us) My sister never did the same. She always called after her birthday (or whatever the occasion) and told me how the whole family got together (including she always said, her husband's sister) and how they had a wonderful time, etc. I have always been hurt by this. Over the last ten years I have said, Gee, I wish we had been invited... she always says Oh, we will invite you if you want to come... next time! For many years, I gave her the benefit of the doubt about this. Her husband passed away 8 years ago, and she has never worked (I have had my own successful business for 24 years) and didn't have many friends. So I invited her to sub in one of my bridge groups a few times. Meanwhile, my best friend is a real estate agent and my sister was selling her house (She also plays in that group) and my friend told her she should permently take a spot in our group after someone moved. I would never have wanted that. So it's been five years since she has been in this group. We have two grown sons, and one grandson. My son is divorced and has custody of my grandson. Our holidays are just our immediate family, since my husband's only sibling is far away in Montana. We have sometimes asked to share holidays with my sister, and her three married children, and her 8 grandchildren so that the younger ones will know each other. She always excludes us, and then, after she calls and tell me what happeded, who was there, last xmas, she even said that they found a long lost uncle who had come (from her deceased husband's family) She now delights in telling this to me at bridge in front of my friends. It makes my good friends mad at how she treats me. At times when she has had too much to drink, she starts saying how Mother always said I was the pretty one, and no one paid attention to her, etc. Isn't she a little old to be holding on to whatever this is? The last straw was last week, she came to bridge, talking about her birthday party this coming weekend. They were having a low country boil with lots of people coming. My best friend was so mad at her talking about this in front of me, she said "OH, are Harold and Jane invited??" This was my sister's response... "Oh, you would have to ask my kids who is on the guest list, they are in charge" I think I had the "Epiphany" She hates me for something and I do not know what.
I must be crazy to have put up with this behavior all these years. I need feedback.
J B

It sounds like she is recreating her childhood into her adult life to exclude you almost to pay you back or hurt you for the way your family treated her. Every time she calls you after the "fact" of an event to show off to you and you hear about it, that is her moment so she is slowly getting those lost moments back, but now it is just a habit. There are many ways to handle this one you can only you can pick.
1. confront her, tell her you can't change the past, but you want to really be sisters and if she doesn't change you will just leave her alone.
2. The next time she tells you about an event at the bridge game, take it over say isn't that great, and you been the one to publicize the event. Or when she talks about an upcoming event say well I would go but I have this to do and really blow it up. She knows your chomping at the bit to be invited and that where she wants you so turn the tables nicely though. And it wouldn't hurt to create your own event, and just say well I would invite you but your to busy.
Sometimes the only way to break kid habits is to look at it as what you would do if your kids were doing this behavior what are some ways to correct it and try them.
Hope it helps!

I am sorry to hear that your sister is such a jerk. She certainly appears to be harboring something against you.

The only suggestion I have is: the best revenge is living well! Why don't you and your husband go do something really fun and outrageous on the same date as her birthday? When she opens her mouth about how great her party was, you can chime in "Wow, I wish I had remembered it was your birthday! Hubby and I were having so much fun in Las Vegas (for example) that I completely forgot about it."

I am the type of person that has a low tolerance for bad behavior. Had she done the things you mentioned to purposly embarrass me in front of my friends I would have stopped going to that bridge club. However, I realize that is a tough decision that not everyone would agree with. Enjoy your son and grandkids and don't let your nutso sister get to you.

Perhaps this isn't the nicest thing to do but next time she brings up her family social engagements that you are not invited to, correct her clearly in front of God and everyone.

Sounds like you need to drop her from your bridge club [and your life] -- Savage