Ahhh, this has been driving me nuts for awhile now, because I have such strong feelings for my manager. He is 33 and I'm 18 :(. We are constantly flirting with each other, and he waits for me after work every night and follows me half way home. He is extremely nice to me, and always wants me to switch shifts if I'm not working with him. We sit in the office and talk all day, and when I ask him about if I was supposed to get something done, he just says "Why dont you just sit and talk to me, and ill help you later." and he tells me to not worry about doing things. I found out that he is married. But I don't think he knows I know and he always avoids those type of subjects and he doesn't wear a ring. I am really mature for my age, and it is always to find mature guys around my age and I think that is why I'm so attractive to him... he wants me to call and come talk to him when he is working this week?! And I know you're all thinking that he is just a typical guy blah blah, but he is not at all, I've never met a more sweeter funnier handsomer (word?) than him. I just don't know what to think? Please all your opinions and comments will help me out.

Draw the line with this guy and stick to it. He is married! He is looking for someone naïve and vulnerable to have an affair with - which is you! Being so mature for your age, you ought to know that getting more involved with guy is going to cost you. If you are so sure that he is just so handsome and sweet and fun and flirty and helpful and so concerned about you, why don't you his wife and ask her opinion?

You are going to get so hurt with this guy, if you keep on like you are doing. So terribly hurt. You need to tell him that this is work and work only. Nothing personal. Just work. Then stand by your words and keep the working relationship proper and at an appropriate distance.

It is easy to have your head turned by an older man who pays attention and seems so helpful. But please, take a cold hard look at this and make the best decision. If anything, look at some of the other posts and answers about this kind of relationship with a married man and read how women, like you, were drawn into illicit relationships with married men and are now suffering - some even pregnant and alone.

I don't know what it is but I've never felt this way towards someone, and it makes everything just go away.. I don't think I would ever want anything other than us flirting and talking all the time, but id like to know if there could've been something.. I don't know ;(

If he wants to continue flirting, that is a dangerous game. He is baiting the trap, so to speak. He has higher expectations. Which, if he were single and free to do this, no problem. But he is not. You can simply tell him that married men are not on your menu, when it comes to flirting and anything beyond. It is just too much of a temptation that can be almost impossible to overcome. I agree the attention is exciting, a bit romantic, sweet, and makes one feel so special. But, honestly, you do not feel that same way when you are there sitting home alone - again while he is back with his wife and family - again.

There are easier ways to break a heart. Don't let this guy close enough to find out.

You need to stop what you are doing it is wrong. He is a married older man and he should know better. He sounds a little sick and he's your boss. Its not that fair that you get to sit in the office all day and talk to him and get paid I would watch out this guy just sounds like a creep and what if his wife finds out

Oh yes, the being at work all day and not working and getting paid for it. That sure is a set up to an affair. He is going to ask for payment of that little favor. Is he the owner of this business and the manager or only the manager?

A smart woman would be documenting all this - the pay and no work, what the manager says, how he flirts, etc. Since you are going along with him, you are just as guilty in perpetrating a fraud on the company you work for. If a co worker were to find out, I can hear a whistle blowing!

He is not at all a creep... at all! Seriously, I guess its hard to explain the situation with out it seeming bad, but really its not, and its not like we don't get anything done at work, he just helps me so then we have extra time to talk, maybe he is just a nice guy and I'm getting caught up? But its just the things he does and jokes around about that makes me think otherwise.. Im deffinately not going to let it go anyfarther but I also don't want to stop flirting and talking to him... ill come back on on Wednesday around same time, because I'm going into work for while to see him, and ill tell you what happens, and the things he says and does, and you tell me what you think.. I just really wish you would understand he is not sick or creepy, its like I'm a little mature for my age, and he is a little immature for his age so its perfect combination

You guys just don't understand it is not at all like that cause for one we work just together, and twice as fast, I've known him for a while and now we work together and I know he isn't like that

He's not being faithful to his wife (1 sign of dishonesty) He's apparently breaking the rules at work, Managers should NOT act this way with their employees (2nd sign of dishonesty)... Do you really want to start a relationship with a man who is known for being dishonest and breaking all the rules? What happens if you two somehow do work out and you pursue another career... and this hot new girl takes your position, one day he gets bored at work and decides he wants HER to come in after hours. I know you may have feelings for him but from what you've said about the situation, it sounds like your in for a heartbreak.

Goodluck with everything. I hope everything works out for you.

Yes but he's not being faithful to his wife and u say u won't do n-e thing with him but you are flirting with him he might think u want to take it farther and think u are leading him on u need to stop before u both get in trouble.

I am speechless. What was the question? Anyway its all relative because his intentions are not clear, he may think they are "just friends".

So I really don't know what to think, or if I'm just confusing myself more... From my original post since then, I have talked to him everyday on the phone and visited him once at work and this weekend he's coming in to visit me at work.. I don't know if I'm thinking at all in the wrong way, maybe he's just nice? But why just to me? I don't know.. I think I'm going to just kind of act normal and see how he acts when I don't flirt back with him? I don't know please anyone help me out your opinion really makes the situation easier for me... thanks :)

I think you need to continue your questions on the same thread instead of making a new one. I think he has a crush on you. You really shouldn't be leading him on and talking on the phone and visiting him. You need to leave him alone before this goes too far because I believe you will be hurt. Love is blind-Love is blind.

I know that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing but I just can't I feel like I have no self control. I just want to be with him and have him. I love talking with him also though because I can feel something there and he always has something good to say and always puts me in a better mood like he actually cares, I haven't been able to talk to him for 3 days because he had to take classes for work and I'm going nuts, I can't wait to talk to him tomorrow :( I just never felt like this before... I wish someone could relate.

Head over to the mistress threads and you will find many that relate. Then read how miserable they are. What you are doing is wrong and on 2 levels. You are leading on a married man and you are goofing off on company time.

Any 30 something year old man who is in a managerial position that flirts and carries on with a teenager (and I don't care how mature you believe you are) qualifies as a creep in my book. It isn't professional behavior and I believe if his superior was aware of it he would be straightened out immediately. He is leaving the company wide open to a lawsuit. (That happens after you have hooked up and he tells you he won't leave his wife and you sue the company.) If he worked for me he would be packing his desk pronto.

I really wish I could understand why some women find married men attractive. The minute you found out he was married, didn't you feel betrayed? Where is the respect for your fellow woman? Would you like for some sweet young thing to flirt with your husband? I bet if you ask the long term employees at your workplace a few questions about your manager, you will get an earful.

Actually I've been working there longer than him, he transferred from another store, and I've known him from that store.. There is nothing wrong with harmless flirting on his part for one, its just that I'm getting attracted to him.. so its my fault.. yea should deff. Take this somewhere else.. diff thread.. diff site because none of you understand the situation or listening what I'm saying

Hes not what you think he is at all, and everyone at my work has told me him an his wife have had problems and they don't know if they are together because he doesn't wear his ring

I don't think you will find many people that will support you flirting with and leading on a married man - especially in a superior/subordinate position. You are titillated by an older man that reinforces your belief of being mature.

BTW, my husband has never worn a ring, it doesn't make him any less married.

We know what you are saying and we know the situation. We also have come to know that you are going to go head first into this relationship. So why did you even bother posting your morals question?

Ya so I flirt with him... OK? Must of committed a crime. I wish I could talk to people that aren't married.. and I garuntee if I left the fact out that he is married this whole thing would've been a different story.. And again I don't even know if he is married anymore, but I know he was like a year or so ago. And I never said I was going to pursue into a relationship with him, I just like the harmless flirting and talking.. nothing more, and I know how to control myself so there would be nothing to happen... and for the work part we get stuff done, it was just a day or two towards the end of the night where there was nothing to do besides, one thing and had like 2 hour to do it, so just talked and worked on paper work in office, and then before the end of the night worked on it together, so drop that... were not doing anything wrong and we ARE getting things done! And also that I'm leading on a married man,. ok? Nope, deffinately not... pretty sure it would be the other way around.. and I'm just going along with it not doing anything wrong but talking, and flirting back.. I'm sorry he's married.. not my problem if he's flirting with me.. wife's to it to their husbands everyday.. oh wait is that a different story? Oh OK so its OK.. forgot sorry :/

S000000 what was your question? What is it that you want to hear? What do you want to know? What kind of answers are you looking for? Please ask this exact question on a different site and please let us know what they say. If you told us that he wasn't married we would still tell you to leave him alone. You don't realize this, but some day-you will-I promise. This will be a good life lesson for you-you just don't know it yet.

OK so what is the reasone than if I posted that he wasn't married, that you would tell me to leave him alone.. because he's 30? OK so tell me why that's a big problem or what the heck is? I don't know why else you guys would tell me to leave him alone? Besides the fact he's married.. please tell me.. help me understand..?

I am 32 years old. I understand the difference between 45 and 30-but not 33 and 18. You don't realize this yet, but there really is such a big difference. He is just trying to get him a young, sweet, piece of... I know you don't think so-but girl I'm telling you it's true. Why don't you straight up ask him if he's married? If he's not and you pursue this and have relations with him, he's going to get bored-I'm telling you.

Oh sorry actually he's 30 I meant to fix that I typed 33

Ya so i flirt with him.... ok? Must of commited a crime. I wish I could talk to people that arent married.. and i garuntee if i left the fact out that he is married this whole thing would've been a different story.. And again I dont even know if he is married anymore, but i know he was like a year or so ago. And I never said I was going to pursue into a relationship with him, I just like the harmless flirting and talking.. nothing more, and I know how to control myself so there would be nothing to happen.... and for the work part we get stuff done, it was just a day or two towards the end of the night where there was nothing to do besides, one thing and had like 2 hour to do it, so just talked and worked on paper work in office, and then before the end of the night worked on it together, so drop that ......were not doing anything wrong and we ARE getting things done! And also that im leading on a married man, ....ok? Nope, deffinately not... pretty sure it would be the other way around.. and im just going along with it not doing anything wrong but talking, and flirting back.. im sorry he's married.. not my problem if he's flirting with me.., wifes to it to their husbands everyday.. oh wait is that a different story? oh ok so its ok.. forgot sorry :/

This post and your original differ greatly. You get a little heat and suddenly the story changes.

Yes, I would still have a problem with it if he weren't married. He is in a superior position at the workplace. He is abusing his position and is acting unprofessionally. I believe after the age of 25 that age no longer plays a big factor. The changes you make in the next 5 or 6 years will most likely be the most significant. He is grooming you and will make his move in the not so distant future. What will you do?

The only way I could ever say "go for it" would be IF you determine for certain he is not married (don't rely on his word only) and IF one of you find another place of work.

Obviously you can't work with someone that you're dating, can easily be transferred... but nothings going wrong in the work place, he is a great manager... if were to ask any other employee they would say he is a great manager compared to others, and does what he is supposed to do, and gets everything done and more..

Lynn2, just please be careful and don't get hurt.

Thanks, I really appreciate it and I really do understand that you're just trying to help me, I think I'm just caught up in the moment and I think I will come to my senses, just never felt like this before :) thanks a ton for talking with me

Sometimes you got to take a step back before you move forward. I think you want to be careful. I know where you're coming from-I've been caught up in the moment-I'm sure everyone here has.

Look, some men like the chase. Some men like to forget their reality for a while by getting a girlfriend on the side that doesn't make them accountable for anything that a wife would.
If he is married, he can not fully commit to you. You know this before anything really happens. Don't set yourself up for a fall. These situations ALWAYS end badly.
Have you ever heard the expression, the grass is always greener on the other side?
We always want what we can't have. He can not "have" you - he is married.

Turn around and RUN! You are 18 and have a life of adventures ahead of you. Don't fall into the Mistress trap. Becoming a mistress comes with all kinds of titles like Whore, Homewrecker and a whole lot more. Are you any of those things? Do you want to be?

If you were as mature as you say you are, then you would find out if he is married or not. The fact that you haven't, means you are so smitten that you can't believe he would lie or mislead you. Think with your head and not your heart, as you are terribly blinded now, but need facts to make a decision. Its up to you, so be defensive and keep making excuses for not getting the truth, it hurts you more than us, who are truly older, wiser and a lot more experienced in the ways of the world. Maybe you can't pick who you fall for, but you can have full control on how you deal it. Get the facts and make your decisions based on them.

Ignoring all the age difference and married man and maturity issues for the moment and focusing on the work relationship...

The short version: Don't get involved in a relationship with a superior or subordinate. Ever. This reflects extremely poorly on the judgment of both of you, and jeopardizes both of your futures with the company and, for the manager, future employment as well.

Most companies have specific provisions in the employee handbook about this. If you're in an at-will employment state, you can both be fired on the spot over this. The manager, especially if he's salaried, can be terminated over this type of thing very nearly anywhere.

At the very least, if you ever get a promotion, a decent raise, a good review, or any preferential (or even just seemingly preferential) treatment, your coworkers will assume that's just payment for your 'services.' Being thought of as a whore is not going to be fun times. And they're going to be looking for anything that might indicate that.

I keep falling harder and harder every time I see him... :(. Just today we worked together.. same 'ol flirting (nudging, brushing against eachother)... well we were talking and he put his hand out and I just went to lightly hit his and he held on to mine for like 5 minutes and just played with it and talked to me straight in the eyes the whole time.. then throughout the day he kept grabbing my hand and holding it and playing with it.. then when he left he gave me a hug, and I've never felt this feeling before, and I know its wrong but I just can't help to want to be with him.. I just wish I knew his intentions?. anything you say is greatly appreciated thank you :)

Enough people have told you his intentions and you have not been listening. His intentions are clear as a bell - you cannot be that naïve to not know he is coming onto you and you are not stopping him. You need to put a halt to this now before the next post is about how you think he took advantage of you.

But I don't want to stop him... I obviously like him a lot, I just keep getting confused, I just wish it was easier is what I'm saying, and he's not going to take advantage of me because he's not like that

Oh brother, why are you so confused? By this point you obviously know his intentions are to get you in bed and have an affair with you - which means cheating on his wife - which makes you the mistress and in an adulterous relationship. Granted you are only 18, but you know enough, or should have learned enough from the other posters, that this is not a win-win situation. He wins and you are going to end up losing (in the long run).

You should go and browse through the help desk for posts from women who did the very same thing you are contemplating - being romantically involved with a married man. It is not a bed of roses. What happens if you become pregnant? What happens if his wife finds out?

But you are going to do just what he wants you to do. Some lessons have to be learned the very hard way.

What he gives you feels good, because that's what you want, he knows that, and so he is going to seduce you into being his chick on the side and tell you how terrible his wife is, and he stays for the kids, but he loves you, and needs you, and you being young and niave, and wanting attention, fall for it and are miserable, but so in love you look stupid, falling for his phony rap. That's your future, and women like you, fall for it every day so follow your heart, and then come back after your miserable and ask us for help. Ask yourself first, what is a married man doing with you??

If you were as mature as you say you are, then you would find out if he is married or not. The fact that you haven't, means you are so smitten that you can't believe he would lie or mislead you. Think with your head and not your heart, as you are terribly blinded now, but need facts to make a decision. Its up to you, so be defensive and keep making excuses for not getting the truth, it hurts you more than us, who are truly older, wiser and a lot more experienced in the ways of the world. Maybe you can't pick who you fall for, but you can have full control on how you deal it. Get the facts and make your decisions based on them.

Right, I know you are a mature person, and I know how you feel. I am attracted to mature guys since I am a mature girl too. BUT, NO MARRIED MAN, please. Self-control! Self-control! How would u feel if you were his wife? Huh?

If the situation isn't "bad at all". Why would you be asking for outside advice? Because somewhere in your heart you know it isn't right. Follow that instinct.

ive never met a more sweeter funnier handsomer (word?) than him. I just dont know what to think? Please all your opinions and comments will help me out.
That all you looking for a man? Sweet?funny? And handsome? And u still think you are a mature person!
Go more in depth on that, and since you are a mature person then you should like a mature man, do u think HE IS MATURE?? :eek:

After reading all of the replies you've received you appear to have no intention to change anything. To me that doesn't show any kind of "maturity" on your part. Why on earth did you ask for help with this? Why are you wasting everyone's time?

I feel sorry for you, you are going to be hurt and hurt bad! Do you get any kind of positive attention from anyone else other than this man? (parents, grandparents, friends?)

When I was your age, I was duped by a 30-something man too. He flirted and told me all the things an 18-yr-old wanted to hear. He eventually got me to write him "love notes" which I found out he was using them to make his wife jealous. I knew he was married but just went along because it was kind of fun to flirt and blow off work. Stupid me, I actually though I controlled the situation since I made him want me, pursue me, focus on me, etc. Yea right... he was the one in control. And believe me... your coworkers know about it. That kind of thing never goes unnoticed.

I didn't realize that he was showing them to his wife until the company Christmas party.. he said he would be coming alone to. He showed up with her and she was looking for "the b- who writes the love notes"

Ha ha the joke's on him!. as soon as I realized I was being taken advantage of (LIKE YOU ARE) I quit... and 7 years later married another man I met there. :)

He is not at all a creep... at all! Seriously, I guess its hard to explain the situation with out it seeming bad, but really its not, and its not like we dont get anything done at work, he just helps me so then we have extra time to talk, maybe he is just a nice guy and im getting caught up? but its just the things he does and jokes around about that makes me think otherwise.. Im deffinately not going to let it go anyfarther but I also dont want to stop flirting and talking to him... ill come back on on wednesday around same time, because im going into work for while to see him, and ill tell you what happens, and the things he says and does, and you tell me what you think.. I just really wish you would understand he is not sick or creepy, its like im a little mature for my age, and he is a little immature for his age so its perfect combination

Believe me, you'll have no trouble finding an immature older man that isn't married. Please go find another one, you are being used by him to satisfy some *creepy* need. :eek:

When I was your age, I was duped my a 30-something man too. He flirted and told me all the things an 18-yr-old wanted to hear. He eventually got me to write him "love notes" which I found out he was using them to make his wife jealous. I knew he was married but just went along because it was kind of fun to flirt and blow off work.

I didn't realize that he was showing them to his wife until the company Christmas party.. he said he would be coming alone to. He showed up with her and she was looking for "the "

Ha ha... as soon as I realized I was being taken advantage of (LIKE YOU ARE) I quit... and 7 years later married another man I met there. :)

Thank you for sharing your story, I think that 's very helpful to other people.
ALways be aware of an older married smooth talker!:)

Thank you all for posting, I'm really trying hard to just get over it, and push him away, and realizing the facts, I'm really not trying to waste anyone's time, because its very helpful listening to peoples advice and relations to my topic... And I guess maybe I don't get enough attention, my boyfriend of almost 4 years is always playing games... I mean always 24/7 and it really irritates me and we always fight about it but I love him, but also he leaves me wanting more and I think that's why I'm more attracted to the older guys becaue I'm not getting nearly enough attention as I should be, and my manager is giving it to me and I like the attention and miss having it when me and the boyfriend first started dating wayyy back

Then you need to dump the boyfriend and get another one. One that is available. You don't have to take the left overs. And you don't have to be mistreated!
Everyone deserves that special someone. Your boyfriend isn't giving you what you need and the manager doesn't have what you need.
Good Luck.

Ok... It's been awhile since I have been on here. I am not going to have an affair with this guy, I don't think at all that those are his intentions. Just some harmless flirting. The only things that we have done more are hugging, holding hands, and were just getting to be more open with each other, but it's fun and I don't want anything out of this, so he is not going to get anything out of it. He's a great manager, the only good one we have at our store. We together get more done then anyone else, and still have time for flirting to make the day go by.. Don't get me wrong, I love the attention, but I have morals, and I need to think about myself in the long run, and not let anything more happen :)