View Full Version : Pregnant,scared and confused
MarMar27
Apr 16, 2007, 03:31 PM
Hi, I'm 18 years old I found out at the beginning of this year that I was pregnant by this guy I have been "dating" for about 9 months now.. but this was something I didn't want with him.. I am 5 months pregnant now and he hasn't done much for me, he's happy we have a baby on the way but we never got along before we found out I was pregnant so we've tried working things out after finding out that I was I even moved in with him but arguments got really bad so I ended up moving back in with my parents, we're back and forth a lot at one point we're together and at the next we're not, I care about him a lot but we just don't get along and I've been very stressed out due to my problems with him which I know is not good for the baby and I try to keep my distance from him as much as I can even though it hurts me so much.. Abortion did cross my mind at the beginning of my pregnancy just because I am not happy with him but my love for this baby wouldn't let me do it, I'm trying to stay strong but I just don't know what I should do about him any more, I feel like I should keep him around because we are having a baby together but I just don't want to hurt any more and he won't change the way he is.. and I'm scared of how things will be with him when the baby comes around... What should I do?
alkalineangel
Apr 16, 2007, 08:03 PM
A baby is no reason to be miserable with someone. He is going to be in your life for the next 18 years regardless, so I would sit down and really think whether he is what will make you happy. You don't want to be in a miserable relationship raising a baby, because it will in turn affect the baby's thoughts and actions in relationships later. It could just be that you are pregnant and hormonal, but seeing as you didn't get along all that well with him to start with, I would suggest not doing anything too serious. 18 is young, but you could still manage a child, even on your own. Just make sure you get child support from him, it is his legal and moral obligation. Making decisions now is not the best move anyway, because things are really going to change for you soon. I would suggest giving it a year and see how you both mature with this child and then decide if you want to make it work. Or there is always the option of adoption, but you seem to have already made your mind up on keeping the baby. Good luck, and if you ever need to talk just let me know, I understand. I first got pregnant when I was 19, had the baby at 20, and we were not married or anything until a year later.
buggage
Apr 16, 2007, 09:01 PM
I agree with alkalineangel, don't just stay with him because you are having a baby together. Obviously he doesn't respect and treat you the way he should, and you should be with someone who can do that for you. If you fight like this now, chances are once the baby comes, those fights will just get worse from lack of sleep and stress. Every couple faces these challenges once a new baby comes, not because they don't love the baby or each other, but because you are human and you can only handle so much stress and exhaustion before it starts to effect your mood. If you are already fighting like this, just imagine what it will be like once these hit.thats not to say he can't be in the baby's life, but from the sounds of the situation, being together is just not something that you should do. If you are fighting all the time, and he is in and out of your lives, your child won't thank you. You need to do what is best for you and baby right now. And with all this stress, its not good for either of you. Perhaps with time and the new responsibilities, he will change, but don't ever rely on that hope. No one can force someone to change. They need to come to it on their own. For now, just concentrate on what is best for you and baby, and if everything else is meant to be, it will fall into place. Good luck to you hun, and congrats on the pregnancy. Truly there is no greater feeling in the world, then holding your little one in your arms and loving them with all your heart, caring for them in ways only their mommy can.