Hello,


Well here it goes, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, before we got together he sadly dated my sister for a few months and for all of the 6 years he says "Jess" in bed for years he lied to me and told me he was saying "yes" but I knew he was saying "Jess". We recently had intercourse and once again he said her name and I blew my top! He kept saying "I'm sorry, I'll stop saying it" I am so confused he swears up and down he thinks she ugly (but that's why he wanted her in the first place right?) I think I should never trust him please give me some kind of useful advice as to why in the world he keeps doing this? All I can guess is that if maybe he thinks of both of us he can maintain an erection longer and is just using some way past memory to boost him up, I have no damn idea.

''I think I should never trust him..'' - what exactly would you be not trusting? That he's not thinking of you during sex?
''..please give me some kind of useful advice..'' - my advice is to ask yourself if everything else about him seems to be about his memory of your sister, or if he seems to really care about YOU.
''..as to why in the world he keeps doing this?'' - He's the only one who knows why. Millions of lovers are fantasizing about someone else while having sex with a regular partner, as part of keeping it exciting. Maybe it means nothing. Maybe the thought of sisters turns him on. Maybe he discovered that he likes getting you jealous during sex. There's countless reasons why. He might not even be clear about it himself!

What you learn from a calm talk about it with him at another time will teach you a lot about your whole relationship, and it will give you clues about how to talk about problems in the future. Approach it gently. If he can't handle it, or won't, THEN you take the next step, which is to decide whether or not to leave him.

After 6 years he still says your sister's name during sex? Why are you still with him? There is a reason siblings should not share partners after a breakup. This is just one.

All I can guess is that if maybe he thinks of both of us he can maintain an erection longer and is just using some way past memory to boost him up, I have no damn idea.

I honestly have no idea either what's in his mind but your explanation could be very close to true. I wonder why after 6 years though you haven't gotten to the bottom of this. How old are you both?

Maybe he doesn't remember your name?

For the first three months dating my now husband, I called him Rob. We met in a bar and the music was loud and that's the name I thought he said. Of course he let me call him that for 3 months without correcting me, so he's as much to blame, if not more, than I am.

You let this go on for 6 years and it's suddenly a problem now? Why wasn't it a problem before?