My mum is demanding that I give her my password to my face book account. I haven't given it to her because I feel that I shouldn't have to. I don't have anything to hide but there are conversations in my messages I don't want her to read. She's not very happy with me, I've been grounded until I give it to her. Should I just give it to her? I don't really want to but I'm not to sure how to talk to her to change her mind any suggestions?

Here's the deal: children have to do whatever their parents say, unless it involves physical abuse or some sort of deprivation, such as starving. Given that I doubt you pay for your monthly internet bill, nor the computer or phone you use, all they have to do is take all that away from you.

You aren't being fair to US. You were in terrible distress and crying about your fears of having to be around your uncle, and we all urged you to TELL your mother.
Now, without a peep about what happened, you are here on a different topic.
So please, help us out here.

Ok I just thought maybe I could change her mind. I haven't said anything to her yet or wrote her a letter I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm just trying to work things out with my mum so she can stop stressing out. I don't want to hide my Facebook from her I don't really care it's just my messages I don't want her to read.

I'm sorry if you feel I'm being unfair, I just haven't decided what I'm going to do and I don't have to go there now mum is staying home so I feel releived and not so stressed about it. I just need to get my mum to stop what ever she is doing .

Maybe print out the thread about your upset and your uncle? And members' advice? Give all that to her to read.

OK, we can handle it, we are a whole bunch of random people. What about what your mother is going through? She is probably very worried, knowing something, afraid to let it show too much, but really needing to know because she sort of 'knows' but isn't sure what!

Doesn't it make sense to tell her BEFORE you get into what she has a right to your password? You say you 'just need to get my mum to stop' but really, she is showing remarkable restraint. She could just take your computer to a store and have them get into all of it. She's only doing this because she doesn't KNOW what's going on!

I understand how she's feeling maybe what's she's thinking. I get it and I feel for her I don't want her to stress out and I'm not doing anything for her to. Her getting my password will only stress her out more if she reads my messages and I'm not ready for her to know anything.

I understand how she's feeling maybe what's she's thinking. I get it and I feel for her I don't want her to stress out and I'm not doing anything for her to. Her getting my password will only stress her out more if she reads my messages and I'm not ready for her to know anything.
Is the uncle stuff in your Fb messages? Or something else?

Yes he sent me some disgusting messages and I don't know how to delet them and I don't want my mum yo see them

Oh... I see now. Sorry. This just keeps revealing itself to be tougher and tougher on you and your parents.
But I still think that telling her is best, all of it, even the messages.

Otherwise this creep is controlling both of you from the past. It will be painful, but it should be done. Get it over with.

Do not delete them. They are evidence.

Show them to your mother or let her find them. It would be one way to bring up the topic.

Frankly, I understand that you are concerned about what she will say. That is a normal fear. It is also normal to fear the unknown. You can get rid of the fear by confronting it. Turn the unknown into a known. Tell your mother and end the fear.

I am afraid that you will stay silent. Your mother will stay home for a month or two. Then something will come up and your mother will go with your father and send you to your uncle's house. Your uncle will be worse because he has been denied his games for longer than usual and won't know when he will get another chance.

Please, tell her or another adult you trust who can be there for you when you tell her. Please protect yourself from the known predator.

Yes he sent me some disgusting messages and I don't know how to delet them and I don't want my mum yo see them
Like Cat1864 said above, this is evidence, and exactly what your mother needs to see, especially to realize you are not a liar.

I'm sorry but you are jut delaying the inevitable and all your delays are making things much worse for you and your family and you can start putting an end to this just by getting some courage and being HONEST.

You just don't realize how important that is.

She's not going to know who sent them to me it's a fake profile. I know who it is because of the things he's said in the messages and the photos. If she reads them I don't know what she will think but it wouldn't be good, about me I mean.

I just thought maybe there was something I could say to convince her to change her mind. I don't understand why all of a sudden everything has changed I'm relieved I don't have to go to his house for now. I don't understand why my parents are being so full on. I don't want to even think about it I cant deal with this anymore

With my children it was easy, give me the password or your computer is gone, you have no Facebook account.

Why your mom has not banned you, for not obeying her is beyond me.

You give it to her, and be glad you are allowed to have it

She's not going to know who sent them to me it's a fake profile
When she asks who sent those messages, tell her who it really is. Or, are your messages to him also what you don't want her to read?

No I don't have a problem with my messages except that I use some words that she wouldn't like. It doesn't matter anymore maybe I should just give it to her I don't really care

No I don't have a problem with my messages except that I use some words that she wouldn't like. It doesn't matter anymore maybe I should just give it to her I don't really care
I vote for giving her the password.

When my kids were teens, I monitored their computer use. They didn't have Facebook because I didn't want them to have it. If you don't give her your password, she could make you delete your account, or limit your internet use.

You can delete your face book? How do you do that I've had a look but don't know where toblook?

You can delete your face book? How do you do that I've had a look but don't know where to look?
Even if your account is deleted (you can't do it yourself), someone (e.g., your uncle) will still have messages from you. That information remains.

And like someone here has said, there's a good chance you'll be sent to your uncle's again. Then what?

FML why can't this world give me a god damm break. Thanks for all the advice replys. There is no way I can get around it so I'll just be grounded she can have my phone computer iPad I don't care. If there so worried about me they should have thought about how I would feel being left behind all the time.

FML why can't this world give me a god damm break. Thanks for all the advice replys. There is no way I can get around it so I'll just be grounded she can have my phone computer iPad I don't care. If there so worried about me they should have thought about how I would feel being left behind all the time.
They trusted your uncle. Wrong move on their part. None of this is your fault!!!!!!

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. They know that something is going on, and they're worried.

I have two teens a 14 year old daughter and an 18 year old son. I have the password to both their FB accounts. That was the deal when they got on FB, and as long as they live under my roof, that's how it stays. There are too many bad people online that can access my children, so everything they do online is monitored by me. They agreed to that, and that's why they have FB.

Here's the thing kiddo, your mom knows something is wrong, but she doesn't know what's wrong because you won't tell her. So in her mind it could be all sorts of things, drugs, pregnancy, rape, you joining a gang, you shoplifting, you skipping school, you planning to shoot up your school, and so much more and worse. She has no idea, and you won't tell her, she just knows, like mothers do, that there's something going on that you're hiding from her. So now her only option is to do everything in her power to find out what's happening so she can help you, and that means putting on her mean mom face and doing things she doesn't like, like spying on you, and asking for you FB account info.

If you were my kid, I'd be doing the same thing, and my kids would be just as upset as you are right now. The thing you, and my kids, don't get, is that as a mother it's my job to keep my kids safe, and if that means being a royal pain in their butts, then that's what I have to do. I'd rather they hate me if hating me keeps them safe.

Right now you're not giving your mom a choice. You can make this all go away just by telling her what's going on.

You don't see it like this, but you're a very lucky girl. Your mom loves you, and she's willing to do anything to help you. So give her the chance. Tell her what's going on.

I've given her the password to my FB, she's in her office now on the computer I really don't think this was a good idea I feel sick.

She's going to see the photos and freak out I know she will

What photos? Photos that have to do with your Uncle, or bad decisions you've made and posted?

Hey kid, we all did stupid things as teens. Only difference is, there was no FB, or Instagram or twitter, when we were teens, so if you gave someone a nude photo, they had to pay to photocopy it in order to send it around the school, and no one had the money for that. Also, taking a nude photo didn't happen often. I mean film was expensive, and then you had to pay to have it processed... just too much work and too much money. But ya, we did stupid stuff too, it just wasn't all over the world like it is now, just by posting it somewhere online. I miss those days.

As for the stuff she'll find that your Uncle sent, that's the perfect time to sit her down and tell her what's going on. If you can't do that, then maybe give her the link to this site, tell her your username, and let her read what you posted, and our advice to you. That's as good as writing her a letter, and maybe seeing the replies from other parents, and people that have been through what you've been through, will help her deal with this. I mean, she's a mom, but she's not God, and all of us can use help dealing with things that are hard. Maybe we can help her help you.

Don't be scared. This is the first step. Now telling her will be a little bit easier. Tonight's the night kid. You can do this. I know you can. I have faith in you.

No photos my uncle sent to me. I don't know if I can do this I'm stressing out shouldn't have done that. She come up to my room before but I didn't open the door. I think she's on the phone now I can hear her talking. I really want to jump out my window and just get away. I'm scared to talk to her

Will she know or be able to figure out that the messages are from your uncle?

*holding your hand*

I don't know. She just come up and told me she's calling the police. Far out this is not good. I don't know why she called the police FFS.

Nothingless, we all understand how much you just want to make this go away.
But you can't. Not by deleting things, but mostly not be hiding the truth. It will remain in your mind and your parents' worries forever. It will affect everyone around you, and it will affect you.

I want to repeat one thing I said days ago:
Most sexually molested children (yes, you are a child) feel some guilt and responsibility. They worry that it is their fault. They worry that they should have prevented it and stopped it from continuing. That is often the number one reason why they try to sweep it under the rug.
NONE OF THAT IS TRUE, no matter how you look at it. Once you tell your mother, I hope you will see a therapist for a while so you can sort all that out.

I just thought I'd let you know what has happened since you aĺl helped me get to this point. My mum did ring the police, she presumed I was sleeping with an older boy from school because of my Facebook messages. The police come asked me lots of questions told me to make better choices about photos on internet and wanted the persons name who sent me messages. I was so scared I didn't say anything just cried.

When the police left me and mum had an argument, more like her yelling at me, I couldn't listen to her yelling at me so I just told her everything. I showed her all the text messages and letters from him. It wasn't easy I fell horrible dumping it all on her. I'm not to sure what's going to happen now mum didn't say a lot.

She's been crying I can hear her from my room I knew it wouldn't be good, I think maybe my dad might be coming home so that will be good for her. I don't really know how to feel at the moment, I am very anxious though not knowing what's going on.

Remember what I told you, at first she'll be upset, then she'll be mad, then she'll be upset again, but none of that is directed at you. None of that is your fault. It will take her some time to wrap her head around all of this, give her a bit of that time, then tell her how scared you are, what you're feeling, and that right now, you need her.

Talk to her. She's your mother and she can help. Now that she knows, she can offer lots of help, but it will take her some time to come to terms with all of this and to figure out the next step. You've had a long time to deal with all of this, she just got the most shocking news a mother ever gets, but she sounds like a good mom, so I know that once the shock wears off, she'll figure it all out.

Hopefully they see all this!
I have a feeling that you aren't able to use your computer, so we shouldn't expect to hear from you for a while, at least.
I for one feel for both you and your mother. You are hurt, she is hurt. Many are hurt because one man is a horrible creep.
You and your mother NEED EACH OTHER'S LOVE right now.

My parents want to press charges against my uncle. They want me to go to the police station. I really really don't want to do this not at all. I don't know what to say to them to make them listen to me. I know that they are angry and sad or whatever but they aren't thinking how I feel. I don't understand why they just can't leave it, I told them they know I don't have to go there anymore.

My parents want to press charges against my uncle. They want me to go to the police station. I really really don't want to do this not at all. I don't know what to say to them to make them listen to me. I know that they are angry and sad or whatever but they aren't thinking how I feel. I don't understand why they just can't leave it, I told them they know I don't have to go there anymore.
Your uncle broke the law many times. Why don't you want to file charges against him?

You say your parents don't understand how you feel. So tell US, how do you feel?

I don't want to file charges against him because I don't want to. I don't want to have to tell anyone else. I don't want to go to court. I just want to live my life as though nothings happened. I don't want this to take up anymore of my life than it already has.

I don't want this to take up anymore of my life than it already has.
This has been going on far too long. And it will always be in your heart and in your life. It will affect your relationships with others, especially with guys. Please do the right thing.

Ask about a private meeting with the judge (and your lawyer? do you/your parents have one yet?).

Nothingless - you have to. You just plain have to. You can't hide, you can't forget about it, and you can't go through the rest of your life pretending it didn't happen.

Life is unfair. We are all so sorry that it had to hit you like a ton of bricks, but it did.
Getting this over with will take time, sure, but it's better than taking forever. Because as Wondergirl just said, it will NEVER go away.
We who are older (I'm 70) KNOW many things never go away.
But it will harm your future if you think it's better to hide.
YOU HAVE TO do what your parents say. This is for YOU.

Kiddo, I think I know why you don't want to press charges. You somehow, mistakenly, think this is your fault, that somehow you allowed this to happen, that somehow you had a choice. I get it, I felt that way too. You know my history, what you don't know is that the rape that happened when I was 18, was a friend of mine. He asked to come over, I let him in the house. For many many many years I felt that it was my fault, that it wasn't really rape because it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let him into the house. I felt that it couldn't be rape because he was a friend of mine, and no friend would do that. One would think I'd know better because I was molested by my cousin, and that's family, so if family can do it, friends certainly can. But I still thought it was my fault. I was wrong. So are you.

Yes, he's your Uncle, and he should be someone that you can trust, like a second father, someone that you can lean on and depend on. He's not. Everything that happened to you is his fault. It doesn't matter if you hugged him, or wore something pretty, or had makeup on, or whatever else might be going through your head. It doesn't matter if you friended him on Facebook, or replied to his messages. He groomed you, and he molested you, and he should not be allowed to get away with that.

I'm not going to lie to you, going to the police will be hard. Going to court will be hard. But this will not just go away even if you don't press charges. This will always be a part of you.

You have to do this, not only for you, but any other young girl he tries to molest, and trust me, he will do it again. You have to do this to put it behind you. You also need counseling. I can't stress that enough.

Right now is the worst time in many ways, it's the time when it's all come crashing down, and you feel like you're stuck. You will get through this. I happen to believe that you're a very strong person, and I know that you will get through this. We'll all be here to help you through it, as much as you need us to be. You're not alone, okay?

I can't help but feel it's my fault. There was a million things I could have done told someone, screamed. I didn't say anything, I never told him to stop I did what he told me too. I let this happen for 2 years makes me feel disgusting I really hate myself to scared to tell so I said Nothing!!

Now that I have told my parents I wish I never. I don't want to have to go through everything I didn't tell my parents everything just basic. The police will want to know more and I can't do that. I just want them yo leave me alone at the moment let me have sometime to think about it.

I don't want this to be apart of me forever or a part of my life. I ing hate my life.

We've been telling you since day 1 that's it's normal to think you should have 'done something.'
We are RAISED by our PARENTS to be polite and respectful of adults, ESPECIALLY RELATIVES!!! To trust them!!! To do what they tell us!!
And men like this uncle are usually very good at making a child feel like they shouldn't tell anyone, or try to stop him, and even in little subtle ways, get you to blame yourself.
It might be for being pretty, or nice to him, or any number of reasons that are ALL BOGUS!!!!

How can we get you to be angry at HIM??? Look what he has done to all of you!!!!
ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!
N
O
T
Y
O
U
R
F
A
U
L
T
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know everyone has told me it's not my fault. It's hard to feel that way. I feel stressed and guilty about what's happening now or will happen. It's already affecting everything around me. My parents I can't even look at my mum I feel so bad. My aunty what's going to happen when she finds out!

My parents are pressuring me to go to the police. My dad was so angry with me when I told him I won't talk if they make me go. They just don't understand how hard I've tried to put it all out of my mind. I will have to sit there and talk about all of it make it real.

I'm not a brave person, I'm scared, if I could have just made it stop without anyone knowing I would have. Now I have no choice but to go to the police my parents won't listen to me they say I have to everyone says I have to. I am angry at myself at my parents at him.

I don't know what's the right thing to do. I should just listen to everyone and go to the police.

Your parents can tell the police that you are very scared, and the police can offer to let you talk to a court appointed doctor. You can ask for a woman.
How much of that they will agree to will depend on where you live.
Keep in mind that (sadly) this happens practically every day.
They are supposed to know how scared you are, and they are supposed to know how to handle it with the least amount of pain to you.

My aunty what's going to happen when she finds out!
If this was going on for two years and more, and if he did this with other girls, it's very possible your aunt has suspicions, but, like you, is too afraid to do something about it.

Are you in England or Canada?

I went to the police station with my parents. I had to sit in a room with video cameras, my mum had to be in the room with me and the police lady. My mum had to hear everything I feel so bad. Now I have to go to the hospital, this just gets worse. I'm trying really hard to see this is the right thing to do. But it doesn't feel like it is.

The police are going to arrest my uncle and take him to the station I heard the lady tell my mum. I'm worried what's going to happen then. My poor aunty I can't imagine how she's going to feel.

I want to runaway right now it's all so overwhelming. If my uncle is charged and pleads not guilty then I have to go to court. I don't know if I can do that. The police lady told me I wouldn't have to see my uncle I would be in a room with a video camera. I don't want to think about what's going to happen.

Is there something wrong with me everyone says I did the right thing going to police but that's not how I'm feeling about it all

There's nothing wrong with you!
Of course you worry about your mother, your aunt, everyone! They worry about YOU! You're the child. They are the adults. Of course they feel guilty for being related to him, for being married to him, for not recognizing the signs, or even worse, for recognizing the signs and sweeping them under the rug.
But the sooner YOU talk and the sooner HE is in jail, the less pain for all of you. Of course there will still be plenty of pain, but it won't be as bad as it would have been.
I'm just breathing a sigh of relief that your families are not trying to keep all this hidden because they are ashamed. That happens. Your family cares more about YOU than hiding this.
AS THEY SHOULD.
YOU ARE A CHILD. Regardless of all your 'adult' feelings of guilt, you are not expected to have repulsed him when he sneaked in to your room. It took a while for you to let it out, and that is typical.
Maybe you and your mother could visit a therapist together?

Yes, it's routine to be examined by a doctor. I assume that you have been by the time you read this, because they will want to do so ASAP.
The prosecutor will try to keep this out of a trail - get him to confess. Let's all hope he does.
Keep us posted.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Right now is the hard part. Some people say that this part is harder than the actual abuse itself. You will get through it. If it goes to trial, you will meet with a lawyer before hand, he or she will talk you through what is going to happen, some questions that may be asked, etc. etc, so that you are prepared.

I know that right now your parents are focusing on making sure your Uncle pays for this, and I am so very glad that they are doing that, but they should not lose focus on what you are going through. Counseling kiddo. I mean it. It will help you in ways you cannot even understand. Talk to your parents about counseling, not only for you, but for them, and for all of you as a group as well.

We will all be here with you through all of this, so you are not alone. Remember that. I have faith in you. You can do this.

There is nothing for you to feel bad about, you did not cause this, the uncle is the problem and this needed to be dealt with. Be glad if he is arrested and goes to jail and gets punished, that is what is suppose to happen.

Yes you may have to talk at trial but as noted, get counseling, so that you are not taking any guilt on yourself

Counseling everyone keeps suggesting that. I don't really see the point in sitying there talking about everything. Doesn't sound like something I want to do. When everything is over then I can just forget about it.

It's therapy and counseling.
Therapy is like having a broken leg and you get whirlpool treatment once a week - in your case, it's helping put it all together in words that make sense, and to help you see what a sexual predator really is. Counseling is giving advice. How to deal with family, friends who might know, yourself, and yourself many years from now, when you find that it will be a part of you you hadn't anticipated.
It will help you have good relationships with boys, and then later men. Without it, you may find yourself angry at men in general without even realizing it.
Not trying to put anything in your mind, because we are all different.
I have a friend who was abused by an uncle along with her sister. She has tried to get her sister to talk about it with her, and her sister flat out refuses, and gets angry at HER!
Each of us is different. You deal with life in ways that feel right to you.
No one can force you to talk to a therapist, even if your parents 'make' you go. You can just sit there and plug your ears and sing.
We all just really, really hope you listen.