If you're a minor do your parents have the right to take you to the police station to press chargers for the minor even if theyy don't want to do it? And if they can would the inor have to say or do anything if they didn't want to?

I guess it would depend on what the minor did.

The minor did nothing. Something happened to her and she's worried if she tells her parents they will make her go to the police.

Yes a parent can report something done to their minor child, with or without their cooperation.

Ok that's great to know. Thanks for reply

To be clear the cops may want their questions answered if they look into whatever the situation is. I doubt they, or a parent would be happy when a minor child doesn't co operate.

If it's serious enough to report to the cops then the minor better come with the truth.

Something happened to her and she's worried if she tells her parents they will make her go to the police.

Should the police be involved in the "something" that happened to her"?

If something "happened" to you, and its criminal, you should be running to the parents to go to the police.

Hiding a crime hurts everyone

Wonder how this bears on your other question.

Its very frustrating to want to change things but not having the power to control what happens. It sux not being able to just talk to someone because I'm a minor and duty of care requirements or not knowing how my parents will react. Thanks for the replys now I know was unsure and wanted to know.

Maybe, I don't see how it would though like I said I haven't done anything wrong for them to have concerns.

When our kids don't talk to us we tend to get suspicious, so why can't you talk to your parents? What are you afraid of if you have done nothing wrong?

Its not that I can't talk to my parents I can and I've thought about it a lot, tried to play out in my head how it would turn out. I've thought about many scenarios on how to change things but they all end the same way. I'm not afraid be ause I have done something wrong I'm just afraid of not knowing what will happen losing my control on how to deal with things

Sounds like over thinking things, just do, stop thinking

I think it's time to tell us what happened, because we're imagining all sorts of things, and we have no idea if what we're imagining is true or not. I'm imagining the worst of the worst because I've been there, on two counts. So you need to tell us what happened.

You're anonymous here, so you can tell us. We're not your parents, but most of us are parents, so tell us what happened so we can tell you how your parents are likely feeling, because from your other post, it sounds like your parents know that something is going on, but they don't know exactly what, and they love you too much to just let it go.

I am a mom, I have two teenagers. I've also been a teenager, and I had a lot happen in my teen years that I hid from my parents. I had a lot happen to me as a child that I didn't tell my parents. It was easier back then, we didn't have faceboob, or email, or twitter, or all that stuff. The only way they could have known is if I told them, and I didn't. I regret that, but like you, I thought it would be worse if I told them. I thought they would look at me differently. I thought my dad would kill the guy that hurt me and end up in jail and it would be my fault. I thought that telling them about what my cousin was doing to me at the age of 5, would ruin our family. Too many things I didn't speak out about, which I should have. Now that I have kids, I know what could happen, I know the bad things that happen, and as a parent, I also know that I can help them. As a parent that went through a lot of bad stuff alone, I can say that I honestly wish I had told my parents, no matter how hard it would have been, I wish I had.

So first I need to know, what happened? Obviously something did, and even though you haven't told your parents, they know that something is up, hence the reason for your other thread asking why they're snooping through your things. It's because they want to know what's going on so they can help you. They know something's up. So what's up? What happened?

Ok so I don't want to really say too much but I will tell you a bit.

For the last 2 years I've had to stay with other family member sometimes because my parents travel a lot for work. Someone I stay with comes into my room at night and does things to me. Stuff that I don't want him too. He hurts me and I just don't want to see them anymore.

I just don't want to have to go there anymore he just gets worse and I'm afraid. I try not to think about it a lot I just keep telling myself nothing happened but its not working anymore. My parents are going away soon for a month and I'm stressed out about staying there.

I don't really want to tell them I just need to not go there and I'd be fine. I'm trying to think of ways around it. Please don't tell me I need to tell my parents because I can't I've thought about all of this lots it never ends well.

I don't want them to worry about me and I can't think of anything I'm doing to make them have concerns about me. They are stressing me out the way they are acting looking through my things asking lots of questions. I don't know how they want me to be or what I'm doing wrong.

Why do you wish you had told your parents? I think if I told them it would just be a mess a big big mess that I caused.

Why do you wish you had told your parents? I think if I told them it would just be a mess a big big mess that I caused.
Why would it cause a mess? Because he's a relative? Uncle? Cousin?

You didn't cause this mess, someone else did, and they need to answer for it. Talk to your mom.

Because it would . Hi mum guess what my uncle your brother has been doing to me for the last two years, not going to happen, because it will just be a mess because of me. I thought maybe I could tell them just so I don't have to go there but I can't. Please just delet my post I don't want to talk about it.

because it will just be a mess because of me.

You need to get that idea out of your head immediately! This is NOT because of you, its because of HIM! He is abusing you, which means he is sick and he NEEDS to be stopped.

It might help to know how old you are. It would also help to know whether he lives alone or you are staying with his family.

If you don't want to tell your parents (and I would urge that you do), then the next time he comes into your room tell him to GET OUT. Tell him if he doesn't you will scream!

We can't delete it. There's no need to anyway; no one knows who you are.
You can tell your parents. It's very sad that you think you would be causing trouble. Your uncle is the one who caused trouble!
You have 'victim' thinking right now. That's understandable for a minor, but that's why we are here.
Please believe us that telling your parents is the best thing to do.
Plan how you will say it. Plan when you will say it. Maybe after dinner. Your parents might get all upset, not because of YOU, but because they will feel guilty about not being good parents! So let them cry and shout and get it all out. It will be tough on all of you.
Then it will be solved - by them. Whatever they do, you won't have to go there anymore.

And if this uncle is doing this to you, he very likely has done the same thing in the past to other girls, maybe your cousins. And he may be doing it now to someone besides you. And will do it in the future.

It's your mother's brother. We all know she doesn't want to think her brother is capable of sexual abuse. You MUST tell your parents so he will be stopped from hurting you and other young girls!

And if this uncle is doing this to you, he very likely has done the same thing in the past to other girls, maybe your cousins. And he may be doing it now to someone besides you. And will do it in the future.

It's your mother's brother. We all know she doesn't want to think her brother is capable of sexual abuse. You MUST tell your parents so he will be stopped from hurting you and other young girls!

True words!

Maybe this difficult decision is the hardest you have ever made in your young life, but telling your parents is the right thing to do, because you don't have the luxury of NOT telling them. It's that important no matter how messy things may get.

You need to tell your parents. They are suspecting something is wrong, and it is. Your uncle had probably done thos before and needs to be held accountable. Talk to your parents. This is something they would want to know.

You need to tell your parents. They are suspecting something is wrong, and it is. Your uncle had probably done this before and needs to be held accountable. Talk to your parents. This is something they would want to know.

I don't want to alarm you, but I want you to protect yourself.

I think you need to tell your parents as soon as possible. Be open with them and upfront. Ask them to take you to the police or go on your own.

Here is the reason for my advice. I think this issue is tied to the one of your parents searching your room and phone and their behavior change. I believe that you haven't done anything to cause their behavior. However, I have a bad feeling that they are gone so much and rely on the Uncle for updates on what you are doing. He may be taking advantage of their trust in him and telling them stories to cover his own tracks. If he is telling them that he thinks you may be doing things they wouldn't approve of such as sexting, sneaking around, doing drugs, etc., it makes you look like a wild child who shouldn't be believed if you do tell them the truth. I think if your parents are given the truth about what you are actually going through that they will see through any false tracks he may be trying to lay.

Part of the reason for insisting on going to the police is to show that you are innocent of anything he might accuse you of doing.

You shouldn't be protecting your parents. They should be protecting you.

If you don't trust your parents to believe you, go to an adult you do trust. It won't be easy and things may seem worse for awhile, but it should be the beginning of things getting better.

By now you should be noticing that EVERYONE responds to your questions the same way... tell someone the truth about what's really going on with you.

It's not that easy "tell your parents" how do I do that? You have no idea!

I don't even care about him or what's happened I don't want anyone to know. My question should have been how do I convince my parents to let me stay with a friend instead of aunt & uncle?

It's not that easy "tell your parents" how do I do that? You have no idea!

I don't even care about him or what's happened I don't want anyone to know. My question should have been how do I convince my parents to let me stay with a friend instead of aunt & uncle?
How long are your parents usually gone? Does the abuse happen at night or when your aunt is away from the house?

Would your parents force you to go there if you refuse?

Please talk about this with an adult you trust. Is there such a person in your life?

My parents are usually gone for a week.

I'm not sure what would happen if I refused to go there. I thought about that but I think it will just cause them to ask to many questions.

Look I know you all think I should tell someone but I can't do that . I feel very guilty for not saying anything because I don't want it to happen to anyonre else but that's not my fault if it was not my family it would be easier. He's my mum's brother.

I'm just going to talk to him maybe, tsll him if does it again I will tell my mum or I was thinking to ask them to let me stay home by myself I'm nearly 15 so my parents might let me. Do you think they would consider it or will they think I'm to young? I don't know I will figure it out

Talk to your mother alone.
You aren't understanding what could happen if you don't.
DO NOT TALK TO HIM! He's too clever (like most child molesters) and thinks of all the ways to turn this against you.

"Mom, I need to talk to you. It's something serious and important and I'm afraid to tell you."
What is it?
"Uncle R. has been sneaking into my room for the past two years and doing things to me. He scares me into not telling. I have to tell."

I don't want it to happen to anyonre else but that's not my fault
Actually, yes it is your fault if he does this to other young girls. PLUS, your parents' job is to protect you from predators.

Years ago, I had an Uncle Elmer, my father's uncle. I saw him when we visited him and his wife, my aunt, every July. At one visit, I was around 11 or 12. He started kissing me on the mouth with his mouth open, giving me very wet kisses. Before long, he would stick his tongue into my mouth when he kissed me. I did not want Uncle Elmer to be anywhere near me and avoided him whenever I could, but he always found a way to get near me. Finally I told my mother about his kisses. At first, she didn't believe me, but she became more watchful and realized what was going on and then kept Uncle and me apart. And this saved my younger sister from those awful kisses, too.

You situation is much worse. Tell your father like I told my mother who was related to the uncle only by marriage. The emotional connection isn't there between your dad and your uncle.

Does he live alone? Is there an aunt? Cousins? This is a serious subject I know, but till you are so vague on important details.

You cannot be serious about you, a 14 almost 15 year old, dealing with a sexual predator on your own, relative or not. Even worse, no way would they let you stay with a friend, or alone on your own, without a really damn good reason, just no way.

You are running out of options. I think Cat is right, he has been screwing up your reputation, and credibility with your parents behind your back to protect himself all along, so no way you make him stop by yourself.

My uncle lives with his wife they have no children. My aunt is a personal support worker ( aged care). She works the afternoon shift she is home by 12 at night. He mostly comes when my aunty is working but sometimes when she is home but really early in morning. He never does anything while I'm awake only when I go to bed I wake up and he's there. I try to stay awake for as long as I can most of the time I make it until my aunt gets home.

I really don't think its very fair to say it would be my fault if he did it to someone else. It makes me cry thinking about that. I can't control what he does!

I can look after myself 15 is not that young I can deal with this like I said I just need to find a way to not have to stay there. I can

Then it's okay with you that he does this to other girls? That's what will happen if you don't stop him now.

My Uncle Elmer ended up in a wheelchair in a nursing home. The staff told us that he often tried to grab the female staffs' butts and tried to kiss them on the mouth. They quickly learned to avoid him unless absolutely necessary for his care. And it was usually the male aides who helped him with personal activities.

I agree with the person who told you to scream and shout loudly if he approaches your bed in the early morning.

No it's not okay with me if he does it to other girls. That's not a nice thing to say it's not how I feel at all. You have no idea how I feel. I don't want him to do anything to me or anyone else.

I need to think about what to do it's not as simple as you think. All this is just making everything more complicated for me.

You may not think its nice at the moment, but think about it.. he has almost certainly done this with others and THEY remained quiet so nothing was ever said or done... and as a result he is doing this to you now. Often the right thing to do is not the easy thing to do. This is one of those times. Talk to your mom. You will both be glad you did in the long run.

It's not your fault he is doing this to you now, Its his fault and their fault for remaining quiet. If you remain quiet then you helped create the situation where he can continue to do this to someone else in the future.

I would talk to your mother as soon as possible. Don't wait until the day they need to take you there, this allows them to find someone else before then. It would likely be easier to talk to her alone...but if you are much closer to your father...then you could talk with him instead. But I do recommend you talking to one of them. It should be easier than talking to both of them at the same time. Its far worse to allow him to continue to do this to you, and I would think...far harder to do than talking to those who care most about you.

I happen to not think it's fair to tell you that you have to tell because otherwise it's your fault if he does it to others.

I wonder if you already are afraid that your parents will blame you. Some of them do, because they can't face the fact that maybe they weren't the best parents, just by being related to your uncle, and not know what was going on.
OR, what is even more common, is that you already blame yourself for what he got you to believe, or you believe it anyway - that you 'allowed' it so you are guilty.
NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!!
You grew up being taught to respect your elders. You didn't really know what was going on, and even when you did, it just wasn't clear what you were supposed to do. Yell and get your parents in trouble, your uncle in trouble, everyone in trouble, including yourself?
It is a story told around the world, Nothingless, with variations, but always the same story.
YOU did nothing wrong. You didn't entice. You didn't encourage. You'd be wrong if you ran out of the room, you'd be wrong if you shut up. NOTHING about it is easy, nothing makes sense.
Please tell and get it out in the open, for YOUR sake. And your parents, who know something is going on, they just don't know what!

I know what you're going through. I won't get into details but I too was molested by a family member, from the time I was 5 until I was in my double digits. I won't give you crap about telling your parents, I never found the courage to tell mine. They died never knowing what happened to me.

I was also raped as a teen, by a friend of a friend. I never told them that either.

I will tell you that it really messed with my life, and I've had a lot of therapy to help me deal with what happened to me.

You haven't told them, but they know something's up, that's why they're snooping. As parents we know when something is going on with our kids.

How old are you? Are you old enough to stay home alone for the week? If you're 16 or older, and a responsible kid, then pitch that idea to them.

If you're not ready to talk to them about this, at least tell them that you have some stuff going on, that you need to talk to someone about it, and ask them to get you into therapy. A therapist cannot tell your parents anything you've told them, they legally can't. So talk this through with a therapist, tell him/her what's gong on, tell them how afraid you are to tell your parents, work through it all with the therapist.

Right now the most worrisome thing is you going back to that house, with that Uncle. That's why everyone is pushing you to tell your parents, because telling them would instantly put a stop to this. But, I do get why you're hesitating. Really I do. I also know that now that I'm a parent, if my child was going through something like this, I'd want to know. I can't fix it if I don't know about it. They know something's up, you've changed because of this, of course you have, and they're worried. I get why you're worried too. I really do.

I'm not a therapist. I wish I could talk you through this, hold your hand while you're dealing with this, help you tell your parents, but I can't. Sadly the ball is in your court, and only you can decide what to do. But please, read my advice and consider it. Also, if you need to talk, I'm here. I won't make you feel guilty about not telling them, because I really do get it. I also get that telling them is the best thing you can do for yourself, and you are the only one I'm worried about.

For everyone telling her that if this guy does it to someone else, it's her fault, shut up! I mean really, just leave the thread and go answer a plumbing question, because you have no business being on this thread at all if that's the advice you're going to give.

It's really really easy to say that when you've never been molested or raped. Really really easy to say that she should tell and prosecute. Really so very easy to give that advice when you've never been in the boat she's in.

So do her a favor and go give advice elsewhere.

Not trying to be mean, just standing up for this girl, because she's me, and I know what I needed, and what she needs right now, and being made to feel guilty about something that's not her fault, is not what she needs right now. So back off!!

If it was your child would you want to know even if it was your own brother? Really how would it make you feel? Would you believe them? Would you hate them or blame them? Would you be okay?

I asked my parents if I could stay home but they said no I'm to young and they feel like I've been hiding stuff. They won't even let me stay at my friends house because they don't want to burden my friends family. It was a stupid idea we just ended up arguing now my mum won't leave me alone she wants me to talk to her.

This is one of those things that YES... its better to know than find out later they have been doing it their entire life but nobody ever said anything.

If you allow this abuse to continue, its going to affect you, your youth, and affect you into adulthood. Some people it will affect more than others. Don't do that to yourself. You do have the power to stop this by talking to her.

Its worse keeping what your uncle does a secret from your parents because you are protecting your uncle... while hurting yourself and your parents (and everyone else he may do this to...and has done it to). Please talk to your mother.

I know you don't intend to protect him....but not talking to your parents about that he has done and will continue to do is in fact doing that. Because only he and you know this is happening.

If it was your child would you want to know even if it was your own brother? Yes, I'd be much more protective of my daughter than any relative.
Really how would it make you feel? Awful.
Would you believe them? I'd believe my daughter.
Would you hate them or blame them? I think I'd blame myself.
Would you be okay? Of course not. Are you OK? You think you can 'keep' everything OK? It's too late for that. You will be OK when this is all out in the open and then over.

Don't assume that they will call the police. They may be too ashamed of your uncle.

There's a saying 'the cat is out of the bag.' You can't avoid this anymore. Your mother is more and more sure of something going on. Just tell her.

Yes, if it was my child I would want to know. It is my job as a parent to protect my children. I can't protect them if I don't know what's going on.

But I do understand how hard it is to tell something like this to your parents. You may need to talk to a counselor at school to enlist their aid.

But if you still can't tell an adult. Then I reiterate my advice about screaming. I'll add another. The room you stay in while at his house, does it have a chair? When you go to sleep, try wedging the chair under the door knob so he can't open it. Another possibility is an alarm. Then make alarms for travelers that you can hang on a door knob or wedge under the door so it sounds when opened.

Yes, I would want to know.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be because the questions will become more difficult to answer. Plus your parents' suspicions will be harder to overcome due to your behavior (asking to stay home alone) giving them some substance.

Try starting with "Mom, I need to talk to you." Let her know you are afraid. Be honest. Be prepared for anything including finding out that she could be one of his victims.

Which is better:

1. Being truthful with your mother, no matter how much it may hurt. Getting it out into the open and dealing with it. Letting your mother know you aren't doing drugs, sexting, or any of the millions of fears that already running through her mind. Dealing with the repercussions and getting help.

2. Staying silent. Allowing his behavior to continue. His behavior will probably get worse and bolder as you get older. Becoming more withdrawn from your parents because they keep trying to get you to talk. Making your mother worry that she is going to find drugs, empty alcohol bottles, get a call from the police or school officials about your behavior, etc. Having your aunt catch him and him blaming you. Saying that you invited his behavior. No one believing you when you say that it was all him because he has been (probably) making it look like you have been misbehaving. Living in fear.

Does the door have a lock? Try locking it and putting something against it.

Tell someone. The friend you want to stay with's mother?

I can see that yes as a parent you would want to know if something like this happened to your child. I understand that it's up to me to decide what I want to do. Thank you for all the replys its given me a lot to think about.

I know my mum isn't going to leave me alone until I talk to her, she has been around all the time. I tried to tell her when she was talking to me but I just couldn't finnd the words. I think I might of just made her more concerned because I couldn't stop crying . She's has told me she won't be going away with my dad she is going to stay home with me. I'm so relived I was so worried about going back there.

I'm not going to be able to sit there and tell her what's been happening I don't know how to and I don't like talking about it. Do you think it would be OK to write her letter maybe? Or would it be better me telling her? Do you think she is going to ask me questions? Man I'm freaking out just thinking about it

YES to the letter!
Very very good idea!

If this were to be happening to a friend of yours, what would you tell them to do? Just forget about it? Would you put the blame on them?

What if it were a younger sibling? Or a cousin? Think of it this way, if you share this with someone who you trust, you just might help to prevent the same abuse from happening to someone else.

Write it in a note if that would be easier, but it really does need to be shared with a trusted adult. You would be protecting others, and he could get the help he needs.

I wish you well.....

Yes, as a parent, and as a kid that went through this, I would want to know, and I wish I had told my parents, the abuse I experienced happened for too long, and had I told my parents, it would have stopped. But as a young child, I didn't know that, and the threats from my cousin stopped me from telling.

Having said that, as a parent I know that I would be shocked to hear this from my child, and as a human being as well as a parent, initially I may not handle it that well, and you should expect that when you tell your parents. Just being honest.

At first it's going to be anger (not at you, but at your Uncle), then disbelief (again, not at you, but that they didn't know it was going on, that they missed it), then it's going to be a lot of sadness (sadness that they didn't protect you), then anger again (anger that they put you in this position, that they let this happen).

During that time, sit with them, talk to them, tell them how scared you are, tell them all the reasons you didn't want to tell them about this. Tell them how afraid you are about this ruining your family. Tell them that you want counseling to help you deal with this, and let them know that it's not their fault, that only one person is to blame, only one, and that's your Uncle. Tell them that despite all the emotions they're going through, right now you need them, you need them to be strong for you and make the right decisions for you. You need them to put all those feelings aside and concentrate on helping you.

Yes, write a letter. It's so hard to tell someone something this difficult when you're face to face, so yes, a letter is a great way to do this.

So very glad that your mom is staying home with you and that you're not being sent back to your Uncle. That's such a relief.

Write that letter. If you want to run it by someone, you can PM me here with it and we can talk it through. Not supposed to do that, all communication about a thread (question) is supposed to be public, but screw that. I've been where you are, and I know how hard it is to talk about, so if you want to PM me, go ahead. If anyone has a problem with that, I'll deal with it.

I want to add something. The fact that your mom is staying home with you, the fact that she feels something is up, I have a feeling she really won't be that shocked when you tell her. I have a feeling, and it's only a feeling, not a fact, that she already knows that her brother is doing something to you. I think she's in denial right now, and just waiting for you to tell her, to say the words, but I have a feeling that deep down, she already knows.

Thanks Alty for the offer that's really nice. I haven't written anything I thought it would be easier writing it down. It's just not easy at all.

Speak from the heart. I would start by telling her that this is really hard for you, and that you're scared to tell her, that you've been scared for 2 years to tell her this, but that you can't deal with it anymore, and you don't know what other option you have but to tell her.

Tell her that you're afraid about how this will effect the family, especially her because it's her brother that's doing this. Tell her that you're afraid that she'll be upset with you.

Tell her everything you're feeling, be totally honest, and also tell her how much you need her to help you through this.