Really sorry about this long post and please try not to be judgemental. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am a health professional, I was speaking to my ex through social media in a private message, at some point the conversation went downhill and I started to use profanity at my ex and never once threatened her. I decided to then block her on social media and have not spoken to her since.

The problem I’m facing is that my ex has got in touch with my place of work (A hospital) and forwarded all of the conversations I’ve have had including the one where profanity has been used. My ex has been claiming I should be acting professional inside and outside of work however this was a private Facebook message and after what was said and done, the conversation did not continue and I just blocked her.

I felt embarrassed as my management has seen the conversation and denied that was myself, stating my account must have been compromised. The girl in question has also been told by my place of work as far as I’m aware that this is a civil matter and if she is concerned she should go to the police. Yet she has not done this to the best of my knowledge.

I face a dilemma as I know what I have done is wrong, particularly lying to my managers and of course swearing (But in the heat of the moment, these things happen?) but this girl has still been in touch with my place of work and asking what has been done in regards to this matter, yet she has been told it is a civil matter for the police.

I’m considering approaching the police as this girl keeps harassing my place of work but only as a last resort. I’ve not been in touch with her since but would just like her to stop and move on with my life. Is there anything I can do? I’m concerned would the police disclose to my managers this unfortunate lie? I’m obviously concerned about my reputation and believes this never should have been brought in to my place of work.

I'd just like some impartial advice, particularly anyone who works in HR. Is this a civil matter? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.

A free consultation with a lawyer could offer up ways to stop her harassment. A formal charge of harassment by way of a complaint to the police, or a restraining order, may do the trick.

Your HR has already spoken and may ignore her but guy, just a warning that any lie can come back to harm you. Is it to late to own your lie to the HR?

Thank you for your reply. I agree that any lie can come back to haunt me and this is definitely a valuable life lesson for me. I understand what I did was wrong but we all have moments where we get in the heat of it and unfortunately I did but I didn't expect her to be this malicious.

The reason why I've not owned up for my lie I guess is because I have a very good reputation at work, and if the hospital have already informed her that it is not a trust issue and it is a civil matter I'm hoping she just stops and realises she is making herself look silly? Do HR ever change their stance?

In the eyes of the law I know I've not really committed a crime apart from hurl 5 lines of abuse and have not spoken to her since.

I guess I'm looking for thoughts and opinions on the matter and maybe some form of reassurance.

You should have said to your employers that these were personal and private conversations between you and your ex. A relationship you have since ended. They are correct that since they were personal and private your employer has NO interest in them.

If your ex continues to harass you, then you need to deal with that. Your employer wants to stay out of it so let them.

If you had just told your work place, that they were private and not part of work and not done on a work computer (assuming they were not on a work computer)

If you used a work computer, that is another serious issue.

Cursing, half of face book is curse it seems about things. But then yes it does make a person appear less professional to curse (ever)

The issue at work, is the lying, which they most likely did not believe, but now, they may have less trust in you, about other "lies" you may say.

What's done is done. Your Ex shouldn't have been trying to smear you like that, but people do stupid things.

At this point I would let things lay and not poke at the situation in any way. If she continues to harass you, at home or the work place, then go to the cops. This is a matter that is unrelated to your work.

I am of the opinion that one should be professional when on the clock, but when you're off the clock you can be whoever you want. I don't think there is anything wrong with teachers visiting strip joints, or even working at them. A person's life outside of work is as private as they want it to be.

You'll be fine. Just be careful how you deal with her, and subsequent relationships, and your work life.

What you say in private to someone on FB, is not a concern for your place of work, unless you work with the person in question. Then it can become an issue, but that's not the case here.

Your employers are correct, this is a civil matter, and has nothing to do with your job or where you work.

Sadly, unless you put a stop to this and she keeps harassing your employer, it may become a problem for you at work. No employer wants to have some ex harassing them over FB messages with one of their employees. They may just get rid of you to stop the drama they now have to deal with because of this situation.

So definitely consult a lawyer, her harassment needs to stop otherwise you could very well lose your job because your ex is causing them a lot of work.

If you do lose your job then sue her.

Sure, you can pay a lawyer their minimum for a 'lawyer letter,' a one sentence letter telling her to cease and desist calling your employer.
Or you can get your employer to threaten her with the same legal action if she doesn't stop calling.
They could also get a restraining order (perhaps you could get the form from the courthouse, or online, and fill it out, and they could sign it and deliver it, and you could pay for the certified mail).

I agree with the others... this is a personal private matter... (and for the sake of argument this was on personal time and your OWN computer/Cell phone not employer provided).

I find it very unlikely she was innocent in all of this, really hard to have a argument all by yourself, plus the fact she won't let it go by harassing you tells me she played a much bigger part in this than you are willing to admit.

I like the advice to have a lawyer draft a letter informing her to cease and desist, of further action will be taken. Let the lawyer decide what options you have and they would usually spell this out in the letter. Do not contact her yourself. She appears to have a few loose screws to begin with... no matter what you might have said (and I am also assuming you didn't make any threats to her life or physical well being, its not illegal to curse at someone in general, threatening them is another thing). That should stop her rather than provoking her to escalate it further. If she continues let lawyer deal with it... get retraining order etc... do not get involved directly. Its obvious she wants to get a reaction and she knows how to push your buttons.