lstivy
Dec 2, 2016, 12:49 PM
Money is becoming an issue in our 6-month relationship.
My girlfriend and I are both in our 20s. We come from different backgrounds, hers is a middle class one, mine is upper class. We both work, but my job makes easily 5x as much as hers—think office assistant X consultant. I've always been used to a more lavish lifestyle—weekend hops to Europe, nice dinners—I do admit that I am spoiled, but I always figure that as long as I can afford something, I should be able to get it.
The issue isn't the fact that she doesn't want to live the same kind of lifestyle that I do; the problem is, she has started to insist on keeping up with me financially lately. At the beginning, she would have no issue with me covering all the costs of our activities, but now that we are becoming more serious, she says she doesn't want to feel like she is a burden to me. I have never thought of it that way, and I don't even enjoy being able to provide for her, or any kind of that stereotypical gender role kind of thing: my past partner made more than me and I had no issues there.
It's gotten to the point where she wants to start working overtime so she can keep up with me. She says she feels bad that she has to think about how she spends every dollar so that she can keep up with my lifestyle: she's started going out less, doesn't see her girlfriends as much, etc. Working more at the rates that she is paid just means that she will be more money rich but less time rich, and the result will be the same, except she will be overworked to boot.
Apart from this, there only really seem to be two alternatives, though: having her not contribute anything to our activities, or me giving up on the things that I am used to having (and that she seems to want too, as it turns out).
How do we talk about this like adults to reach a reasonable consensus? If I spend 75+ hours a week in an office, shouldn't I be able to spend that money in whichever way I want with whomever I choose to do so? It's gotten to the point where we can't talk about it without there being some kind of drama.
My girlfriend and I are both in our 20s. We come from different backgrounds, hers is a middle class one, mine is upper class. We both work, but my job makes easily 5x as much as hers—think office assistant X consultant. I've always been used to a more lavish lifestyle—weekend hops to Europe, nice dinners—I do admit that I am spoiled, but I always figure that as long as I can afford something, I should be able to get it.
The issue isn't the fact that she doesn't want to live the same kind of lifestyle that I do; the problem is, she has started to insist on keeping up with me financially lately. At the beginning, she would have no issue with me covering all the costs of our activities, but now that we are becoming more serious, she says she doesn't want to feel like she is a burden to me. I have never thought of it that way, and I don't even enjoy being able to provide for her, or any kind of that stereotypical gender role kind of thing: my past partner made more than me and I had no issues there.
It's gotten to the point where she wants to start working overtime so she can keep up with me. She says she feels bad that she has to think about how she spends every dollar so that she can keep up with my lifestyle: she's started going out less, doesn't see her girlfriends as much, etc. Working more at the rates that she is paid just means that she will be more money rich but less time rich, and the result will be the same, except she will be overworked to boot.
Apart from this, there only really seem to be two alternatives, though: having her not contribute anything to our activities, or me giving up on the things that I am used to having (and that she seems to want too, as it turns out).
How do we talk about this like adults to reach a reasonable consensus? If I spend 75+ hours a week in an office, shouldn't I be able to spend that money in whichever way I want with whomever I choose to do so? It's gotten to the point where we can't talk about it without there being some kind of drama.