I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years and I can't help thinking that maybe our relationship should come to an end.

The reason being is that he doesn't seem to make any effort with me anymore what so ever and this has been going on for months now and it is making me feel so unhappy and I feel like I'm just not good enough or attractive to him anymore.

He doesn't seem to give me any attention what so ever, I always have to ask him to hug me and when ever I try to give him a kiss it's like he doesn't want me anywhere near him because he gives me a quick peck as if he wants it over with or he moves his head in a "I can't be bothered" way.

He never says he loves me or compliments me even when I make a lot of effort just for him to notice me. He does say it back when I say it and if I ask him if he still loves me he says he does. I would just like him to say it first every once in a while!

He doesn't even seem interested in getting intimate with me unless he's had a drink the night before god knows why it's like that. I have tried to make out that I'm not in the mood because he only seems to bother the day after a night out for some unknown reason! But because I lack the intimacy I find it difficult and almost always give in. I am ashamed to say this but I feel like I come across as desperate.

We have recently got a new place together after me waiting over 6 years for him to be 'ready' and I thought it might have changed things for the better but nothing has change. Yep silly me!

I've also found evidence that he's been watching porn behind my back, I just don't get why he'd rather pleasure himself when I'm right there and willing!

I have tried asking what's wrong with him in case he is suffering from some kind of stress and he has said that he never gets left alone and there's always someone in his face (guess he means me)

I don't think he's happy with living with me and would rather be alone all the time I just don't get it at all.

I love him deeply but I want to feel like I'm loved the same way but I just don't feel like he gives a dam!

I feel he takes me for granted to, when he lived at home with his mum he had everything done for him and paid such a low amount of board money. I have carried on doing most of the things his mum did for him, like cooking, cleaning, washing and even make his packed lunches for work. Just whilst he learns how to do things for himself for once.

I feel absolutely awful with the lack of love towards me and I often think about leaving him and finding someone else who would look after me and not get bored of me, my self esteem has well and truly gone out of the window!

I don't really want to leave him but at the same time I don't want this to be the rest of my life.

Let me guess early 20's, and high school sweethearts? Guess what, you both have changed greatly, mentally, and emotionally, and need to communicate in more mature ways as you become more responsible for each other (as well as yourselves as a person) on a whole new level. I don't care how long you have been together you are fresh out of college(?) and just starting on your careers, so you face many challenges as a couple, and as individuals.

I know YOU have many issues to solve in other areas of YOUR own life, like MONEY, career, and a social life apart from your boyfriend, and understand your frustrations with expressing yourself to him. It is a daunting challenge, so keep it simple, and maybe write it down, and try talking AND listening.

That's my suggestion to get started, write it down, SIT him down, talk and listen and maybe resolution can come over TIME so patience as the biggest requirement, as you think before you act or speak. Otherwise the added responsibility of moving into a new place, and finding a new job, will surely make your anxieties and depression even worse because you will never feel like a team unless you BOTH start acting like one.

Personally between this, and your other post though, it's obvious to me you have maybe bitten off more than you can chew, and are moving way to fast to have it all, and really could lower your expectations to a more reasonable level, at least for a while while you get yourself under better control, and find a way to manage YOURSELF, and the areas of your life, that cause you anxiety and depression.

Back to you, let me know what you think.

No we aren't college leavers, I have been in and out of jobs for a number of years due to them being temporary positions, I am 25 and he is 31. My boyfriend has been in his job for nearly 10 years now.

I do have a bad habit of over thinking and seem to try and sort out too many things out at once, I don't even know why I act the way I do.

I would just like him to make more of an effort with me and be there for me when I'm going through difficult times etc.

I did get offered a position elsewhere but with the delays in the start date I couldn't risk it plus me and my boyfriend had a talk about it and we came to the decision that I was safe where I am for the time being as we have only just got our own place so it wasn't just me who was worried about leaving my current employer.

I am going to try and take a step back and forget about things for a while if I can do it!

I am aware I put myself through more stress by doing too much at once but I can't help it sometimes. It's been quite a few years of waiting for my life to get back on track so it does get a bit difficult waiting at times.

Jess-Louise, I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you don't seem to make decisions well at all.
You want things from a man who doesn't want to give them.
You hang onto a job you hate and isn't enough hours, just because you won't keep checking on the new one, and want things from the old job you aren't going to get either.
Just like the job, you list a whole bunch of traits your boyfriend has. So what? I could see after the first 2 that it was a relationship I would have walked out of months ago.

If you share the place equally, it's time to sit down and talk about who is going to keep it or not.
Meanwhile you start looking for a share with other women. You say 'finding someone else who would look after me---' NOPE! You find yourself, not a man. I think that's half your problem with this man. You want him to 'look after you.' Until you are married with solid plans for children and staying home, men don't look after girlfriends much any more. Dream on about that one.

It really isn't that hard to change YOURSELF and your surroundings rather than waiting for others to change. They aren't.
I was broke at 25 too, but it didn't stop me from leaving any situation or person I didn't like.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,Courage to change the things I can,And wisdom to know the difference.
I gave you a link to read the full versions, as being at peace with yourself is the key to coping with this wacky world. For many of us it takes years to hone those coping skills and even more years to get our lives together. Relax, and just keep working at it. Did I say RELAX? Need help with that?