Most kids say "my mom invades my privacy" because their mom goes through their phones and such. Well for me, my mom REALLY DOES invade my PRIVACY.

I've had this problem for a long time such as when I am in my room CHANGING my mom would just come in open the door without knocking or asking. Or when I am using the bathroom, my mom would also do the same thing just come in without asking. And if I lock the bathroom door she will get mad and tell me not to lock it. Also, I can't lock my room because my room does not have a lock in it.

How can I get my mom to respect my privacy and not come in while I'm changing or using the bathroom?

Does she explain why she does this?

Does she explain why she does this?

Every time I ask her she simply says "because she needs to come in" whether it is that she needs to get something or because she needs to use the bathroom.

Every time I ask her she simply says "because she needs to come in" whether it is that she needs to get something or because she needs to use the bathroom.
What does she need in your bedroom? Btw, how old are you? Male or female?

Is she this way with others in your household?

What does she need in your bedroom? Btw, how old are you? Male or female?

Is she this way with others in your household?

Her clothes. She keeps a lot of her clothes in my room instead (which I let her) because she doesn't have much space in her wardrobe to keep all her clothes so she has some in mine since there's more room here.

Also, I'm 16 and female. She always says it doesn't matter because "we're both girls" and she thinks it's okay for her to enter without asking.

I don't have any siblings and she never goes into my dad's room.

Your dad has his own room (bedroom)? Keep her clothes in there.

Even my always-alert-for-trouble mom would knock if my bedroom door was closed. That's the right thing to do. And I would lock the bathroom door when I'm in there. So your mom gets mad. What can she do?

I don't see the problem. The lock on our bathrooms don't work, and my kids constantly come in while I'm on the pot or in the shower or bath. My bedroom door is always open, and most of the stuff in it doesn't belong to me, but to my kids (my kids are 17 male and 13 female). We're not private at all, we're family.

Now, if I really wanted to state the facts, it's my house, I let them live in it. I pay for their food, their education, their clothes, their toys, everything. If I want to go into a room in my house, I go into it, because it's my house, not theirs. They live in it, but they won't live in it forever. When they move out and have their own house, one they pay for, then I'll respect their privacy. While they live under my roof, they're tenants. They're loved tenants, but everything they own I bought them, the room they live in is mine. They can have privacy when they pay for it.

Now, I don't barge in when one of them is taking a crap on the toilet, unless I really need something in that bathroom. Even then, I knock, and then tell them that I really need access. It's happened 2 times in their life time, and I made sure to cover my eyes. Once a day at least I'm in the bathroom doing my thing and one or both of them are there talking to me. I never get any privacy.

Bottom line, it's your parents house, not yours. It's not your room, it's a room in their house that they let you use. Unless you pay rent you have no rights to privacy in their home.

You said that your mom never goes into your dad's room? They have separate rooms?

Your dad has his own room (bedroom)? Keep her clothes in there.

Even my always-alert-for-trouble mom would knock if my bedroom door was closed. That's the right thing to do. And I would lock the bathroom door when I'm in there. So your mom gets mad. What can she do?

My mom's not going to keep her clothes in my dad's room. My parents never talk anyway and my dad certainly doesn't want anything of my mom's stuff in his room. It's a long story of stuff that I'm not going to go through.

And if I lock the bathroom door she yells at me and tells me to never lock it again so I never lock the door when I use the bathroom.


I don't see the problem. The lock on our bathrooms don't work, and my kids constantly come in while I'm on the pot or in the shower or bath. My bedroom door is always open, and most of the stuff in it doesn't belong to me, but to my kids (my kids are 17 male and 13 female). We're not private at all, we're family.

Now, if I really wanted to state the facts, it's my house, I let them live in it. I pay for their food, their education, their clothes, their toys, everything. If I want to go into a room in my house, I go into it, because it's my house, not theirs. They live in it, but they won't live in it forever. When they move out and have their own house, one they pay for, then I'll respect their privacy. While they live under my roof, they're tenants. They're loved tenants, but everything they own I bought them, the room they live in is mine. They can have privacy when they pay for it.

Now, I don't barge in when one of them is taking a crap on the toilet, unless I really need something in that bathroom. Even then, I knock, and then tell them that I really need access. It's happened 2 times in their life time, and I made sure to cover my eyes. Once a day at least I'm in the bathroom doing my thing and one or both of them are there talking to me. I never get any privacy.

Bottom line, it's your parents house, not yours. It's not your room, it's a room in their house that they let you use. Unless you pay rent you have no rights to privacy in their home.

You said that your mom never goes into your dad's room? They have separate rooms?

Okay, I see your family is probably a lot different than mine. But I just feel disrespected and that my mom could at least tell her she's coming in instead of barging in. And most likely I would let her in if she asks.

Yeah my parents have separate rooms.

My mom's not going to keep her clothes in my dad's room. My parents never talk anyway and my dad certainly doesn't want anything of my mom's stuff in his room. It's a long story of stuff that I'm not going to go through.

And if I lock the bathroom door she yells at me and tells me to never lock it again so I never lock the door when I use the bathroom.

I think there's more to this story than you're telling us. Either your mom is a nut case that likes to watch her daughter peeing, pooing, showering, or you did something to warrant her being upset when you lock doors.

That long story of stuff you don't want to tell, may be the answer to all of this.

I'm a mom with two teenagers, and the only way I'd get upset if they locked the bathroom while in it, is if they had a history of doing stuff that warrants me keeping all the doors unlocked, for their safety.

So what's the whole story?

I think there's more to this story than you're telling us. Either your mom is a nut case that likes to watch her daughter peeing, pooing, showering, or you did something to warrant her being upset when you lock doors.

That long story of stuff you don't want to tell, may be the answer to all of this.

I'm a mom with two teenagers, and the only way I'd get upset if they locked the bathroom while in it, is if they had a history of doing stuff that warrants me keeping all the doors unlocked, for their safety.

So what's the whole story?

The whole story is completely separate and irrelevant from this whole issue right now. It's pretty much just about the relationship between my parents but I could still share it if you'd like.

And the locking door thing only happened like once or twice and that was years ago where I locked the door when I use the bathroom and she needed to come in and then I never locked the door again.

My mom's not going to keep her clothes in my dad's room. My parents never talk anyway and my dad certainly doesn't want anything of my mom's stuff in his room. It's a long story of stuff that I'm not going to go through.

And if I lock the bathroom door she yells at me and tells me to never lock it again so I never lock the door when I use the bathroom.



Okay, I see your family is probably a lot different than mine. But I just feel disrespected and that my mom could at least tell her she's coming in instead of barging in. And most likely I would let her in if she asks.

Yeah my parents have separate rooms.

I'm really sensing there's more to this story. I'm a very open mom, I've always been one. My kids have never been hidden from real life. They don't cringe or even think it's odd when they walk in on me on the toilet, in the shower, or in the tub. Nudity isn't a big deal to them because it really isn't a big deal and shouldn't be. They were raised that way. Truth is, even if our doors locked, I wouldn't lock them. They should always have access to me. But yes, a nice relaxing moment on the pot, all alone, would be nice. When they move out I'll get that moment, and I'll probably sit on that pot and cry because there's no one interrupting me. I'll miss them. The majority of bathroom times for me involve at least one teen, and 3 dogs. Very rarely do I have a minute to poo in peace.

I will admit, 5 minutes alone while taking a poop, would be nice. But they don't see it as me taking a poop, they see mom, and they need to talk, and mom (me), is always there to listen, even if she's in the middle of something she'd like to have a bit of privacy for. As a mom, I'm there to listen whenever they need me, even if it's not always the most convenient time.

I'm a pretty easygoing mom, but I'm not a naive one. I've been through and done stuff, in my teens, that most people will never have to deal with. So I know when something seems off. Your story seems off.

Either your mom has a reason not to trust you in a locked bathroom, or mom has issues she needs someone to talk to about, which is a good guess since her and your dad don't share a bedroom, or mom is a complete nutcase. Those are the options. Which is it?

The whole story is completely separate and irrelevant from this whole issue right now. It's pretty much just about the relationship between my parents but I could still share it if you'd like.

And the locking door thing only happened like once or twice and that was years ago where I locked the door when I use the bathroom and she needed to come in and then I never locked the door again.

So twice in your life she banged on the door to the bathroom while you were in it, and yelled because it was locked? Only once or twice, years ago, and because of that one or two times you're now afraid to lock the bathroom door when you're using the bathroom?

If this all happened years ago, and only happened once or twice, years ago, why is this an issue now?

What are we missing?

I'm really sensing there's more to this story. I'm a very open mom, I've always been one. My kids have never been hidden from real life. They don't cringe or even think it's odd when they walk in on me on the toilet, in the shower, or in the tub. Nudity isn't a big deal to them because it really isn't a big deal and shouldn't be. Truth is, even if our doors locked, I wouldn't lock them. They should always have access to me. But you, a nice relaxing moment on the pot, all alone, would be nice. When they move out I'll get that moment, and I'll probably sit on that pot and cry because there's no one interrupting me. I'll miss them.

I will admit, 5 minutes alone while taking a poop, would be nice. But they don't see it as me taking a poop, they see mom, and they need to talk, and mom (me), is always there to listen, even if she's in the middle of something she'd like to have a bit of privacy for. :)

Either your mom has a reason not to trust you in a locked bathroom, or mom has issues she needs someone to talk to about, which is a good guess since her and your dad don't share a bedroom, or mom is a complete nutcase. Those are the options. Which is it?

My parents haven't slept in the same room for over 12 years. My mom and I never enter his room. I will also add that my dad spends the entire day locked up inside his room doing anything he wants. The only time he will leave his room is for dinner, or to go to work, or do the laundry, and that's it. Otherwise he is just in his room with the door closed.

Its not that my mom doesn't trust me in a locked bathroom she knows that when I'm in the bathroom I'm actually there because I'm USING the bathroom. And I never hid anything or done anything to her either so there isn't a reason that she doesn't trust me.


So twice in your life she banged on the door to the bathroom while you were in it, and yelled because it was locked? Only once or twice, years ago, and because of that one or two times you're now afraid to lock the bathroom door when you're using the bathroom?

If this all happened years ago, and only happened once or twice, years ago, why is this an issue now?

What are we missing?

Well because even if she said it many years ago her rules should still apply to today. And I hate making parents upset and getting yelled at so I just avoid locking the door to avoid all that.

This does not make sense. Years ago she told you not to lock the door yet you are talking like this is a current problem. She comes in your room because her things are there. How long has her things been in your room?

This does not make sense. Years ago she told you not to lock the door yet you are talking like this is a current problem. She comes in your room because her things are there. How long has her things been in your room?

Okay so maybe I'll try locking the door and see what she will do this time?
She's had her things in my room ever since I can remember.

So why is this a problem now? Ask your mom if she can knock before entering.

Okay so maybe I'll try locking the door and see what she will do this time?
She's had her things in my room ever since I can remember.

Okay, let me get this straight.

Years ago you had one or two issues when you were in the bathroom and your mom came in or yelled if the door was locked. That was years ago, and hasn't happened for years.

You also have an issue with your mom coming into your room but state that your mom's things are in your room, because she doesn't have her own room. So you expect her to stay out of your room even though she has to enter your room to get her things which have been in your room for years?

What are we missing? You say your mom is invading your privacy. How?

None of this makes sense. The bathroom issue happened 1 or 2 times years ago, and the bedroom thing, her clothes are there, so of course she has to go into your room! How is she invading your privacy!

Okay, let me get this straight.

Years ago you had one or two issues when you were in the bathroom and your mom came in or yelled if the door was locked. That was years ago, and hasn't happened for years.

You also have an issue with your mom coming into your room but state that your mom's things are in your room, because she doesn't have her own room. So you expect her to stay out of your room even though she has to enter your room to get her things which have been in your room for years?

What are we missing? You say your mom is invading your privacy. How?

None of this makes sense. The bathroom issue happened 1 or 2 times years ago, and the bedroom thing, her clothes are there, so of course she has to go into your room! How is she invading your privacy!

I meant she is coming in when I am changing. She can wait 2 minutes when I'm done and I will let her in and get the clothes that she needs. Therefore, she IS invading my privacy. Yes I do expect that she needs to come in but I expect it to be when I'm NOT changing.

And with the bathroom stuff yes I know it happened years ago. But that doesn't mean I should break her rules just because "it was so long ago". For example, if my mom told me not to draw on the walls when I was 4 that doesn't mean I can do that at 16 just because it happened 12 years ago. And she only tells me I can't lock the door because she needs to come in.

I meant she is coming in when I am changing. She can wait 2 minutes when I'm done and I will let her in and get the clothes that she needs. Therefore, she IS invading my privacy. Yes I do expect that she needs to come in but I expect it to be when I'm NOT changing.

And with the bathroom stuff yes I know it happened years ago. But that doesn't mean I should break her rules just because "it was so long ago". For example, if my mom told me not to draw on the walls when I was 4 that doesn't mean I can do that at 16 just because it happened 12 years ago. And she only tells me I can't lock the door because she needs to come in.

You're 16. In two years you can move out and have all the privacy you want. You've lived with this for years, so live with it for 2 more, move out, and do what you want when you want with all the privacy you can afford.

Until then, you don't pay for your room in their house. You're allowed a room in their house. You don't have a right to privacy when you're living free of charge in someone else's home.

Good luck. :)

This is all such a non-issue filled with teenaged angst.

Truth told, you are 16 and living under her roof. You aren't owed any privacy. Unless you are doing something wrong, you have nothing to hide.

I'm going to ring in here. I agree with you, at your age, you deserve some privacy, consideration and respect. Your mom should be giving that to you by knocking on the door before entering and waiting for permission to enter.

Having said that, other responders have also made several valid points. I agree that this is a) not a big deal, b) this is her house not yours so you have no real rights, c) she is unlikely to change at this point so you just need to live with it.

What I would try is to sit down and talk with her, maybe with a third party she respects, like a grandmother, aunt, etc. Explain to her that you feel you are entitled to some privacy and ask that she knock and wait for permission to enter. If she won't concede then you have to live with this until you can move out.

One thing you might consider is getting a screen for your room. Do your changing behind that screen.

I would have to say, your mother should be setting a good example here. She should at least be announcing herself when entering your bedroom. I afforded my son privacy when he was living at home and he respected me for that. So what do you all think this is teaching a young person ?

If her father were walking in her room when she was changing, or going into the bathroom when she were using it, I would have a different take on this.

If her father were walking in her room when she was changing, or going into the bathroom when she were using it, I would have a different take on this.

Okay, so I am posting about teaching a young person respect, and it has to start at home. So, my question was, what is the mother's behavior teaching her daughter ? Are our values and respect issues so different from country to country in a family environment ? I hope not.

How can I get my mom to respect my privacy and not come in while I'm changing or using the bathroom?

Answer to your question, Talk to her freely about how you feel, I know it may feel awkward but what can we do, that's the only way you can help yourself in this situation. Communicate it with your mom.
Don't tell her, your are invading my privacy. But instead, tell her that you don't feel comfortable now like before. And, you are just asking for a knock in the door or knock in the bathroom door. If she still insist, the tell her how you feel when your are sitting in the toilet seat to do your business and she comes in. And also if she agrees, then make sure you don't take advantage of that privacy, freedom and trust.
Let us know what she says.

I think the mother could at least knock before entering. That is just common courtesy. Same with the bathroom. A person should be able to pee in private. Even though you are mom, your kids need to learn to respect your privacy. How else are they going to respect the privacy of others. Ask your mom to knock on the door. That in my opinion is just common courtesy.

The bathroom thing happened twice and hasn't happened for 2 years. The moms clothes are in the OP's room because the mom and dad don't share a room and the mom has nowhere else to put her things.

This is a mom and dad issue. Sadly the 16 year old kid is in the middle of it.

The parents need to separate, move into different homes. It's very sad that the teen is stuck in the middle.

Having said that, it's their home, not the kids home. Until they pay part of the mortgage, or rent, they have a room because their parents give them a room . It is common courtesy to knock when entering a room, but as a teen living for free in a home, privacy isn't a right. Her mom has a right to use any room in her home as she wants. Her clothes are in the room she allows her daughter to have, and she should be allowed to access those clothes.

But yes, a knock would be nice. But it's not something that's expected. It is common courtesy, but common courtesy is not the norm for most people. Bottom line, mom's house, mom's rooms, no need to knock on the rooms in the home you pay for.

I think we have to get over the privacy issue and delve into the bigger issue going on here. Mom and dad have separate rooms. Why? Why are moms clothes in her daughter's room?

This is a mom and dad issue, and they're not dealing with it properly. But even with all that, the OP (original poster), is a kid, doesn't pay rent, and has no rights in her home. She doesn't own the room she lives in, because he doesn't pay to live there. The home, and all the rooms, belong to the people that pay for it.

You have no RIGHT, to anything but food, and a roof over your head as a minor, At 18 you can move out and support yiurself then you can have all the privacy you can afford. Rthatsnbecausebyou will likely have roomates for a while.

As long as you are in someone else's house, and this IS their house, you have no RIGHT to privacy, it however will usually be given after it is earned and you have shown responsibility. I think, like many teenagers, you are up to something younshould not be, and your mother is being a good parent trying to keep you from being a tenage single parent and high school dropout with little future.

I SERIOUSLY believe you aren't giving us the whole story.

Why do we all have to think there is an underlying cause for this behavior. I have my thoughts too but some of you are taking this a little too far.

The story is too one sided. Plus I am still young enouh to remember how teenagers think and act.

That is why I said what I did.

Example is nothing was said about why the mother goes through the phone she is allowed to use. At least in the USA, phones require a contract. Even a no contract service still has a contract per say. In fact I am on one of those right now in Europe. And a 16 year old can't sign any legal document. And why she can't be trusted behind locked doors? More to this than were were told. Facts cherry picked, all negative things ommitted as a teen wanting to hide something would do.

Like I said, where there is smoke there is usually fire.