Sorry this is long I've tried to be as clear as possible, please help me it would mean everything to me! God bless you

I use to talk to this boy, my two main girls A and B knew of him. I met him through A, I'm more closer to A than I am with B. but me and B still shared personal information, we would basically be there for each other. She would often check on me too. Well over a few months B became more closer to A and would stop bringing me in on parties, hanging out, information etc. Suddenly I noticed her ignoring me at times too. The boy they knew about, hurt me at the time and since A was friends with the boy before me and him got together she told me he was not worth it and B also agreed even though she didn't know him but only knew what she had heard (she said he's a dickhead). Eventually I broke up with him. My friends, A and B one day happened to be out clubbing (with out me again) where he was too. He invited everybody to his birthday party and specially asked my girl A to come since they're homies and since B was there he also invited her too. When A got home she told me, that he invited us to his party except me. Of course I broke up with him after he hurt me (they knew about what he did, said he was an etc).

On an emotional level I didn't know how to feel or accept it because these girls knew I still had feelings for him and I couldn't even be mad if they wanted to go, A who knew him before me said she has to go since they've been friends but also understood how I felt so I kept my composure. But on the other hand had not mentioned a thing to me, so I messaged her myself and she moved simple with her words so I explained how I felt and she told me to just get over him (like it was that easy for me she knew I was hurting) and that she is only going for A anyway (she didn't care about my feelings) she also emphasised that she wouldn't get on to him, and that I was overreacting. Thing is though I wasn't bothered about that because I trust her not to flirt with him anyway knowing our history so I was shocked at the fact she had to even think like that. I was more upset and confused about how she would be comfy in going to my ex's party knowing all the crap he's done to me? Considering id never invite his boys to any of my parties after we broke up because morally that would be wrong and for his friends to accept to come would be even more snakey so its something I'd never do anyway. B apologised and said she owed me her loyalty and therefore she isn't going.

When his party came up, both A and B turned up -.-. B blocked me on snapchat so I don't find out, later she didn't even bother to bring me in on information or what had happened. I figured it all out myself that she lied to me so that night I messaged her again fuming I called her out and said she was fake for her snakey movements she then responded with she wants no contact with me and that we were never close (that hurt because we was). She denied our friendship as well as lying to me. What do I do? And what was morally right and wrong here? Im hurt and confused :( I apologised for thinking we had a close friendship, and she said it was only for advice and that's it basically she used me for when she needed me the most. I told A, whom acts like a sister to me, she said she understands where I'm coming from but doesn't have anything against B since B is her friend too.

A has her birthday party coming up this Dec. and will invite everybody as well as my emotionally abusive ex and B duh. Not only have I been emotionally damaged because of him but I've lost a friend who I thought was genuine (she acted like it till time revealed her true intentions) and I've never felt so betrayed in my life. I can't even be mad at A since she's friends with us all yet she admits I am right but still wants to remain decent with the two people who hurt me right in front of her eyes. I suffer from social anxiety. Attending A's birthday party whilst knowing my ex, and B are also invited kills me. I've decided not to attend A's party, and I agreed to do something separate with her but it just sucks how I can't be involved.

Little update, my ex asked A who B was and A said that girl knows your ex girlfriend are you really going to try it? A that night called to tell me and asked how I'd feel if them two got together, seriously my heart fell numb. Not only had B turned fake on me but to imagine the once love of my life tries to get to my friend will wreck me. I'm staying strong but I'd like to know morally what is acceptable here and how should I accept this and move on happily? A is the only friend I have now, my other friends either live out of town or have lost contact with me like that due to life situations. I've never been so depressed in my life. I've thought about suicide (I have other issues in my life too) but that won't solve anything. Sorry its long but I appreciate you reading till the end xx

WOW This is par for the course when party roadies run in a pack that other party roadies run in. Your lives overlap and become a tangled emotional messy drama. Isn't that's what partying is all about, the fun and excitement of mixing and mingling? Sure it is and I suspect you are all about early twenties and still in the college party scene. If you are going to run with them dogs you better get control of your social issues and go with the flow and stop being so territorial. You can't expect your boundaries to be the boundaries for your friends because there are none. Not because they are immoral or not loyal, but because they too are enjoying the party scene, and the mixing and mingling, and all the emotions of young hearts doing their THANG!

They will get their hearts hurt too, we all do at that stage in life, so don't put your issues on them, as they have their own (We all do) so stop wearing your heart on your sleeve or take a break from the party hearty crowd for a while and get your head and heart in the right place.

Tell you a secret, soon the reality of life and growing up will take over the party life, and the people you run with now will be too busy to be your ace boon coons and all this stuff will fade as you start living your life without the party scene. You won't have time, and neither will they.

So just take a break for a while and give yourself a chance to breath and HEAL from your heartbreak. That will help the social anxieties too just because for a minute at least you all won't be so deep into each other business.

Yes, you broke up with him. He is free to be with and party with anyone he wants.

Your issue is you have not really "broke up with him" you think he should have some concern over you. You and he are over. You need to be over him.

So your friends go out with him, they are also free to do that. Why do you feel you should have control over him, or them.

You break up with someone, you have ZERO rights, even if you 'still have some feelings.'
This is all petty game playing of youth and it's exhausting to even read about by skimming it.
I'm not being mean. You can't move on happily, as you wish. You spend some time alone, or with family and other friends, while you ask yourself whether or not any of these people are worth it. Keep busy to cut down on depression.
You don't give ages, but you all sound young. Within a few short years, none of this will matter, and you will see that life is about much more important things.

I think it is a matter of you growing up.

You and your ex are history, but that does not mean that your friends have to accept that because your ex is out of your life, and therefore theirs too.

You are being unreasonable and insecure as well, in thinking that because you would have done things differently and been more 'loyal' or 'moral' in a situation where A or B recently had an ex, and wouldn't think of having that particular ex, in your life at all.

You cannot judge others. Nor can you expect that you will be disappointed when what you expect, does not happen (from your friends). They are under no obligation to do as you think they should, nor are you to say, or imply that the three of you should be 100% supportive under any circumstance regarding boyfriends and breakups.

It is a sort of expected 'pack' mentality, and nobody wins with that kind of logic.

First, think of yourself as single again. Second, allow your friends to make their own choices, as much as you may disagree with them.

Third, realize that differences of opinions freely shared between friends should be respected, not criticized. It is not appropriate to expect your friends to tell all, on their own social calendar events, simply because your ex happens to be one of the ones they choose to socialize with.

Stop complaining, and let your friends be. Share the good, accept indifference, and allow them to make their own decisions, without you finding fault.

I think it is a matter of you growing up.

You and your ex are history, but that does not mean that your friends have to accept that because your ex is out of your life, and therefore theirs too.

You are being unreasonable and insecure as well, in thinking that because you would have done things differently and been more 'loyal' or 'moral' in a situation where A or B recently had an ex, and wouldn't think of having that particular ex, in your life at all.

You cannot judge others. Nor can you expect that you will not be disappointed when what you expect, does not happen (from your friends). They are under no obligation to do as you think they should, nor are you to say, or imply that the three of you should be 100% supportive under any circumstance regarding boyfriends and breakups.

It is a sort of expected 'pack' mentality, and nobody wins with that kind of logic.

First, think of yourself as single again. Second, allow your friends to make their own choices, as much as you may disagree with them.

Third, realize that differences of opinions freely shared between friends should be respected, not criticized. It is not appropriate to expect your friends to tell all, on their own social calendar events, simply because your ex happens to be one of the ones they choose to socialize with.

Stop complaining, and let your friends be. Share the good, accept indifference, and allow them to make their own decisions, without you finding fault.

Good luck.

Good luck.

I get what you are saying but he's hurt me in ways nobody would accept. He was abusive physically and emotionally and these girls A and B knew as I would share my problems with them because I have nobody else. They also encouraged me to leave him, called him all sorts of bad names and yet they're the first ones to jump to attend his party. For them to attend his party or to invite him in the very same social gathering with me was evil it suggests that whatever hurt he gave to their friend, me was acceptable. I don't get how his behaviour deserves respect from them, if they cared about me, their loyalty till I recover really should be with me, I am the one damaged he seems fine? What a way to get over him when my friends catch up with him, laugh and share banter with no worry of what he did to me. I guess in this world you really are alone, and we are expected not to 'complain' till one actually goes through what I've been through. I will recover but not around friends like this. They should be angry at him, yet B who met him through A lied to me and suddenly might get together with him. Lol what a funny world we live in.

WOW This is par for the course when party roadies run in a pack that other party roadies run in. Your lives overlap and become a tangled emotional messy drama. Isn't that's what partying is all about, the fun and excitement of mixing and mingling? Sure it is and I suspect you are all about early twenties and still in the college party scene. If you are going to run with them dogs you better get control of your social issues and go with the flow and stop being so territorial. You can't expect your boundaries to be the boundaries for your friends because there are none. Not because they are immoral or not loyal, but because they too are enjoying the party scene, and the mixing and mingling, and all the emotions of young hearts doing their THANG!

They will get their hearts hurt too, we all do at that stage in life, so don't put your issues on them, as they have their own (We all do) so stop wearing your heart on your sleeve or take a break from the party hearty crowd for a while and get your head and heart in the right place.

Tell you a secret, soon the reality of life and growing up will take over the party life, and the people you run with now will be too busy to be your ace boon coons and all this stuff will fade as you start living your life without the party scene. You won't have time, and neither will they.

So just take a break for a while and give yourself a chance to breath and HEAL from your heartbreak. That will help the social anxieties too just because for a minute at least you all won't be so deep into each other business.


Thank you exactly what I needed to hear. I have cut of my friends, I'm content alone. Id rather be alone than to be friends with people who think its acceptable to lie, and be around my abusive ex boyfriend and expect me to attend parties with his prescence AND get over him at the same time. Wow. There's no way in hell I can recover like this, it would have been nice if they could be there for me as they know I'm hurt, alone and depressed but nobody really cares about your feelings anymore they care about maintaning friendships. And you are right, time and reality reveals everything.

It is very hard to accept being betrayed by a friend.

But, that is how you learn who your real friends are. It seems you had only those two, and to your standards, they have changed, and gone in a different direction, that doesn't make them completely loyal. I suppose there is a certain code of conduct here between friends, and you have learned the hard way, that their standards are less than your own.

You feel hurt and betrayed, but take those feelings and move into a more realistic place, and as you find new friends, be very careful of who you trust completely with your most personal information. Even if one or both had been your most loyal confidants, there is still information you should keep to yourself. It is better to share less, than share 100%, because you leave yourself open to the situation you find yourself in now.

And realize too, that the people you decide to share your history with, even in a limited way, still have no obligation to you, because you put expectations on them, as far as loyalty goes. They made their decisions, not to spite you, but because their fun with that circle of friends that was more important.

Try to realize that you can only direct, and protect, your own life. While you may find you are the type of person who is completely loyal, it is unlikely even with that standard, that you yourself, will find yourself being pulled in another direction. And, that friends change, needs change. When a friend gets serious with a guy, you will take second seat, and the same goes for you.

Eventually, you will hopefully find a friend who can be loyal, but expect that loyalty to be occasionally cracked, or shifting, because all they can offer is a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong. Lifestyles change, locations change, and rarely does a person keep one or more loyal, trusting friends, more than fleetingly.

Best of luck to you.

Meant everything, thank you for your words

This may seem rather harsh, and I apologize for that, but let's be fair though, you made your ex a priority when you were not his priority, and have done the very same thing with both A and B. It's no wonder you feel so hurt and betrayed and sorry to say you have not accepted that fact. It always happens this way when we put other people on a pedestal they do not deserve just because we have strong feelings for them, or think we NEED them. In time you may understand the major part you played in the way your ex, and your friends are treating you, and your healing can begin with a fresh awareness of how you didn't protect your heart and yourself. You just didn't know any better.

Sorry you had to learn this life lesson in such a hard way, but at least NOW you are finding it out. Relax, though, you are hardly the only person who has had to learn the hard way, but that's how some of us DO LEARN.

The good news is you will heal, recover, and be a lot stronger because of this experience. Let your group/crowd/pack "friends" have their fun using and abusing each other because now you know you don't have to be a part of it and will do better.

Better late than never right?