PDA

View Full Version : One sided love... feeling helpless


aankhi
Sep 30, 2015, 08:17 AM
I love a boy.. we were close friends and used to chat throughout the whole day before... but when he guessed about my feelings for him he immediately started stepping back.. but still one day I expressed all my feelings to him as I couldn't bear with it.. not surprisingly he rejected politely.. his ex girlfriend cheated him.. and they had broke up 5 months before.. I know he doesn't love her.. but he still has not forgot her... he says he trusts me and respects my feelings but he has nothing to do. Still he cares me as a friend and shares his thoughts with me.. and behave like a very good friend.. I also trying my best to carry out the friendship.. but it hurts too much.. shan't I be able to hear ever that he also loves me? Isn't there any way? I just want a chance to make him happy forever.. taking all his worries.. Please don't tell me to move on.. l cannot. I have tried many times to be engaged in my music or in my study but l have failed... l just cannot forget him.. is there anyway?

talaniman
Sep 30, 2015, 09:17 AM
For whatever reason you must accept that he does not feel for you as you do him, and understand because he is still hurt he needs a friend. I don't think you can be that friend, and need time to understand and accept the reality of this relationship. That does mean telling him YOU need space from the friendship to get your head together and be a friend and nothing more.

Sorry, but you both need to heal your broken hearts and that cannot happen by pretending just friendship right now. You both will hurt each other if you try then there can never be even a friendship.

Leave each other alone for a while, as hard as that will be for you both. Hopefully you both will have the courage to do so. Sorry again.

smoothy
Sep 30, 2015, 09:19 AM
Its not love... its infatuation. You will learn the difference when you get older and have more experience.

You can move on or waste you life waiting for what you can't have... he see's you as a friend and nothing more... and you can't make him change that. Nothing wrong with being friends... good friends are hard to find. Harder than finding someone to date. Friends will be around on your good days and bad ones... someone you date will likely walk away after enough bad ones.

CravenMorhead
Sep 30, 2015, 02:10 PM
Hi,

The short version is: He's just not into you. Stop running after him as a romantic relationship and stay friends. If you can't do that, drop him as a friend.

The long version:

I love a boy.. we were close friends and used to chat throughout the whole day before... but when he guessed about my feelings for him he immediately started stepping back.. but still one day I expressed all my feelings to him as I couldn't bear with it.. not surprisingly he rejected politely..
Unrequited love is a popular scene in romantic tradegies and comedies. The horrible truth is that some times the person you're REALLY into, isn't actually into you. I have had that happen with me and too me. The other person doesn't feel that you would make a good couple so they politely decline. That should be the end of it. Your romantic proposal has been rebutted. Move along.

his ex girlfriend cheated him.. and they had broke up 5 months before.. I know he doesn't love her.. but he still has not forgot her...
How do you know this without a doubt? 5 months isn't that long to properly grieve a relationship, even in high school. If you get into another relationship too soon there is a higher chance of it falling apart. Rebound relationship. The best way you get over a guy is to get under another one. You're smothering him. It is probably Very overwhelming.

he says he trusts me and respects my feelings but he has nothing to do. Still he cares me as a friend and shares his thoughts with me.. and behave like a very good friend.. I also trying my best to carry out the friendship.. but it hurts too much..
Then stop being friends with him. Seriously, if a FRIEND in your life doesn't improve it then get rid of the friend.

shan't I be able to hear ever that he also loves me? Isn't there any way? I just want a chance to make him happy forever.. taking all his worries.. Please don't tell me to move on.. l cannot. I have tried many times to be engaged in my music or in my study but l have failed... l just cannot forget him.. is there anyway?
There isn't a way. You can't change his mind and even if you do it won't be his decision. He doesn't want to be romantic with you. Period. There isn't anything you can say at this moment to change that in his mind. The minefield that is love and relationships is full of these surprises, women and men who are infatuated with someone and assume that if they feel that way then their Crush feels the same way about them. Even when they don't. If you still try to pursue this then there are several outcomes:
1). This will follow many of the "Romantic" animes' or romantic comedies or romance books in a funny way. (Not likely)
2). You will alienate him and all who know both you and him. You'll be seen as desperate and clingy. It won't change his mind.
3). So focused on him you'll miss the person who is into you and you could be into as well. You're so focused on this boy that you form this fantasy world around him, the names of your kids, and dogs, and where you will live et al. You are putting so much energy and brain power into this and he isn't.
4). He'll say yes. You;ll come together. It won't be what you wanted it to be. It won't be what he wants. You two will break up and ruined a perfectly good friendship.

You need to let go and move on. It isn't fail to you to continue like this.

Good luck.