Hi everyone,
My friend said she gets great advice on this site, so here I am. So I have been dating this girl for about a month. I am 31 and she is 30. Within this month we had 3 dates. 2 of them she spent the night with me. We talk everyday and she seems genuine and sincere. 2 weeks ago she even bought me something online and sent it to my house as a surprise, so obviously she was thinking of me. She'll say things like "I can't wait to meet your friends" "When are you going to meet my family?"

Now, this is what bugs me and throws me off. I would like to see her more, but she never initiates making plans. She gets very hot and cold. In the beginning she was VERY flirty. Now, not so much. Mostly everyday it takes her 6-12 hours to respond to my text. And when she does, its short. But, then she'll call and tell me she misses me and that she really values and enjoys the time we spend together.

She "likes" all of my posts and pics on Facebook. She usually will text me in the morning and at night if I don't get to it first. The other things that throw me off and make me cautious are the things she says and does:

Example: When she slept over on our 2nd date she said she had to leave early to attend a charity she told her friend she would go to. She was complaining for days that she didn't want to go. I told her if she didn't want to go, she shouldn't. She said well I told her I would and I hate letting my friends down. She left early and went.

The following week I didn't see her because she had a baby shower in another state. She was complaining about that as well that she didn't want to go. She was texting me the whole time she was there saying she didn't want to be there and that she wished she was with me. Again, she said she went because she didn't want to let a friend down.

I saw some pics her friend posted from the baby shower on her timeline. Weird thing is, the girl I'm dating removed them from her timeline, but they are still on her friends page. Why would she remove pics of her and her gf's? Then, she said "I don't know why I'm moving. I don't even like the place I'm moving into". Stuff like that just doesn't make sense to me.

So here is where things really confuse me. She was suppose to come and sleep over last night (Friday). We spoke on the phone Wednesday night briefly and she said she was excited to me. I text her Thursday morning around 10am saying "Hey Beautiful, how are you?" 12 hours later she texts me back at 10pm saying She had a very emotional day with her packing and moving into her new place, that she knew I was going to be mad, but that she won't be able to come over Friday.

She said she needed to spend this weekend with her family and that it was important to her. I simply responded "Ok" I haven't heard from her since Thursday night. Not a goodnight or good morning text. Nothing.

Should I ask her how she's doing? Or should I leave the ball her court since she canceled on me? I'm trying to be understanding, but its hard when you are trying to get to know someone, you only see them once a week, and get a hot cold vibe from them. What should I do?

Thanks in advice and I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.

Sit Tight. Sounds to me, like you are being played.

Sit Tight. Sounds to me, like you are being played.
That's the feeling I'm getting to. Should I text her to see how she's doing? Or do you think it's on her to text me?

Why does it have to be one or the other? Maybe she does and she is? Maybe she doesn't see this as serious as you do?

Why does it have to be one or the other? Maybe she does and she is? Maybe she doesn't see this as serious as you do?
True.

Well she had time to post pictures of her fingernails on Facebook just now. Haha.

I always think texting is a bit of a cop out, sorry. I make a telephone call, you can be more sincere that way. You can't be sincere texting. It is just words with no emotion.

But yes, I think she is a player and that is what she is doing, playing with you.

See what happens when you ignore her for a couple of weeks !

I always think texting is a bit of a cop out, sorry. I make a telephone call, you can be more sincere that way. You can't be sincere texting. It is just words with no emotion.

But yes, I think she is a player and that is what she is doing, playing with you.

See what happens when you ignore her for a couple of weeks !
Yeah. I mean we do talk on the phone a decent amount, but no so much recently.
So I should ignore her for a bit? She posted a picture of her fingernails on FB. Haha. So I guess she'd rather do that than text someone "She cares a lot for"

Yeah. I mean we do talk on the phone a decent amount, but no so much recently.
So I should ignore her for a bit? She posted a picture of her fingernails on FB. Haha. So I guess she'd rather do that than text someone "She cares a lot for"

So yes you get the picture I guess. Leave well enough alone and get on with your life.

I think you are in this way to deeply after just a month. No doubt sleeping together sprung you more than you seem to admit, and you are more gung ho than she is for sure. Backoff a lot, and get the lust out of your eyes, as you already have moved to the desperate, needy side of things way too fast for a month long dating experience.

While you have become so wrapped up in her, she has obviously kept her life she had before you going fully, and maybe that's what YOU should be doing, and that includes having fun with others also, until you learn a whole lot more than you know about her and that will help you understand why you are NOT the priority in her life you want to be.

Now is NOT the time to go chasing after her too hard for sure. Matter of fact, you should still be doing your own thing as she is. What's the hurry? Is the sex THAT great? You still have no clue what she is really about... besides the good sex do you? Of course not, so slow down... way down!

I think you are in this way to deeply after just a month. No doubt sleeping together sprung you more than you seem to admit, and you are more gung ho than she is for sure. Backoff a lot, and get the lust out of your eyes, as you already have moved to the desperate, needy side of things way too fast for a month long dating experience.

While you have become so wrapped up in her, she has obviously kept her life she had before you going fully, and maybe that's what YOU should be doing, and that includes having fun with others also, until you learn a whole lot more than you know about her and that will help you understand why you are NOT the priority in her life you want to be.

Now is NOT the time to go chasing after her too hard for sure. Matter of fact, you should still be doing your own thing as she is. What's the hurry? Is the sex THAT great? You still have no clue what she is really about... besides the good sex do you? Of course not, so slow down... way down!

Yeah, I agree. I'll just let it be and do other things. Yeah, the sex is really good and I guess it helps that she's just super hot! Blonde, fit, great body, but she also has a great personality. It's rare to find. I guess I just don't like being left in limbo. One day she's talking about meeting her family and wanting to meet my friends. The next day she blows me off. When I date some one I don't ignore them for days. But, like you said, I don't really know what she's about...

Enjoy it while it lasts for what it is. Fun getting to know someone. No more, no less, no expectations, promises, or commitments. Time always tells if words, and actions match, or what you really have after the lust is gone.

Intense lust can be blinding, which I think is where you are at now.

Enjoy it while it lasts for what it is. Fun getting to know someone. No more, no less, no expectations, promises, or commitments. Time always tells if words, and actions match, or what you really have after the lust is gone.

Intense lust can be blinding, which I think is where you are at now.
Very true. That puts things into perspective for me. I dropped her a simple text saying "Hope you're feeling better"
She responded saying "I am. Thank you. I still am emotional and feel overwhelmed with the move"
I'll leave it at that... I'll move on.. If she wants to call/text me, that's fine.

Not wise to think a booty call, or sexual encounter can turn into a healthy relationship. Nor think a healthy relationship can be developed in a month with a few sexual encounters.

It's a lot more complicated than that even without quick (good) sex. Lust fades, love grows.

It was fun while it lasted. Sounds like this gal is a Negative Nancy and thrives on drama. Not very good material for a healthy relationship.

Very true. That puts things into perspective for me. I dropped her a simple text saying "Hope you're feeling better"
She responded saying "I am. Thank you. I still am emotional and feel overwhelmed with the move"
I'll leave it at that... I'll move on.. If she wants to call/text me, that's fine.

If she did you at the "Drop of the Hat" she is more than likely doing others. Since you are still hoping for a re-run, make sure you protect yourself.

I won't speculate on what she's thinking.
I will say that you might read too much into too many little things - for instance, I delete ANYTHING anyone puts on my timeline. Especially when it includes a whole lot of pictures. I consider it to be just for what I want to post.
Also, we don't know your response, and her reaction to your response, to such weighty words as 'when do get to meet your friends' and 'can't wait for you to meet my family.' How do we know you didn't grimace or look sideways or go umm, throwing her off?
I'm thrown by the title of your question! Goodness! One or the other, REALLY?
That's just one tiny part of the trouble of trying to get advice on specific he said/she said events.
I'd rather give general advice on the situation in general. Everyone above pretty much covered what I would say.

I won't speculate on what she's thinking.
I will say that you might read too much into too many little things - for instance, I delete ANYTHING anyone puts on my timeline. Especially when it includes a whole lot of pictures. I consider it to be just for what I want to post.
Also, we don't know your response, and her reaction to your response, to such weighty words as 'when do get to meet your friends' and 'can't wait for you to meet my family.' How do we know you didn't grimace or look sideways or go umm, throwing her off?
I'm thrown by the title of your question! Goodness! One or the other, REALLY?
That's just one tiny part of the trouble of trying to get advice on specific he said/she said events.
I'd rather give general advice on the situation in general. Everyone above pretty much covered what I would say.
I can see your point. As for my title... I really didn't know what to put and that was the shortest, to the point question I could think of and how to describe the situation.
I guess to some it all up, the main reason why I wrote on here was because for a month straight we use to say goodnight to each other every night and talk to each other everyday. Now, since she's at the shore with her family it just all stopped. She says she's overwhelmed and emotional and I guess I'm trying to figure out if that's the truth or if its just lies.

I can see your point. As for my title... I really didn't know what to put and that was the shortest, to the point question I could think of and how to describe the situation.
I guess to some it all up, the main reason why I wrote on here was because for a month straight we use to say goodnight to each other every night and talk to each other everyday. Now, since she's at the shore with her family it just all stopped. She says she's overwhelmed and emotional and I guess I'm trying to figure out if that's the truth or if its just lies.

When it goes from sex buddies to text buddies to NOTHING... I would say whatever it was is over now. Obviously her dating rules are different than yours.

I find it odd, that in the beginning of a new relationship, that the communication isn't better- on her part.

It seems you are accommodating and reliable, and it seems her priorities are everything but.

She may be, just guessing here, being cautious. She wants you to know that she wants to be with you, and regrets her commitments to be elsewhere, and says that so that you remain interested, and she satisfies the obligations she has, likely prior to even meeting you.

But, you are very shy on asking questions to determine if she is, or isn't interested, and if she is, what's with the silent treatment, cancellation of dates, and priorities that keep coming up, with the same excuses.

I wouldn't give up just yet. What I advise you to do, is send her an email- not a text- and tell her that you remain interested in developing a relationship with her (which is the truth), and would she be willing to sit and chat about the possibilities at the 'X' Café, at 2 p.m. on the next Saturday.

That way, in a public place, she is not going to feel cornered if the two of you are completely alone. Plus, she knows that your interest in meeting her has to do with talking, and obviously not sex. And, most important, you have kept yourself honest and open, and very reasonable in having this type of talk to clear the air.

If she does not show to give you even that much consideration for your needs and wants, and bails again, I would consider the relationship a no-go.

I find it odd, that in the beginning of a new relationship, that the communication isn't better- on her part.

It seems you are accommodating and reliable, and it seems her priorities are everything but.

She may be, just guessing here, being cautious. She wants you to know that she wants to be with you, and regrets her commitments to be elsewhere, and says that so that you remain interested, and she satisfies the obligations she has, likely prior to even meeting you.

But, you are very shy on asking questions to determine if she is, or isn't interested, and if she is, what's with the silent treatment, cancellation of dates, and priorities that keep coming up, with the same excuses.

I wouldn't give up just yet. What I advise you to do, is send her an email- not a text- and tell her that you remain interested in developing a relationship with her (which is the truth), and would she be willing to sit and chat about the possibilities at the 'X' Café, at 2 p.m. on the next Saturday.

That way, in a public place, she is not going to feel cornered if the two of you are completely alone. Plus, she knows that your interest in meeting her has to do with talking, and obviously not sex. And, most important, you have kept yourself honest and open, and very reasonable in having this type of talk to clear the air.

If she does not show to give you even that much consideration for your needs and wants, and bails again, I would consider the relationship a no-go.

Thanks Jake2008. Yes, I found it odd as well about her lack of communication and I did address this issue to her. I asked her "Why it was so hard to have a decent conversation with her during the day. She replied "Oh that's not true". I left it at that.
Although the 6-12 hour delay in text messages bothered me, I wasn't really concerned as she would always text or call me at night and tell me she misses me, etc. She called me Wednesday night and said she missed me and was going to bed. I txt her Thursday morning and thats when it took her 12 hours to let me know she had a very emotional day and needed to spend the week with her family.
That would also have been fine with me, except she completely shut me off this weekend. No texts, no phone calls, and I just don't understand why. I mean does moving into a new place put so much stress on someone that they can't text the person they're "dating". AND... she's the one that said we're dating... I didn't label us that.
Maybe one day this week I'll email her and type what you advised.
Regardless, I feel its cold and inconsiderate when you blow someone off and then don't text them for a few days. Especially if it's someone you say you care about.




But, you are very shy on asking questions to determine if she is, or isn't interested, and if she is, what's with the silent treatment, cancellation of dates, and priorities that keep coming up, with the same excuses.

She told me all of the time that she really liked me. She canceled the date because she said she had a very emotional day with packing and moving and that she needed to be with her family for the weekend. She's moving into a new apartment this Tuesday. But, she's constantly on Facebook and yesterday she posted a picture of her new fingernails. Haha. So I mean how emotional can she be? I'm just confused.

Update! So I stopped worrying about it and put it at the back of my mind.
Last night she "Liked" a fb post on my timeline I posted on Saturday. So, she had to go on my page and like it because it was older and wouldn't show up on her news feed.
This morning she texts me and wrote "Hey, it's been awhile. How are you? How was your weekend? I had an unsuccessful move yesterday and I have so much more to do"
I mean really? Yeah it's been awhile because you shut me out for 5 days. Haha. Should I respond or ignore her?
A girl in her 30's should not be acting like this.

If you cannot be polite but emotionally unavailable, then ignore her or get more of the same. What do YOU think?

If you keep going back to her for more punishment... then you deserve everything you get. Otherwise do whatever it takes to avoid her, or minimize what contact you do have and keep it at a level you would be comfortable with if she was an aunt, mother or neighbor.

If you cannot be polite but emotionally unavailable, then ignore her or get more of the same. What do YOU think?
Well I realize her actions and the way she is IS NOT what I want in a relationship.
Not even sure even if I would want her for a hook up

Update! So I stopped worrying about it and put it at the back of my mind.
Last night she "Liked" a fb post on my timeline I posted on Saturday. So, she had to go on my page and like it because it was older and wouldn't show up on her news feed.
This morning she texts me and wrote "Hey Mike, it's been awhile. How are you? How was your weekend? I had an unsuccessful move yesterday and I have so much more to do"
I mean really? Yeah it's been awhile because you shut me out for 5 days. Haha. Should I respond or ignore her?
A girl in her 30's should not be acting like this.
Actually, your post could have shown up in her newsfeed at any point in time after you posted it. I have had friends' posts show up days and weeks later for what seems like no reason, but I have not gone to their pages.

When you saw her post over the weekend did you like or comment on them? Or were you waiting for her to privately contact you?

Frankly, I think you have as many issues you want to place on her. Have you stopped to think she could be busy during the day and isn't as available to talk as you appear to be? Can you accept that she might have needed a few days to herself for personal reasons?

Moving can be a very emotional and stressful event. Between finding moving supplies and tripping over old memories, both good and bad, it can take a lot out of a person. It can make them back off a bit and possibly question what is going on in their life.

Sounds like she had a rough month. Being exhausted mentally and physically can cause a person to shut down emotionally. Are you adding to the stress by expecting her to be your sole source of entertainment or are you spending time with your friends and family?

How long have you known her? About the same time you have been dating? She may not be as flirty or into communicating multiple times every day as you seem to think she should be. She may have been trying to live up to your expectations but, like with her friends, she was going against her basic nature and putting her own needs lower on the priority list. Are you willing to slow things down, talk with her about her needs and expectations, let know yours (if you haven't) and see if there is middle ground to build a relationship on?

Edited to add: Just saw your last post. Better luck in the future.

So, we had a long phone conversation last night. She said she felt that I didn't ask her enough questions about herself. But, I told her, I asked her almost every other day about her work and how her day was. She either didn't reply or said "Fine" or "Very busy"

She said "Well I told you my family had a party over the weekend and you didn't even ask which family members are going to be there. Also, I told you me and my mom were eating together and you didn't even ask what we were making." Keep in mind I never met her family. Haha.

I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but does a normal person ask those types of ?'s? That's just something I wouldn't think of asking. If I was dating a girl it wouldn't bother me the slightness if she didn't ask those types of ?'s. I wouldn't even think twice about it.

I also told her it would have been nice to be invited over sometime to meet your family. She said "You don't have to be invited. Just tell me you want to come over".
I'm not the type of person to do that and I told her. I said if you wanted me there, you would have asked me. I also told her that if this was bothering her, she should have communicated this with me in the early stages... not a month later...

I told her there was nothing more to talk about. She said "Well I'll be here and I'll be around. Maybe I'll call you tomorrow"

That's not normal, right?

Sounds like she wants you to be a mindreader.

Sounds like she wants you to be a mindreader.
That's EXACTLY what I told her. I said "I'm not a mind reader"
I told her if something was bothering her, she should have told me.
I also told her, I'm not going to invite myself over someone's house. That's just not me. Would it be mean of me to ignore her after this?

I wouldn't knock myself out communicating with her. What's her investment in this relationship? And what about you? Can you each move forward on separate roads?

I wouldn't knock myself out communicating with her. What's her investment in this relationship? And what about you? Can you each move forward on separate roads?
Well she feels the relationship is one-sided and I don't ask her enough ?'s about herself and I think I do and she just doesn't respond or tell me anything when I ask her. It's like a tedious circle.

Have you heard the term "High maintenance"


In her world EVERYTHING revolves around her. In fact... you can't do enough for that type. That kind isn't worth it.

I'm going to toss out another quote I hope you have heard. It applies here. It's an "Exercise in futility."

Have you heard the term "High maintenance"


In her world EVERYTHING revolves around her. In fact... you can't do enough for that type. That kind isn't worth it.

I'm going to toss out another quote I hope you have heard. It applies here. It's an "Exercise in futility."
Yeah, I agree. Yes, I've heard it before. I agree on that as well. It seems like this all is just a waste of time.

She just made me feel bad saying I wasn't interested in her and that I didn't ask her enough ?'s. I mean I have 11 texts over the month to her asking about her day and how work was going that went unanswered. Should I have done more?

This will be response Number 33, you need to move on, and to use another old saying "Stop Beating a Dead Horse".

This will be response Number 33, you need to move on, and to use another old saying "Stop Beating a Dead Horse".
Ok, thanks. I'll just ignore her.
I appreciate everyone's input and advice.

She just made me feel bad saying I wasn't interested in her and that I didn't ask her enough ?'s. I mean I have 11 texts over the month to her asking about her day and how work was going that went unanswered. Should I have done more?
I'm guessing she thinks your questions are too general. She wants to hear specific questions like, "What did your grandmother say about your new red dress?" or "Name your three favorite movies of all time."

I'm guessing she thinks your questions are too general. She wants to hear specific questions like, "What did your grandmother say about your new red dress?" or "Name your three favorite movies of all time."
I can understand that. I mean eventually I would have.
We only had 2 dates. Haha

You expect too much from a booty call, as it's no surprise she shift the blame to you. Why are you complicating this? You can't make a healthy relationship from a booty call in a month.

You expect too much from a booty call, as it's no surprise she shift the blame to you. Why are you complicating this? You can't make a healthy relationship from a booty call in a month.

I know. I'm over it. She just played a good game.
Thanks for everyone's help.

Look at it as a learning experience... you really don't have a very good idea where a relationship is headed until you have at least 10 dates... ANYTHING can send it south before then (after too but if you make it to 10, then 15 is far more likely)

I know. I'm over it. She just played a good game.
Thanks for everyone's help.

It doesn't appear to me she played it well at all.

New girl, new problem...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/dreaded-quot-some-space-quot-out-nowhere-816965.html


I always think texting is a bit of a cop out, sorry. I make a telephone call, you can be more sincere that way. You can't be sincere texting. It is just words with no emotion.

But yes, I think she is a player and that is what she is doing, playing with you.

See what happens when you ignore her for a couple of weeks !
Hey, so what are your thoughts on this?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/dreaded-quot-some-space-quot-out-nowhere-816965.html


Sit Tight. Sounds to me, like you are being played.

You're thoughts...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/dreaded-quot-some-space-quot-out-nowhere-816965.html