I'm going to try and make this short, my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Everything seemed normal until he started to hang onto his phone. He slept with it and even took it to the restroom.

I always had full access to his phone because he wouldn't mind me using it.
I was looking up something on his phone because mine was freezing up. I saw that he was sending messages to another woman we both grew up with. He told her that it was nice seeing her again (I didn't even know they had ran into each other) and for her to give him her number so they could go get something to eat. She gave it to him and they started to exchange pictures. I wasn't to happy about it but I had let it go even after knowing that they were flirting. I saw that she would message him really late in the night. So I told him about it and he said he would stop contacting her.

Then one afternoon he went to the store walking and I was outside all of a sudden she pulls up and he gets out of the car. I was mad and told him why did she drop him off and why was he with her in the first place after we agreed that he wouldn't contact her. He then tells me its not her, it's our pastor's wife, she dropped me off. I was like really I was standing right in front of them when they pulled up and I could clearly see who she was but no he wouldn't change his story. I let it go, but two nights ago after answering a call I saw them text and he had told her " thank you for the ride love and to be honest when I'm around you I get really shy. Then she says " I just want my money back and sum. Tomorrow?? And don't be shy.

I don't know what I should do.

I think you should stop coming up with excuses to check his phone for text messages. If you don't trust him, break up with him.

I've ditched several women for snooping. It's a HUGE violation of the other persons privacy. And as a girlfriend, you don't have the right to do that.

You don't trust him and it appears he can't be trusted. Leave him.

I wasn't snooping both times that I was on his phone he knew about it. My question is what should I do , I mean am I the only one that thinks what he is doing is wrong. Trust was never an issue until all this happened

I wasn't snooping both times that I was on his phone he knew about it. My question is what should I do , I mean am I the only one that thinks what he is doing is wrong. Trust was never an issue until all this happened
Do you trust him?

I wasn't snooping both times that I was on his phone he knew about it. My question is what should I do , I mean am I the only one that thinks what he is doing is wrong. Trust was never an issue until all this happened

Sorry, I don't buy that story. Try and sugar coat it all you want. But you don't see old txt messages unless you go looking at old text messages on purpose. If YOU was texting someone its going to look like HE was texting the other person, so why wasn't you using your own... and if you was making a call on his you wouldn't be anywhere near the text functions.

She wants her money back? Could he have borrowed money from her? Any money problems? Maybe he doesn't want you to know about? Or did I read that wrong?

I would be wondering as well if the change in his behaviour is very obvious.

Choices: 1) say nothing, but it will eat at you, 2) find a quiet time and straight up share your concerns and how you are feeling, or 3) break up

You tell him what you found on his phone and see what he says. What's so hard about that?

Im not sugar coating anything and those text messages weren't old they where new. I wasn't making a call I was just answering the call because in the past he'd always ask me to answer if he was busy or sleeping like he was at that time. Him and I didn't have any trust issues and we believe that when your in a relationship there's no need for privacy.

Im not sugar coating anything and those text messages weren't old they where new. I wasn't making a call I was just answering the call because in the past he'd always ask me to answer if he was busy or sleeping like he was at that time. Him and I didn't have any trust issues and we believe that when your in a relationship there's no need for privacy.
So it's okay to check his history. He's okay with that.

You want to break up, you do not trust him, and you want someone here to justify it? So OK, break up

Okay so nobody thinks what he did was wrong. I feel betrayed. I sometimes think that since he doesn't work he gets bored because he has too much free time. He does care for our three kids , while I'm at work. I don't know if that can be the reason.

Reread the posts.

Okay so nobody thinks what he did was wrong. I feel betrayed. I sometimes think that since he doesn't work he gets bored because he has too much free time. He does care for our three kids , while I'm at work. I don't know if that can be the reason.

It isn't that we take his side in this, it's just no way we can tell what's really going on. Seems the part about the pastor's wife is easy to verify, but owing money to an ex without your knowledge is not. Ask her.

On the surface, it sounds like something is going on. I'd tell him about text, see if he can explain it. I'd have a hard time with his behavior.
I will not trust a cheater.

It isn't that we take his side in this, it's just no way we can tell what's really going on. Seems the part about the pastor's wife is easy to verify, but owing money to an ex without your knowledge is not. Ask her.

This lady isn't his ex all three of us grew together in the same neighborhood. He was trying to lie about who actually dropped him off. He thinks I don't know who this girl he's been texting to is. I knew exactly who she was. Now she's been coming to our house honking her horn asking for my boyfriend.

Then she says " I just want my money back and sum. Tomorrow??

What does this mean? Do you think he may have just been in contact to borrow money from her and doesn't want you to know about it?

Since she is now coming around the house asking for him, he can't very well deny being in contact with her. Ask her what she wants?

You'll have to find a time when you and your boyfriend can sit down and discuss it. Ask questions, share your concerns, see what he has to say. You may get some answers that put your mind at ease; you may end up learning that he has concerns of his own. Won't know unless you ask.
Then you can decide what you want to do next based on his response. Either it sounds reasonable, and your imagination was on overdrive, or his answers don't make sense and you will then have to decide whether you trust him or not and what your next move will be.

This lady isn't his ex all three of us grew together in the same neighborhood. He was trying to lie about who actually dropped him off. He thinks I don't know who this girl he's been texting to is. I knew exactly who she was. Now she's been coming to our house honking her horn asking for my boyfriend.
You need to ask him what is going on. That is crazy and suspect

What does this mean? Do you think he may have just been in contact to borrow money from her and doesn't want you to know about it?

Since she is now coming around the house asking for him, he can't very well deny being in contact with her. Ask her what she wants?

You'll have to find a time when you and your boyfriend can sit down and discuss it. Ask questions, share your concerns, see what he has to say. You may get some answers that put your mind at ease; you may end up learning that he has concerns of his own. Won't know unless you ask.
Then you can decide what you want to do next based on his response. Either it sounds reasonable, and your imagination was on overdrive, or his answers don't make sense and you will then have to decide whether you trust him or not and what your next move will be.

According to my mother and law the girl told her that she needed her money back because she had bought something and was just mentioning it to my boyfriend. But what has me thinking is what did she mean by her comment AND SUM. Im also pissed off because the second time she came around oir kids were playing outside and she told them to not to worry that her and their dad weren't doing anything wrong together. I don't care what people say, you DO NOT TELL MY CHILDREN THAT KIND OF THINGS. I HAD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO TELL OUR 12 YEAR WHEN SHE CAME AND ASKED ME WHAT THAT GIRL AND HER FATHER WERE DOING TOGETHER!

Your problem seems to be with your boyfriend not the girl, and that's who you address this with, firmly, and strongly. My take on the "and sum" is mo' money since he obviously broke whatever agreement they had to repay her money. It has already caused a riff between you and him, and is escalating to your kids, so nip this in the bud even if he has to leave.

The lies and excuses should not be tolerated.