I'm a 36 year old single male and I manage a successful company. We recently employed a young (23) administration assistant who started spending a lot of time with me due to work related issues. Initailly everything was fine and I felt no attration towards her but over time we became increasingly close and we ended up kissing in my office when ever we were alone. The problem is that she has a boyfriend who was not treating her very well and she did not feel guilty about our relationship but now he has pleaded with her to give him another chance to change his ways and he has become much more devoted towards her. She has since told me that we can't carry on as she feels that if he is doing his utmost to rectify the problems then it's not fair on him for her to be having an affair with me. I respect and understand what she is saying but I have become very attached to her and having to end this after it just got started and seeing her every day is becoming a bit of a nightmare, I think about her all day continuously and am not sleeping at night which is driving me crazy. She says she still feels very strongly towards me and that her decision is not based on me or on anything I have done. I'm really unsure of what to do so any advice would be greatly appreciated

Whoa! Having a relationship with a colleague, especially someone under your authority screams 'Disaster' to me, you need to be very, very careful about the way you act towards her, especially if she's expressed wishes for you to stop.

This could spiral out of your control very quickly!

You've seen 'Disclosure' right?

I suggest you remain friends with her and accept her wishes.

No offence but being a manager you should know its not wise to have an affair with your employee, and you should also know the consequences of an affair such as your case.

Im sorry to be blunt, but sometimes its needed.

There isn't a lot you can do but forget her, you can just fire her!

Thanks for the logical reply's guys... I know that I should have had more self control about the whole affair. I had no intention of initiating anything when she first joined the company and our relationship was solely professional. The problem arose when she would keep coming into my office for a chat and we gradualy became more friendly and to be honest she was the one that told me of her feelings towards me initialy. I did try to keep my distance... but in life when you click with someone it's not always at the appropriate time or place and just because you hold a managerial position doesn't mean that you can automaticaly switch off emotional feelings and urges.

... just because you hold a managerial position doesn't mean that you can automaticaly switch off emotional feelings and urges.

Fair one, but you're in a position of responsibility and power and as such you should have excercised some self-control... but that's all in the past now, there's nothing you can do about it! (Hindsight is a terrible thing right?)

I'm guessing your career means more to you than this girl and so you need to keep a level-head. You can still be friendly with her.

Fair one, but you're in a position of responsibility and power and as such you should have excercised some self-control ... but that's all in the past now, there's nothing you can do about it! (Hindsight is a terrible thing right?)

I'm guessing your career means more to you than this girl and so you need to keep a level-head. You can still be friendly with her.
Trying to excersise self-control is such a struggle when I'm with her eight hours a day. She has a really infectious personality and is stunningly beautiful and I know she just comes in my office to spend time with me. If I knew that she didn't want to be with me then that would make things much easier but the way she feels about me is really obvious and that makes non- contact and avoidance really difficult.

I know I should assign her to other tasks so that we don't spend as much time together, but she is such a good employee that I would be foolish to do so.

What a stupid dilemma to get yourself into

Yes very!
However, maybe you can transfer her to another dept?

You've dug yourself a bit of a hole here, if you do anything detrimental to her career because of your actions she could easily kick up a huge stink about this!

That's true!

You've dug yourself a bit of a hole here, if you do anything detrimental to her career because of your actions she could easily kick up a huge stink about this!
I'm not worried about that as I completely trust her... she even offered to leave if I was finding the whole affair to intense... she is very honest and knows that she instigated the whole thing. Maybe I should resign and solve the problem immediately... LOL

Running away from your problems will not solve them!

Runnin away from your problems will not solve them!
I was joking with the last comment... by the way which Med Island are you located on?

That's not such a bad idea actually! Lol!

Well I suppose you really need to weigh up how much you like your job compared to how much you like her!

In an ideal situation what would you like to happen?

That's not such a bad idea actually! Lol!

Well I suppose you really need to weigh up how much you like your job compared to how much you like her!

In an ideal situation what would you like to happen?
I find her another job locally and we start a non clandestine relationship and live happily ever after... would be cool

I'm a 36 year old single male and I manage a successfull company. We recently employed a young (23) administration assistant who started spending a lot of time with me due to work related issues. Initailly everything was fine and I felt no attration towards her but over time we became increasingly close and we ended up kissing in my office when ever we were alone. The problem is that she has a boyfriend who was not treating her very well and she did not feel guilty about our relationship but now he has pleaded with her to give him another chance to change his ways and he has become much more devoted towards her. She has since told me that we can't carry on as she feels that if he is doing his utmost to rectify the problems then it's not fair on him for her to be having an affair with me. I respect and understand what she is saying but I have become very attached to her and having to end this after it just got started and seeing her every day is becoming a bit of a nightmare, I think about her all day continuously and am not sleeping at night which is driving me crazy. She says she still feels very strongly towards me and that her decision is not based on me or on anything I have done. I'm really unsure of what to do so any advice would be greatly appreciated
I better go as she has just walked in and I would be humilaited if she saw any of this... thanks a lot guys for taking the time to help

I was joking with the last comment...by the way which Med Island are you located on??

Why? :o
Going to start hitting on me... sorry sorry me bad! :p

I completely understand how intense your feelings are right now but, she feels like she is in total control and who could blame her. She's only 23 what were thinking... She's still trying to find out who she is and she enjoys being in between two guys who are lusting after her. I had the same thing with my 30 year old boyfriend who I say has peter pan syndrome. We just broke up and I totally understand what your going through. My mother always told me that you only love until you love again... and I'm 32 so I don't have a lot of time to love. You'll be OK.

Michelle, this thread is over one year old. Hehe...

I realized that afterwards... but then why are you looking at it JB

Your post reactivated the thread, so everyone opens it again, I've seen 5 or 6 responses on a reactivated thread before people realize it's an expired topic. That's why I remind people when I see it. No offense intended, meant to stop others from wasting time on it.

Well, the horse has already gone through the gate so there is no use in reprimanding you about having an affair with an insubordinate. Once the male and female emotions come into play, insubordination takes a back seat. Looks like this girl has something special if two men are doting after her. Where do I start? If this person is affecting your job performance, then that is no good. If you continue to see her while she is seeing her boyfriend, that is no good either. How do you forget her when you see her probably everyday. I think you have to take the bull by the horns to try to resolve this. In every relationship there has to be some type of closure in order to move on. What would you need to do to put a closure to this? That is the question. You could take the professional approach and hide your feelings which would still be eating you alive. I think you should have a heart to hear talk with her and once and for all either END it or continue from where you left off if she will allow you. Does the boyfriend know about you? Just curious.

Thanks JB I appreciate it