So I had asked about my relationship on here about 2 months ago and was basically asking why my girlfriend had been distant and how I should deal with her grandmother's death. I gave her plenty of space and was kind and understanding.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/little-advice-here-811429.html

Anyways, it is 2 months later and we are still together and have been stronger than ever! She is also now 5 weeks into her 6 week trip across Europe and we have been texting pretty much every single day. It has been great, minus the not be able to see her. 99% of our conversations have been nothing but positive vibes. So last Thursday (4 days ago), she had brought up the idea of moving in together in September and by then we will have been together for almost 8 months (I like the idea, but I'm hesitant also because it is a big decision) I told her we need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it when she gets home and see if we are ready emotionally and financially. I am trying to be a responsible, mature boyfriend/person to make sure we are doing the right thing.

Here is where it gets weird... We did not speak yesterday, which is okay, she is in Paris right now having the time of her life and I am busy doing my own thing. So I talked to her today and she seemed distant and of course I knew something was up. So I asked and she told me that she has had time to think and she doesn't want to have a relationship anymore and doesn't want to be exclusive. I immediately felt confused because just two days prior was completely normal between us. So I asked where this was coming from and how long she felt this way and she kept her responses short and pretty much vague just basically saying she doesn't want a serious relationship, she had been saying the same thing last time I posted on this website.

So, I am super confused, is it possible she got scared off by the talk of moving in together? I highly doubt she cheated, she is with her family over in Europe. Someone help, please.

I think she preempted you. I think she was thinking that "serious conversation" might have had the "I am hesistant of this relationship because I didn't automatically say yes to moving in." So to preempt you breaking it off with her, she broke it off with you. She might have been, in her own way, testing your relationship with her and how strong it is.

It might be a good thing though. I am thinking that she might be having some issues of her own that she needs to sort out. I think she was distracted enoguh in the early part of the trip that a lot of the issues didn't weigh heavy on her, but when she got to pairs and France she got caught up in the romantic nature of the city and wanted to go with you. You gave her a dose of reality and rationality that she wasn't expecting. You're going to have to play it by ear, still have a talk when she gets back.

I would take this time though to contemplate this relationship and if it should continue on. Don't throw good money after bad. This could be a sign of potential long term issues in the relationship.

Don't panic guy, just continue to be kind and understanding and see what happens next. I think you were wise and honest when you told her of the need to talk about moving in together when she gets back. Shows maturity and rational thinking.

She may just be disappointed but lots of time yet to let the emotional dust settles and see how she feels later, so just be cool, and go along with the program. One of you has to be mature, kind, and understanding and it may as well be YOU.

More will be revealed later.

Don't panic guy, just continue to be kind and understanding and see what happens next. I think you were wise and honest when you told her of the need to talk about moving in together when she gets back. Shows maturity and rational thinking.

She may just be disappointed but lots of time yet to let the emotional dust settles and see how she feels later, so just be cool, and go along with the program. One of you has to be mature, kind, and understanding and it may as well be YOU.

More will be revealed later.

Thanks for the post, you have great advice. I remember you commenting on my original post as well. I am trying my best to remain calm and cool, but I am in shock. I had to call my friend and ask for advice because I was that surprised and perplexed. I have to admit I have been kind and understanding the entire summer, but I feel like this is a low-blow and especially through text message. I am not jumping to any conclusions or doing anything rash, I am doing my best to remain patient and see how she replies to my inquiry as to why she is feeling this way out-of-the blue.

That's what new relationships are about my friend, learnibg more about the person you are dealing with, and they you.

And it appears most of the time, since the last post, she has been gone, away. You really need to wait and see what happens when she gets back, (way to early to move in together considering the ups and downs)

So she gets back, you try and date and see where it goes

And it appears most of the time, since the last post, she has been gone, away. You really need to wait and see what happens when she gets back, (way to early to move in together considering the ups and downs)

So she gets back, you try and date and see where it goes

After this latest show of emotions from her I agree with you, to move in together would be a mistake. I have to be honest, I feel very emotionally drained from all of it. She stated specifically she doesn't want to be exclusive, as far as I am concerned that means we broke up :/.

Sadly, yes she has dumped you, as quickly, and impulsively as she wanted to move in with you. I guess she didn't like your mature approach to wait and talk of it in person. Or it was a ploy to make an excuse to dump you.

Doesn't matter though does it? You are dumped and of course in shock, so take a break from the drama, and let your own dust settle, so you can make adjustments to your thinking, and keep YOUR dignity, and self respect. Something she apparently has no concern for in my opinion.

When you get dumped you deal with your own feelings, and not the event that causes them. It's easier after you come out of shock, and have NOT made a fool of yourself for love.

Thanks for the post, you have great advice. I remember you commenting on my original post as well. I am trying my best to remain calm and cool, but I am in shock. I had to call my friend and ask for advice because I was that surprised and perplexed. I have to admit I have been kind and understanding the entire summer, but I feel like this is a low-blow and especially through text message. I am not jumping to any conclusions or doing anything rash, I am doing my best to remain patient and see how she replies to my inquiry as to why she is feeling this way out-of-the blue.

You actually put your foot in your mouth with your text reply to her query about moving in together. Texting or telephone conversations are not the place to discuss life changing decisions.

Instead of mentioning a "serious conversation" when she gets back, you should have told her it was an amazing suggestion, and you would not be confused and wondering as you are now.

You need to understand women a lot better then you do. I absolutely know where she is coming from on this. You had better backtrack and make her feel more positive, if you still have the chance to do so. And why in heck would you bring up cheating !

You actually put your foot in your mouth with your text reply to her query about moving in together. Texting or telephone conversations are not the place to discuss life changing decisions.

Instead of mentioning a "serious conversation" when she gets back, you should have told her it was an amazing suggestion, and you would not be confused and wondering as you are now.

You need to understand women a lot better then you do. I absolutely know where she is coming from on this. You had better backtrack and make her feel more positive, if you still have the chance to do so. And why in heck would you bring up cheating !
When she brought up the idea of moving in together I said I loved the idea but we need to talk about it and I never mentioned the idea of cheating to her, I'm asking on this site cause I'm so confused

You guys seem to go from hot to cold very quickly. A small action, a word, or a gesture leads from bliss and harmony to breakup and sadness. With the emotional roller coasters you two get on there seems to be a lack of stability in your relationship and that is caused by some reason. I will let the others advise on what has caused the lack of stability. But I will tell you when you are in a relationship that doesn’t have drastic emotional peaks and valleys it’s so much better. I know in my current relationship we do that by putting the other person first. I don’t know from all that I read and all that I remember of your original post there seems to be a lack of realness in the relationship and in both of you. Drama is not the way to go, regardless of who is causing the drama or what the drama is about.



When she brought up the idea of moving in together I said I loved the idea but we need to talk about it and I never mentioned the idea of cheating to her, I'm asking on this site cause I'm so confused

Just a quick update, she text me earlier today saying she is deeply sorry for getting ahead of herself and there is no excuse for how she acted and that she has fallen so in love with me. She asked me if we could see how things are when she gets back... and I basically replied with a "no problem". What else could I say (rhetorical)? I am not one to doing anything rash, but I now have my guard up and I am going to do my best to keep busy and try not to dwell on it.

You all are just masking what appears to be a bigger issue or a total lack of meaningful communication. You shouldn't make any big moves until this is fixed.

Just a quick update, she text me earlier today saying she is deeply sorry for getting ahead of herself and there is no excuse for how she acted and that she has fallen so in love with me. She asked me if we could see how things are when she gets back... and I basically replied with a "no problem". What else could I say (rhetorical)? I am not one to doing anything rash, but I now have my guard up and I am going to do my best to keep busy and try not to dwell on it.

Oh for heavens sake, you are your own worst enemy in communication, sheesh. What 'guard up'. You love her too, do you not? You replied 'no problem? ' Do something rash, or never be in a loving relationship. Let yourself go, explore the unknown... where no man has gone before.

If if I was involved with you and your communication skills, and I am seriously considering the two of you are well matched, I would drop you like a hot potato !

I am 72 and single and I am telling you, I do a LOT better then this !


You all are just masking what appears to be a bigger issue or a total lack of meaningful communication. You shouldn't make any big moves until this is fixed.

You are sitting on the fence, obviously for lack of a suitable answer when, and I mean this meaningfully, you usually come up with some of the best!

You don't fix something that is not broken, but our OP manages to break it every time. I am out of here !

big hug Oliver !

An entire turn in a relationship can hang on an inflection of voice, an eyebrow, a hesitance...
She asked about moving in. No matter how you hash and rehash your response, it was a big deal to her. Many women want relationships to progress in an orderly manner, each step cementing more of the committment.
We can't know exactly what you said, how you said it, nor what her instant reaction was. So it's all moot.
Glad she's not so freaked out now.

But I do want to say that if the vast importance of her (ill-timed) question wasn't totally obvious to you, then you are in for more rocky roads ahead!
Is there anything wrong with mapping out some of your future together? Nope. When she gets back.
It's not etched in stone anyway, but for many women, the nesters, the ones with the primeval instinct to know whether or not she has a mate for life or not, it's soothing.

An entire turn in a relationship can hang on an inflection of voice, an eyebrow, a hesitance...
She asked about moving in. No matter how you hash and rehash your response, it was a big deal to her. Many women want relationships to progress in an orderly manner, each step cementing more of the committment.
We can't know exactly what you said, how you said it, nor what her instant reaction was. So it's all moot.
Glad she's not so freaked out now.


for many women, the nesters, the ones with the primeval instinct to know whether or not she has a mate for life or not, it's soothing.

Totally agree, but this guy doesn't get it. He doesn't even know what she is all about even after eight months into the relationship. It isn't all on him though, they are both grasping at straws. Makes me wonder what their sex life is like and that is really a deal breaker as far as I am concerned. Yes I know, it all has to meld together or it doesn't work.

I totally agree with you both and tried to slap you with a greenie but apparently I have green'ied you too much.

This relationship is like it's from the bizarro world.

Totally agree, but this guy doesn't get it. He doesn't even know what she is all about even after eight months into the relationship. It isn't all on him though, they are both grasping at straws. Makes me wonder what their sex life is like and that is really a deal breaker as far as I am concerned. Yes I know, it all has to meld together or it doesn't work.

Seriously? You wonder what our sex life is about? I didn't realize I was speaking to the foremost experts in relationships in the entire solar system lol. And for your information, best sex we have both ever both had. And we have been dating for almost 5 months, not 8 reread the post. And also for your information I do get it and I do understand. She is a 21 year old woman who is trying to grasp her own emotions between dating me and doing her own thing, which I respect 100000%. Futhermore, I know I am not perfect, but I also know I am an understanding, kind person who has done nothing but try to understand her point of view to make sure I am doing the right in this relationship. I am 25 and excuse me if I havent had a serious relationship since highschool, I dont have all the answers but I am sure as hell trying my best. And I know for a FACT that I love this girl. I came on this site for unbiased advice, not to read condescending remarks from folks such as yourselves.

Seriously? You wonder what our sex life is about? I didn't realize I was speaking to the foremost experts in relationships in the entire solar system lol. And for your information, best sex we have ever had.
Thank you for the affirmation. Solar system. Best sex ever. Then guy hold onto EVERYTHING with this wonderful girl and when she comes back to you, give her a BIG BUG and tell her you missed her IN SO MANY WAYS AND MEAN IT IN YR HEART

Wow. Sad dude. Not going to invest now.

I came on this site for unbiased advice, not to read condescending remarks from folks such as yourselves.

You totally got an unbiased opinion from a LONG TIME MEMBER so... show some respect here guy 'from folks like yourselves'. You get what you pay for which is nothing. So the truth hurts. Wake up or lose her.

have you ever grovelled.

You totally got an unbiased opinion from a LONG TIME MEMBER so... show some respect here guy 'from folks like yourselves'. You get what you pay for which is nothing. So the truth hurts. Wake up or lose her.

have you ever grovelled.
If I'm so naïve, what should I do?

Keep doing what you're doing and see how things workout. That's pretty much how it works in the relationship/dating world. You wing it, and keep working at it until it doesn't work anymore. No guarantees, but plenty of emotional confusion to work through, especially in the beginning when two strangers are feeling each other out through their own emotional inexperience/experiences.

I'd say your progress so far is fairly typical at this stage, and the bottomline is your talking again. You're good to go until the next emotional crisis. Enjoy the calm while it lasts, one day at a time.

Seriously? You wonder what our sex life is about? I didn't realize I was speaking to the foremost experts in relationships in the entire solar system lol. And for your information, best sex we have both ever both had. And we have been dating for almost 5 months, not 8 reread the post. And also for your information I do get it and I do understand. She is a 21 year old woman who is trying to grasp her own emotions between dating me and doing her own thing, which I respect 100000%. Futhermore, I know I am not perfect, but I also know I am an understanding, kind person who has done nothing but try to understand her point of view to make sure I am doing the right in this relationship. I am 25 and excuse me if I havent had a serious relationship since highschool, I dont have all the answers but I am sure as hell trying my best. And I know for a FACT that I love this girl. I came on this site for unbiased advice, not to read condescending remarks from folks such as yourselves.

You must understand that we only know what you tell us. From that we need to assume quite a bit to understand your situation and give you advice. We've been around the block a few times and you're asking a hive to tell you what to do on VERY little information. To accurately and reliably tell you what is going on and what to do we need histories of you, your parents, her, her parents, your past relationships, and her past relationships. This would be easily 100+ pages of information and I will tell you straight up, no one will do this without compensation. We're doing this as a volunteer and considering some of what we need to deal with here, it becomes REALLY easy to just drop threads.

Stow the attitude and try to understand what we're saying. We are actually trying to help.

First off, no important decisions or discussions can take place over text/e-mail/chat. They have to be in person. Second you need to consider her and what she's trying to say, the subtle subtext of her questions and consider her history when you're talking about this. Third you REALLY need to think and contemplate your relationship instead of just riding with it. This last one is true for EVERYONE. You need to make sure that everything is good and that you're not in a dysfunctional relationship and if you are what you can do about it.

We've done all we can do. The rest is up to you. You are going to fail or succeed based on you. Don't **** it up.

She's 21... you've been dating for just 5 months... she is now enjoying an extensive trip in Europe... you said it yourself, she is trying to grasp her own emotions between dating you and doing her own thing. Both have pros and cons for her to consider. It is not surprising that she goes back and forth between what she wants to do or thinks is a good (the right) thing to do. It's very easy to romanticize the whole idea of living together... especially when so young. Easy to be "in love" with being "in love".

As has been said, do nothing right now, enjoy your conversations while she is away, see what progresses once she returns... give yourselves time to sort it all out before you make any big moves. Since your relationship has had quite a bit of emotional stressors in the 5 short months that you have been together (you are still in the stage of figuring each other out), consider giving yourself a time frame to reevaluate the relationship. If all is good at that point, then you might decide to alter your living arrangements... there's no rush.

She's 21... you've been dating for just 5 months... she is now enjoying an extensive trip in Europe... you said it yourself, she is trying to grasp her own emotions between dating you and doing her own thing. Both have pros and cons for her to consider. It is not surprising that she goes back and forth between what she wants to do or thinks is a good (the right) thing to do. It's very easy to romanticize the whole idea of living together... especially when so young. Easy to be "in love" with being "in love".

As has been said, do nothing right now, enjoy your conversations while she is away, see what progresses once she returns... give yourselves time to sort it all out before you make any big moves. Since your relationship has had quite a bit of emotional stressors in the 5 short months that you have been together (you are still in the stage of figuring each other out), consider giving yourself a time frame to reevaluate the relationship. If all is good at that point, then you might decide to alter your living arrangements... there's no rush.
Yes very good advice, thank you. I am going with the no contact rule for now, I want her to enjoy the rest of her time away and I also need to give myself space.

No contact is for breakups, so inappropriate for couples apart who just need a bit of space for a while. NC would be carrying things a bit too far for the situation as I see it.

NC without a break up is unnecessary.

No contact is for breakups, so inappropriate for couples apart who just need a bit of space for a while. NC would be carrying things a bit too far for the situation as I see it.

NC without a break up is unnecessary.

While I do agree with that, let me say the last I heard from her, she apologized for getting ahead of herself, she didn't take my feelings into account, she is in love with me and she also asked if we could see how things are when she gets back (this was Tuesday) and I text her the next morning, because I was busy all day with work, telling her I appreciated the apology and told her that sounded good. I never got a response from her. I noticed later that day (Wednesday afternoon) our relationship status from Facebook was removed, she didn't put single or anything, it just wasn't on display. So, I thought that was kind of strange. Not trying to read too much into it but that seems like a sign of a breakup, what do you think?

Like you said, for now don't read too much into it. You already know how quick and impulsive she is, so just step back, and see what happens next. I think you have seen enough to be cautious, and expect the unexpected with a lot of mood swings and (UGH) dramatic flares.

Just never assume that her actions are about you, because it doesn't/shouldn't matter should it? All that matters is what YOU DO ABOUT IT! I mean if you need the type of relationship that needs instant return texts or Facebook certainty, it's obvious you won't get it from her, and it may not be wise to even expect this young impulsive female to follow your program after a few months. Most of it from a distance.

I wouldn't assume this was a break up, since you didn't ask about your status when she apologized, and it's likely because you didn't ask she is assuming herself. Clearly a failure to properly communicate on both sides. The easiest thing to do is let her enjoy herself, and you get on with your own thing, and see what happens later.

I understand your feelings but you have no facts, and if you are not prepared to end things on your side and walk away, and not look back, don't consider NC. Just wait until you talk. No direct communications is at the heart of your drama, always has been by your previous question, added that LDR's are the hardest to maintain, especially in the beginning, then you certainly have your work cut out for you.

Comes down to what you want to do?

No clue why you two would ever consider moving in together. You don't know each other. You don't communicate well. You both sound very immature. These will all lead to a disastrous end.

Like you said, for now don't read too much into it. You already know how quick and impulsive she is, so just step back, and see what happens next. I think you have seen enough to be cautious, and expect the unexpected with a lot of mood swings and (UGH) dramatic flares.

Just never assume that her actions are about you, because it doesn't/shouldn't matter should it? All that matters is what YOU DO ABOUT IT! I mean if you need the type of relationship that needs instant return texts or Facebook certainty, it's obvious you won't get it from her, and it may not be wise to even expect this young impulsive female to follow your program after a few months. Most of it from a distance.

I wouldn't assume this was a break up, since you didn't ask about your status when she apologized, and it's likely because you didn't ask she is assuming herself. Clearly a failure to properly communicate on both sides. The easiest thing to do is let her enjoy herself, and you get on with your own thing, and see what happens later.

I understand your feelings but you have no facts, and if you are not prepared to end things on your side and walk away, and not look back, don't consider NC. Just wait until you talk. No direct communications is at the heart of your drama, always has been by your previous question, added that LDR's are the hardest to maintain, especially in the beginning, then you certainly have your work cut out for you.

Comes down to what you want to do?

I think you're absolutely right and that is exactly what I am doing stepping back and taking things easy. I am kind of seeing if she contacts me first. To be honest, I am not prepared to end things, could be a mistake, but it could work out, time will tell. And I am sure when she gets back her and I will have a talk and take it from there.

Like you said, for now don't read too much into it. You already know how quick and impulsive she is, so just step back, and see what happens next. I think you have seen enough to be cautious, and expect the unexpected with a lot of mood swings and (UGH) dramatic flares.

Just never assume that her actions are about you, because it doesn't/shouldn't matter should it? All that matters is what YOU DO ABOUT IT! I mean if you need the type of relationship that needs instant return texts or Facebook certainty, it's obvious you won't get it from her, and it may not be wise to even expect this young impulsive female to follow your program after a few months. Most of it from a distance.

I wouldn't assume this was a break up, since you didn't ask about your status when she apologized, and it's likely because you didn't ask she is assuming herself. Clearly a failure to properly communicate on both sides. The easiest thing to do is let her enjoy herself, and you get on with your own thing, and see what happens later.

I understand your feelings but you have no facts, and if you are not prepared to end things on your side and walk away, and not look back, don't consider NC. Just wait until you talk. No direct communications is at the heart of your drama, always has been by your previous question, added that LDR's are the hardest to maintain, especially in the beginning, then you certainly have your work cut out for you.

Comes down to what you want to do?

So just a quick update, she has now been back from vacation for 2 days and I sent her a text the day before she traveled back home to say hello and wished her a safe flight back and hope that she is doing well. I didn't mention anything about missing her or we should talk when she gets back, I kept it general. I never got a response and haven't heard from her since we last spoke about a week and half ago when I first posted my question.

To be honest, my frustration is building because I still feel like things are in limbo. The biggest thing that is bothering me is the fact that I do not have answers and I am trying my best to not jump to conclusions. The only logical thing I can think of is that she is pushing me away because she is stressed and is almost trying to pretend that this doesn't exist right now, any thoughts?

She has been back for two days, not responded to your text, and you think things are in limbo? You two live in limbo-land. I can’t decide if you two should stay 100,000 miles away from each other or if you two were meant to be together. All the games you two play makes me think you two are just too immature for a meaningful relationship. Honestly this relationship sounds like middle school. Until you two learn to put each other first and stop with all the crap, this “relationship” will continue to be doomed. I am not in this with you guys but it doesn’t fail to exhaust me.

Sorry – the above might be a little blunt.

I would walk away and don't look back.

She has been back for two days, not responded to your text, and you think things are in limbo? You two live in limbo-land. I can’t decide if you two should stay 100,000 miles away from each other or if you two were meant to be together. All the games you two play makes me think you two are just too immature for a meaningful relationship. Honestly this relationship sounds like middle school. Until you two learn to put each other first and stop with all the crap, this “relationship” will continue to be doomed. I am not in this with you guys but it doesn’t fail to exhaust me.

Sorry – the above might be a little blunt.

I am honestly not trying play any games with her, and I want to work on the relationship. I am simply giving her space to sort her feelings out. What else should I be doing? She I call her and ask if we can talk? And I do have to agree with you, I feel like I am a child in a middle school relationship.

I get that you are not trying to play games. It may be just bad chemistry or maybe she is just too immature or she doesn't like you well enough. It could be that you are smothering to be with and you may not recognize that. I wouldn't be with someone that smothered me and I am thankful that my partner doesn't. But you seem to have smothering tendencies from what you have written.

You have to ask yourself why you would want her and the drama back at this point. I can't answer that, you have to. People show patterns of behaviors and you have seen hers for a while now. It's possible this relationship has run its course and is just done.

I get that you are not trying to play games. It may be just bad chemistry or maybe she is just too immature or she doesn't like you well enough. It could be that you are smothering to be with and you may not recognize that. I wouldn't be with someone that smothered me and I am thankful that my partner doesn't. But you seem to have smothering tendencies from what you have written.

You have to ask yourself why you would want her and the drama back at this point. I can't answer that, you have to. People show patterns of behaviors and you have seen hers for a while now. It's possible this relationship has run its course and is just done.

From our last conversation, she did say that she felt it was overbearing that I had this expectation we needed to hang out as soon as she got back from her vacation and that was my fault, I guess. Being away from eachother for 6 weeks is tough. The one positive thing I was focusing on was the fact that is moving back into town for school in less than a month, so that's why I figured things may improve cause when she was here before the summer, her wishy washy behavior was never a problem.

Well yeah you can say that but this relationship needs more than just location help for it to be fixed. It is possible you two don’t want the same thing.

Overbearing pushes people away. You have to trust the person and trusting means you don’t expect texts every second they are away from you, you don’t ask them to tell you every single detail when they come back to you, and you allow them to have fun with other people that aren’t you. When I got together with my partner we allowed each other to keep our own friends and activities without the expectation that either one of us would give any of those things up. It makes the relationship healthy. It makes the relationship last. You need to learn that. If you want someone to be around you 24 hours a day it’s just not healthy. I couldn’t stand to be around someone all the time.

Well yeah you can say that but this relationship needs more than just location help for it to be fixed. It is possible you two don’t want the same thing.

Overbearing pushes people away. You have to trust the person and trusting means you don’t expect texts every second they are away from you, you don’t ask them to tell you every single detail when they come back to you, and you allow them to have fun with other people that aren’t you. When I got together with my partner we allowed each other to keep our own friends and activities without the expectation that either one of us would give any of those things up. It makes the relationship healthy. It makes the relationship last. You need to learn that. If you want someone to be around you 24 hours a day it’s just not healthy. I couldn’t stand to be around someone all the time.

I could not agree more with you! I actually encouraged her to hang with her friends and do her own thing. I even remember a conversation we had where I told her I think having your own time to yourself to do whatever (hang with friends, hobbies, etc.) in a relationship is crucial and she agreed. I was always just fine with her not getting back to me right away, I was busy doing my thing anyway.

I really think the talk of moving in together freaked her out and reality may have set in. And I will tell you, I want a relationship and unfortunately she is battling her thoughts of doing her own thing and being with me. She has told me earlier in the summer that the reason she felt mixed up is because she thinks I am a really good guy and she thought it would be stupid to give that up. So, I stayed patient and understanding the entire summer and when she left for vacation she said she appreciated me being understanding A LOT. That is when things were really good with us, then this happened. The last thing she said to me was that she is sorry she got ahead of herself and sorry for the way she acted and she thought it was super sweet that I was waiting for her to get home. And like I said, she wanted to see how things go when she gets home, so that is why I said I feel like I am in limbo. I may give it a little more time then move on.

And by the way what you and your partner have sounds fantastic, it is really what I want.

"And by the way what you and your partner have sounds fantastic, it is really what I want."

Haha we are but be careful what you wish for.

Give it time. She may come around. If the pain outweighs the good points, walk away.

Good luck.

What else should I be doing? Should I call her and ask if we can talk?

Beats texting if you consider a talk face to face important.

Beats texting if you consider a talk face to face important.

She ended up getting back to me right after I posted the update, of course lol. So I am going to be casual and patient about things and see where it leads

That's the ticket. There is no rush to give your heart away, smitten though you may be, because she hasn't really proven she knows what to do with it anyway. I think you have to agree she may have trouble managing her own heart at the moment, so yes, be casual and patient, but stay alert my friend.

I mean if this dating experience is no fun, then likely it won't be fun in the future either. I highly suggest you drop the relationship expectations, and just focus on the keeping the dating experience real for now. Are you having fun, or having mixed up confusing drama?

That's the ticket. There is no rush to give your heart away, smitten though you may be, because she hasn't really proven she knows what to do with it anyway. I think you have to agree she may have trouble managing her own heart at the moment, so yes, be casual and patient, but stay alert my friend.

I mean if this dating experience is no fun, then likely it won't be fun in the future either. I highly suggest you drop the relationship expectations, and just focus on the keeping the dating experience real for now. Are you having fun, or having mixed up confusing drama?

Right now it is mixed up confusing drama and she really isn't reaching out to me at all, so I think I have my answer.

I wouldn't give up the things you enjoy for her for sure, or any other option or opportunities to explore and experiment in your world of friends, family, and activities you enjoy.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny and tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Life is to short to be stuck on drama and confusion, or games of the heart and mind.

I wouldn't give up the things you enjoy for her for sure, or any other option or opportunities to explore and experiment in your world of friends, family, and activities you enjoy.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny and tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Life is to short to be stuck on drama and confusion, or games of the heart and mind.

Yea, I am at the point now of frustration with the situation. I think all I need is closure so I can move on, so I called her left a voicemail asking if we could talk. Other than that, I think I need to move on, she is reciprocating things close to 0%.

Talaniman Rule - NEVER depend on others to give you closure...NEVER!!

Accepting that it ain't gonna work IS closure.

Yea, I am at the point now of frustration with the situation. I think all I need is closure so I can move on, so I called her left a voicemail asking if we could talk. Other than that, I think I need to move on, she is reciprocating things close to 0%.
Her being willing to talk with you is NOT closure. You will spin it as, "Oh, she's still interested enough to talk about us, so it's not over yet." The best thing now is No Contact. That's closure. The End. Finis.

Her being willing to talk with you is NOT closure. You will spin it as, "Oh, she's still interested enough to talk about us, so it's not over yet." The best thing now is No Contact. That's closure. The End. Finis.

Well I finally asked her if she wanted to work on things and take it slow or if I should move on (I know myself and I couldn't be sitting in limbo with things, it was too stressful) She said she did not want to work things and that she was never sure about me or us, which all dates back to the beginning of the summer with my original post. She also said she felt she couldn't be honest with me.I am thinking her time over in Europe really helped her make this decision easier. So, I am of course heartbroken and feel like somebody stabbed me right in the back. I kept things cordial and said maybe we could be friends one day. So, that is it.

Yeah, that's it, and I know it sucks, but when one adventure ends, another can begin.. in due time. You can finally walk away clean, and don't look back.

I predict that someday you will be grateful to her for dumping you so you can find better.

Good luck!

So one last update, she actually did reach out to me a few days later calling me out of the blue just to say hello. I was surprised, to say the least. I didn't think too much into it and then she text me the next day saying, "I love you and I am sorry." I was confused and a little annoyed at the same time because she has been back and forth and back and forth. So, later that day we jumped on the phone talked for about 45 minutes and I confronted her about how I felt and how I felt hurt by how she handled everything. She apologized and said I did not deserve that. She admitted again that she is trying to figure herself out, which I respect 100%. She also wanted to hang out and see how things go with us, but she is still unsure of what she wants. So, I kept things casual and agreed to getting together. Then, I took a long hard look at myself and put myself into her shoes and realized that I have been somewhat overbearing with my expectations and I am always talking about the relationship and every talk has to be serious. I realized that would push anyone anyway. We have been dating for only 5 months, no body wants to have serious talks all the time. I decided I think I still have much to learn from this girl. I need to take things slower, not have as many expectations, and try my best to not be overbearing with questions like, "When are we hanging out?", "When can I see you?", etc. I want things to be light with us and i want to have fun together and not stress. I am willing to give her the space she needs while I do my own thing and like someone mentioned earlier, I am just going to wing it! What else can I do? She is a good, genuine person and I am excited to see what happens next.

You like to be punished. Good luck with that.

Be prepared to deal with whatever life (and her) throws at you, and enjoy it while it lasts.

Yea I feel a little crazy for considering it but I'm keeping my distance

So, if you like her, go out now and then. Why does it have to be all or nothing?

The problem comes up if you are at a stage of wanting an exclusive relationship. If that is the case (be honest with yourself), then let her go and move on.

She has made it VERY clear that she doesn't know what she wants and certainly is not ready to be in a serious, exclusive relationship.

So now you decide... can you date her just to go out and have some fun, no strings attached, or do you want something more? Answer that and you'll know if you should continue to communicate with her or not.

I hope doing your own thing includes you exploring having fun with others, INCLUDING other females.