Okay so my best friends cousin told me he likes me. We only met once but he got my number from my friend and we have been texting for a few days now. We are mainly asking each other questions about each other just to get to know each other (I said each other a lot in that sentence) We talked about like... dating I guess but agreed that we didn't know each other well enough. I like him and I guess you could say I have a crush. I just want to know if it's okay that he is fifteen and I'm about to be thirteen. My parents are pretty much okay with the idea of dating and going out with friends and they trust me. But I haven't told them about this boy yet and I want planning too anytime soon. What are your thoughts about the "appropriateness" of a thirteen year old dating a fifteen year old?

Complete honesty please and thanks!

Inappropriate.

13 is way too young... and 2 years at this stage is a significant different in maturity. A 15 year old guy fooling around with a 13 year old to his peers would be considered to be cradle robbing as a result. Speaking as a guy who remembers being 15 VIVIDLY.

Smoothy is right on. And I agree- 13 is too young to have a steady boyfriend, or even date.

While it is 'only' a 2 year difference in age, you are wise to consider this with caution. Not necessarily as to the motives of a 15 year old boy, but to entering this stage of your development too quickly.

I am impressed that you can think beyond your parents being okay with this, and look for more insight before you make this important decision, on your own.

You will likely be double the age you are now, before you find the right person to have a serious relationship with.

Why push that envelope now. Stay young as long as you can. Enjoy the company of many, as long as you can, and maybe consider setting the age of 15 as when you would consider dating.

Best of luck to you.

What bothers me is your statement that you weren't planning on telling your parents. That is a fast way to lose their trust. If you have discussed dating with them and they have given you permission to date, then you need to tell them about this boy ASAP.

While I agree with the others that 13 is really on the young side to date, especially a 15 yr old, times are changing. A lot depends on what you consider dating. But the main thing here is you need to be totally open with your parents about this.

Be open with your parents about this. I'm not sure they would be OK with it.
While you are soon to be 13, how soon and how soon is he to be 16? 12/13 and 15/16 is a big deal. I'm wondering why the guy would be interested in someone as young as you.

Why aren't you planning to tell your parents? Why take a chance of going behind their back, maybe lying about who you are with, and where you are going, and breaking their trust.

That's not appropriate at any age under any circumstances. You want to have fun "dating" then do it right, and talk to your parents FIRST.

Let's back up, shall we? You are actually 12. You aren't 13 yet. So yes, this is totally inappropriate. The fact that you don't plan on telling your parents is very alarming.

I think at your age a two year gap is significant. I'm thinking too you're much to young to be going steady. I'd say forget him. You're not ready imo

Update: after reading what people said I should clarify. I meant that I wasn't going to tell my parents because I didn't think anything serious was going to happen. And I already turned thirteen. Still wondering what people have to say. Thanks!


Let's back up, shall we? You are actually 12. You aren't 13 yet. So yes, this is totally inappropriate. The fact that you don't plan on telling your parents is very alarming.
I turned thirteen already and the reason I wasn't going to tell my parents was because I didn't think it was going anywhere. Thank you for your input though. I appreciate it.

Update: after reading what people said I should clarify. I meant that I wasn't going to tell my parents because I didn't think anything serious was going to happen. And I already turned thirteen. Still wondering what people have to say. Thanks!


I turned thirteen already and the reason I wasn't going to tell my parents was because I didn't think it was going anywhere. Thank you for your input though. I appreciate it.

That's still no excuse... even if you was 17 you would still be obligated to tell your parents. 13 is still 13. And its still too big of a difference developmentally and in maturity at this stage. 2 years difference at this point is equal to more than 20 years difference for someone that is 30.

If you have only been texting and not meeting him face to face, I would say its OK not to tell your parents. But as soon as it progresses past that and before you meet, then your parents need to know.

I think it is better to put the horse before the cart here, and not the cart before the horse.

In other words, that you are 13 and even considering dating, it is time to have a talk with your parents. If you are talking to a young man with the possibility of dating, or even just talking to a 15 year old male by texting, your parents should know.

Many kids your age have been lured by simply texting, into meeting people that were not who they said they were. I am not saying this young man in question is that person, but the point being, any conversations about meeting up, or dating, or becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, needs to be talked about to your parents, particularly because you have not yet met in person.

And the meeting in person part, is to assess possibilities. You may find at your age you are in far deeper than you ever meant to be, because you are too young, and inexperienced just with life, to know or assess the motives of anyone, let alone someone you are meeting for the first time that you have fallen for.

That he is related to someone you know, does not make it any safer.

IF you decide not to talk to your parents, and decide instead to meet with him without their knowledge, at least take someone with you. But above all, be careful, and be prepared for this to not work out as you think it might.

I am going to take a different route when it comes to texting with him.

I think you should be open with your parents that you are making a new friend and texting with him. To me, it is better to be upfront from the beginning instead of worrying later about how you will tell your parents you want to meet him in person or if the texting becomes inappropriate.

Too many teens of all ages think texting is safe and nothing can happen that they don't want. That isn't quite true. Inappropriate behavior can start with very small requests such as keeping it from your parents because you don't think the relationship is serious. Once you are holding one secret from your parents it is easy to start keeping more secrets that are more serious than talking about the weather. It is how innocent 'get to know you discussions' turn into sexting and sending sexually suggestive pictures. For some, it leads to sneaking out and doing other things they know they shouldn't.

I know this sounds like a parent worrying too much about someone you think you can trust. Unfortunately, I have seen the aftermath of what happens when a young female doesn't pay attention to the warning signs.

Your parents trust you at this time because you probably haven't hidden anything from them. If you begin hiding who you are texting and what is being said, you will damage that trust. Don't put yourself into the position of feeling like you need to hide your phone from your parents. They will notice and worry if you start being secretive.

Update: I told my parents. . And they were supportive and just wanted me to be happy. I was surprised by their reaction but am very glad that it turned out the way it did. Any more thoughts on the situation would be much appreciated. Also I still don't know if I would really date this guy, it's not like he asked me out yet. Would it be better to wait a year? Or forget him altogether?

I can't imagine a parent telling their 13 year old daughter "I just want you to be happy " when it comes to a 15 year old boy but that's between you and your parents. If you have their OK why are you still asking?
Personally there is no way I'd let my 13 year old go out with a 15 year old.

I'm a mother of a 13 year old. I am not believing a word you say. I would never allow my 13 year old to "date" a 15 year old. And, when it comes to "dating" at this age, my husband and I would never say "I just want you to be happy."

If if what you say is true, that is poor parenting at best and I see you pregnant within the next year.

As was mentioned... EVERY and I do mean EVERY girl I have ever known... and I am 53... that has fooled around with boys at 13... has ended up pregnant or dropped out of school by 16.

And they will struggle the rest of their lives on average just to pay the bills... much less live a "comfortable" life. Meaning not having to worry how to pay at least some of the bills before the end of the month or even the next paycheck.

I also find it impossible that your parents would "be happy for you". Unless they are horrible parents with zero parenting skills who really don't care about you or your future.

This may not make a lot of sense to you now....but its going to in just a few more years.....sooner if you end up one of those 13 or 14 year old "mom's" that the guys only go out with because you are easy...not because they care about you.

And you wouldn't find a guy that's willing to overlook the fact you have someone elses kid for at least the next 15 or more years. And statistically....the guy who would have knocked you up won't going to be anywhere around to help after he find out how expensive and how much work a kid is.

And no matter what or how many precautions you take....you can still get pregnant..

13 and 15 is not that huge an age gap. I know I'm going to get flack for saying that, but really, at that age there's not that big a difference.

If you parents are okay with you dating him (and by dating I mean hanging out, holding hands, going to a movie and nothing more) and his parents are okay with him dating you, than I see no problem. It's not like it's going to last, you're both too young for that. As long as there's no sexual contact at all, and that includes kissing, I don't see the problem if the parents are both okay with it.

You are talking about dating, right? Not sex? I know everyone jumped to sex, without you mentioning it, so I'm asking. You don't want to have sex, do you?

At 13 she is probably in middle school. She just turned 13. He is in High School. Those are two different phases. Sex aside, a 13 year old should not be dating, let alone dating a 15 year old.

I dated A guy when I was 13-14. He was a little older. We went to the movies and went for ice cream. It was not a big deal. I don't see a problem with it as long as you both are responsible about it and communicate this with both sets of parents.

By dating, do you mean texting, emailing, Skyping, etc.? Or do you mean hanging out together face to face, in real time, in the real world?

13 and 15 is not that huge an age gap. I know I'm going to get flack for saying that, but really, at that age there's not that big a difference.

If you parents are okay with you dating him (and by dating I mean hanging out, holding hands, going to a movie and nothing more) and his parents are okay with him dating you, than I see no problem. It's not like it's going to last, you're both too young for that. As long as there's no sexual contact at all, and that includes kissing, I don't see the problem if the parents are both okay with it.

You are talking about dating, right? Not sex? I know everyone jumped to sex, without you mentioning it, so I'm asking. You don't want to have sex, do you?

Thank you so much. And yes of course not sex. I believe in saving sex for marriage and would never let anything escalate that high. I doubt I would even kiss him right now. Thank you for your input it was very encouraging.


By dating, do you mean texting, emailing, Skyping, etc.? Or do you mean hanging out together face to face, in real time, in the real world?
Face to face in real time in the real world


I dated A guy when I was 13-14. He was a little older. We went to the movies and went for ice cream. It was not a big deal. I don't see a problem with it as long as you both are responsible about it and communicate this with both sets of parents.
Thank you so much

Thank you so much. And yes of course not sex. I believe in saving sex for marriage and would never let anything escalate that high. I doubt I would even kiss him right now. Thank you for your input it was very encouraging.


Face to face in real time in the real world

Good for you. Sex should be between adults, two people responsible enough, and old enough to care for a child, because any time you have sex, even with protection, even with 3 or more forms of protection, pregnancy is possible, and being a teen mom is not easy. There, lecture over.

I dated at 14, and the guy I dated was 16. We went swimming, to movies, bike rides, McDonalds. We held hands, and kissed once in a while, but nothing serious, just a quick peck on the lips. My parents met him, his mom met me (his dad was deceased), and they were okay with us dating. Sex was never even brought up.

My son will be 17 soon, and my daughter will be 13 soon. Both know that sex is not okay at their age, and neither of them want to have sex this young. It's just not a good idea. Do they think about it? Well my son does, but thinking about it and doing something about it, are two different things. He doesn't want to be a teen dad, so sex is not on the table, even if the girl is willing, and even if he wants to. He knows it's not right for someone his age. My daughter still thinks boys are icky. :)

But dating is fine. Dating is a part of growing up. As long as your parents are okay with it, and his parents are okay with it, I don't see the problem.

You sounds like you know what you want, and what you don't want in a relationship. So as long as mom and dad know, and are okay, then have fun, and stick to your morals.

Good luck. :)

13 and 15 is not that huge an age gap. I know I'm going to get flack for saying that, but really, at that age there's not that big a difference.

If you parents are okay with you dating him (and by dating I mean hanging out, holding hands, going to a movie and nothing more) and his parents are okay with him dating you, than I see no problem. It's not like it's going to last, you're both too young for that. As long as there's no sexual contact at all, and that includes kissing, I don't see the problem if the parents are both okay with it.

You are talking about dating, right? Not sex? I know everyone jumped to sex, without you mentioning it, so I'm asking. You don't want to have sex, do you?

So, you wouldn't mind Syd dating a 15 year old boy?

So, you wouldn't mind Syd dating a 15 year old boy?

If I met the boy, and approved of him, than no, I wouldn't mind. I'd have rules, like most good parents would, but just dating, no, I wouldn't mind that.

I trust my daughter. I know she's smart enough to say no to sex, and she knows the consequences of sex. She also has a great relationship with me, just like Jared does, and we talk about everything. I know she'd talk to me if she were planning on making that big decision, and I know she wouldn't make it at 13.

Not all teens want sex. To lump them all into one category because of a few, is not fair.

If I met the boy, and approved of him, than no, I wouldn't mind. I'd have rules, like most good parents would, but just dating, no, I wouldn't mind that.

I trust my daughter. I know she's smart enough to say no to sex, and she knows the consequences of sex. She also has a great relationship with me, just like Jared does, and we talk about everything. I know she'd talk to me if she were planning on making that big decision, and I know she wouldn't make it at 13.

Not all teens want sex. To lump them all into one category because of a few, is not fair.

Now, the issue I have is that the OP was going, originally, keep this a secret from her parents. BIG red flag here. I'm still not convinced she really did talk to her parents.

I would never allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Never, nada, no way. Another 12 year old, or 13 year old maybe, but not a 15 year old. Most 12 year olds are in 7th'ish grade, while most 15 year olds are freshmen or sophomores in high school.

Now, the issue I have is that the OP was going, originally, keep this a secret from her parents. BIG red flag here. I'm still not convinced she really did talk to her parents.

I would never allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Never, nada, no way. Another 12 year old, or 13 year old maybe, but not a 15 year old. Most 12 year olds are in 7th'ish grade, while most 15 year olds are freshmen or sophomores in high school.

She says she is now 13, in her first post she said she was almost 13. Syd is almost 13. She could post now as a 12 year old, and at the end of August she'd be posting as a 13 year old. Birthday's happen.

She didn't really say she was going to keep it a secret from her parents. She just said she hadn't told them yet. Now she claims she has. You may not believe it, but it's not our place to guess. We go by what the OP says, not what we think is true, or not true.

Bottom line, and I think we can all agree on this. If her parents say she can date this boy, then she can date this boy. It's not up to us, we're not her parents. We all agree that her parents have to be okay with it, and she says that they are. We can only go by what she says, it's not up to any of us to determine if she's telling the truth or not, because that's not possible.

She sounds like an intelligent young lady, she says her parents are okay with her dating this 15 year old, and that's good enough for me. She says she's not going to have sex until marriage, and I commend her for that, and hope she keeps that promise.

Give her the benefit of the doubt people. Not all teens are irresponsible. I happen to know 2 personally that are very responsible, because they were taught right from wrong. If you're going to assume anything, then assume that her parents are just as great as you all are or were.

I wish you luck Volleyball. Stay safe, and stick to your beliefs, and always always talk to your parents about any big decisions you make as a teen. If you do that, you'll be just fine. :)

Now, the issue I have is that the OP was going, originally, keep this a secret from her parents. BIG red flag here. I'm still not convinced she really did talk to her parents.

I would never allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Never, nada, no way. Another 12 year old, or 13 year old maybe, but not a 15 year old. Most 12 year olds are in 7th'ish grade, while most 15 year olds are freshmen or sophomores in high school.

I did tell my parents. They said that if I was responsible then I could in a way date this boy. My dad then made a joke saying that if I had sex puppies die :-(. I respect you thinking that but I know the truth and my parents are supporting me so that's fine. Thanks for your input. :-)


She says she is now 13, in her first post she said she was almost 13. Syd is almost 13. She could post now as a 12 year old, and at the end of August she'd be posting as a 13 year old. Birthday's happen.

She didn't really say she was going to keep it a secret from her parents. She just said she hadn't told them yet. Now she claims she has. You may not believe it, but it's not our place to guess. We go by what the OP says, not what we think is true, or not true.
Thank you so much

Bottom line, and I think we can all agree on this. If her parents say she can date this boy, then she can date this boy. It's not up to us, we're not her parents. We all agree that her parents have to be okay with it, and she says that they are. We can only go by what she says, it's not up to any of us to determine if she's telling the truth or not, because that's not possible.

She sounds like an intelligent young lady, she says her parents are okay with her dating this 15 year old, and that's good enough for me. She says she's not going to have sex until marriage, and I commend her for that, and hope she keeps that promise.

Give her the benefit of the doubt people. Not all teens are irresponsible. I happen to know 2 personally that are very responsible, because they were taught right from wrong. If you're going to assume anything, then assume that her parents are just as great as you all are or were.

I wish you luck Volleyball. Stay safe, and stick to your beliefs, and always always talk to your parents about any big decisions you make as a teen. If you do that, you'll be just fine. :)

Reading what you have to say really make me smile. Thank you so much.

I don't know Alty. Being I'm a guy and know how guys think at that age... its their life mission to get the girl to change her mind by hook or by crook (meaning any story or lie it takes) until well in their 20's when it dawns on them there are other things in life. I was NOT the most persuasive guy much of my life... and certainly wasn't then... but I still managed to change many minds.

I feel as I do KNOWING what guys that age are like and the lies, stories and pressure they are capable of (they really DO only have one thing on their minds, and everything involving a female revolves around getting it no matter what they might claim). And know few girls will not change their minds after enough of that pressure. Certainly there are some... but they are few and far between.

Maybe she will beat the odds. Who knows. We can only hope. Which I do hope is this case.

Its unfortunate but children are growing up faster these days. I fault the media for this because it glorifies romantic relationships that young people want to emulate before they are ready.

That being said, as long the parents are involved, I don't see a problem.

I don't care mature she is, she is a 13 year old girl and he is a 15 year old boy. Oftentimes hormones outweigh maturity. She says she has her parents approve so what we think is irrelevant.

I don't know Alty. Being I'm a guy and know how guys think at that age... its their life mission to get the girl to change her mind by hook or by crook (meaning any story or lie it takes) until well in their 20's when it dawns on them there are other things in life. I was NOT the most persuasive guy much of my life... and certainly wasn't then... but I still managed to change many minds.

I feel as I do KNOWING what guys that age are like and the lies, stories and pressure they are capable of (they really DO only have one thing on their minds, and everything involving a female revolves around getting it no matter what they might claim). And know few girls will not change their minds after enough of that pressure. Certainly there are some... but they are few and far between.

Maybe she will beat the odds. Who knows. We can only hope. Which I do hope is this case.

So basically you're saying that girls have no minds, that guys can easily persuade them into doing things they don't want to do by telling stories and lies, because all guys think about is sex, and girls are too stupid, brainless, or weak to see through those lies and say no?

Really?

Just an fyi, teen boys aren't the only ones that think about sex. Girls do too. But if a girl isn't ready, and at 13 she really isn't ready, and has a backbone, and a bit of common sense, unless the guy rapes her, she''ll be just fine.

Not all girls are easily mislead by idiot boys that only want one thing. Most girls see through the lies and stories, they educate themselves, and I think volleyball won't let some idiot boy fool her into having sex when she's not ready. She's smarter than that!


I don't care mature she is, she is a 13 year old girl and he is a 15 year old boy. Oftentimes hormones outweigh maturity. She says she has her parents approve so what we think is irrelevant.

You can raise your kids, and forbid them to date until a certain age when you think they're ready. But we can't do that here, and we shouldn't do that.

Look at her writing. She's not some dumb kid. She's not going to throw it all away for 2 seconds of passion because of some guy. She's smarter than that. If she weren't, her parents wouldn't be okay with her dating.

Yes, often times hormones and a moment of passion get in the way. But she's not going to let that happen. I have faith in her. Her parents have faith in her. And maybe if we showed more faith in the teens today, they'd be more willing to do the right thing. Lectures don't work, it just makes them want to do dangerous things even more. Faith works, and I have faith in volleyball. She's going to make the right choices. She's a good kid.


Reading what you have to say really make me smile. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome.

I hope you make the right choices in life. I hope you stick to your beliefs, and stick to what you want. Wait until marriage, or at least until you're older, and in a stable relationship.

I have faith in you. You're a smart girl, that's very evident in your writing. Concentrate on school, get good grades, go to college, and date, and have fun. But stick to just dating, nothing sexual until you're ready, and you're not ready until you're an adult and can not only financially, but physically support a child. Sex has consequences, always.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Stick to your guns. Don't let any horny boy talk you out of what you want in the future. Don't let a moment of passion ruin the rest of your life. Dating should be fun, and sex really isn't fun until you're older, and I'm not saying that as a mom, I'm saying it because it's true.

Any time you want to talk, I'll be here to post. You're a breath of fresh air, a smart kid, and I know you'll go far in life.

So basically you're saying that girls have no minds, that guys can easily persuade them into doing things they don't want to do by telling stories and lies, because all guys think about is sex, and girls are too stupid, brainless, or weak to see through those lies and say no?

Really?

Just an fyi, teen boys aren't the only ones that think about sex. Girls do too. But if a girl isn't ready, and at 13 she really isn't ready, and has a backbone, and a bit of common sense, unless the guy rapes her, she''ll be just fine.

Not all girls are easily mislead by idiot boys that only want one thing. Most girls see through the lies and stories, they educate themselves, and I think volleyball won't let some idiot boy fool her into having sex when she's not ready. She's smarter than that!






Not saying that is the case with all girls... but it IS true with many. Mostly due to the huge amount of false information they spread between friends.( and guys aren't any better with false information between them too)... the fact most females tend to associate sex with love... and so many of them think sex is how you can get and keep a guy... you've seen the many, many threads here... and while you were likely a lot sharper than average at that age, I'm sure you've know more than a few that weren't.

The younger they are the more easily manipulated by older more mature people. That's why there is the age of consent in most of the world. There certainly are female agressors..and I've known a few....but on average the guys at least in the beginning. Take advantage....but most women learn, quickly , To spot them. The average 18 year old woman is a lot better prepared than the average 13 year old is, and the average 20 something woman has the upper hand until the guys catch up in the maturity dept.

There is such a thing as power of persuasion... she may start wanting to do the right thing... but given the right persuasion by the right person... she's going to change her mind about wanting it... and so many of those cases end up in a pregnancy. At 13 its inexperience and lack of knowledge....at 18...they can't use that excuse.

Not to mention how easily and quickly a line can be crossed... which happens far too often (actually happening at all is too often).

I think we are more in agreement than we are in disagreement on this... we just view it from opposite perspectives.

I think parents should have the final say on when their child can date. As a parent myself, my 13 year old did not. She could talk on the phone, go to a school dance... but this was with another 13 year old. This girl just turned 13. She is in middle school. The bot is in high school. There is no way.
At any rate I think this may be major crush on an older boy and the boy not being that major with her. The age difference makes no sense. She just turned 13, she was 12 and he is 15. I don't get that.

I completely agree, girls fall in and out of love easily, and often times equate sex with love. But not all girls. There are still many women that wait until they're married to have sex. They date boys, men, until they're married, but never cross that line. Who are we to say that the OP (original poster) isn't one of those girls? Based on what, her request to date? She never asked about sex, just dating. She even said that dating, for her, wouldn't even include kissing.

Yes, there is such a thing as power of persuasion, but why are are the majority of posters on this thread, thinking that the OP isn't smart enough to see through that, and walk away? She's not a dumb kid, stop treating her like one.

Will she have sex before marriage? Stats say she will, but that doesn't mean that she'll have sex in her teens, or especially at 13. People are getting married at an older age now. I was 24 when I got married, and when I tell people that nowadays, I'm told I was way too young. Yet 20 years later, 2 kids later, I'm still married, and happy, and no, I didn't wait for marriage, or even my husband, to have sex. I wasn't smart about it. I wish I could go back and change that. I can't.

Volleyball has something I didn't have, info, people supporting her, not just her parents, but others. Us! So start supporting her.

Stop assuming she's going to have sex. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Treat her as an individual, not like the majority of teens we see that are stupid, having sex, getting pregnant. She doesn't deserve to be lumped into a group. She's herself, and she's not a stupid kid. Just look at her posts! She's not dumb.

I truly believe she'll be smart about this, and any passionate moments that happen before she's ready. She's not an idiot, so stop treating her like one. Please.

I have a some questions that touch on continuing to text with him or to see him in person.

What does your friend think about their cousin? Does the friend think he is a good person?

You have now been talking to him for about a month. What have you learned about him? Do you have enough in common to make discussions comfortable or are you both pretty much repeating the same things over and over? Has he given you any reasons to stop talking to him?

Do you still feel like you have a crush on him or has the flattery of having a male notice you worn off?

The main piece of advice I give my children and I will give you, be careful and pay attention. Do not make excuses for any bad behavior. Walk away if the person asks or encourages you to do things (including those that are not sexually related) you know are not right or correct or are flat out wrong.

Always remember that your parents are there for you. If you ever feel like you are getting in over your head, go to them.

I think you have a good chance of being one of the good examples instead of a negative one. I am hoping you are listening to all the advice you are getting. Some may or may not be what you want to hear. But all of it is about keeping you safe.

I don't think she is a dumb kid, I just think she is a young one. One who has just turned 13 and is talking to a boy who is 15. That to me is a problem. Why is a 15 year old boy chatting up with a 12 year old. (she was 12 when this started) She says her parents say it's cool so that's it, why is she still asking what we think? I'm not understanding how a parent could be OK with it.
I'm done.

I don't think she is a dumb kid, I just think she is a young one. One who has just turned 13 and is talking to a boy who is 15. That to me is a problem. Why is a 15 year old boy chatting up with a 12 year old. (she was 12 when this started) She says her parents say it's cool so that's it, why is she still asking what we think? I'm not understanding how a parent could be OK with it.
I'm done.

A 2 year age difference wouldn't bother me, and I am the most paranoid parent I know. I've been through a lot, and as a result I'm very protective of my kids. I've been sexually abused by a cousin from the age of five, and I was raped as a teen. So for me to say that I'd be okay with my 13 year old dating a 15 year old I approve of, is a big deal. A very big deal.

Just to show how protective I am. We recently went camping. My 16 (soon to be 17) year old son, decided last minute that he didn't want to come along. I said okay, but call me 2 times a day, or kik (it's a texting app that's free) me every day.

Well, we get to the campsite, and unlike the last time, our pay as we go cell phone, didn't have internet access, and therefore no kik.

Our friend was with us, and he had access, so he Kik'd my son. Well, one day there was 18 hours with no contact. Multiple kik's, phone calls, you name it, and no reply. My husband drove all the way home to check on him. A 3 hour drive, just to make sure he was okay. Of course he was, he hadn't gotten the messages, and didn't hear the phone. Over $80 in gas spent just to make sure he was okay, and a lot of worry. But he's my baby, even though he's almost 17, and frankly, the chances of something being wrong, were slim to none. Still, no contact to me, was a panic. Thankfully I have a husband that understands that, and was willing to drive for 3 hours to check on him. It was all good in the end, thankfully.

I don't let my kids do things that I think would harm them. A 13 year old dating a 15 year old, when the parents are involved, is not a big deal. It's 2 year difference, not 20!

It's only 2 years but there is a big difference between a just 13 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. A probably 2nd year high school boy and a middle school girl.

It's only 2 years but there is a big difference between a just 13 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. A probably 2nd year high school boy and a middle school girl.

At 13 my daughter is going into 8th grade. A 15 year old would be going into 10th. In Canada high school begins in 10th grade, 9th is still middle school. So really not that huge a difference grade wise.

But where they are in school doesn't really matter. Two years age difference in their teens, is nothing. Having both a son and a daughter, I can definitely say that girls are far more mature than boys at that age.

The most important thing I think you should all remember, at 15 the boy is still very much a child. He can't drive, he can't vote, he can't do anything without his parents being a part of things. If he wants to go on a date, someone will have to drive him to that date. Same with the 13 year old girl. Very easy, as a parent, to monitor the relationship. Where are they going to go at that age? The movies, to McDonalds, for a bike ride?

Yes, some teens make bad decisions, and some teens do get pregnant or worse. But not all teens! Not all teens by far!

So basically you're saying that girls have no minds, that guys can easily persuade them into doing things they don't want to do by telling stories and lies, because all guys think about is sex, and girls are too stupid, brainless, or weak to see through those lies and say no?

Really?

Just an fyi, teen boys aren't the only ones that think about sex. Girls do too. But if a girl isn't ready, and at 13 she really isn't ready, and has a backbone, and a bit of common sense, unless the guy rapes her, she''ll be just fine.

Not all girls are easily mislead by idiot boys that only want one thing. Most girls see through the lies and stories, they educate themselves, and I think volleyball won't let some idiot boy fool her into having sex when she's not ready. She's smarter than that!



You can raise your kids, and forbid them to date until a certain age when you think they're ready. But we can't do that here, and we shouldn't do that.

Look at her writing. She's not some dumb kid. She's not going to throw it all away for 2 seconds of passion because of some guy. She's smarter than that. If she weren't, her parents wouldn't be okay with her dating.

Yes, often times hormones and a moment of passion get in the way. But she's not going to let that happen. I have faith in her. Her parents have faith in her. And maybe if we showed more faith in the teens today, they'd be more willing to do the right thing. Lectures don't work, it just makes them want to do dangerous things even more. Faith works, and I have faith in volleyball. She's going to make the right choices. She's a good kid.



You're very welcome.

I hope you make the right choices in life. I hope you stick to your beliefs, and stick to what you want. Wait until marriage, or at least until you're older, and in a stable relationship.

I have faith in you. You're a smart girl, that's very evident in your writing. Concentrate on school, get good grades, go to college, and date, and have fun. But stick to just dating, nothing sexual until you're ready, and you're not ready until you're an adult and can not only financially, but physically support a child. Sex has consequences, always.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Stick to your guns. Don't let any horny boy talk you out of what you want in the future. Don't let a moment of passion ruin the rest of your life. Dating should be fun, and sex really isn't fun until you're older, and I'm not saying that as a mom, I'm saying it because it's true.

Any time you want to talk, I'll be here to post. You're a breath of fresh air, a smart kid, and I know you'll go far in life.

Thank you so much. I'm beyond appreciative of what you have to say. I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want. Your responses are amazing. Thank you.

Well... if you will or not remains to be seen. Its easy to say you won't... far harder to live up to it. Hormones and peer pressure makes that a very hard goal to keep. SO prove the law of averages wrong and keep your current vow that you won't... you WILL be glad you did later if you are able. Remember we've all been there and know exactly what you will be facing... something you don't just yet. Remember what we have said about what happens to many people who don't keep that vow. Hopefully that will make it easier for you to keep it.

I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine
So you did have sex?

So you did have sex?

Obviously. Or so she says, so all of the well intentioned posts were for naught. Alty said she has faith in this girl, etc. it didn't make any difference at all. So where were her parents at this point ? All of the energy of all you wonderful people gone to waste.

You see, I know my teens, I know how teens operate. I've raised 3 to adulthood, 2 of whom have children of their own. I've been around teens for the last 17 years. I've seen how the times have changed and how it's more common for young teens to be having sex than not. That's from personal experience, not professional. However, I only have 7 years of professional experience, and I have seen the changes there as well.

The he next thread this girl starts will be asking if she's pregnant.

What makes this situation worse is, this teen had sex with a 'crush' who someone told her 'liked her'. I wonder if he still likes her ? I doubt it.

I agree Tickle. It's not uncommon for these boys to go around telling his friends about the sex. This poor girl just earned herself a bad reputation.

Wait a minute here. How did we go from parents giving approval to dating and THIS just 11 days ago,


Thank you so much. And yes of course not sex. I believe in saving sex for marriage and would never let anything escalate that high. I doubt I would even kiss him right now. Thank you for your input it was very encouraging.

To THIS now?


I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want.

I just want to know what changed or has this whole post been a huge LIE in the first place?

It's called attention seeking or it could be a troll.

For those reasons I need to unsubscribe.

I think she is saying she expected everyone to say she was going to have sex and she heard what she expected to hear. However that is not what we were saying to her. It was basically be aware and be careful.
I still don't believe her parents told their just turned 13 year old they just want her to be happy so go right ahead and talk to a 15 year old, one they don't even know.

So you did have sex?
No no not at all. I meant that was what all the responses were going to be without me even mentioning sex. I wasn't trying to say that I did.


You see, I know my teens, I know how teens operate. I've raised 3 to adulthood, 2 of whom have children of their own. I've been around teens for the last 17 years. I've seen how the times have changed and how it's more common for young teens to be having sex than not. That's from personal experience, not professional. However, I only have 7 years of professional experience, and I have seen the changes there as well.

The he next thread this girl starts will be asking if she's pregnant.

I know that your wrong but if you want to think your right go ahead.


Thank you so much. I'm beyond appreciative of what you have to say. I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want. Your responses are amazing. Thank you.
I just realized how this was worded. When I said I did I was talking about getting the responses meaning I did get responses about sex without me even mentioning it.


What makes this situation worse is, this teen had sex with a 'crush' who someone told her 'liked her'. I wonder if he still likes her ? I doubt it.
I did not have sex with anyone. I meant that I did get responses about sexy without me even mentioning it.


I agree Tickle. It's not uncommon for these boys to go around telling his friends about the sex. This poor girl just earned herself a bad reputation.I
I did not have sex with this boy or anyone. I meant that I did get responses about sex without me even mentioning it.


Wait a minute here. How did we go from parents giving approval to dating and THIS just 11 days ago,



To THIS now?



I just want to know what changed or has this whole post been a huge LIE in the first place?
I meant that I did get responses about having sex without even mentioning it. I realize now that was worded wrong and am trying to show you that I would never have sex before legal age and mental maturity


I think she is saying she expected everyone to say she was going to have sex and she heard what she expected to hear. However that is not what we were saying to her. It was basically be aware and be careful.
I still don't believe her parents told their just turned 13 year old they just want her to be happy so go right ahead and talk to a 15 year old, one they don't even know.
That is exactly what I meant thank you. I did not realize what I had said before I checked the responses.


Obviously. Or so she says, so all of the well intentioned posts were for naught. Alty said she has faith in this girl, etc. it didn't make any difference at all. So where were her parents at this point ? All of the energy of all you wonderful people gone to waste.
I'm trying to clarify this the best I can. I didn't have sex and am not going to anytime soon. When I said I did I was referring to the responses about sex without me ever mentioning it.


What makes this situation worse is, this teen had sex with a 'crush' who someone told her 'liked her'. I wonder if he still likes her ? I doubt it.
I meant sex*

Thanks for clarifying that and sorry for the confusion. As you see adults get excited when preteens and new teens talk about SEX (OR dating.....same thing to us)

As long as you stay on your path of abstinence you are good to go. When I was a young lad of 15 though, no matter how nice the girl was, or how much I liked her, I WANTED sex!! Guys like me no matter how many times you say NO, or whoever you are saving it for... I don't care, we ask anyway and hope we get lucky.

I was a rather nice fellow though, and parents loved me. I still wanted sex, and most 15 year olds do! Have fun, be smart, AND be cautious. Stuff happen!! Never be afraid to talk to mom...HONESTLY....NEVER!!!!

I am going to repeat myself and add a question.

This may seem off-topic, but it goes to how truthful you are with your parents. I have been looking at the time stamps for your posts, do your parents know you are on-line at 2 am? Do they allow you to be on-line at al hours of the night?

I have a some questions that touch on continuing to text with him or to see him in person.

When is his birthday?

What does your friend think about their cousin? Does the friend think he is a good person?

You have now been talking to him for about a month. What have you learned about him? Do you have enough in common to make discussions comfortable or are you both pretty much repeating the same things over and over? Has he given you any reasons to stop talking to him?

Do you still feel like you have a crush on him or has the flattery of having a male notice you worn off?

The main piece of advice I give my children and I will give you, be careful and pay attention. Do not make excuses for any bad behavior. Walk away if the person asks or encourages you to do things (including those that are not sexually related) you know are not right or correct or are flat out wrong.

Always remember that your parents are there for you. If you ever feel like you are getting in over your head, go to them.

I think you have a good chance of being one of the good examples instead of a negative one. I am hoping you are listening to all the advice you are getting. Some may or may not be what you want to hear. But all of it is about keeping you safe.

I am going to repeat myself and add a question.

This may seem off-topic, but it goes to how truthful you are with your parents. I have been looking at the time stamps for your posts, do your parents know you are on-line at 2 am? Do they allow you to be on-line at al hours of the night?

I have a some questions that touch on continuing to text with him or to see him in person.

When is his birthday?

What does your friend think about their cousin? Does the friend think he is a good person?

You have now been talking to him for about a month. What have you learned about him? Do you have enough in common to make discussions comfortable or are you both pretty much repeating the same things over and over? Has he given you any reasons to stop talking to him?

Do you still feel like you have a crush on him or has the flattery of having a male notice you worn off?

The main piece of advice I give my children and I will give you, be careful and pay attention. Do not make excuses for any bad behavior. Walk away if the person asks or encourages you to do things (including those that are not sexually related) you know are not right or correct or are flat out wrong.

Always remember that your parents are there for you. If you ever feel like you are getting in over your head, go to them.

I think you have a good chance of being one of the good examples instead of a negative one. I am hoping you are listening to all the advice you are getting. Some may or may not be what you want to hear. But all of it is about keeping you safe.
Thank you.

Sad that she had to explain what she wrote:


I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want.

You all read this as her saying she had sex? I guess I know where your minds are.

Read it again. She said she posted thinking that people would just say she was going to have sex, and she got exactly the response she expected.

Didn't need her to explain that, I just had to read her post. Why did you all jump to conclusions without reading carefully, and then became so holier than thou about it, and, to be honest, very cruel.

Volleyball, you stick to your beliefs. As long as your parents are okay with you dating this boy, and his parents are okay with you dating him, and you stick to your beliefs to wait to have sex until you're old enough, that's all that matters.

If you read my post you would see I did not read her as saying she had sex. In fact I clarified what she said.

Thank you for clearing that up. As you can see, the written word can easily be mistaken.

You sound like a very smart young woman. Keep it that way.

Thank you for clearing that up. As you can see, the written word can easily be mistaken.

You sound like a very smart young woman. Keep it that way.

Thank you.

Sad that she had to explain what she wrote:



You all read this as her saying she had sex? I guess I know where your minds are.

Read it again. She said she posted thinking that people would just say she was going to have sex, and she got exactly the response she expected.



No, my mind isn't there, why would you assume that. Don't come down on us because we have run the gamut with this poster.

Why is she still, and why are we still going on about this. She has a mom, why is she not confiding in her ?

Aftee post no. 57 !

I am still not buying all she is saying. She says her parents want her to be happy so it's OK for their just turned 13 year old daughter to talk to a 15 year old boy. Do they even know him? If her parents are cool with this, why is she still seeking answers from us? At this point, I don't care but I clarified what she said. I said nothing about having sex to her. My concern was the age difference and I'm sorry there is a big difference between a girl who just turned 13 and a 15 year old boy. A parent has every right to decide if their 13 year can date.

I'm thinking this is a 13 year old with a crush on this boy and wants to know if he would possibly like her and would it be OK. 15 urea old boys are not into 12/13 year old. She is not even in high school.

I am still not buying all she is saying. She says her parents want her to be happy so it's OK for their just turned 13 year old daughter to talk to a 15 year old boy. Do they even know him? If her parents are cool with this, why is she still seeking answers from us? At this point, I don't care but I clarified what she said. I said nothing about having sex to her. My concern was the age difference and I'm sorry there is a big difference between a girl who just turned 13 and a 15 year old boy. A parent has every right to decide if their 13 year can date.

I am with Oliver, I think it was he, who thinks this is trollish. I am of that opinion too. Trolls are getting more clever and complicated. OP writes very well and can navigate our site easily... for a 13 yr old girl.

Sorry, Oliver, if it wasn't you, apologies.

It was me and it isn't the first time we have been in agreement. Note that when I mentioned troll she/he addressed everything but what I posted. Then Cat asked several very key questions and she/he responded with "Thank you". It's an attention seeker and this post ran to ground after page one.