I am in a huge custody battle with my ex husband in California. He recently violated specific no contact orders from our judge and is being served today actually with 48 contempt charges.
I was granted a domestic violence restraining order just 3 days ago and he has broken it 4 times trying to get third party messages to me.
He is on felony probation for unrelated crimes, and I was wondering would the contempt of court and violating the restraining order be in any way a violation of his probation?

Might be, but you are asking us second hand. Only those who are involved in his probation can answer this.

In a desperate attempt to be granted joint custody, my ex husband announced in trial last week that he has cancer and is on medication that makes him super sick. The judge asked him to get her a declaration from the Doctor along with his contact information and a list of meds he is taking. He then emailed the judge telling her his Doctor will not give out any information and does not wish to be contacted about any of his patients. He went on to tell her (Judge) that he is on limited time, doesn't think he will be well enough to finish trial in July, asks to cut the crap and grant joint custody of our 2 year old son and asks that I not mention this disease to anyone at all especially his family. I'm calling bull all over the place. Is lying under oath in a trial to a judge and then again in a personal message a crime in any way? He already has 48 contempt charges and 4 violations of the TRO that have yet to be addressed. What can I expect from this?

Of course you don't lie to a judge, but I don't think you understand the process of a custody battle. Just as one example, you have to have proof that he is lying. The judge is no fool, asking for quite a bit. Failure to provide what she asked for doesn't get him thrown in jail for lying, because it takes too much of the court's time to prove it. All the judge can do is note that he failed to provide what she asked for. Get it? You are looking for Perry Mason or Law and Order, and it doesn't work that way. And custody has SO many variables, that judges often act in personal ways. I like the sound of his judge.

You are in an understandable panic, but too much of one. Why on earth are you afraid of his stupid, worthless email to the judge? If anything,
limited time' would prompt a judge to declare him unfit to be able to care for your son, especially when he doesn't want is family or anyone to know. Of course it's bull, but you panic anyway.

Wish you had a lawyer.

Of course you don't lie to a judge, but I don't think you understand the process of a custody battle. Just as one example, you have to have proof that he is lying. The judge is no fool, asking for quite a bit. Failure to provide what she asked for doesn't get him thrown in jail for lying, because it takes too much of the court's time to prove it. All the judge can do is note that he failed to provide what she asked for. Get it? You are looking for Perry Mason or Law and Order, and it doesn't work that way. And custody has SO many variables, that judges often act in personal ways. I like the sound of his judge.

You are in an understandable panic, but too much of one. Why on earth are you afraid of his stupid, worthless email to the judge? If anything,
limited time' would prompt a judge to declare him unfit to be able to care for your son, especially when he doesn't want is family or anyone to know. Of course it's bull, but you panic anyway.

Wish you had a lawyer.

Thank you,
I know I do panic but my son is so small still and his dad is pretty dangerous. He spends his time making threats, bringing me to court for the same thing over & over getting nowhere and blaming me for anything he can think of.

Mostly as a "consequence" for divorcing him & believes if he makes everything in my life difficult I will give up and go back to him. He has spent over half of his life in prison for fraud, forgery,grand theft etc. Two months ago mysteriously my car burst into flames in my driveway at 1:30 am. There's a lot involved in this " show", so you I do panic a bit.

My point to the question is to try stopping him from harassing me he was ordered no contact except for medical or visitation issues concerning our son (no other content), under 10 sentences, no more than twice a week and by email only. Within 2 weeks there were so ,many texts, calls & emails having nothing to for with our son. We quit at 48. This is being served tomorrow afternoon. I finally got my restraining order granted 3 days ago. He has four times tried making contact with me.

The way he thinks isn't like most people. Sure I feel torching my car is and should be punishable with jail time. Hes on felony probation as it is (out of jail only 10 months ago) so I'm sure it will be an issue, and I will rest easier if he's back in jail, but after producing this elaborate story filled with crap hoping sympathy would help him with custody, would a judge even consider giving it to him EVER? It just doesn't seem right.


Of course you don't lie to a judge, but I don't think you understand the process of a custody battle. Just as one example, you have to have proof that he is lying. The judge is no fool, asking for quite a bit. Failure to provide what she asked for doesn't get him thrown in jail for lying, because it takes too much of the court's time to prove it. All the judge can do is note that he failed to provide what she asked for. Get it? You are looking for Perry Mason or Law and Order, and it doesn't work that way. And custody has SO many variables, that judges often act in personal ways. I like the sound of his judge.

You are in an understandable panic, but too much of one. Why on earth are you afraid of his stupid, worthless email to the judge? If anything,
limited time' would prompt a judge to declare him unfit to be able to care for your son, especially when he doesn't want is family or anyone to know. Of course it's bull, but you panic anyway.

Wish you had a lawyer.

Thank you,
I know I do panic but my son is so small still and his dad is pretty dangerous. He spends his time making threats, bringing me to court for the same thing over & over getting nowhere and blaming me for anything he can think of.

Mostly as a "consequence" for divorcing him & believes if he makes everything in my life difficult I will give up and go back to him. He has spent over half of his life in prison for fraud, forgery,grand theft etc. Two months ago mysteriously my car burst into flames in my driveway at 1:30 am. There's a lot involved in this " show", so you I do panic a bit.

My point to the question is to try stopping him from harassing me he was ordered no contact except for medical or visitation issues concerning our son (no other content), under 10 sentences, no more than twice a week and by email only. Within 2 weeks there were so ,many texts, calls & emails having nothing to for with our son. We quit at 48. This is being served tomorrow afternoon. I finally got my restraining order granted 3 days ago. He has four times tried making contact with me.

The way he thinks isn't like most people. Sure I feel torching my car is and should be punishable with jail time. Hes on felony probation as it is (out of jail only 10 months ago) so I'm sure it will be an issue, and I will rest easier if he's back in jail, but after producing this elaborate story filled with crap hoping sympathy would help him with custody, would a judge even consider giving it to him EVER? It just doesn't seem right.

If the breaking the restraining order, and the lying in court, is just as you described, and the restraining order was a third person contact. You will have to, in court.
Get the third person to testify that your ex was doing this. For the medical records, you will have to get a court order form the judge for his medical records and/or have the doctor appear at the trial to testify. All of which is of course possible.

As to violation of probation, it may, but there is a good chance the PO, since there is no real violence or personal contact, just ignore it as normal divorce and child custody fighting.

People lie almost every day to the divorce and child custody attorney, but it is up to the other side, to prove that the person is lying.

If you do not have an attorney you need to get one.

You are asking impossible questions. You leap right over proof on everything, even the car. Sure, everyone KNOWS he's doing this and that, but unless you have the money to hire investigators, car experts, and lawyers, you are limited. We also can't get inside the mind of each judge, and even though they follow the law, they each put a personal stamp on their decisions too. I would GUESS that no judge would give him custody. But I would not say 'forever.' Most courts these days want to allow both parents some amount of visitation, even if supervised. This is why you need a LAWYER!!!

Normally unless he can prove you are a bad mother, (again with proof that meets the requirements for evidence) you will keep custody. But you can expect him, if he has requested it, to get visitation.

He would have to be a threat to the child (which you have to prove with evidence) that he is. Nothing you have said, would be legal proof in court.

... He then emailed the judge telling her his Doctor will not give out any information and does not wish to be contacted about any of his patients. ...

It does appear that he is lying about his medical condition. But the doctor (if it is known who the doctor is) can be subpoenaed and made to provide answers.

You are asking impossible questions. You leap right over proof on everything, even the car. Sure, everyone KNOWS he's doing this and that, but unless you have the money to hire investigators, car experts, and lawyers, you are limited. We also can't get inside the mind of each judge, and even though they follow the law, they each put a personal stamp on their decisions too. I would GUESS that no judge would give him custody. But I would not say 'forever.' Most courts these days want to allow both parents some amount of visitation, even if supervised. This is why you need a LAWYER!!!


I know, and I'm sorry. So much happening so fast my head races. He called the car fire a "consequence" for divorcing him and not remaining a "family". Can't prove it, but it's what was said. Fire investigators, fire forensics, police, you name it were all at my house the following afternoon and there was sterno on my wheel, tire & driveway. It was arson. I have many email & text messages from him with simple threats of I'll be sorry, you won't be pleased with the outcome, name calling, accusations etc.

He then contacted my insurance company claiming the car to be his and that we are still married (lie and lie) trying to collect on this crime. Without him admitting he did it or had it done he gets away with it.

That's just material though. My concern is my son. He is the best, smartest little guy. So happy and funny. He comes home from visits in a horrible mood, throwing things, hitting his head on walls, doors & the floor. Has night terrors and such bad separation anxiety with me I can't take a shower without him standing rite there crying "mommy hold you". His dad called me a whore so many times one day when he had our son for a visit that my 2 year old came home and called me whore. It's a mess. I do what I can to help get him through all this emotional stuff, but don't know what's going on that triggers it.

I get the whole children spending time with both parents. Its not about us, its about him seeing his dad. They have their own relationship and I won't interfere. Its not my place unless there is abuse going on. I'm not a selfish mom putting my feelings for my ex in the way of our son.

I just am afraid that he will snow this judge into joint custody and he isn't at least in my eyes mentally stable. So much said but I suppose needed to ask is there a chance a judge would grant someone like this joint custody of a small child? It really frightens me.

I have to ask, Why did you have a relationship and a child with this person since as you claim he has been in prison for half of his life ?

You persist in telling stories, and expecting us to know what a judge will do. You haven't told us why you don't have a lawyer. And when I say that courts want both parents involved, you blow it all up again with more stories (without even the specifics of current visitation ruling). You are really just venting here. I don't blame you; it does sound scary. But you asked under Law. If you want to continue with more horror stories, please copy/paste most of this into Relationships.

If you are afraid that he will snow the judge, then GET PROOF of his lies! Prove that he violated the RO. Prove that he contacted the insurance company and lied. Produce the police reports that said the car fire was arson.

This may involve getting depositions for which you need an attorney.

Any doctor will refuse to talk to a third party unless the patient gives permission. But no doctor will refuse legitimate contact about a patient. So its unlikely the judge is buying that story. But you can ask the judge to issue a subpoena for the records.

...
...This may involve getting depositions for which you need an attorney.
...

Well, an attorney isn't needed, strictly speaking, to take depositions, but it would be well to have an attorney determine which depositions are needed.


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Any doctor will refuse to talk to a third party unless the patient gives permission. But no doctor will refuse legitimate contact about a patient. So its unlikely the judge is buying that story. But you can ask the judge to issue a subpoena for the records.

I think the ex would be the one to take the doctor's records deposition (&/or testimonial deposition), if needed. But I agree: unless the ex does so, the judge probably will see this story about a doctor is self-evidently false.