I have never asked a question on a site like this, but I am just totally confused right now and not even any of my friends or family members can tell me what to do.

OK... here's the deal. I am 23 years old now and have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We have talked about marriage and I know that I do love him and he loves me. But lets back up a little bit. When I was a junior in high school, I was involved in my first real relationship. We dated for almost 2 years and he treated me like I was a Queen. I never had to worry about him cheating on me or doing anything to hurt me because I knew that I was the only girl he wanted. The only problem was I didn't want to be in a relationship at that time. I was just too young. He was ready to settle down and marry me, but I definitely wasn't. I treated him horrible towards the end of our relationship. I cheated on him a few times and was just overall a very mean person. Although I didn't realize it at the time, believe me I realize it now and I would now do anything to be able to take back the things I did to him.

Sooo, anyway I ended up breaking up with him because I told him he was smothering me and I just needed some space. Well, for about 6 months after that he would still call every night and beg me to take him back, but I just ignored him as best I could. I was very selfish at that time and I just wanted to go out and have fun for a while and I figured he would be there when I was ready to settle down. Well I had my fun and then decided that I wanted to try again with him, but guess what... he didn't want me back then! Well, I was just totally devastated and didn't know what to do. I tried over and over again to put it back together but he pretty much just ignored me. We would still see each other but it was kind of like he was playing games with me and it never went anywhere. Well anyway he ended up going into the Marines and he was there for 4 years. We did talk every once and a while during the time he was gone. He would call when he came in town for a week or two and I would get so excited because I thought we were getting back together, but then he would just leave again without even saying bye. This went on for the whole time he was gone, we never lost contact so in my head I thought that meant there was still hope for us. I pretty much waited for him the whole time but it was like I was waiting for something that was never there.

Finally, it had been about a year since I had seen or talked to him when I met someone else. Although I did still think of him from time to time while I was dating my new guy, after a while I quit thinking about him so much and thought I had finally gotten over him. Well, just last weekend I was out with my friends and saw Mr. Ex-Boyfriend out. Well, just that one second of seeing him brought ALL my old feelings back again. My heart seriously felt like it stopped as soon as he walked into the room. I did talk to him and towards the end of the night I ended up telling him exactly how I felt about him. I told him I had never stopped thinking about him and although I am in a serious relationship now, I still have feelings for him. He said he did still have feelings for me too, but that was about all he would say. In other words, he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, that he wanted me back just as bad as I wanted me back. Well he asked me to come out with him and his friends that night but I knew that I would just be putting myself in a very bad situation if I did that so I told him I couldn't and just left.

That was two days ago and I have not been able to stop thinking about him now. I even dream about him at night. It is so hard because my current boyfriend knew right away something was wrong, but I can't tell him what it is. Right now we are in a huge fight over him being too jealous and controlling and any other time we got in a fight like this I would just get over it and everything would be fine, but now I don't know what to do! I don't know if I want to risk everything that my boyfriend and I have right now on a chance that I would get back together with my ex. But I do still feel in my heart that my ex is the one for me and I don't see that feeling ever going away. I think that if you still have such strong feelings about someone after 6 years that has to mean something!

I know that no one can tell me exactly what to do, I just need different opinions. Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and they could tell me what they did. I don't know, I just know I need whatever help anyone can give me right now, so if you have any kind of advice for me... please go for it, cause I could definitely use it!

Thanks so much!

You need to resolve this immediately. Get together with him and tell him how you feel.

This could effect the rest of your life. If you truly love him, get with him now.

BUT, don't have some false ideas in your head - that this slow even after you tell. Become his friend and his lover. You also need to see where he is in life. Is he seeing anyone else. Maybe you broke his heart so bad he can't have you back.

Fools rush in. Don't rush this, but see him.

Also, you really should not be with your current boyfriend. Obviously you do not have the proper feelings for him - he will thank you one day.

You can get him back - this website helps with matters of the heart: www.lovetactics.com. - read the artcles.

You did treat this guy really badly in the past and he continued to contact you for 6 months after you no longer were together. If all he wants is to be good friends could you handle that? He is afraid of being hurt by you again so probably doesn't want to go down that road again. Have a heart to heart and see where he's coming from and if all he wants is friendship then you should respect that and his feelings.

You also need to prove that you have changed. The only way to get someone back is to change and prove that you have changed.

Change is good.

Well, this is what I did... I wrote a letter to my ex basically swallowing my pride and saying EVERYTHING I felt inside. I gave it to him in person and told him that I would like for him to write something back to me. He said he would so I guess I have done all I can do now and just need to wait for his reply. As for my current boyfriend, we are going on a vacation for a week and maybe that will help me get everything straightened out with him and figure out who I want to be with. I think I can accept the fact that my ex and I are not getting back together if he could just tell me that. I need closure from him... which he has never been able to give me. I also don't want to hurt my current boyfriend, I do love him, but I still think that I would jump at the chance if my ex tried to come back to me now.
And Wildcat, as to your reply about letting him know that I have changed, I have told him over and over that I was wrong in the past and that I have changed so much, so that is pretty much all I can do about that... I think?

Thanks for the replys guys
Brylei