I am 17 years old I am usually very socially awkward especially with women except I get short bursts of confidence which I always use to say or do something stupid like break something. I have always wondered why I didn't get asked to do stuff with people often or get invited to parties but I finally realise I am a extremely oblivious, naive, probably narcissistic, self centered, talking, stupid arrogant.

Lately my "friends" have been inviting me over to get drunk, and I have been wondering why, I realised that I was always way more drunk than them mostly, they seemed to be repeating things I had said with a sarcastic tone from another night or something which when I said them I didn't realise were things to say but upon analysing I realised that they where, they were also mocking me a lot but it all went completely over my head until now. I also remember a camera phone facing me most of the time after I would be asked questions about someone. I also always pity myself and how hard I've got it when in reality my life is not too bad most of the time. I am even doing it now to a degree.I don't know what's wrong with me, why am I like this. I don't want people hating me, I want to be a nice, likeable person. How far does this stretch, how many people hate me, how have I become so fake? Can I ever become a normal person? Is this a mental illness or just me having a terrible stupid fake personality?

I can't go back to school, its been hard enough without knowing the extent of the hatred towards me (which don't get me wrong I deserve 100% of) I want to change schools to get an education but, its me that is the problem so I will probably just repeat what I have already done to myself.

My other question is, do my parents probably see/know that I have a problem? And how far back do you guys reckon this has gone? Has no one liked me since forever, or just since they started getting me drunk.

I want to be a decent human, if I can't be that I want to die. I honestly pray for me to be killed somehow if this is really what I am.

Thanks for reading please help me

Oh and I usually never tell my parents anything but I am ready to, they are the only people I know love me how do I ask them?

Oh and I've never had help from a psychologist before but I am going to ask for one. Will they be able to make me a tolerable human being or just diagnose whether I am mentally ill or just a dickhead?

I wish all the people that knew me could see this my real name. I am honestly sorry to everyone I have come into contact with or talked about, please know I honestly didn't realise those things where offensive and I probably didn't even think them, I repeat stuff that I hear because I am too shallow to come up with my own opinions, or just say the first thing I can think of about it so it looks like I have a real opinion but I don't, I don't know what's wrong with me and my complete stupidness and arrogance has probably been more amusing than anything to you but I am still so so sorry.

Stay away from alcohol and partying. Yes, talk with your parents about this and find, with their help, a counselor who will help you figure out who you are and give you the tools to make changes. Thanks for posting and asking for help!

Hello Max or Casper,
First thing, there are so many people of your age, who feels shallow, shy, and the things you described in your post. It means you are not alone, you are NOT socially awkward, there are many people who feels awkward in many areas that you talked about, so its OK, its normal, you are NOT mentally ill or something. As you will grow, you will learn things from the experience in your life. And you have to take an effort to grow yourself from inside (ie maturity/ adulthood) as you will be growing from outside.
Second- Every person is different, if you want others to love you, FIRST YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF. You should appreciate yourself. In you post you've written all the negetive and bad things about you. If you cannot think or feel good about yourself, how you can expect others to do so. So first you yourself appreciate your uniqueness. Find out one or two things, which you are good at and continue to learn more about it and master it. It will help you to achieve new goals in your life.
Third- change your friends circle if possible, people who put you down. And connect with new friends and start a fresh connections and friendships. It takes a lot of work but its not impossible. God has made you and you are born with a purpose in your life. How can you think about dying. Find out what's your purpose for Humanity. And set your goals in your life. And as you grow and go towards it, enjoy every moment of it.
And last but not the least, Focus in your studies, become good in doing what you like. Education is very important for you future. No matter how people behave around you but once you have the degree, its going to give you a favor in your life, always.
Hope it helps.

Thanks for the quick replys

My parents arnt living together and I have the option to go live with my dad and move away to a different town,I'm guessing at this place I will be able to start again with no one knowing how bad I am, I think I'm definitely taking this way out even though it is cowardly, I have dug myself into this hole with out even realising and the whole time I somehow didn't realise and this scares me,

I want to move and start again as a new person.the thing that is the worst is that even I am not oblivious enough to think that the people here will ever forget what an I am ir was,I feel like I have ruined my future already and I am only seventeen

I now feel like my whole life I have been a level lower than everyone else, I cannot comprehend all the millions of terrible things I must have said and had said to me that I didn't realise.
I wish I could say sorry and make everyone forget me and start again with some power that lets me have a totally different personality

Thanks for any suggestions or even just reading this ?

Thanks for any suggestions or even just reading this.

You are not alone in the teenage world of being the brunt of jokes because you try too hard to be liked.
The solution is to simply stop.
Go to school and go about your classes and say hi if someone says hi, and leave it at that. Don't try to ingratiate yourself to ANYONE, because it seems that you overdo it, and people take advantage of it.
Given time, they will forget.
All you need is ONE GOOD FRIEND. There's probably someone in school who is quiet and ignored and unhappy. Look around you. Don't push yourself on anyone, just say hi, or what did you think of that test. Stay away from girls for now, bursts of confidence or not, except for hi in passing. Drop words from psychology. Even something like narcissistic can be exactly opposite of what you really are, which might be so painfully unsure of yourself that you try to cover it up with that fake stuff you mentioned. Some of the most arrogant, self centered, mean people, or the ones who always want to be the center of attention, are the ones with the lowest self esteem.

If after a week or two people start saying that you've changed, just say, yes I have.
And go on down the hall, the new quiet reserved mysterious person.
Soon you will be out of school anyway, and the adult world will be much different, with people busy with life, not being mean to their little group.

Someday you will realize that being liked is liking other people, not presenting yourself on a silver platter, not being interesting or funny or a clown, not showing off or bragging or ANYTHING except showing interest in someone else.

Nothing wrong with you my young friend. You just need to stop getting drunk, and hanging out with kids that do, and get a little guidance from a caring adult. That's all, and then you can be whatever you want to be, and build yourself confidence, and self esteem.

Same as most other 17 year olds seems to me.

I am amazed by how understanding and intelligent you people on this site are
These answers are really helping me understand and make a decision with what to do with myself,
Any more answers are really appreciated, thanks guys
I might post again in a few weeks to give an update
:)

I might post again in a few weeks to give an update :)
You're very welcome. Most of us are parents who (just barely) survived our youth. Yes, please let us know what's happening!

One last quick question sorry guys hope I'm not too late

Part of me wants to send a message to a few of these kids saying I am moving and away. And I finally realise what an I am and that I am so sorry to them and everyother person I have said anything bad about.

Is this a good idea , my mind is really cloudy lately so I thought I should ask for advice before I do anything really stupid
Please keep in mind that they are 17 year old boys that really don't like me so I don't want to say anything that going to humiliate me way further

It's not a good idea to send a message at all. This will only give them more ammunition to use against you. Be the bigger person and just move on with no explanation to anyone other than yourself.

Glad you ask before you did something stupid! Tell them nothing. Why should you? No need to announce your plans or intentions to anyone. Just do what you want.

Im pretty sure I said I would try to give an update after a few weeks to tell you guys where I am now at.
My holidays have finished and school has started again, I'm now at my second week of the first term,(Year 11 by the way)
I hav'nt changed schools or asked for help or anything yet,because one day I will think everyone actually likes me and its all fine
So I won't say anything and then the next I will pick up or hear something someone says and I will be sent back into a loop,the worst
Part is,that when I forget about this all I go back to being a fakely happy,oblivious idiot, and so the cycle continues.


And as much as I've tried, not much has changed as of yet,I try my best to be nice and have tried to avoid these "friends" as much as
I can. Except when I am at school I don't know where to sit except near them, I know they all dislike me and I see and feel the
Looks they give each other when I go to sit down except I don't know what else to do except walk into the toilets alone and kill time,which I end up doing a lot I guess.

I feel pretty alone and helpless here,the worst part of it all is that I truly have brought this upon myself.
Like I said I am trying to be kind and I am watching the things I say about people and everything else for that matter,but I keep slipping up,and it doesn't matter anyway,I am at the point where I feel it is too late,at least with these people, I can honestly say anything to them now about anything and they will turn it against me.

I just wish I had one friend, on my side,who wanted to help me, who could tell me what they all really think of me,
What they dislike about me,what I am doing wrong, so I could try change it,or know that there is no option but to change schools. Because all I do now is speculate upon the different things they say about me or dislike about me,hell, I wish one of them could come right up to me and take the piss out of me off for these things to my face,at least then I would know what they think.

I am miserable and scared, I don't need to be popular, or even normal, but I want to be able to wake up before a day of school
And not feel sick in my stomach,and I don't want to be counting down the seconds until I can walk home,or for lunch or recess to end during every waking second of my life,or for when I get home , to be able to think about the unavoidable hell which I will have to face as soon as I wake up from sleep

I look at so many people around me like my Sister or old friends or even how I was a few years back and everything just works out for them, they can just say the right things,just talk to anyone they don't know without acting like a complete idiot to try kill the awkwardness that I cant fill with genuine conversation.I wish I
Could go back in time or start all over and change, I wouldn't care if I was twice as oblivious and nieve as I already am, or if I was super stupid or Anything, if I could just be a genuine and decent human being, I would be so happy.

I hate it at this school but I am too scared to change schools because if I truly am as bad as they think then surely this will just repeat itself,

I feel stupid just writing this because I know I am self pitying and being extremely negative
Which is just one of the many reasons they dislike me for.

But I want to get myself out of this but I cant on my own and no-one wants to help a like me and
I understand that, but,man,this sucks so bad.

ps.im so sorry this one is even longer then the first

I think it will help if you realize we all go through those teenage angst, and insecurities at sometime,or other, in our young lives, where we just take everything personally, and blow up the slightest thing, like a look, or word, and make it a bigger deal than what it should be. We can't help it, as it's a part of the learning process, better known as growing pains.

LOL, if you stop turning this angst on yourself, and could pay more objective attention to the people around you, then you may see how different people cope with it. Some gather in a group, some are loud and boisterous, some are very quiet, some even clown to mask there insecurity,and get some attention from others. Yes it's awkward and uncomfortable, especially when you dread going to school, and have isolated yourself so out of FEAR of how you are accepted.

Not unusual to be discouraged that you have not found your place yet, but don't be envious of others that seem like they have already, because likely, they unlike you, are faking it while they are figuring it out. That's more normal than you realize.

One thing you have right, is no matter where you go, you take your attitude with you. So when you wake up, that's when you decide what attitude you take with you for the day, and what you show to others. I advise you to shed the dread, and fear, and just be grateful for waking up, and having the chance to make a choice how YOU will face THIS day.

You can make this the first new day of your life, or more of the same crap. Up to you, NOT others, and what they say,or do. I think in time you will figure that out.