I'm 22 and she's 19 and we've been going out for about 1 and a half years now. For some reason we started talking about each others past. I didn't expect her to be a virgin since I wasn't but I wasn't prepared for what I heard.

She told me she had been with 14 people at the start of our relationship and had 2 threesomes. (I don't know why I stayed I guess I thought I could handle it) then for some reason around 7 months into our relationship she turned round and said she hadn't had a threesome and that she only said it to hurt me because I've been with around 30 people. I know it's sounds like I'm being a hypocrite but I just can't get over why she would tell me something then change the story. I don't know what to believe. I honestly can't cope with the fact she's had a threesome I think it's just wrong.

I'm at the point now where I can't turn it off. Whenever I see her, lie down beside her, talk to her I can't stop picturing what she's done with others. Some precise words even trigger thoughts about things that I do not want to think about. I lie down at night and sometimes all I think about is her and these other people. I say to myself "Why did she do it with him?" or "He used to do this with her...". Whether I'm eating, driving, working, studying, the thoughts won't go away. I want it to go away, I want to love her unconditionally because her past is her past, and it has nothing to do with her now. I love her and she is honestly the best thing that has happened to me, but I just can't get these thoughts about her and other people away. I've only been with 2 other people in my life versus her 5 so that might be causing some sort of jealousy, I don't know. But what I do know is that I can't stop thinking about her past whenever I'm with her and causes me to be irritable and not the great boyfriend that I used to be. It's killing my relationship, my reputation as a good boyfriend, and me as a person.

I want to stop it, I want to stop these thoughts, and I don't know if it will go away because it's been so long.

Her past is all I think about with her and when I'm not with her. I feel confused, angry, lost, stressed, and so tired thinking about this bullsh**. Its consuming me and its destroying our relationship slowly. It isn't the same, I'm not the same, and we're not happy. I thought I was smart enough, strong enough, mature enough to cope with it but I've tried everything but its just a lot stronger than I am. I don't know if it'll go away, and I'm scared and I'm hurting so bad because I love her. So I'm here, asking for help.

Please no comments saying that I should leave her, or for me to just forget about her past and move on, because I already know that. I need positive criticism, and positive advice for previous experiences.

We have all had previous experiences, so I don't know what you want us to say. I will not say move on and forget her. Every relationship is different; we didn't need all of your past history because I can say again we have all been through this before; I don't dwell on previous relationships of anyone I am with who has past everybody has a past or we would not learn from our mistakes.

Positive is living in THE HERE AND NOW and that is what you have to do if you want to move forward with this girl.

Let me put it this way; how does she think about every other person you have been with ? Or maybe you are mature enough not to mention this.

OK, here is what I think, and you may not like this, she is telling you all of her past relationships because she WANTS you to feel jealous, she wants to see your jealousy beause that is the only way she can feel WANTED by you. Result, she is not mature enough to handle the relationship with you of this depth, the way you want it to be. She is not as emotionally into you as you are to her.

Threesome are definitely not allowed in a monogomous relationship. I think you had better explain to her what this means. I am not going to go on and on about STDS if she actually has been in three-somes.

You have a lot to think about, joey-jones.

Consider that she is with you now. Mature relationships are more than sex... much more. For all you know she may be wondering what you did with others. Part of dating is getting to know different people and for some people that may include sex. If she wasn't happy being with you, she wouldn't be.
Its been quite a while that you have been allowing this to eat at you... time to put it to rest, recognize that she enjoys being with you, and focus on building a loving future instead of speculating about a past you had nothing to do with.
If you can't let it go, or if you really dont believe her, then you have more to think about....starting with whether or not this is how you want to feel in a relationship.

Inexperience, or immaturity. Take your pick or take them both. How else can you explain being so stuck on one thing that it interferes in you doing your best. What a great excuse not to enjoy what you have and be grateful you have it.

I think what's called for is an honest self evaluation of how you handle your own fear, and where you want this relationship to go. Mature experienced men wouldn't give a rat's patoot about the past before them, nor would dwell on it, or use it as an excuse for making such an insignificant thing bigger than what it deserves to be.

Maybe this is the first time you have faced this challenge in a relationship, or the furthest you have gone in one, but it's a challenge you rise to, or leave it alone. Its not her, or her past my friend, but you and how you handle your own fears, insecurities, and feelings. Not strange when faith is shaken by a supposed petty lie from an insecure partner, though. Takes a long time for trust to be restored, or face the fact they lied. Who cares why, it just sucks and makes you think and feel the worst.

Or maybe the lust has gone, and the love just ain't as great as you think. That's the whole point in an HONEST self evaluation, figuring out how you deal with what you are afraid of. What are you afraid of?

That is if you honestly want to move forward. You are right, this experience has changed you, into what is up to you? Be better, or drown in your own crap. If you are not ready, you just ain't ready, so choose how you want to proceed, and lose the excuses.

What she did BEFORE you is none of your business and if you can't let that go, it is going to eat you up and destroy anything you do have with her. Guess what? If you dump her and move on to someone else, you will experience the same thing as well. You need to look deep and consider why this is such a deep problem for yourself.

I'm still trying to figure out what the TRUTH is here.

Have you been editing your post? She was with 14 people and had 2 3somes. You 30.
Later she 5 and you 2.

WHICH IS IT?

Yes you are a hypocrite, regardless of number games. You are clouding your jealousy with excuses about her changing her story. You are changing yours, but that's beside the point. The point is that you are jealous of the PAST, and jealousy is a POISON, and it's selfish and egotistical and in this case, a double standard. Admit it and go find a 14 year old virgin through a marriage broker. Oh, you say you love her and don't tell you that? Tough. You don't deserve her. You want life both ways. You can't handle this, so give her a break and let her go.

LATER: OK, that was the tough love. You asked for constructive advice. Yes, I have been jealous in my 68 years. But not of someone's past! Of losing someone to someone else. It's very possible that the change in you is because she is losing 'that loving feeling,' and you think she's looking for someone else. In other words, it isn't so much her past as the chance that she is recreating that past, or thinking of doing so. That's insecurity. You don't feel adequate. You aren't comfortable with your own ability to love and be loved. Either TALK with her about all that, or see a therapist.

Are you this obsessive about other things in your life? If so, you need to talk to somebody because this is ridiculous. Why did you tell her you have been with 30 people? You said she only told you she had a threesome because you said you had been with 30, so what is your problem, why are you so hung up on what her past is?

I see it as her baiting him with her exploits, either real, imagined, or untruths because she wants to get a rise out of him (no no that rise) but she wants to get him to notice her as one who has had exploits too. Could be the three-some is just a come on to see just how jealous she can make him, and in her mind, care more.

This is not a good relationship because she is totally too immature to create jealousy where there should not be any.

Joey has to have enough guts to come back and discuss this now that he has posted this stuff.