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View Full Version : Should I leave my boyfriend for my crush?


alleycatJ13
Dec 22, 2014, 12:48 AM
My boyfriend is 30, is career driven, loves me, is sweet and cares about me... yet he cries often, frequently worries, is clueless when it comes to household repairs, immature, often lacks common sense and is a mama's boy (although his mama is a very nice woman, and his family loves me). He didn't move out of his parents' place until he was 27. I'm the first girlfriend he's ever had and we've been together about 3 years now. I now have a crush on a guy at the theatre where I work. He handles the child cast member while I work wardrobe. He is a sweet funny and down to earth 27 year old guy who works so well with the child and seems more mature than my boyfriend. The show we're working on will be over in 2 weeks so if we were to date, it would not end up being awkward if it doesn't work out. I'm stressed trying to determine if I should leave my boyfriend for the guy at work. My boyfriend is a good guy, but his level of maturity, "manliness" and common knowledge of the real world seem limited and is getting tough to tolerate. He is gradually learning, but slowly. I am 33 myself.

Fr_Chuck
Dec 22, 2014, 03:32 AM
Yes, please leave him, so he may find a women who will love and respect him, for what he is. I am shocked, at this silly typing. His manliness. For god sake, so he can not do household repairs, about 1/2 the men in America today can't, or can't well. Just look at the questions on electric or plumbing we get here.

Guess what, real men, can cry. Real men may like to bake or cook.

I think many people today, and most people under 30 have no common sense.

joypulv
Dec 22, 2014, 04:01 AM
The love of my life was a lot like your current man. He gradually became more social, and after 13 years, guess what? He left me. That was 25 years ago... and I still regret not being happier with him. Do whatever you want. Why are you asking total strangers what to do? We can't possibly know what is likely to make you happy.

tickle
Dec 22, 2014, 04:59 AM
If you cant be happy with the man you describe, who to my way of thinking is just about normal by today's standards, then you won't be happy with anyone, especially a 'crush'.

I feel badly for the man you are now with, who has no idea what his future holds with a woman who can find fault with a pretty nice sounding guy.

Cat1864
Dec 22, 2014, 07:06 AM
No, you should not leave your boyfriend for your crush. If you leave, it should be because it is the best thing for you. It should not be to run into the arms of another person.

If you leave, spend time alone figuring out what you want. Learn more about yourself and what you want in a mate and what you don't. Then look for someone who has the same basic needs as yourself. Someone who you will have strong enough feelings for to overlook or compromise on the differences with as a couple.

Jumping from one relationship to another is unfair to everyone involved especially the man you become involved with and yourself. If you don't take time to work through what you feel were the issues in the last relationship and let the negative emotions such as frustration go then you will be comparing the past with the present. You will begin to put the responsibility of your own healing onto the new relationship. Very few relationships can handle that stress without imploding.

Out of curiosity, how long were you single before you became involved with the current boyfriend? What attracted you to him in the first place?

talaniman
Dec 22, 2014, 07:45 AM
Of course you leave your boyfriend because he no longer fulfills you, or makes you happy. Don't string him along until you find a better guy though, that's just dishonest. Obviously you have been dishonest for some time now, since you already have a new crush in mind you want to explore and experiment with.

Jake2008
Dec 22, 2014, 04:24 PM
This is really sad. He loves you as you said, and he's sweet and cares about you. Yet you are already emotionally cheating on him, because you are seriously thinking of leaving him for another man.

Are we to believe that you are just taking a stab in the dark about the new man? I think it is more likely that you have already spent time with him, outside the theatre, and/or exchanged email and/or texts. You must have at least some indication that he is interested in you?

Surely you also must know enough about him to know that you prefer him, over the man you are with now.

I personally don't know what a single man would find interesting in a woman who is already in a relationship. Nor would I find much respect for a man who is considering messing around with a woman who is in a relationship with somebody else.

Maybe both of you deserve each other, as it sounds now that both of you are flying under the moral radar by quite some distance.

My advice is, no matter which man you decide to be with, deal with one man at a time. If you are no longer honest and faithful (obviously) to the man you are currently with, let him go. Then give yourself some time on your own before you tackle a new relationship.

And of course, you point out all the 'bad' things about the man you are with in order to justify thinking about a new plan with a new man. That is also very typically responsive of a woman who is, or has already, cheated. At least be honest enough to take out your excuses for your behavior and intended behavior, which have nothing to do with your current boyfriend.

Alty
Dec 22, 2014, 04:30 PM
Sounds like you're looking for a reason to leave.

I do think you should leave your boyfriend. He deserves someone that will love him for who he is, and you obviously don't. You find him annoying, immature. Leave and let him find the love he deserves.

You're the immature one in my opinion. Seems that you can't leave someone until you find someone to replace him. Doesn't sound like you ever really cared about your current boyfriend at all, he was just there so you wouldn't be alone, and now that you found someone else, you're more than happy to get rid of the guy that loved you for the last 3 years. You have issues.

cherrlyblossom4
Dec 23, 2014, 11:05 AM
Don't string your current boyfriend along that will just make things worst if you feel that he no longer full-fills you break up with him let him find someone that really cares for him