I am 19 and my sister is four years older at 23. When we were very very young kids I suppose that we got along fairly well. However pretty much as long as I can remember the way she acts has never sat right with me. During her teenage years it was assumed that her crazy mood swings were because of puberty so as a child I tried to go along to get along. But she just has this immature personality that is both immature and inconsiderate. She is the most selfish ***** I have ever met. People always ask about our relationship and why we aren't close and I often find it hard to explain. We both share a dislike for our father based off how we grew up (which is a different story in itself) but other than that she has shown no love towards me. She has carelessly lost and broken phones that I've had to which she hasn't replaced. She knows that I have a mind crippling OCD and not only does she make fun of it after I've opened up to her about it and had what I thought was a reconciliation/heart-to-heart but she continues to sleep on my bed and use my body wash which are my OCD triggers that she is aware of.

Currently she doesn't have a phone so since I've been home on college break, she uses mine. She pretty much calls me a ho, tell me I'm a smart *** and further tries to make me feel bad while using MY phone. But I forgive her after a few hours because I just hate saying no and being a ***** back because I know that it's going to make her say more hurtful things or even hit me. I am scared of her verbal abuse and fear that it might culminate in a fight so I just try to let it go...

SO the straw that broke the camel's back was last night before I went to spend the night at a friends house she used my phone to text her friends and then she said to my mom I'm going to sleep in her bed like I always do. Then she told my mom about a pregnancy test I had in a suitcase and told my mom to get on me about it and laughed, not unlike a six year old. I do not want my mom in my "sexual" life. That was just it, I do not wish to talk to her anymore.

These are only about 5% of the cases I've been through with her. I'm in college so it won't be hard, the dilemma is that I have 4 weeks until school. I want to go to my bf's apartment in my college town but Christmas is next week. I CAN not deal with her for even a second. I'm still at my friend's house I don't want to go back home. I don't want this to affect my mother though, I love her unconditionally. I have love for my sister but the relationship is toxic and I feel bad when I'm around.

I do not know what to do anymore and I am already stressed out from MANY MANY other things. Please help...

All you can do at the moment, is deal with the problem that you are facing, which is your sister, and the lack of respect and lack of boundaries.

Your childhood is not an issue, nor is the lack of support from your mother. You are an adult now.

1) figure out what you can do to mitigate the uncomfortable circumstances that you are in. Can you stay with your friend, and just come over for Christmas Day?

2) accept that you are unable to change the situation, and instead, figure out how to work around it, until you are out of there.

3) you don't owe an excuse, or explanation to anyone. I repeat, keep your own life to yourself, and decide that you will (hopefully) get some backbone and not let your sister walk all over you.

4) stop participating in soothing your sisters needs and wants by loaning her anything. Buy a small lock box if you have to, and lock up your phone, and your bath products that you mentioned, and anything else she gets her mitts on.

Only you can stop this behavior. You have options and you need to exercise them. As long as you allow her to walk all over you, she will continue to do so.

You have made a lot of excuses why you don't stand up for yourself, which is the very reason she does as she does. You allow it. Bet your mom is waiting for you to stop letting her punk you out whenever she pleases.

All you can do at the moment, is deal with the problem that you are facing, which is your sister, and the lack of respect and lack of boundaries.

Your childhood is not an issue, nor is the lack of support from your mother. You are an adult now.

1) figure out what you can do to mitigate the uncomfortable circumstances that you are in. Can you stay with your friend, and just come over for Christmas Day?

2) accept that you are unable to change the situation, and instead, figure out how to work around it, until you are out of there.

3) you don't owe an excuse, or explanation to anyone. I repeat, keep your own life to yourself, and decide that you will (hopefully) get some backbone and not let your sister walk all over you.

4) stop participating in soothing your sisters needs and wants by loaning her anything. Buy a small lock box if you have to, and lock up your phone, and your bath products that you mentioned, and anything else she gets her mitts on.

Only you can stop this behavior. You have options and you need to exercise them. As long as you allow her to walk all over you, she will continue to do so.
I never said that my childhood or mother was an issue. I just stated that it is the only common thing we have.

I have love/hate relationships with some of my relatives. My sister is my closest friend but she often bugs the crap out of me, and we're in our 50s. I get it - I really do.

So, as long as you must share a space, you must be patient and you must involve your mother, who owns the home. You need to ask your mother (not crying or whining - just ask, like a grown up, in a regular and not-annoying manner), "I want to get along with Beth but her lack of boundaries (such as using my toiletries and sleeping in my bed) really upset me. I'd like to ask you, since it's your house, if you can please set some boundaries for her and insist that she stay out of my room, and not use my belongings, while I'm home. I think we'll all get along better then. I have to tell you this has bothered me so much I've considered leaving for the rest of break, but I don't want to do that. I just don't want her to disrespect me this way." If mom won't talk to her, then you might have to stay elsewhere - if you're in college, you are an adult. You can still come for the holiday party, but sleep and bathe elsewhere. When you graduate and have your own home, you might want to meet up with your sister somewhere other than your home, where you are in a public environment and don't have to worry about her intruding on your space.

My sister, even in our fifties, has a habit of barging in on me even though she's known all our lives I'm a very private and modest person. The other day, I figured not to bother locking my bedroom and bath when she was over and I was getting showered and dressed, but the thought did cross my mind. Sure enough - I was naked on the toilet when she barged in to find and borrow my hair straightening iron. Note to self - ALWAYS lock the door when she's around. She's not going to change, and no amount of getting pissed off will make her change.

I did tell her it was rude and she should have knocked and asked if she could come in, at which point I'd have said, "No - don't come in, but what do you need? I'll get it in a moment for you." She agreed but if she comes again, she'll do the same unless she finds the door locked.

You should get a good lock on your bedroom, don't leave your toiletries in the bathroom and, make clear that if she sleeps in your bed, she must wash all the bedding and make it up before whatever time is convenient for YOU.