View Full Version : Dry spell
kiki_larue
Dec 16, 2014, 08:37 PM
Hi there,
I've known my current boyfriend for over a year now and we've been exclusively dating for only 6 months. We are very loving and affectionate towards each other, but we seem to have come to a halt in the bedroom.
We started dating and waited about 2 months before we first had seX. At first we had a few hiccups. He had trouble keeping an erection and then he had trouble reaching ejaculation. We talked and he gave me reasons such as being nervous or tired. We seemed to have gotten past that, but recently he just seems uninterested in having sex. He's still very affectionate tells me he cares for me and loves me, makes sure my child and I are included in his life, everything else is wonderful, but I can't help but feel rejected when it comes to him not wanting sex.
I'm wondering how normal it is to have a dry spell this early in the relationship, and what's the best way to approach him about this with out coming off accusing or blaming?
Fr_Chuck
Dec 17, 2014, 05:25 AM
What are your ages. With erection issues, can I assume a older gentleman?
And how long a dry spell, one week, one month ?
Are you living together, or just dating?
kiki_larue
Dec 17, 2014, 07:05 AM
We are in our mid 30's. I'm not even sure if dry spell is the right term to use, I guess basically he declines any sexual advances I make. He does work weird shift work, so I can understand that he is tired at times, but even after a relaxing evening with a few glasses of wine, his desire is just not there.
We both currently have our own houses, but we see each other daily and sleep at one another's house every night he isn't working.
This dry spell is going on 2 weeks now.
talaniman
Dec 17, 2014, 08:06 AM
Don't take his ED problems personally, it has nothing to do with you. He is probably as baffled as you are and most guys never address such issues with a simple doctor visit. We hate doctors. Pressing for sex under those circumstances creates more stress than solutions and its quite a challenge to constructively guide a male partner to a doctor since he is never going to see this as a medical issue.
He already is taking this personally, and it would be a mistake for you to make the same mistake he is making. Communicating to a closed mind is a difficult challenge for a young couple. Especially when everything else seems to be going so well. Pay attention, while you may be ready to do whatever it takes to make this work better, he doesn't have the same level of commitment for whatever reason, and that's the real challenge to overcome. Agreeing on a level of commitment.
Maybe it would help to step back and learn more about him, at least develop some communications that you can both understand each other better. I think he is still caught up in the enjoying his good fortune, but has yet to realize the full extent of the work he has to do to keep it going. How to show him what you require is going to be a challenge, and that's only if he is willing, or can become willing.
ma0641
Dec 17, 2014, 04:18 PM
"He's still very affectionate tells me he cares for me and loves me, makes sure my child and I are included in his life, everything else is wonderful"... sex". Some people would prefer a loving, caring person over sex. Strange shifts, being tired and" even after a relaxing evening with a FEW glasses of wine, his desire is just not there. LOL-I'd be asleep! True love will get through this issue, just be helpful.
Fr_Chuck
Dec 17, 2014, 06:41 PM
As a man who had had some ED issues, I will agree, men do not like to admit they have an issue, they will try to make excuses, ignore the problem. It can happen from stress, high blood pressure, and also medication if any. LOL, and depends on how much wine, but drinking can often make it much worst.
Great sex is great, but snuggle and caring is a lot better and worth much more.
And two weeks is really not much of a dry period, (sorry, I know it feels like it)
I know when I was under stress and doing shift work, a dry spell was more like 2 months sometimes.
kiki_larue
Dec 17, 2014, 09:13 PM
Ok fair enough. Maybe I was looking for an issue where there is none. I appreciate your advice, and I will maybe re-evaluate my feelings. Maybe it's just my ego getting bruised when I really shouldn't be so sensitive.
Thanks again!
talaniman
Dec 18, 2014, 06:58 AM
This relationship is a works in progress, as all are at this beginning stages, and you both are still learning. So enjoy the learning. Maybe tell him to go home and rest after a long hard day. You don't live together... yet, so learn and enjoy. What's the hurry?
Too much, too fast you crash and burn, so back up and take your time with this. Pay attention and listen, as well as talk. It's a process! Be patient as more will be revealed later.
kiki_larue
Dec 18, 2014, 10:56 PM
Thanks for all the great advice! It certainly is a learning process for the both of us. We had a really great evening and had some very open and honest conversation today. Happy to report my "dry spell" has been broken.
I know I have to work on not taking things personally. Things are going great, I have to learn to let things flow.
Thanks again!