I am 54 and have been in a relationship for 10 years... I want to leave but don't even know where to start. I was laid off from my job in 2010 and have failed to find new employment... My teeth are in disrepair and I have no formal education. I have to share a car with the man I am with. I have clothes that are not very presentable for finding employment and the job market where I live is not good. Finding a job that would pay the bills is looking almost impossible right now. At 54 I have some health issues and the idea of working a second job with no car to get around in once I leave would be more than I am capable of maintaining. I feel trapped and depressed and don't know what to do to get free of this situation.
I think about taking my own life because the idea that I will be trapped here like this is more than I can live with. All I want is a decent enough job to support myself... Finding an apartment in a safe neighborhood will also be next to impossible as my credit is destroyed and without decent credit you can't move anywhere nice. I can't see myself getting a job in this state that will allow me to ever buy a car to get around in.
I need help to get out of this bad relationship but have no where to turn. My parents and sister are dead and my only daughter is married and living in Alaska with her husband.. They cannot afford to help me and I don't want to tell her how everything is because she would only worry and that isn't fair to her.
Where do you start? I am too old to go back to school and don't think incurring a student loan at my age would be a sound idea. They probably wouldn't give me one due to my credit.
Is this it? Can my whole life have amounted to this? Nothing or worse?
The depression this is causing me is crushing my soul and making it impossible for me to even think straight.
I can't get a bank account because an old debt allows them to attach my bank accounts and completely drain them until the debt is paid which is 6000$.
Maybe I would be better off dead as I cannot bear to think that this is it and I am stuck forever or until he dies.

Dead does not solve anything.

And "too old" I went back three years ago, and got a new B.S. degree ( I was 56 at the time) I am now 1/2 way though my new Masters Degree. So bull about being too old, That is just an excuse people use to not do things.

Not knowing where you are at, I can only answer for the US.
First there are Federal grants for education that you don't pay back, that will pay for a lot of your 4 year degree and some approved Technical training.

Next there are women shelters in many places to help women get back on their feet.

So, you get a low paying job, and start saving a little, and find a roommate or two to share a place with.

Depending on how bad the teeth are, dentures are often a low cost fix to teeth issues.

Salvation Army or other thrift stores can get a person very nice looking clothes cheaply ( or free if you talk to them and follow that they require)

That is where all of my clothes came from, when I lived in the US

It's a daunting challenge for sure to leave a 10 year relationship and start all over alone with nothing, but you need a plan. I don't know where you are or your income but I would sure start with local health, and human services, or a woman's shelter to get guidance and ideas as to what options you have available for you.

Many of us your age have been faced with the same challenges, and you just have to take small steps and tackle your issues one at a time. Have you maintained contact with your daughter? You don't have to be a burden, and she may have some ideas or a helpful perspective on your situation.

Where are you? What state? What county?

I agree with all the above except for the teeth. There is nothing cheap about even the most minimal way to get dentures or bridges, even dental schools.

You need welfare and Medicaid and food stamps, for starters, much as I don't like so many people on welfare. You sound like you really want to work (and it's not TRUE that no one on welfare goes back to work)! So if you haven't, start the process, BUT don't fill out any applications until you have another place to live, because in some cases, the income of the person you live with will count.

Being 54 doesn't mean you are too old for roommates. I have had roommates up through my 60s. It's actually ideal as you age because you can sort out sharing with more wisdom, and the more roommates you have, the more you save. So start looking for sharing ads. Be very careful before handing anyone a dime though, these days.

I'm not reading you as wanting to be dead, just feeling like you have no choices. Does that sound about right?

ii am probably going to be stuck going to a shelter since if I work he will demand my money when I get paid which will not allow me to save and move out. The shelters here are over flowing so I cannot be sure how well received a woman with no children will be..

By the way I live in the U.S... in Phx AZ Maricopa county.
My old job may rehire me but it will be a dead-end job with few benefits... Hopefully enough to see me through some kind of school... I might even get to do something I like. A degree will not be the answer as my grade point average was lousy and with my credit I will be lucky to get technical training assistance.
Chuck Fr - you make it sound like I am just too lazy to try or accept less than easy options... This isn't true.. I have thought about this quite a b it and was simply honest with myself about my options which are rather narrow...
In Phx Az in the spring and summer the weather is downright dangerous and you cannot walk places easily... The temp soars to 115 many days in the dead of summer and at 54 that is even more dangerous to be planning to walk and wait for buses in that heat.. Every year there are those that actually die from the exposure.. they are usually people around my age who are homeless and trying to get somewhere as most of them are found at the bus stops.
If I want to die there are much easier ways to go about it.
It will have to be a shelter best done at the beginning of fall and winter so I get a running start towards some kind of transportation. A studio through one of the local agencies/apt hunters who can find places for parolees and those with bad bad credit.. I am willing to check out the possibility of a roommate situation but one has to be very very careful.. the last thing I need is to wind up with flakes who will end me up homeless or ripped off for whatever little I might accrue over a winter working and trying to save. Without a bank account I will have to stash money with a reliable friend or possibly my old boss who I could trust with that at least even if I am not working for him.
It is such a frightening ordeal that awaits with no room for mistakes in judgement. This is made especially hard ridden with these anxieties and severe depression... I know you just have to suck it up and go for it but where in all this does one find the fortitude to stand up and make a move. So much to lose and so little to go on with so many pitfalls and landmines... To fail means a more miserable existence than what I live now...
It is overwhelming when I try to think of what to do first and how to tell which path is right and won't land me in the street starving and sick.

I might talk to my daughter and she did live here a bit before she got divorced and found the man she is with now... She knows about living here and all the things that can happen so she might be able to add something to my perspective that I did not think of.
My mother isn't actually dead yet but she might as well be since she is 98 and too senile to understand or talk to. If she were to die in the interim the money that is left goes to my daughter and she might be able to lend me some money to get a car and/or some help with dentures... but I cannot sit on my hands and plan nothing just waiting for her to pass... the idea is morally wrong and distasteful.
It is hard not to be angry and bitter when I consider what I had before this ill fated marriage. I had my own place a car ( almost brand new) furniture and was 10 years younger. I understand that it is fruitless to think about all that but it is hard not to when I look at the possibilities of the future starting over now.

I need to have a more solid plan before doing anything so I don't end up floating with lose ends
I have been trying to reenter the workforce since 2010 with no luck... this makes it very hard to take courage that I will find something now.
What can one do about paralyzing fear? Am I crazy or am I correct? There is much to fear?

'It is hard not to be angry and bitter when I consider what I had before this ill fated marriage.' You said RELATIONSHIP, not marriage! Which is it?
'My old job may rehire me but it will be a dead-end job with few benefits.' Whoa! I thought you said you hadn't been able to get a job, period.
Now I'm wondering if you are building a wall of defeat around yourself.
You might as well stay with this man. If he were really intolerable, you'd have been out of there, somehow. It sounds like he's better than what you perceive your alternate options to be. As for money, women who plan to hop on a bus to far away manage to sock away $10 every few days, out of groceries, or they do get a dead end job for a while, til they have a deposit on an apartment. Many mothers move to be near an adult child!