Good day. I am 25 year old male she is 20. We have been dating for 2 years now and she still talks to her ex, whom she dated for 3 and a half years. They still text each other. She is claiming they are only friends but the guy wants her back and she told me herself. Whenever I told her it bothers me they stop for like a week or two then go back texting. She says the guy has now another girlfriend but whenever he wants to buy something for that girlfriend he always contacts her (my girlfriend). On her birthday I was away with my family they spoke on the phone for 4 hours straight. I didn't like it and told her she said "where were you to keep me busy?" I got angry and didn't say anything anymore.

Lately the guy asked to meet up with her. She asked me, I told her that it was her decision to make. She decided to go. Before she left she was looking really beautiful. I told her " u look stunning all this just to meet your friend?" She said "So that he regrets" I was shocked but didn't say anything. She went for 6 hours. When she came back I asked her why did she go she said "I wanted to go it has been a while that I have not see him". The following day she asks me again to go I told her "I will not stop you from going, you make the decision". She decided to go and she went at 5pm till 10.30 pm and I didn't like it, so we only spoke for a while because I was a bit angry. She went to the room.

The following day I went through her texts and she said to the guy that I was pissed at her and didn't want to talk to her. I didn't like it because that guy wasn't part of our relationship. I told her and she said sorry. She said I should not worry because nothing happened between them. She claims the guy has a girlfriend but whenever he wants to buy something for the girlfriend she asks my girlfriend. It annoys me!

When I saw this going on for long I decided to talk to one of my female friends and my ex. She told me it bothered her so I stopped. Now we are away from each other in a long distance relationship. He now calls her more than ever. She says sometimes she doesn't answer but only she knows if she is lying or not. We usually speak via WhatsApp and call each other sometimes. Yesterday we were speaking and she goes off without even saying a thing for a whole hour. When she comes back she says "Please don't be angry I was on the phone with my ex" so I told her you know that I would be angry yet you still talk to him? She says " what was I supposed to do ? Tell him to hang up? " I didn't say a thing just said OK!

This is the girl that I want for life I even told my parents about her. My whole family knows. I even learned her mother's tongue. I speak 4 languages, 2 from her country. I never cheated on any of my girlfriend, but I get the feeling she is taking me for granted and whenever she does her stupid things I get vulnerable and feel like it.

Please help

DO you REALLY want someone who can't decide if she wants you or someone else? At least at this point in her life, its clear she doesn't know yet. I wouldn't and I don't think you do either. Lets take this a bit further... assume you did marry her, if she still feels like this... who's to say she won't be doing it while you are at work? It happens... more frequently than you might think.

All those married people who statistically are unfaithful...well they ALL aren't doing it with single people.

I think you are right getting it out in the open...letting her decide. Sure you can tell her you really don't like it , but she really should know the boundaries of what is and isn't appropriate. If you pushed her she would likely feel resentment, but still do it anyway, only secretly.

You are a better man than me to be so invested and committed to a young kid that cannot separate the folly of keeping a friend who wants a lot more from her and who she teases with her time to keep chasing her, because you are too busy with other things. She ignores your discomfort, because she is bored?

Time to talk honestly if you want a future, and address the red flags that have been present a long time. Ignore them at your peril. What you have proclaimed as your intentions to your family is irrelevant, as compared with how you have handled this whole business so far in my opinion, with cultural differences aside.

Find a way to resolve the issues between you, or I fail to see the point in thinking there is a future with her. She is pushing some boundaries in my book. Enough to make you rethink either your plans, or how you handle your business.

Long distance relationships at your age just don't last, statistically.
You seem to be away a lot, like on her birthday. You tell her to decide yet you are jealous when she does.
Also, many times there is a huge gap between 20 and 25. Sometimes a leap of maturity, other times none at all.
She doesn't sound very devoted to you, but I don't blame her, at 20, and so far apart. If she's just hanging onto you because her ex is unavailable and no one new has come along, then I don't excuse that. But I don't know that's what she's doing. So she has to be given the benefit of the doubt.

I think you two should mutually break up because of the LDR.

Out of respect for you, especially since she is well aware of how this bothers you, she should end the relationship with him. If you are committed to someone, you simply do not put yourself in a situation that could cause them such concern, and to repeatedly do so, only shows how little regard she has for you and your relationship.

If the two of you can not agree on what is okay and what isn't okay in your relationship, then you may have to consider moving on. She appears not ready to commit to anything too serious. Not a bad thing, just not what you seem to be looking for with her.

I think you should take some time to evaluate yourself in this situation. You sound incredibly insecure and your behavior (going through her phone, getting angry when she talks to her ex) is only going to make you that much less attractive to your partner.

A healthy relationship requires trust, but you also need to be confident in yourself. If she tells you nothing is going on and you don't believe her, then you need to tell her that and try to work things out openly and honestly. If you can't do that, then the insecurity you feel in yourself is only going to grow and put more strain on the relationship.

Given the long distance and her relatively young age, it's entirely possible that she's feeling trapped and wants to explore her own life more. It's on her to have the maturity and respect for both you and herself to share those feelings if she has them, but pressuring her and adding your own insecurity to the mix is only going to make things harder.

You mentioned you want to spend your life with her. Let me ask you this - have you ever lived on your own as a single adult? It's scary to face the challenges of adulthood alone, and having someone else in your life to take on some of the burdens can make things easier to deal with. However, you need to make sure you're confident in your ability to take care of yourself and live your own life before you can share it with someone else.

Good luck, and remember that we're here if you need someone to talk to.