I have a problem with my bf's dad. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 yrs now and I've always heard him bash on his dad. It took me at least a yr to understand their relationship because my boyfriend was too embarrassed to share it with me. Anyway, my bf's dad is quite arrogant and he's always trying to put his son down. My bf's told me that he's never introduced any of his past gfs to his father because he was too embarrassed to. When I met his father for the first time, he was very nice to me and to my boyfriend, but after that first meeting, I realized that my boyfriend was right about him.

He's always trying to bring his son down and mocks him in sarcastic ways. For instance, I recently friended his dad on fb because he insisted, even though my boyfriend didn't want me to, but I finally got his permission (it was getting to the point where I felt like I was being rude to his dad). Anyway, I had a small conversation with his dad and I told him that I think his son is really awesome. This was his response: "Yeah he's awesome all right....some people look at a jackass and think that's awesome to" I don't know how to respond to him hating on my boyfriend like this. I respect both of them a lot, but I boyfriend just doesn't have the patience for his dad anymore.

His dad is divorced and has never married. He's living with someone else right now, who I think is just their because of his money. Anyways, recently him and my boyfriend had a huge fight over something and his father reached out to see if I could help. Even though he is always rude to his son, he talks to me a lot of respect. I didn't want to be rude to him, so I gave him my number. We had a very normal conversation about the issue they were having. I tried my best to explain things to my boyfriend, but eventually, I had to let him know that I talked to his dad about the issue they were fighting over, but here's my bigger problem: my boyfriend is now mad at me because his father has my number and every time him and his father argue, his father is going to give me a call.

My bf's mad because he warned me not to interact with his father through fb, texting, or calling, but I was too dumb to listen to him. He's also very mad because he can't stop thinking about his father hating on him to me behind his back. I literally begged him for a yr to let me accept his father's friend request on fb and now his father has my number.The issue that I discussed with his father is still not resolved and his father has already texted me to ask if I can talk to him about it some more, to which I couldn't do anything but agree.

The bottom line is that I have a lot of respect for both of them, but no matter whose side I take, I will be disrespecting one of them. I don't want my boyfriend to think that I'm listening to his father disrespect him behind his back. At the same time, I know that I can't change the way they are with each other, because they've always been like this with each other and probably always will be. I also can't completely shut my communication with his father now, because he may be my future father-in-law, regardless of how he is.

What can I do now? I'm thinking that the best thing to do is let his father know that as much as I'm willing to help him get through to his son, I don't want to be "the negotiator" between them because it will always end up hurting me. What do you guys think? Can anyone please help me out with this. Thank you so much!!

I don't think you know the whole story here... you only hear what your boyfriend wants you to hear. I've seen many cases of this and its usually the kids fault... because anyone incapible of being respectful to their parents, really has problems in many other aspects of their own life.

How old is he, teens right? Most teens think they have ALL the answers and they are always the ones right and everyone else is wrong. Even when they have yet to live on their own, pay their own bills and completely support themselves. Most learn how wrong they are about almost everything within their first few years of having to be completely responsible for their own lives... and living within their earning ability.

I've also known first hand too many where you'd hear the know-it-all kid (they have been both boys and girls) that rail on about how aweful their parents are, when I knew their parents as well as I knew them... and it wasn't the parents that were aweful.

I'm not saying there aren't aweful parents out there... because there are... but for every 10o teens bellyaching about having horrible parents... maybe only one actually does.

If a child treats his parent disrespectfully... then why pray tell does that parent not have the right to say something disrepectful of the child. The parent DESERVES the respect... the child has to EARN the respect. In the real world your Boss, DESERVES respect... the lowly peon, has to earn their respect.

That's a lesson far too many teens haven't learned... they think they are entitled to everything... and have to earn nothing. You aren't entitled to the same pay as someone that's been doing it for years, you are never eye-to-eye with your parents... they are always the parent, you are always the child. Being able to show respect, shows you have strong values. I believe you do have those, I also see it in how you write. I do not see that in your boyfriend.

Out of curiousity... How old is your boyfriend... does he have his own place and support himself or does he mooch off his parents if he is over 18.

I'm thinking that the best thing to do is let his father know that as much as I'm willing to help him get through to his son, I don't want to be "the negotiator" between them because it will always end up hurting me.

Good plan. Don't get in the middle of these two, and make it clear to his dad you want no part of their personal feud. Better yet you should tell his dad you won't put up with him putting your boyfriend down to you ever again.

That's how you set boundaries for future reference.

I don't blame your boyfriend for being unhappy about his father contacting you whenever they have a disagreement. I'd sit them both down together and literally tell both of them that they need to act responsibly, learn how to work out their differences or simply agree to disagree if necessary, and that you will no longer be part of their drama. Also remind them that respect goes both ways, if they want it from the other, than they need to give it as well. Could it be possible that his father says those comments thinking that he is being funny? Or does he actually mean them as a put down? Ask him and find out.

Then let his father know that you are no longer going to be the negotiator as you stated, and that means you will not be in the middle of their disagreements. It also means that you unfriend his father from Facebook and either change your phone number or block his from being able to call you. If you feel it necessary to not do those things, than at the very least tell him that you will do those things if he continues to contact you to discuss their problems or if he continues to put your boyfriend down. That he insisted that you accept his friend request is a little creepy.

Think very carefully in regard to any ideas of future father-in-law if they don't learn how to work things out in a more mature manner. You will likely find yourself with a lifetime of this behavior to deal with.

You stay out of it, it is their issue, not yours

You will only end up losing and breaking up with boyfriend, I you get involved