Hi, I'm Destini and I'm 15 years old. I need some advice desperately. It's a long story.
My dad has raised me basically my whole life and 98% of it he's been single. My mom is not in the picture because #1 she was 16 when she had me #2 she did/does (idk if she still does) drugs and they made her a little crazy. Anyway.
My dad has never had a girlfriend he's introduced me to until 2012, when our whole life came crashing down.
One weekend, my dad brought a girl home and they were both drunk. That's how it started. Turns out this girl he brought home he knew her when he was 17 (he's 34 she's 30) into the more important stuff; about (let's just call her 'jane')
Jane was a drug addict she did heroin. She was doing it for years. My dad didn't know she was using until a few weeks of dating her but when he found out he kept dating her. I find it so fing stupid because why would he get with another drug addict like my mom?
'Jane' has stolen things from both me and my dad, his money, expensive jewelry, my TV and all of it was for drugs. They've broken up so many times I can't count. My dad has lost a lot of friends because of her but he doesn't care, he's so in love with her she's taken over his heart and his life.
I think the main reason why he cant leave her is because he thinks he can't find anyone else.
From the beginning I wouldn't talk to her and after she stole my TV my papa gave me I so didn't speak to her for a while. Eventually I did and we 'spoke' and then a couple months later.. BAM guess what?
She's pregnant. And she continues to use.
She used about the whole pregnancy except not the 3rd trimester. She had to go on methadone (keeps u from using I think) Idk when's she started it. My poor sister was born on methadone and she had to withdraw, it was so cruel. She was also born with a cleft palate (nose)
Oh wow I totally forgot to mention Jane has cheated on my dad a bunch (so has he but well.. :/ not that it's ok) honestly my dads relationship with me was good until she came along and now it's meh okay.
She's such a lazy piece of scum and no matter what anyone says he doesn't care and continues to love her and let her live with us. Sometimes I think he loves her more than me because he won't leave her. Sorry this is long. Someone please try and help me? I doubt anyone can because its like my dads ears close when anyone tries to talk sense into him. I don't think confronting him would work.
Thanks.
-D

There is nothing you can do, except try to accept it, and keep a relationship with your father.

Assuming, she is as bad, as you really say, you dad must like this type of women. Perhaps there is things about your dad, you do not know, or will not accept.

But, he has not left her, he most likely will not.

First - I'm sorry you have to go through this. You sound pretty intelligent and mature for a 15 year old who has had so little good parenting. I have a feeling that you are going to turn out OK. A few more years may seem like an eternity, I know. There is a little bit that you haven't learned yet, however, and that is about the feeling that he 'loves her more than me.' Love has infinite variety. He loves you dearly, I suspect, even though he is being selfish about his own wishes for a girlfriend. His 'love' for her could easily be a need to feel like a still young and attractive manly man. Sort of a mid-life crisis a little early. I suppose you could drop a little hint here and there that he IS still an attractive man and CAN do better, but don't overdo it, because things like that rarely have an effect. And he's struck out twice now with drug addict women. That's something about him that is too deep for you to work on.

There is really nothing you can do to change other people, but there might be things you can do to change your own situation.

If you are in the US, what state? You can research emancipation laws for yours. It isn't easy to get, but it's good to know about. You can see if there are any relatives who might be able and willing to take you in for 3 years. You can look into part time jobs after school and summers, to learn skills that will help you when you graduate, even if it's just learning responsibility from babysitting and dogwalking. Plus work gets you out of the house and away from the turmoil. You can talk to a town social worker or school counselor about what it means to charge a parent with child endangerment (not something to do without a lot of thought, because it often means putting all children in foster care). Is there any monitoring of the family by social services, based on what has gone on with the younger sister? What kind of city or town do you live in?

You do not live in a safe environment, with an active drug user. With police involved as well, and the authorities (no doubt) stepping in when your sister was born, it's hard for me to imagine that you would still be in that environment with the potential for harm.

Were you not spoken to about the possibility of being removed from the home at some point? Did anyone from CPS come to your home- was there any sort of investigation that can back up what you've said? (besides the obvious).

Because you are a minor, in a home that does not sound stable, it's hard to believe that you were not involved in consideration to receive help somewhere along the line.

So what is the back story on that part. Maybe you don't want to say because you don't want to make a choice to move to a foster home, which would be possible under the circumstances you have described.

If you are waiting for your father to see the light so to speak, what do you expect him to do, now that he has a girlfriend in the picture with a baby.

I think with her being in jail for child endangerment- recently- that she is probably using again. Why was she charged, and not your father as well.

With the conviction for child endangerment, landing her jail time- from what you have said so far, there is either information missing on how your life has been directly affected by this- i.e. CPS involvement with you, a child, being in the same home, and what, if any conditions are in place to ensure your safety- does she go for regular drug testing for example.

There must be more to this story.

Yes they have been involved and everything has been sorted out.
'Jane' isn't an active user anymore she goes to a treatment center everyday and gets the medicine. And drugs tests. Just the main reason now why it sucks is because of her attitude its all snooty. Every once and awhile shell be happy go lucky.

It may take a long time for things to feel like they are on solid ground. The history with your father's girlfriend has been rocky, and not a great sounding environment for you, or the baby. Let's hope that 'Jane' keeps to what is required, and as time goes on, and she is adjusting to a life without drugs (not easy to do), she will do well, and the future will be a lot better for all of you.

I'm really sorry you've had to go through what no kid should ever have to go through. I wonder if you might consider talking to someone and just go through what's happened to you in the past year, and how your life has changed. Maybe there is a counselor you can speak to at your school, or maybe an aunt or grandparent?

Maybe (I hope) you have a few good friends that wouldn't mind you bending their ear. Maybe consider starting a journal to write your daily thoughts and feelings in. I do that every day, and have for years. It helps to put things in perspective, and when it's on paper, I always feel better. If you're feeling stressed out or angry, try to add something to your life like sports. Riding a bike is a good one, and/or getting involved in school activities. Just keep busy, and do things for yourself to help with all the upset you've been through.

All the best of luck to you.