I gave notification to my ex-boyfriend and left the state of Ca to go to Mo where my family lives when my baby was 3weeks old. I left a controlling abusive relationship and had to do what was best for my daughter. I had no car, no job, no money in Ca. After leaving, I facilitated FaceTime every day with the father as I was told I needed to eve though he used the time to try to talk to me and to often yell at me. He filed a declaration against me and then a stipulation allowing him to come and see her for 2whole weeks for four hours every day. He claims I obstructed his bonding with her, even though I relented to everything he requested. He then filed for my immediate return to Ca. He won because the judge said it was best for the baby to be near her father. I now have to go back and live 5miles from him in an apt that he pays for, with use of his car. He's paying for the plane ticket and 1k a month support. I'm back to being under his control and separated from my family and any help I needed. I was in counseling in Mo for abuse. We are to go to mediation while I'm in Ca. How do I get to move back to Mo? Please help.

If you signed a stipulation agreeing to return to California, it is rather late to seek another change now. The time to argue about whether you could remain in Missouri with the child was then, not now.

Contact an attorney in California for help.

Also, you need to seek employment, so that you will not be under his thumb. You could, perhaps, get the courts to restrict access to your apartment, etc., But if you are dependent on him for transportation as well, I don't see how you can escape his control. Perhaps contacting a women's' shelter would be a good idea.

No, didn't sign a stipulation agreeing to return. Signed a stipulation that allowed him to come to Mo to see her for two weeks, which he did. Instead of agreeing to allow me to stay in Mo while we went through parenting plan mediation(I would Skype in), he refused and filed for a court date for my immediate return. I now have to go back while we go through the next 3-4mos of mediation. My question is how do I get to return to Mo. I can't stay in Ca. I have nothing there.. and neither does he(just his job), but he also travels out of state for weeks at a time. Still in shock judge making me return and having him pay for everything(another means of control)

Also, sorry about user name, it's supposed to be meliclar.

... he refused and filed for a court date for my immediate return. ... Still in shock judge making me return and ...

So you are saying that the California court ordered you to return without having first being given a hearing at which you could argue against such an order? This would be an "ex parte" order, in other words.

If this is what you are telling us, you should have refused to return until you could be heard at a hearing (by telephone). Was a full-blown hearing scheduled to follow the ex parte order?

Also, how long were you in Missouri with the child?

Yes. I have been here since August 5, so 6weeks-ish. Hearing was Mon in Ca. Had a lawyer, but I wasn't allowed to speak directly to the judge(neither was my ex), only lawyers. Judge said I wasn't unreasonable in doing the FaceTime and in offering the 4hours a day while my ex visited here for 2 weeks( we had to have a stipulation because he refused two previous offers for visitation here in Mo that I emailed him). I was told that I couldn't appeal the judges decision from this past Monday and that if I refused to return, I would be arrested. I'm still in shock ,so is my family, that I left an abusive situation for my and my daughters sake and now I'm being forced to return. I know we will have mediation while I'm there, but I'm scared I'll never be allowed to leave Ca. Can I appeal the decision? Can I file for the move-away now?

I now see that you are still in Missouri.

The reason I asked was to determine which state has custody jurisdiction under the UCCJEA. It now appears that California does. (You would have had to be there for six months or the greater part of the child's life if the child were under six months of age to deprive California of jurisdiction).

You don't have to return; but you must allow the child to be returned. So one option would be to tell the father to take the child back with him. See how that works out.

For your appeal options, you really need to consult with a California attorney. Another point on which you weren't clear about before is that you apparently are represented by an attorney, so ask him or her.

Yes, Ca has jurisdiction. I filed for a Mo license when I arrived, but have only been there for 6 weeks( which is the greater part of her life, as she was 3 weeks when we left).
I did have a lawyer represent me in the hearing on Monday, but kept having everyone tell me I should be able to appeal the ruling to return to Ca( gave me a week). So, I wanted to ask on here if I had any other option. Also, I don't want to stay in Ca and continue to be under his control. She and I need family and support. I'm willing to allow liberal visitation in Mo between his business trips. Not blocking him in any way. My concern is that he has made it clear that it is not a Mans job to take care of children, so he has his mom from Pakistan staying with him to take care of the baby. She came with him to Mo as well when he visited the baby here. Judge said I had to move back so he could visit with the baby, but it will be his mother. How do I show this? How do I make sure I can move back to Mo where we have support and he can visit her here. He has endless means and nothing in Ca except his job base, although again he travels for work. Have a lawyer, but feel like I need more advice as I can't see why I have to move back when we have never been married, he told me to leave, I had no where to go, I notified him prior to leaving and went to where my only family is.?
Having him take her is not an option. Again, he is emotionally, verbally abusive and controlling.

Im not understanding something. If you were destitute before and that is why you have left the State. Then how is it you can afford a lawyer? A dispute of this nature is very expensive and can take a long time. This is something you should have spoken to your lawyer about BEFORE you left. Now that the courts have ordered it then you must comply. Mediation unless private doesnt take 3 to 4 months. So what is really happening in this situation?

My family has paid half of the retainer and I liquidated a 401k to pay the other half and yes, it is expensive. I have tried to be amenable and to talk to him multiple times to see if we could come to an agreement because I don't have the means for litigation and my family isn't rich. It is about control for him and he has endless means to drag this out.
I did speak to a lawyer(free consultation) prior to me leaving(had to tell his mom I was going to the store), who said I was allowed to leave since we weren't married and that I had to give notification prior to leaving( I sent an email 5hours before). I was living in his house in Ca. I left while he was away on a business trip as I didn't want confrontation. My sister flew out to help me and my family paid for flight. I didn't know I could even leave because he kept threatening me that I couldn't and I didn't know the law. I asked my sister through Words with Friends to contact lawyers and find out if I had any rights as he paid the cell phone and monitored all calls and texts. His mother was also living in the house after the baby was born, so I felt trapped. My ex boyfriend is paying for private mediation and I was told it would take 3-4months before it was finished. Then if one of us didn't agree, it would go to court. This is what is going on.

I left a bad situation. An abusive situation. No where to go but a shelter which was not an option with a 3 week old and because I physically couldn't sit for more than 15 minutes after her birth due a pelvic floor tear and subsequent surgery. I needed my family's help. There wasn't time for me to file paperwork, etc prior to leaving. I didn't retain a lawyer until I got served in Mo.

Just an added thought: Was the abuse committed by your ex? Was there any record or documentation of the abuse? Is your lawyer aware of the abuse?

Abuse was committed by ex-boyfriend(father). Lawyer is aware. No documentation because wasn't physical. It was control, verbal abuse for four years. It drastically escalated after I became pregnant and even more so after the baby was born. I stayed because I loved him and believed it would get better. But once she was born, it put everything in to a whole new perspective. I couldn't allow him to talk to me the way he did. He yelled at me in front of her all the time and I couldn't imagine her growing up like that. I knew I had to leave and give her a better life. All I have are emails and texts he has sent since we left which show his aggression, but he's smart enough not to make threats in email or text. That's the problem, it becomes more he said/she said. I feel stuck and hopeless. The control continues as I'm forced to move to Ca where I have no friends or family. I only moved there after I became pregnant as I wanted to be a family and try to make it work(we had broken up, I moved to Austin where I lived when we met, we saw each other long distance after we broke up and I became pregnant). Hind sight is always 20/20, but I didn't know I was in a controlling abusive relationship until I had to really evaluate it after my daughter was born and even more so when I got to Mo and started seeing a counselor(with the help of my family). I need help. I need advice. I'm trying to find an organization in Sacramento that will assist me with the court ordered visitation he got(I have to bring her to his house 6 days a week for four hours a day). But I can't do that alone as he will harass me and because of his attitude towards child rearing(see previous post), I don't even think he will be there. So, I'm trying to figure out a way to make sure he is there and not his mom for the visitation. Like him signing something at every pick-up and drop-off. I'm also trying to get it to where he has to pick her up and drop her off by meeting me at the office of the apts where I am having to move to.(court ordered I have to have an apt within 5miles of his house).

Advice?

When you get to California, get a job, get your own apartment, not owned by ex.

Get to court, and get specific visitation agreement, every day, is not normal and should not be allowed.

This is exactly what we warn about, when women leave the state, without written permission from court.

The hindsight would have been leave him in California, file for child custody, and ask permission to leave the state.

But yes, legally, the court can require the child to stay in California.

I can't see why I have to move back when we have never been married

Because you had sex with him, got pregnant, and delivered the baby in California.

When you get to California, get a job, get your own apartment, not owned by ex.

Get to court, and get specific visitation agreement, every day, is not normal and should not be allowed.

This is exactly what we warn about, when women leave the state, without written permission from court.

The hindsight would have been leave him in California, file for child custody, and ask permission to leave the state.

But yes, legally, the court can require the child to stay in California.

Problem was I had no where to go except to a shelter with a 3week old and that didn't seem like an option. :(

Problem was I had no where to go except to a shelter with a 3week old and that didn't seem like an option. :(

But it would have been a better option then taking the baby away from him without court approval. Once you made the decision to have a child with this person, you permanently linked your life to his for the rest of your child's life. The child is his too and you have to remember that and make that a consideration in all your dealings.

YOU don't have to move back to CA. You can cede custody to him and stay in MO. That might actually be a tactic you can use (discuss it with your attorney). If he doesn't want to be a full time dad, he may be more willing to let you return to MO with the child. Of course he could also agree.