View Full Version : I dream I cheated with my ex best friend
relyca
Sep 11, 2014, 12:43 PM
I have a lovely boyfriend I've been with for 4 months and I love him dearly. Before him, I had a male best friend for a little under a year and at some point in the friendship I fell in love with my friend. My friend lives very far away and while he liked me, it was in no way as strong as my affection and devotion for him. So it was just a thing we didn't ever talk about. Our friendship ended suddenly and harshly when I became too overwhelming for him (I'm a very high maintenance friend and I'm very dramatic). My best friend was my first love, and it was unrequited. Months later, we're back in contact via email. Not as often or as personal as we once were. Last night, I had a dream I often used to have when we were still friends, where I fly out to meet him and we teeter on the edge of falling in love. There's no lewd activity other than kissing, but I still woke up guilty. Guilty, because I realized even now, I love him. I love my boyfriend more. My boyfriend is amazing in every way, we are more compatible in every way, and I am head over heels for him. But I still feel guilty. Because while I love my boyfriend more, I still feel my heart skip a little when I see my best friend's name pop up in my inbox. Now, my question is, how do I deal with this guilt, and what do I do in the future?
CravenMorhead
Sep 11, 2014, 01:23 PM
First off I wouldn't worry too much about what you're brain feeds you in your sleep. It is a maelstrom of memories, desires, thoughts, and other assorted bits of chaos and clutter from your mind. It means only what you put into it. There isn't anything to be ashamed of or feel guilty of. It is just a dream. If I read much into my dreams I would be on a drastically different path then I am on now, and not a better one. Enjoy it and don't feel any guilt about it.
As for still having a love for your best friend, though less than your boyfriend, I am on the fence with this one. It isn't a healthy obsession to have, but everyone has one. I have one. The problem is that when your feelings are very centric on this person you can neglect your current relationship. There will always be a comparison to the first, which will always be there but it will be very much forward with him in the picture. I am tempted to suggest that you lose his e-mail for a while until your feelings for him cool a little more.
This one is up to you. Being far away and only conversing via e-mail is good but if you anxiously await his next e-mails then I would cut ties for a little bit to concentrate on your personal life. This is a hard one.
talaniman
Sep 11, 2014, 02:42 PM
Dreams and fantasies are so humanly normal and no reason to feel guilty at all, as long as you stay within the sounds of good behavior.
Does your boyfriend know about your best guy friend?
relyca
Sep 11, 2014, 06:08 PM
@CravenMorhead thank you very much, and that does soothe me a little.
@talaniman My friend lives 3,500 miles away so I can't really deviate from my best behavior. Yes, my boyfriend does know about him, he knows I loved him a lot for a long time, that he turned into an who hurt my feelings more often than he healed them, and that we are e-mailing now. He isn't 100% encouraging it but he understands that I miss him as a friend. I have not told my boyfriend I still have feelings for my friend, as they only came up recently and I don't want to tell him about my disloyal dreams unless necessary to keep my relationship healthy.
Alty
Sep 11, 2014, 06:28 PM
Every once in a while my ex creeps into my dreams, and it's always sexual. He was my first, we're still friends, and we're so not meant to be together. But the sex, damn, it was incredible.
I'm married, have been for 19 years, been with my husband for 24 years. Our relationship is great. We're meant to be together. He's my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, my everything.
Dreams don't mean anything. Don't put so much stock in them, and definitely don't feel guilty about them. You had a dream about an ex, but you yourself say that your current boyfriend is the one you love more.
The person that said that there's only one love for every person, is full of it. You'll love many in your lifetime. It's what you do in life that matters. The choices you make are what counts. Dreams, they're just dreams. Enjoy them. I know I do. :)
Fr_Chuck
Sep 12, 2014, 06:30 AM
It's a dream. Heck, I used to love my Janet Jackson, dreams... and never considered it cheating, since it would never happen,
Dreams, happen, don't mean anything, in the real world.