Before I ask my question I would want you all to know the background of the question and what is painful for me. It's long story and I appreciate your patience to read and suggest answers.

I got married 4 years back to the love of my life. She wanted to live alone with me and for 3 years we had to live with a cousin due to some issues.

Now we have food job and we are getting financially stable and live alone in a 1 bedroom apartment. My wife do not like families and her way of thinking is little self centered and rude. I would not blame her because she expects more from me and her life. She has adjusted a lot for me in the last 4 years and always stood by me.

My family is poor and my dad still struggles to provide for my mom and my younger brother. My family tries their best to fit in with my wife and take care of her. But my wife thoughts do not sync with my family's. They are very cool and open minded and do take decisions emotionally and without thinking, which even I do not like. My family stands for each other and that is the moral value I have. I am more than happy to help others it makes me happy. My wife wants me to stop "pleasing people". As my family is poor I try to give them gifts or things they might need or never experienced before. My wife do not like this and wants me to give them gifts only if there is an occasion.

My brother is 21 and is between jobs. He cannot afford to go to college as my family do not have money. I can take loan and help him but my wife wouldn't like that as she thinks that's my dads responsibility. 4 months back I had an opening in my company which was ready to pay a very good salary so I helped him get through so he can earn some money and support the family. This job can make his career.

But that means that he had to move to my city and as we are family my family wants us to stay together. My wife does not like this and wants him to move out. Sometime even I am OK with this thought as it is an invasion to our privacy. But I do not know how? He is my kiddo bro and I love him a lot. I want to be there for him. My wife do not like us talking or spending time together. He out stay out in the hall and we will see each other once I come out my room or if he comes in sometimes. I think he feels lonely. But I cannot help as my wife will get angry.

Every weekend when we are home together my wife has some or the other reason to fight with me and this topic is always there. I love her a lot and want her to be happy.

How to ask my brother to move out? Or tell me if you have other suggestions?

Thank you.

Help him get his own place since he has a job and can build his own life.

Tell him you helped him get a job that pays well enough to get his own place. Offer to help him find a place. But that he has to move out ASAP!

I am ready to help him the only fear is my family will think I am abandoning them and worst they will guess it us because of my wife and start hating her.

He is 21, and ready to be on his own isn't he? Don't worry about what MIGHT happen.

Thank you Talaniman and Scott for the help

I don't know. I could suggest a couple things.

In one way, I understand why your wife would act like that, as well as it being an invasion of privacy, a married couple would want their own space - It's understandable that she's not happy about it. She may even be worried because she might think this won't just be temporary? You said you had a cousin live with you for 3 years. That's got to be a bit of a strain on the relationship huh! She's probably thinking this might keep going, that he might stay longer. It doesn't sound like you've had much time together as a married couple, which is important! So yeah, in one sense I see why she's angry and yeah I think you'd be better off without your brother there. You can help him move out, and tell him that you'll still be there for him but you need your own space... I'm sure he'd understand.

- On the other hand, I don't understand exactly why you're wife's as rude as she sounds. (No offence)... She doesn't like you talking to your brother or spending time with him? This is an issue you need to speak to her about. She may/may not be very close to your family but more than anything she should respect the fact that your family remain close and in contact. She needs to understand that you genuinely want to help your brother, and if you're going to help him move out, I'm sure he'd want to meet up with you sometimes, spend some time with you etc... Will she frown upon that? Because you can't ask your brother to move out then not have any contact with him afterwards.

Overall, I think your brother will be fine with it. Give him some notice before he's actually due to move out, so he has enough money saved to go away with - Allow him some time to get ready for the move.

You've done a good thing in looking after your brother the way you have. Providing for him, helping him with work while giving him a roof over your head. I admire that and I'm sure he does too.

- Wishing you all the best with whatever you do. X

It sounds like your brother has worked long enough, to find at least a room somewhere, and then keep working toward his own apartment at the same time. Perhaps he is more afraid of being completely on his own, away from his family, and he knows that your wife would probably complain if you spent more time with him after he moved.

Because he is still there, despite having a good job, and likely being able to afford accommodation elsewhere, I think he prefers the comfort of having you there, even though he knows how your wife feels.

Talk to him. Find out if he has a budget for his income, and if he's putting aside money for the rent he'll have to pay when he moves out. Go through what his expenses will likely be, and help prepare him to cross that bridge from being (still) with family, to being on his own. If YOU can see no reason for him not to be able to move- i.e. he has enough money- then indeed I would tell him that he needs to move.

But, your wife sounds ready to throw him to the curb, but I don't recommend you do that. Start with making sure he understands that he can make it with his salary in his own place. Tell him that you will help him find a place, and start talking about when. Have a reasonable idea in your head what you will accept- say two months- and then go to work helping him find a place.

I think he might just be afraid to go out on his own, and living with you and particularly your wife with her attitude, is better than being alone. So be fair, and be firm. You have allowed this arrangement to go without expectations, so now it is time to change that. Expect him to move out, but help him along the way.

And let him know your expectations as soon as possible. This has gone on long enough for all of you.