I've posted about this girl before, but here's the gist of it: I was friends with this girl at university, I liked her, and she was giving me plenty of signs that she liked me back. But before I could tell her how I felt, she suddenly started acting strange and distant around me. I tried to ask what was wrong, but we eventually had a falling out - she began accusing me of several things that didn't make sense (like saying I constantly followed her around, even though I hadn't even seen her for several weeks when she encountered me about it), and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. She seemed freaked out by something, and I ended up being freaked out a bit by the way she acted. Since then, almost everybody's advice has been, pretty much, to forget about her and move on.


Anyway, I've tried my best to keep her off my mind since April, but I've had a hard time doing so. First off, there are countless little things that remind me of her. For example, she's Ukrainian, so every time I see a news article about what's going on there now, I can't help but think of her. Or there's the fact that every time I hear a Queen song on the radio or in a movie, I'm reminded of her (she told me that Queen was a favourite band of hers). There are lots of other things I could list here as well, but basically they are just little things that come up in my everyday life that I can't exactly control.


Another problem is we've unwittingly become neighbours in an area near the university where students rent houses. She was in one last year, and after we fell out, gave me the impression that she was going to return home and just start commuting for this year. I found myself a place there, since I figured I wouldn't run into her. However, since moving in last week, I've seen her go by my new place a few times. She's obviously still in the house she rented from last year (which is only a few minutes past mine), so now I can't help but think that there's a chance I could have an awkward encounter with her every time I leave my building!


Lastly, I've avoided making contact with her over the summer, but she's reached out to me a few times. She texted to ask me what my final grades were a couple weeks after I'd gone home following exams, she sent me a message when my birthday came around, and we've had a couple text conversations (which she started and I continued just long enough to be polite, then end as quickly as I can).


So what do I do? I tried taking the advice of just forgetting her, but now that isn't working out well. I know I'm probably getting overanxious about this, but I feel like I'm in a situation where I have to face her, sooner or later. Little things in my daily life keep reminding me of her, and chances are, one of these days I'll probably run into her while walking between my rented house and the campus. How do I stop feeling tense about this?

You don't stop feeling tense about chance encounters. You learn to self control and how to deal with such things in life so you don't obsess, or act impulsively as you go through them. We all have feelings and we can't help what we feel, but we can help what we do with those feelings and how we behave. Sometimes we have days that are friendly, sometimes they are NOT. We deal with them regardless.

Just think before you act or speak while you learn and grow in your experience with dealing with YOURSELF, and OTHERS. Life is always about tough choices, and making hard adjustments. Its only a big of a deal as YOU make it, and will be forgotten when something bigger grabs your attention. Memories are fresh NOW, but get old in time as you live and make MORE memories.

So I've been back at school for a few weeks, and I've seen her on campus a few times. Each time, I've done my best to ignore her and continue on with what I was doing (walking around campus, standing in line while getting lunch, etc.). However, one time while she was walking by, I saw her look back for a second and then increase her pace. Another time, while I was sitting on a bench, she walked to the opposite side of the hallway when going past me. I'm not trying to obsess, but it still hurts that this is what things have come to.

Finally, today I ran into her, and since we weren't able to avoid eye contact, she said hi. However, her voice was very quiet, she looked incredibly nervous, and both of us just kept walking by as I muttered "hi" back.
Sorry for ranting on like this; I just feel like I'm in an incredibly unfair situation. I can do my best to control my own actions, but I can't control hers. And the way she acts depresses me - after all, we used to be friends! At the same time, I feel a little helpless because I can't think of a way to talk to her and understand what's going on.

I just feel frustrated right now. When I asked someone for advice before, I was told to let it go, as if this is a problem that I can walk away from and forget. But it isn't - I attend the same school as her, running into her is always a possibility, and even if I can avoid obsessing, watching her act nervous around me is enough to make me remember the whole ordeal, bringing my mood down for a while. I know that just talking to her might not be the best thing to do (since I don't know how to approach her), but this is exactly what I was worried about happening if I just try to move on without resolving things.

Keep doing what you are doing, and expect it to be tough, as a few weeks is really nothing. Accepting this is what it has come to is exactly what you need to do for now. Maybe much later down the line you will come to that conclusion yourself.

I realize that some changes are really hard to adjust to, especially when you see the former friend/ex around a lot. But would you rather start the whole thing over from the beginning again? That's the price you pay for breaking NO CONTACT.

Got nothing else to focus on? No other friends, or activities to keep your mind busy? That's usually how people move beyond the past.

I'm not breaking "no contact" - I'm attending school. Sorry if I sound defensive, but the point is, I am keeping busy focusing on my own life- this happens regardless.

You do not have to say "hi' when you make eye contact, you can ignore them, I do it all the time

Next, you don't read any text messages and guess what, the only way you could know, she "looked back" was if you were looking back at her.

so stop doing these things.

and start finding new friends and dating new people.

*** you do not "tell someone your feelings" no idea where this idea comes, you just spend time together, and start doing things as a couple, things happen naturally, or they don't happen.

These big confessions of love and feelings to someone you have not dated for a while, is not real, it is TV and movies