PDA

View Full Version : How to know if this relationship is a rebound?


williamwatson7
Aug 21, 2014, 03:36 PM
I have been with a girl for 4 years. 3 of which we have been engaged. It wasn't working at all in the last year, and we were fighting almost every day, and for a month she wanted a break-up, and I didn't, but I finally saw that we weren't meant for each other and I broke up with her. That was one month ago. After that I didn't feel depressed or anything that I was expecting. On the contrary I was relieved, and I was starting to feel happy as if I already started moving on in the last period of our messed up relationship.

My fiancé called me after a week, and wanted us to be back together, and she regretted her decision, but I didn't want that, because we tried a lot before, and we've given it a lot of chances, and it never worked, and neither of us is happy now, and I don't remember the last time we were happy. Ever since we broke up there is this one girl that was always there for me. I've known her almost as long as my ex-fiancé because she was kind of related to her "their siblings were married". I've always liked that girl and we used to spend so much time together before, and my fiancé was always jealous of her, but now I'm starting to feel like I'm falling in love with her. We have so much in common and we talk every day from the moment we wake up till we sleep.

This is also very complicated because of her being related to my fiancé, and I don't want to rush into a new relationship because it might be a rebound, but what if this is real love?

She also broke up with her boyfriend 2 days after my break up.

talaniman
Aug 21, 2014, 04:31 PM
We think every new relationship is real love whether it only lasts a week, or a few years. Truth is no matter how long it lasts it's always a real love. How long it lasts is an entirely different matter. Take your sweet time and find out because it's real until it's not. No telling how it will work or what it will change into later. Or what challenges you will face together.

Time and the level of commitment is what makes love real, not just feelings. Lust fades, love grows. No matter the challenges and obstacles life throw at you, but a one month break up (or two day break up) easily leads to a rebound, and in most cases, that fades too.

What's the hurry? You haven't said how she feels about your idea to explore, and experiment with your idea.

DoulaLC
Aug 21, 2014, 04:56 PM
Agreed... go slowly. A new relationship is exactly that... new. So there is the excitement of learning about each other, you aren't in a routine, you don't have negative feelings lingering with this person. Of course it is going to feel great right now. As talaniman said, it may last it may not, but you definitely will want to be certain that you and your ex are finished. Decide whether the two of you really did give it your best effort... and weren't just waiting for the other person to do so.

Give yourself time to reflect on the reasons things didn't go well in the last year with your ex fiancé. How could things have been handled differently? Were there times that neither of you felt heard, respected, appreciated?

Those are just a few questions to give some thought to before embarking on a new relationship so that you will learn from past mistakes.

Jake2008
Aug 22, 2014, 06:35 PM
Are there any children between you and your ex fiancé?

I think you made a huge mistake in thinking that after being broken up for only a month, you started mixing it up with another girl, 'who was always there for you' and you chat morning to night.

That is not good.

Any serious relationship that breaks up, only ends you in a healthy, recovered place, with time. It takes time to work through what went wrong, why, what you need in a new relationship down the road. There are many emotions to grapple with like loss, anger, etc. Don't kid yourself that simply because there is a girl in the picture that is 'helping' you, that a) her intentions are honourable and, b) that isn't sort of stabbing her 'relative' in the back. It sounds sneaky, and I'm not so sure you weren't already letting her help you immediately if not before, the breakup with your fiancé.

If you were through the process of getting over a serious relationship, and this was six months down the road, and you were independent and confident on your own, would a chance meeting of a new girl, result in 'love at first sight'. I would hope that even if that were to happen, that you wouldn't allow yourself to go head over heels, only to find yourself repeating history.

If you don't learn what went wrong with the ex, how can you be ready to judge the next relationship.

You're moving far too fast.

Fr_Chuck
Aug 23, 2014, 01:47 AM
Obviously you know it is over with your ex. So that is good you are moving on.

Part of moving on is starting to date, And one month is OK. Just don't confuse it with love, don't make marriage or long term plans, just date, and time will tell.