It's been about 3 months since I was broken up with by a guy that I loved who essentially did not love me back. We dated on and off for 3 years but it could never turn into something serious due to the fact my ex didn't want it to be serious. I've hung out with friends, exercised, gone on vacations, read self help books, and even have kissed a few guys. The problem is I still wake up feeling sad most days because I know things are over. I just hoped so much that things would change but now I realize they won't ever and it's a hard thing to grasp when you put everything into a person. I'm just wondering if this lingering sadness ever goes away? I do try hard to distract myself but sometimes I have to give in and cry for what's lost. I lost a guy I really loved and a future that I saw with him still in it.

Also, I should mention we talk a little bit. Short texts usually and nothing serious. I know it's over so I don't really have expectations from this little contact. I just care about this guy so much that it's just nice to hear from him every now and again. Do you think this is holding me back? This guy is just like kryptonite to me... I'm weak when he's close.

Those brief contacts ARE holding you back. Cold turkey, no contact, (NC), is always best, unless you have children with someone.

3 months is sort of near the limit, I think, of getting over a relationship of this duration. You don't have to erase him from your memory, of course, and in fact trying to do so can make it linger. The trick is to learn from it and incorporate it into who you are now - older and wiser.

The other 'job' you have getting over someone is to ask yourself what it is about YOU that might need a little fine tuning so that you aren't so vulnerable. I don't mean you have to turn into a bitter and jaded and mistrusting person. I mean is there anything about you that throws yourself into love without going through the delicate steps of getting love back, day by day, month by month? Love that doesn't grow mutually is almost always doomed, because the not as intensely loving person feels stifled and pressured. This is difficult for just about everyone, so don't feel like you are alone. And I'm no exception. But it is something to reflect on and work on for the next time.

You asked an almost identical question a bit over a year ago, about another guy... how long did it take to get over him? Or is it the same person?

Agree. If you want to move past this, you need to not talk to him at all. It's hard at first but you will eventually move on.

You know I dated someone that I thought was my forever partner. We were so close and had too much fun together. But in the end it was never going to work out. I felt miserable when I broke it off. One day I decided that I wasn't going to allow that situation to control me. I started waking up every morning and telling myself that it was going to be a great day. And you know what - every day turned out to be a great day. And now I am with my forever partner and have been for almost 4 years. What I am basically saying is don't allow other people to control your thoughts and emotions. Make every day a great day.

The best way to move on is don't look back, so stop those MEANINGLESS little contacts, and reliving the old sad feelings. Takes time of course, but any contact with an ex is a setback. That's what NO CONTACT is about.

Do it right. You don't have lingering sadness, you suffer from renewed sadness because of staying in touch.

I do get what you guys are saying that it's better to just completely cut him out. It just makes me incredibly sad to not have someone in my life that I care about. But I suppose that's part of life and something we all deal with, I've just never been particularly good at leaving people behind.. I'm usually the one left behind because I can't do it. Something I need to work on.

Started no contact once I read these but if he ever contacts me I just ignore him right? Or should I just politely let him know I need some space? And I also I do run into him every once in a while.. Which is why I think I became upset yesterday because I saw him. I can see obviously that brings a lot of grief back to me. But it's hard to plan to not run into someone it just kind of happens.

I have actually done a ton of reflection on myself, the relationship, and what attracted me. It's been helpful because I know I'm in this predicament because I felt I needed to earn his love by giving him all I had. It's something I need to work on and I am honestly happy most days and spend my time doing things I like. It's just that sometimes I get sad that everything didn't work out how I wanted to.. Which is usually a thought in the morning. Thank you for your responses I appreciate the insight of people who have gone through this and try to help others :)

You will be better as you put more time and new memories, and enjoy activities between you and this failed relationship. It's never easy while it's still fresh even with No Contact.

It does get better with time. If mornings are rough, then have a good routine to follow that makes you focus on the day and not your feelings. When running into an ex, hi and bye, polite but unavailable for chit chat/catch ups, usually gets you through for a time until you are stronger. As for his calls or texts, you don't have to answer them as ignoring them will eventually make them stop, or simply BLOCK them, which is the best way. There is no quick fix, and like I said time and activities you enjoy is the best way to heal.

3 months isn't enough time for you is all. Some heal slower than others, but eventually we all CAN heal.

You're right in that I do feel better when I'm distracted and doing activities I like and spending time with people that want to spend time with me as well. I guess I just am beating myself up over not being completely over this guy yet even though he did this to me before. But I need to start listening about no contact that is clear. It's the only thing I haven't done yet and probably the most effective from what I've heard.

Your advice is so helpful to me and I really appreciate it! It's so realistic and level headed. I feel like I get overly emotional about this stuff and my head gets clouded. Logic ends up going out the window. It's funny how the feelings come in waves.. Like sometimes I'm perfectly fine and can reflect on things and understand but other times like when I post I get emotional and whiny. I just don't talk about this anymore to my friends because I feel like they think I'm crazy for not being over him yet.. And I feel like I get annoying so it's nice to have a place to vent :)