My daughter is getting married next April (4/17/15) when they got engaged I asked to meet his parents so we could discuss the wedding plans. His mother refused saying she will not pay for anything. It is my responsibility. I wrote her a letter enclosing a print out of how wedding expenses are divided today and it is not the way it was in the past. This infuriated my daughter. She came to my home, threw her pocketbook at me and said "how could I do that." She said they never want to meet me and she and her fiancé are threw with me and she hates me and I will not be invited to the wedding. I am devastated and cannot stop crying. I tried o n 3 occasions to contact her by email but not response. How would you feel and what would you do?

Say if she is going to be that way then you can't spend a dime towards the wedding. Maybe the prospect of an exceptionally modest wedding will make her wake up to how childish she's been about this.

If it is as you say here, I think you went about it the wrong way. Rather, you should have just asked to meet them and all have a celebratory dinner together. Get to know each other first before discussing finances.

While her reaction was over the top. You were out of line sending that letter.

I think you started right, by asking if the finances could be discussed, and better know sooner rather than later that the groom's side will not pay a cent.

However, it was not the right way to go about it, although the result would likely have been the same- they would not budge, having been so adamant right off the bat.

I don't know why couples planning to marry think that any of the parents have to pay for their wedding. Who is the Wedding God that dictates who pays for what. I was surprised to see that there is an actual breakdown as you said, of who pays for what. I think that's outrageous.

For now, rise above this, and realize that emotions are ruling the day, and yes, you were partly responsible for jumping the gun on getting to the finances, but everybody in my opinion, is acting poorly.

Your daughter is being a spoiled brat with a very bad attitude, for treating you with such disrespect. If this is any indicator of how things are to be when plans are actually in the works, be prepared for her to turn into a Bridezilla.

You may have been premature in asking about the financial arrangements, but you didn't commit murder! Her reaction is way out of line, and more in tune with the groom's mother's attitude.

They will come around when things settle down, and when that happens, be firm about what you will, and what you will not, do, as far as the wedding goes. If you decide to offer money (I doubt it could ever be enough), give them a figure, and stick to it. You could decide instead, to pay for the flowers, or the services of the Minister, or specific things, to a certain amount.

If they are unhappy with what you are willing to pay, then they should save their money until they can have a wedding they can afford.

Something seems to be missing. Did you talk to your daughter about the wedding and expenses before you talked to the groom's mother? Were they expecting parents/you to pay for the wedding or were they planning to pay for it themselves (as many couples do today?) Could you have handled the issue differently?

How was your relationship with your daughter before this? Do you now anything about his parents and their circumstances?

I feel the same way Cat does. Something seems to be missing from your post.

First, nowadays most couples pay for their own weddings, not the parents.

Having said that, if you agreed to pay for half of it, why would you expect that his parents would agree to pay for the other half? There's no rule that says they have to, and when you first brought it up, the adamantly refused to. You hadn't even met them, and the first thing you do is ask them for money? Not a good way to start a relationship with your future inlaws.

I think your daughter is right to be upset. You handled this very badly. But to completely cut you off, tell you you're not even coming to the wedding, that's overkill on her part.

I'd write a letter to his parents, apologize for what you did, and tell them what is now going on between you and your daughter because of your actions. They're parents. Hopefully they'll step in, talk to your daughter, and smooth things over.

I see everyone's point, however, I don't believe starting a relationship discussing finances is the right way to begin. I do understand the importance of it, having married off two children myself, but that's should not be considered in the first encounter.

I have to wonder how your daughter has dated this man and got engaged without you ever meeting the parents to begin with. I suppose my customs, being from the deep south, are a little different though.


You hadn't even met them, and the first thing you do is ask them for money? Not a good way to start a relationship with your future inlaws.

I think your daughter is right to be upset. You handled this very badly. But to completely cut you off, tell you you're not even coming to the wedding, that's overkill on her part. That was exactly my point.

I will have to agree, first most parents do not pay for their children s wedding. That is very old fashion, most children pay for their own.

And money was mentioned before the first meeting. A list or print out, of how you believe things are done today was sent.

Honestly, I doubt I would have been very happy, if any of my children had done that.


I think a large I am sorry and some reality check about paying for your own wedding needs to be done.