So, me and this guy haven't been dating for long, but we have been friends for years. But now I feel like I really love him, like REALLY. I loved him as a friend before but now that we are dating and I see how good he is with my son, and how good he is with taking care of him, I feel like I have deeply fallen in love with him. Am I rushing into things with him? We have only been officially dating for less than a month

Also, my boyfriend has a few female friends, a couple of them he previously dated. Loads of girls have a crush on him, and he sometimes mildly flirts with them. I know he won't cheat on me but the last couple of guys I dated were really bad and since then I don't trust guys that well. Should I trust him?

While some huge generalizations about men can be true, each is a different case. It wouldn't be fair to judge him based upon your previous relationships. Trust is the main basis for a relationship, and without it there be no long term relationship. Has he given you reason not to trust him? Flirting happens, and it isn't dangerous if he knows what he's doing and where the line is.

Are you falling too quickly? It is hard to say, it sounds like you love hard and fast so this could be how your feelings develop. How will they last as time carries on is the true question. How long until that passionate new relationship love turns into long term love? Or will it? You're still very young and relationships at that age tend to be short lived because you've not really found yourselves as people yet. What I wanted with at age 16 is not who I married at 31.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/im-16-have-baby-hate-life-797946.html

Just for all the facts. Yes you are rushing into this because this is all you got that feels good. Can't you just enjoy the company for now, as you get your life together?

Does anyone know the Kesha song "Your Love Is My Drug"? Well, the lyrics to that song describe what I feel for him, I have fallen deeply in love with him. Also, I should trust him, he likes me and if he still likes the other girls then he would date them. I just worry that his flirting with other girls will turn into something else, and he is one of the hottest guys in my school.

There are two parts to trust - your sense of your ability to trust and to know when, and the other person.
You may have been brought up to be trusting, as most of us were, with some instruction about strangers and so on. But to really learn about who and when to trust is extremely difficult and a lifelong process.
If say 3 guys lied and cheated, does that mean all men lie and cheat?
Or does it mean you tend to be attracted to that?
Or does it mean that you are too loving too soon, or needy and clinging?
I do know that not all men lie and cheat. The other two are about YOU, so none of us can answer them.

Now for the second part of trust: him. Why would past men have anything to do with him, unless you answered yes to the 2nd and 3rd question above?
If you are sure that you can say 'no' to those questions, then you are starting with a clean slate, a new person, who has every right to be trusted as you get to know him. Little trusts over time. Caution without baggage from before.
Sound easy?
It isn't. Not for me, not for anyone.
But if you have a sense of it all, it can help you sort out the daily steps to full trust over a long time.

You have been officially dating this guy for a month, you sent him nude pictures of yourself he came over and you two had sex. What about this situation makes sense.
You have a baby, that should be your main concern, not falling head over hills over guy you have dated for a month. How old is he?

What happened to going to another site? Did you already find that you aren't going to get any different advice anywhere else?

Yes, you are rushing into things. You got pregnant at 15 and the father of your child abandoned you. You are very vulnerable at this time. So you shouldn't rush into anything. That doesn't mean you should drop this guy, but it does mean you need to go a lot slower. Sending him a nude pic and already jumping into bed with him is going way too fast. At 16, especially with your history, you really don't know what love is. Right now your focus should be first and foremost on your son. This means caring for him and providing for him (partially by going after the father for support). Your next focus should be on improving your situation. Finishing school getting a decent job. Having a boyfriend and a romantic relationship should be no higher than third on your list of priorities.

Slow down... be certain that you aren't falling head over heals for him in part because he is filling a void in your heart right now. He may certainly be wonderful, but you owe it to yourself to not let your heart get swept away.

You need to think about this honestly, and not let your heart over-rule your head.

If things are going to work out, they will... there is no need to rush it. You need to be secure in yourself, able to handle your life, before you get too involved just in case it doesn't work out. You don't want to be left in the same place you are now... you want to be stronger, wiser, and on your way to making a better life for yourself and your son so that IF it doesn't go well, you won't be upset for long or feeling devastated.

Definitely be sure that BOTH of you are using birth control if you are going to continue to have sex. Just be aware that another baby could still happen even with protection.

Just something to consider.....if you start to feel that you are spending a good deal of time worrying about what he may or may not do, that just might be telling you that you aren't ready to be in a relationship right now. If it happens.....listen to that little voice....don't ignore your common sense. You have enough going on with changes you are thinking of making without having to wonder what the guy you are with might be doing.

You can do just fine on your own if it turns out that way...

UPDATE: I told him how I felt about him around other girls, and he promised to stop flirting with them. And then I told him I loved him... was that a bad move? He said he loved me back, and then we had sex, but still, was that a bad move?

UPDATE: I told him how I felt about him around other girls, and he promised to stop flirting with them. And then I told him I loved him... was that a bad move? He said he loved me back, and then we had sex, but still, was that a bad move?

I have a question. Will your sister be as understanding if you get pregnant again?

Don't expect him to keep the promise. Some people are born flirts. It is a part of who they are. Sometimes, they don't even realize they are flirting. If he is one of those, he will flirt. You can also not hold him responsible for others flirting with him.

I am not certain you are feeling what you think you do, but letting someone know you care is okay. I think you may be confusing love for a good friend with romantic love. It is a common occurrence.

Stop thinking with your hormones before you really do mess up your future. You no longer have the option of pretending you don't know what can happen. You are now an adult by the old standard. Age based adulthood is a fairly recent development. The ability to reproduce is a much older standard. Start acting like it instead of behaving like a child who thinks a grown-up else will fix everything. You are the grown-up.

I took some advice and I'm on the pill. I can't have ANOTHER pregnancy.

I took some advice and I'm on the pill. I can't have ANOTHER pregnancy.

How long have you been on the pill? You do know that all forms of birth control have failure rates? Nature seems to like beating the odds. Why help it out?

I know it may seem harsh. But I care. I want you to be the success story. I want your child to grow up looking at his mother with pride shining in his eyes. I want you to feel that same pride in yourself and what you have and will accomplish. But you have to accept the changes and adapt to them. I hope you do before Life throws you another curveball.

I took some advice and I'm on the pill. I can't have ANOTHER pregnancy.

Yes you can. No birth control is 100% effective but it's better than nothing. You still have to be smart, and responsible with your actions. The pill AND condoms is recommended, but underaged drinking is not at all wise. Nor legal.

My family always makes mistakes, my sister has a lesbian sex tape on the internet (no one found it yet), my step-dad cheated on my mother twice, and I got pregnant. I come from a family that is always in deep trouble.

He said he loved me back, and then we had sex, but still, was that a bad move?

It is comments like this that make me believe this whole thing may not be entirely real.

Is there a point to you telling everyone that you had sex right after this exchange of words? I mean, any reason other than to try and get reactions out of people here who have been telling you not to have sex?

A guy... particularly a YOUNG guy will tell you he loves you to get in your pants... and he might even keep saying it to keep getting in your pants... it doesn't mean he really feels that way towards you. Particularly if he doesn't have to see you all day and all night. Guys and gals do NOT think or feel the same way about sex. And thats the most common lie a young guy says to get sex.


Like so many other things in the adult world. Everything is not how it appears at face value.

Strong feelings we think are love, and may be love can change rather quickly when things happen that changes love to something else,and you wonder where those feelings went. But you have already experienced that. Don't ignore that lesson you should have learned. Feelings can/will/do change. Be very careful is my advice.

My family always makes mistakes, my sister has a lesbian sex tape on the internet (no one found it yet), my step-dad cheated on my mother twice, and I got pregnant. I come from a family that is always in deep trouble.
So you're doing your best to keep the family tradition alive? Why not establish a new tradition?

I'm with Wondergirl here. Why not try to break the cycle rather than perpetuate it. Learn from their mistakes so you don't make a lot of your own.

I'm sure the father of your child told you of his love for you and that you felt love for him. But you see how that worked out. Try taking more responsibility for your actions, instead of making excuses. Going on the pill is a good first step, but its not 100% protection. The only way to be absolutely sure you don't get pregnant is keep all penises away from your vagina.

It doesn't JUST go in the vagina. And he isn't saying that he loves me just to get in my pants, we have been friends for years, I know he isn't like that.

Well... I'm a guy, I've known lots of guys, I know how guys think... and while it might be true... its more likely it isn't. And it really sucks when you find out it wasn't.

Yes young guys can and do throw away years of friendship for a few rolls in the sack, they always have, they always will. Out of 10 that say they really do care....2 might actually be honest while 8 are lying through their teeth to varying degrees. I'm warning you that you need to watch for that because you are who ends up paying for it in the end. Physically and emotionally.

It doesn't JUST go in the vagina.

Huh?

I'm not saying he is like that. I'm saying you can't be sure. You are too young and inexperienced to be able to accurately judge. Isn't that why you posted this thread?

Loving you as a friend is not the same as committing to you as a partner. There are guys I've known for a long time, love them dearly but I have no thought of becoming romantically involved with them. A couple of them make great friends but lousy partners. You never did say how old this guy is.
It has not been but a month and you're having sex, declaring your love and allowing him to play dad with your son. You are moving way too fast. I think you just want someone in your life.

And he isn't saying that he loves me just to get in my pants, we have been friends for years, I know he isn't like that.
Having sex makes you feel loved, makes you feel like you're special to someone. You want to please him and make him happy so he will continue to love you and stay in your life. If you say no to sex, he might leave you. Right? Is this what you're thinking?

No, it isn't only sex that makes you feel loved, where do you get that idea from ? There is a lot more to a loving relationship then just jumping in the sack and rolling around for a bit. Some people go to bed loving each other, and don't have sex; they express love other ways, talk, interacting emotionally with each other, cuddling, kissing. Some just engage in foreplay without actually making love. Get what I mean.

You got it all wrong my dear.

Do you think he is the kind of guy who you can just go to bed with, kiss and cuddle and talk and then fall asleep snuggled up together?

Yes, that's what we do when I start to feel really depressed or sad about something. Even before we were dating he was there for me. He gets along with my son, he is good friends with my sister, and he is hot, he is my dream guy.

P.S. I don't worry when he is hanging out with my sister. She only likes him as a friend, she is bisexual but more on the lesbian side so she hardly ever falls in love with guys, she plays hard to get with guys so I don't worry about him flirting with my sister.

How old is this guy?

He's 16 like me, just a few months older. I feel happy with this guy, can't I just be happy.

Just being happy doesn't quite fit in with sexual intimacy, because lifelong commitment to children results. Sorry to sound like such an old fuddy duddy, but it's true. I had plenty of relationship lumps in the last 67 years too, lacking love at home and looking for it elsewhere.
Yes it's nice that this guy is a good friend. But you talk so much about how hot he is and what song reminds you of your love, and that is all very, very naïve. You will realize years from now that love is about the ability to endure troubles together, and about compromise and understanding, and finally comfort. Hot is gone in a flash.
Good luck. When you are 16, no one can tell you much, don't I know!

Nothing wrong with being happy, but be smart about it.

Liz, you can be happy, but you also have to be realistic.

He sounds like a great guy, but there is no guarantee he will be there tomorrow or next month. He is sixteen. If his parents decide to move, he has to move with them. If his parents decide he shouldn't be around you, then he shouldn't go behind their backs. Legally you are both minors and subject to parental rules. Do his parents even know that he is spending the night with you, getting you wine (previous thread,) or other questionable acts?

Being happy comes from inside. A relationship should enhance the positive feelings you already have. No one can make you feel something that you don't already feel. Expecting someone else, even your son, to make you feel happy or loved is being unfair to the other person. They can only give so much before it becomes a burden and the positive feelings become negative feelings. You need to find and build up the positive feelings without relying on someone else.

By the way, how old is your son?

You posted to ask if you were rushing things. People responded with appropriate advice, both here and on your other thread, but it appears you either aren't really interested, don't like what we are saying, or aren't comprehending it.

Regardless, you are doing what makes you feel good, wanted, and cared for right now. Hopefully in time you will look at the bigger picture as well.

I truly do hope that you beat the odds and that this all works out as you envision. Continue to use the birth control to at least lower the chance of another pregnancy. Make plans for what you need to do to improve the future for you and your son. Make goals that you will try to meet in the next few years, that can help you too in the years beyond that.

Good luck!

You want to be happy? Graduate from high school with no more babies.

Should I trust him?

How could we possibly know the answer to that question? You know him, we don't.

If you want to be happy, you will have to find it within yourself, not from another person, or from what that other person does to your vagina.

You are a mother now, your number one priority is to your son. It's no longer about you.

UPDATE: He invited one of his female friends to my flat that I share with my sister. He didn't even tell me first, she just showed up and he invited her in without asking me. We got in a massive fight about it because I kicked her out. The fight got really out of hand and he smashed one of my mugs, so I kicked him out too. I think the relationship is over, you were all right, I shouldn't have said "I love you" so fast.

Wow, all these "updates" happen so fast!

For some reason I'm not believing any of your stories.

It happened an hour ago and a half ago. Also, I called him to apologize for my behaviour and he isn't calling me back, is he cheating on me? Is he having sex with that girl right now?

Harsness warning


is he cheating on me? Is he having sex with that girl right now?

How would we know?

It's quite possible that he is because he doesn't want "sloppy seconds." He doesn't want to be with a girl who has a baby.

Look, you made a choice to have a baby at your tender age. Your priority is your child, not your sex life.

Life sucks when you are mother at such a young age. You no longer have a social life because your child is dependent on you. It's truly time to face the fact that you are a single mother and many boys only want to get in your pants. They don't want to be responsible for a child. You sent him nude pictures of yourself, then had sex not long after that.

Give it up Princess, it's not about you any more. You have a child to raise.

Another case of you rushing into things. Stop rushing into things. You obviously misjudge not just the relationship, but are now worried about the wrong thing. You are rushing to fix it, instead of waiting until you are cool and calm and collected instead of all wound up. Leave it alone and get yourself under control FIRST.

That's one of those lessons that should have been learned before. THINK, before you act or speak. Much easier to be happy AFTER you think about things calmly, before you get carried away by intense good feelings, AND urges.

That's what you should do NOW. Calm down, sit down and think, and leave him alone.

Give it up PrincessNEVER call me Princess! Also, if he is cheating on me, to paraphrase Jay-Z "He got 99 problems and i'm about to be one"

You have a baby and you are worried if your 1 year old boy friend of less than a month is cheating.
Grow up girl. Take care of your son and leave the boys alone. You are so busy thinking about yourself and having a boyfriend, you are making silly choices.
You are not mature enough for any of this.

NEVER call me Princess! Also, if he is cheating on me, to paraphrase Jay-Z "He got 99 problems and i'm about to be one"

It's QUEEN, not princess, right?

Worry about YOUR problems and forget the wine bearing friend with benefits that you don't even know if he cheated or not. All that love talk doesn't mean it's him and you forever, or if he takes it that way. A few posts ago he wasn't that kind of guy. I told you all things can change really fast, especially 16 year olds FEELINGS, and understanding.

You'll learn, by listening, or the hard way, attitude, or NOT! Amazing how fast you cop one.

I think the relationship is over, you were all right, I shouldn't have said "I love you" so fast.

I really hate to say I told you so, but the two of you are 16! How long is it going to take for you to understand. You let one boy in your pants and now you have a child that is dependent on you. When the father of your child left, you jumped right in with another boy who only wanted you because you were easy. Then you went back to a long term friend who became the love of your life. Can't you see the pattern here? When are you going to realize that we are adults with experience. We have gone through what you are going through or we have seen others go through it. We are trying to help you avoid all the pitfalls, but you ask for that help and then ignore the advice.

I told you before Priority 1 is your son, priority 2 is getting an education and a job. Once you are working on those 2 priorities and have them in hand, THEN you can look at priority 3; a relationship.

It's times like this I wish I was lesbian

Relationships are complicated for EVERYBODY, gay, lesbian, straight, young, old... EVERYBODY. :D

So is LIFE.. :)

Life is 1% what happens and 99% how you react to it./Charles Swindoll
Or something like that!

A relationship is a relationship. Bad decisions are made in all kinds.

It's times like this I wish I was lesbian

The only change that being a lesbian would have made is you wouldn't have gotten pregnant.

It's times like this I wish I was lesbian

That really shows your immaturity.

On the plus side, you wouldn't have a baby if you were a lesbian.

UPDATE: He came round to my house to apologize and he confessed that after he stormed out he did have sex with her, but he said it didn't mean anything. I dumped him anyway. Now that I have broken up with him, my son is the only thing that matters, but now I have no one to help me take care of my baby while my sister is gone. I need my sister home ASAP.

Its your baby.. time you step up and take care of it... there are a LOT of single moms out there that do that without help. It's a hell of a lot of work, but they manage to do it. Like I said... your days as a teenage kid are forever history... now you are a teeange mom... and have mom responsibilities.

Time to wake up and smell the roses. You are a mother now. Plenty of single mothers take care of their babies with no help at all. Now it's your turn. You chose to play grown up games that had grown up consequences. Time to face the music.

Learning to take care of your own child will be good for you, AND your baby.