I got pregnant at age 15, by my then-boyfriend Jason after I lost my virginity to him, he was 17. After I found out I was pregnant I freaked out so much, and in my head I just knew that from this day on my life and social reputation was going to be COMPLETELY different. My older sister Katie was very supportive, and she helps me with my baby. I told my boyfriend and he said he would support me through it all. When my school found out, most people supported me but I lost a lot of friends and most girls called me "whore" and "slut" and "preggers whore".

When I was about 5 months pregnant, Jason broke up with me saying he wanted "the easy life", and he wanted to go to college and not help me with my baby. On his 18th birthday he sent me a text "Having fun, slut?". I felt so heart-broken. I met this guy Tyler, he had a crush on me and I had a crush on him. We briefly dated until he turned out to be just like everyone else, he said I was a whore. After my 16th birthday, I went into labor, and had a healthy son named Jared. I didn't give him up, I decided to raise him, and as the father bailed out, my sister helps me.

I have been friends with this guy called Kai for years, he is Australian and really sexy. He is my friend's ex and we started flirting, I sent him a nude pic, and the next day he came over to my house and we had sex. My friend found out and all my other friends left me because I broke the non-existent "girl code". He makes me happy and I love Kai and my son with all my heart. But three boyfriends within the space of ten months, one of them is in college and another is my friend's ex, and a baby. I feel like such a slut. All my friends hate me. I only have my boyfriend, sister, and son. I just hate my life right now.

Please give me some advice on how to win back my friends, and how to not feel guilty about dating my friend's ex. Also, sorry this was so long, I needed to get it all out.

Well, for starters...you met him and had sex right away...so you didn't learn anything at all?

The only thing I can suggest at this point is to go after the father for child support...that is a start.

As far as winning everyone back....stop proving to them that they are right.

Right now, what is important is your baby. Concentrate on raising your son and stop worrying about the "friends." Keep your legs closed.

If you are not, you should be collecting child support from the father of this baby.

UPDATE: My boyfriend told my sister I am feeling depressed, so she wanted to come back from her holiday early to check on me. I told her not to come because its an 8 hour drive. So my boyfriend is coming over, and he is going to spend the night at my place. I told him to bring wine. I'll keep updating as I go along. Also, I saw Jason's status on Facebook, he is in a relationship, makes me so depressed to think about the father of my child with another girl.

Goodness. I'm speechless.

What?

All these concerns and...

Forget it.

I hope your baby won't be there while you are getting drunk and making baby #2.

You reap what you sow. At 16 you need to get drunk? Well clearly you are not going anyplace in your life continuing this type of behaviour.

Time to stop acting like a misbehaving kid... you chose this path when you dropped your panties and spread your legs. Time to start behaving like a responsible parent, since you aren't yet its time you became one. Your baby didn't ask to be born but you wanted to be a parent and you owe it to your child to be the best one you can be. Getting drunk is not how you do it.

I hope your baby won't be there while you are getting drunk and making baby #2.

Baby #2 is NEVER happening, not until I am at least 30 . I am not having sex with him for a while, he uses condoms anyway. Also, its non alcoholic wine. Damn, how bad of a mother do you think I am?


You reap what you sow. At 16 you need to get drunk? Well clearly you are not going anyplace in your life continuing this type of behaviour.

Time to stop acting like a misbehaving kid... you chose this path when you dropped your panties and spread your legs. Time to start behaving like a responsible parent, since you aren't yet its time you became one. Your baby didn't ask to be born but you wanted to be a parent and you owe it to your child to be the best one you can be. Getting drunk is not how you do it.

Great, more people think I'm a slut. And I didn't want to be a parent at first. It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

And condoms aren't 100% effective every time. For one, I was on birth control and used condoms. I got pregnant not once, but twice.

Food for thought.

Baby #2 is NEVER happening, not until I am at least 30 . I am not having sex with him for a while, he uses condoms anyway. Also, its non alcoholic wine. Damn, how bad of a mother do you think I am?
Great, more people think I'm a slut. And I didn't want to be a parent at first. It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

A) Baby # 2 isn't happening? Did you think baby #1 was going to happen?
B) You are not having sex with him but you did when you first met.
C) You are not having sex with him BUT, he uses condoms anyway...lol
D) You never said originally that it was non-alcoholic wine...you made a point to say he was bringing wine but you didn't bother with the non-alcoholic part so I think this is a lie.
E) You didn't want to be a parent, it's HIS fault. Not really...there were 2 of you. You allowed this just as much as he did. If you are implying he had no condoms, you are not guilt free because you could have said no.

Start making better decisions about your life, and future and forget the false friend and haters. Are you on your own or living with your parents, or just your sister? Start with child support and some kind of job training and get your life in order and make real friends.

Past mistakes don't have to be the end of the world if you learn from them, and do better.

Good Luck.

Baby #2 is NEVER happening, not until I am at least 30 . I am not having sex with him for a while, he uses condoms anyway. Also, its non alcoholic wine. Damn, how bad of a mother do you think I am?

Great, more people think I'm a slut. And I didn't want to be a parent at first. It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

1) NO form of birth control is 100% effective. So if you don't want baby #2, you do NOT engage is sexual intercourse at all.

2) There is no such thing as non alcoholic wine. Wine is the juice of fermented grapes and is alcohol by its very nature.

3)
I sent him a nude pic, and the next day he came over to my house and we had sex, If you don't want people to think you are a slut then stop acting like one. Sending a boy a nude pic and having sex with him right off, is a slutty thing to do.

4)
It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much. It takes two to make a baby. Its not only his fault, you opened your legs for him. So you need to start taking responsibility for your actions. You need to make changes in your lifestyle.

5)
saw Jason's status on Facebook, he is in a relationship, makes me so depressed to think about the father of my child with another girl. Really, did you think that at 17 he was ready to settle down to a family? But you should not be letting him off the hook. You should be taking him to court for child support. Even if he is in college and doesn't have much money, he needs to take responsibility too and help support his child.

Bottom line here, is you have made some very bad choices in your life. You have shown and continue to show poor judgment. Until and unless, you change your attitude, you will continue to on the same path you are on. You need to step up and think about your baby first and do what's best for the child.

As was said, now is the time to start thinking about yours and your son's future. Do you really want to win back friends who were't there for you when you needed them most?

You'd be better off getting involved in school, an activity that you enjoy, or trying a new interest and making some new friends. You will benefit greatly by finding a group of other new mothers... perhaps even teen mothers as you will find support and friendship there from people who know what you are going through.

yes, you've made some poor choices, which will always have consequences, so now you think about them, learn from them, and do better from now on.

Remember to treat your sister very well... she has been a lifesaver for you! If you and your boyfriend want to date then so be it. Don't worry about him being a past boyfriend of a friend. If they wanted to be a couple still they would be.

Others have reminded you that no form of birth control is 100% effective so if you do decide to have sex, you should use one along with the condoms that your boyfriend uses. Remember too, there should be no penetration without a condom... not even for a little while at first.

start thinking about what you want to do in your life. Maybe university, maybe a career. Having some goals and dreams to work towards will help you see more positives in your life.

. Focus on what is going well right now... you are healthy, have a healthy baby, a loving sister, a boyfriend, etc, and keep in mind that the negatives won't always be there, can be changed, and just might be the boost that you need to make some positive changes.

WHat I said was its time to start acting like a responsible mother... getting drunk isn't being responsible, drinking alcohol at all at your age isn't being responsible, your child depends on you, and you owe it to your child... your childhood is over and you aren't getting it back. That's the price for having sex at that age for many people. Now until your child is an adult and on their own... THEY are or certainly SHOULD be the most important thing in your life.

You rushed your life in some ways but can still do the rest in order. Here is the order:

Finish school. Figure out a career that will interest you and go after it. It must be done. It's harder with a child but still possible, so treat yourself to enough education to earn a comfortable wage.

Get child support. If you file for Wellfare, the state will go after this deadbeat dad. File .

Stop having sex. You still aren't bold enough and are not in a position to care for a second child. Don't have sex again until you are married. There is a lot you can so to express some intimacy without risking pregnancy or disease.

Not dating exes of friends can be hard because we tend to know the same people as our friends. But you did not date him - you sent him a photo that could have resulted in both of you becoming registered sex offenders for exchanging porn featuring a minor. You then slept with him. You will be judged by your actions which is the only fair way to judge someone. Act in the manner you want to be judged. You are young enough to turn it around.

Don't worry about friends you lost - too much drama. Find new friends. Seek out a support group for teen moms. Them you will find friends who you can relate to and you can help each other out a bit.

Know ow that you don't always get to be happy with how things are but you can still choose happiness. You control your attitude and perception of the world. Start with how you talk. Don't victimize yourself. Talk about your son as a blessing, speak of gratitude. Enjoy the little things. This is hard but it works. Just decide you will be happy even if to want change and want more. If you feel bad , start planning and dreaming and take action to make improvements.

Give up what things "should" be like. Everyone you know will have hardships. You know what yours is and it is a sweet baby. Enjoy what is and know you can still pursue all your other dreams.

Life is not about catching a man. Be someone you love and hold out for someone who likes and respects you. The right man would not have slept with you so fast. Think about that.

UPDATE: Kai slept over at my house (we did NOT have sex). And this morning I skyped with my sister, she asked if I was OK and I told her fine. I feel a lot better now, even my parents called because they heard what I was going through. Me and Kai are going to take Jared outside in his stroller, I haven't been outside for days, so it's going to be good. Also, about the non-alcoholic wine, it was alcoholic but I only had one glass.
Don't have sex again until you are married. I have no plans to get married, or go celibate, but I will hold off sex for a while, at least until I figure out what I want with my life.
The right man would not have slept with you so fast. Kai is the right man, we havent been dating for long, but we have been friends for years before, and he has always been there for me through everything. Deep down I know he should have been Jared's father. Also I live in the UK, and in the UK it is legal to have sex at 16, in the UK you can even get married at 16.

Yes, the age of consent in the UK is 16, but you had sex with Jason at 15. He could be prosecuted for that. And you NEED to go after him for child support. But it being legal and being smart are very different things. Think of all you have been going through because you want to do adult things before you were ready. Do you, at least, agree that you weren't being smart.

And I'm not sure if you are waking up to realities here. I still get the sense that you want your old life back and have not faced the reality that you can't.

As for Kai being the "right man". You are 16, I'll bet you thought Jason was the "right man" at the time. Your judgment in this regard is suspect. That doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to be with him. Maybe he will turn out to be the right man, but you should not have expectation at your age.

One last point, where do you live and how do you support yourself? You say your sister and parents called. Which indicates you are not living at home, so I'm curious about how you ar supporting yourself and Jared.

I moved out of my parents house to live with my sister and her friend since they have a flat together. My sister is away visiting family, and her friend has been staying with her older brother for a week, so it's just me and Jared, and Kai has decided to stay at my house until Katie gets back. Also, is there a way I can have my old life back and still be the best mom I can be?

Also, is there a way I can have my old life back and still be the best mom I can be?

Not at all.

So you made the choice to become a parent and now you live with it. It isn't the babies fault that you had your old life taken from you, it is yours. You made the choice, that life is gone, you move forward and take care of your baby the way he should be taken care of.

Your old life was that of a kid...with no responsibilities....but that's gone. Now you have responsibilities and you live up to them.

I agree with Odinn7... your old life is long over... there is no going back. You have a baby now... you are a parent... you have responsibilities nobody else your age you used to have fun with have.

Now you have to do a LOT of growing up... because your child depends on you. You can't be a care free teenager AND a parent... they are not compatible.

Ugh, you all sound like my parents

I moved out of my parents house to live with my sister and her friend since they have a flat together. My sister is away visiting family, and her friend has been staying with her older brother for a week, so it's just me and Jared, and Kai has decided to stay at my house until Katie gets back. Also, is there a way I can have my old life back and still be the best mom I can be?

OK, Thanks for clarifying.

As odinn said, no you can't get your old life back. You have to understand and resign yourself to that. Your old life was as a teenager. That's gone as you are a mother now. With all the responsibilities and limitations that motherhood entails.


Ugh, you all sound like my parents

And you need to listen to them as you need to listen to us. I know you don't like it. I know you don't want to hear it. But I can't say this enough. You made bad decisions. You have to grow up and live with the consequences of those decisions. Because you made some bad decisions does not mean you can't turn your life around. You can and I hope you will. But the first step will be accepting that your life is different and working with those differences.

Ugh, you all sound like my parents

Well... YOU are a parent now... time to start acting like one.

Your parents are probibly quietly laughing now remembering all the hard times you gave them growing up.....now YOU will be the one getting it from your child. Sorry, I don't know ANYONE that has become a grandparent that has not felt that way.

I didn't say that to be mean.....just need to get you to see what you need to see. And the sooner you see it the better.

I want to, I want to be more mature, I love my son. But I'm 16, I can't just automatically mature. I need to take time. I'm 16 not 26! Also, according to my parents I was the good child, and Katie was the one that always gave them a hard time. But when I turned 13, thats when I became who I was before I was a mother.

This is something you should have thought about previously. This is why, at 16, you are not...nobody is, prepared to be a parent. So many kids think about how wonderful it will be to have a baby of their very own...only to wake up to a harsh reality.

This is something you should have thought about previously. This is why, at 16, you are not...nobody is, prepared to be a parent. So many kids think about how wonderful it will be to have a baby of their very own...only to wake up to a harsh reality. I didn't know condoms could break easily, I also didn't want any children until I was way older, and I know that being a parent ain't a fun time.

Its something you have to work at. It will be a lot more work at first... but you will adjust. But no..its not going to happen overnight. But it will become second nature.

Everyones life changes when they become a parent.

I thought this is supposed to be a HELP website. I see more criticizing me for getting in this situation than helping me. Also, I originally asked how I win my friends back and get one of them to stop being jealous that I am dating their ex.

How can we possibly help you? You want us to take turns baby sitting for you so you can go out and have a fun time?

And you aren't being criticized. You are mistaking being criticized with us simply being straightforward and honest with you.

So you asked how to get your friends back and if you read through the answers, you will see it there....you don't keep proving to them that they are right about you...that is a start. Other than that, there is no answer. And how to stop one from being jealous about dating an ex? Well, you stop dating that ex otherwise, deal with it. Welcome to real life.

What do you expect... us to change diapers and babysit while you run out with friends? We don't do that, we tell you what you are doing wrong, and what you need to be doing. That's the kind of help we offer.

Read what you have been saying... YOU want to have fun with friends, YOU want your old life back. Well none of those things are going to happen, and it doesn't happen to anyone else when they become parents either. Actually what YOU want takes a back seat to what your child needs...and it will be that way for a very long time to come.

Its next to impossible because you no longer have much in common with your old friends. That's reality... its that way if you just got married and they aren't, if you have children and they don't its even MORE true. Sorry but that's reality... we have all been through this before... we are speaking from experience.

Its one of those things you need to see that we are trying to get you to see.

And how to stop one from being jealous about dating an ex? Well, you stop dating that ex otherwise, deal with it. Welcome to real life. Hell to the no, I am not going to stop dating Kai for anyone. I love him, Jared seems to take a liking to him, my sister tells me how lucky I am. I don't care about my friends if it means ending my good relationship with him. Yeah, I sent him the nude pic, but I don't give a rat's a**.

So yeah...I see where this is all going. Have fun. I'm done playing this game.

So yeah...I see where this is all going. Have fun. I'm done playing this game. You weren't even helping with anything. I know I need to mature, but It does not happen overnight. I got pregnant, I had a child, we all make mistakes, deal with it. Also, do you expect I would just give up one of the only two people helping me out with this?

I am going through hell right now, can't somebody help me, please

We are trying... you aren't listening and worse... want to argue about the advice.

Stop thinking like a 15 year old schoolgirl...because you aren't one any more. And we've been trying to get you to see this.

Your life changed when you became a mother. Your friends lives didn't (except for the childs fathers life). Its NOT going to be like it was last year no matter how much you wish it would.

I just read that teen mothers usually don't graduate high school, and my plans to go to a music college aren't going to happen now. What the hell have I done with my life, where did my life go wrong.

I am going through hell right now, can't somebody help me, please

What help do you expect from us? Yes we know you can't change overnight, but you have had more than 9 months to begin the process. We aren't telling you not be with Kai, but you need to understand that Jared comes first. Raising a child can be very rewarding, watching a child grow is one of the greatest experiences. But it's a two edged sword.

Yes we have been critical of your past mistakes, but we are trying to help you move forward, but you don't seem to want to take our advice. So I really don't understand what you expect.


I just read that teen mothers usually don't graduate high school, and my plans to go to a music college aren't going to happen now. What the hell have I done with my life, where did my life go wrong. Actually, that's changing. With the proper help and determination you can not only finish high school but go on to college. But you have to understand it won't be easy and will involve a LOT of work on your part.

Your life went wrong when you decided to engage in sex without understanding the risks and consequences. But again, that doesn't mean you can't make a success. But you have to change your tune about what your priorities are.

I just read that teen mothers usually don't graduate high school, and my plans to go to a music college aren't going to happen now. What the hell have I done with my life, where did my life go wrong.
Many don't... You have the right idea by wanting to finish it. in fact I ENCOURAGE you to do this as soon as you are able. I also honestly hope you are able to do it, it will be a lot of work, but it will be worth it.. It will only be positive for you and your life.

It could happen IF you work hard to make it happen.

I need to get back on track after this whole thing. My boyfriend is here to help until Katie gets back, so everything is good

UPDATE: My boyfriend told my sister I am feeling depressed, so she wanted to come back from her holiday early to check on me. I told her not to come because its an 8 hour drive. So my boyfriend is coming over, and he is going to spend the night at my place. I told him to bring wine. I'll keep updating as I go along. Also, I saw Jason's status on Facebook, he is in a relationship, makes me so depressed to think about the father of my child with another girl.

If Kai is so great, why are you letting yourself get upset because Jason has moved on to a new relationship? You worry about a friend who is jealous but don't understand the jealousy you are showing. It is one thing to be upset that he isn't in his child's life, but to get upset that he is with another girl is a different matter.

You still have not said anything (unless I missed it) about getting child support and custody taken care of through legal means. We are telling you to do this not out of criticism but for your welfare and Jared's. Jason may not want to be daddy today but that could change next week when the latest girlfriend finds it cool that he is a daddy or his family decides it wants to be involved in Jared's life. Jason has responsibilities just like you do. Some he can choose to keep like visitation, some he can't like providing for his child.

Your life isn't over. It is just more complicated. How close to graduating are you? Are there programs or someone to take care of Jared while you are at school? What were you planning to study in music college? Is there a different route you can take to get to your goal or new goal that may be more to your liking? Some people find paths they like better after a life changing event?

Just because you can't have your old life back, doesn't mean you can't have a better life ahead. Part of that better life is your attitude and how you behave and understanding that good friends may get upset but they will come back after they have calmed down. Until they do, you become involved in other things and make new friends.

Something to think about, when you asked a question here, you gained a community of people who care. We want to see you succeed in your life.

It is important that you protect yourself, and get on the pill. Please do that right away. Thinking that you won't have sex, is foolish, and risky.

Even married couples who were completely prepared to have a baby, and had money in the bank to cover all the expenses, and good jobs to support a family, still have their lives turned upside down.

A baby is all consuming, demanding, unpredictable, and exhausting. Their needs take all your time and effort. Gone are long showers, and lazing around watching movies or going out with friends to party. You don't have time for anything, and everything revolves around that baby.

When the baby gets sick, get ready for even less sleep, and visits to the doctor, and following directions with medication.

Drop the teenage friends. Find your local library and join a new mothers group. Make friends with new mothers, who you share common interests and concerns. Learn what other new mothers are going through, and how to solve common problems. Sharing of information, good and bad (as it goes with a baby), is helpful to all.

Start reading more about babies and children, and child development. You will feel baffled at first because you are so young, but there is much you need to learn about as the baby grows and yes- becomes even more demanding. This isn't going to get easier, so you may as well be as prepared and educated as you can.

Get yourself back into school, and find a subsidy for the cost of having daycare for your baby. Get your diploma, and by that time, you should be ready to choose a career path, and then get on that road, and plan to graduate with a degree or diploma that will allow you to care for yourself- and your baby, without the support of anyone.

Drop the boyfriends and the companionship. You don't have time for it, and teenage boys don't make good fathers- a lesson you have already painfully learned.

Being a good mother isn't something that just happens. It takes work, and dedication, and very long hours of making sure the baby is well cared for in all regards. It isn't living in a flat with your sister who (God bless her generous heart) supports you. You need to plan to support yourself. Hanging around lamenting about lost friends is part of your past childhood. It no longer exists.

Get your priorities in order.

Read through all that has been written in response to your situation. Write down the things you see that have been suggested. Then decide on ways for you to achieve them... both the things that you will do and the things that you won't do. Will you need help with locating resources? Will you need to learn who to contact for support?

Make a plan for the things you want to do. Finish school, go to college, make friends who can understand your situation, etc.

Yes, it will be hard, and somethings will be more challenging, and take longer then they would have otherwise, but it doesn't mean that they cant, or won't, be accomplished.

Once you have a list, talk with a school counselor, your parents, your sister, and your boyfriend and gather their support.....but ultimately you will have to rely on yourself. They have their lives too, you don't really know how long you will be with your current boyfriend, so now is the time to learn to rely on yourself more and focus on your and your child's needs both now and for the future.

You may not be able to mature overnight, but you can start taking steps that will move you along in that directions. The last thing you want to do is stay stuck in your present mind set. You have to push yourself forward sometimes, make some changes, and keep looking ahead to where you want to be in your life.

Drop the boyfriendsI am not breaking up with Kai for ANYONE, not the jealous girl, not any guys who have a crush on me, not even my parents. Kai is the 4 things I want in a man, he's smart, he's caring, he's good with my kid, and he is sexy as hell. Also, I don't want Jason anywhere near Jared. I grew up without my biological father and Iturned out fine. As long as I have my amazing sister and caring boyfriend I don't need Jason. Jason can go to hell.

I am not breaking up with Kai for ANYONE, not the jealous girl, not any guys who have a crush on me, not even my parents. Kai is the 4 things I want in a man, he's smart, he's caring, he's good with my kid, and he is sexy as hell.

You just don't get it, do you? The world doesn't revolve around you anymore. It revolves around your son.

LOL...this is why I gave up trying to answer. It's like banging your head on the wall.

LOL...this is why I gave up trying to answer. It's like banging your head on the wall.

This is why teens shouldn't be parents. They aren't capable of understanding the complexities of parenthood.

Also, I don't want Jason anywhere near Jared. I grew up without my biological father and Iturned out fine. As long as I have my amazing sister and caring boyfriend I don't need Jason. Jason can go to hell.

Sure you turned out fine! You got pregnant at 15 and are now depressed and worried about what to do with your life. Also its different For a girl growing up without a father than for a boy.

But you may have no choice in the matter. Jason is your son's father and if he decides he wants to be part of his life, then you will have little or no choice about it. Also, you are depriving your son, by not requiring Jason to support him. Even if its only a little financial help, you need it. As J-9 said, its about your son, not you and you need to do EVERYTHING you can to provide for him.

And, no one has said one word that you should break up with Kai. But whether you spend the rest of your lives together or not, is not a given. At your ages, the odds of doing so are against you. We are just trying to make you aware of that.

So you all think I should break up with Kai? Even though he is amazing with Jared, and he helps me while Katie is away, and if I let him go I won't find anyone else like him?


Sure you turned out fine! You got pregnant at 15 and are now depressed and worried about what to do with your life. Also its different For a girl growing up without a father than for a boy.

But you may have no choice in the matter. Jason is your son's father and if he decides he wants to be part of his life, then you will have little or no choice about it. Also, you are depriving your son, by not requiring Jason to support him. Even if its only a little financial help, you need it. As J-9 said, its about your son, not you and you need to do EVERYTHING you can to provide for him.

And, no one has said one word that you should break up with Kai. But whether you spend the rest of your lives together or not, is not a given. At your ages, the odds of doing so are against you. We are just trying to make you aware of that. I did turn out fine! I did not plan any of this to happen. This is more criticism than help! Its "Ask Me Help Desk" not "Ask Me Criticism Desk"

Let me give you a little enlightenment.

You should NEVER post personal names via the internet. You have potentially placed your son in danger by using his name. While you may think you are mature, posting personal names shows us adults how naïve you are.

While you may think we are being critical, we are actually teaching you some life lessons that you are incapable of understanding at your age.

No one ever said to break up with Kai, but rather stop focusing your attention on boys, but focus on your son. I can guarandamntee you that Kai won't be there next year. But your son will.

Finding, or keeping, a boyfriend is not your priority. Your son is.

Again, this is why teens shouldn't be parents. You are a prime example of this. You are not concerned about the wellbeing of your child, but rather your social life as well as your sex life.

Technically...I did mention to break up with Kai in response to her question of how to stop her friend from being jealous of her dating the ex....my solution was to break up with him in that case. But, "hell to the no" she isn't doing it....not for nobody!

I am concerned about him. I am keeping him, I am raising him, I am trying to be a good mother. But I am 16, you can't just expect me to have him on my mind 24/7. I have needs you know, sex needs, alcohol needs, personal time to myself. I have spent nearly a month never getting any time alone, and I need to just go out and have a day to myself. I know someone who can look after Jared while I am gone, everything is fine.

See girl, now there is no question for you to regret... Just leave the country and move to some other place with your baby (If you can)... You need mental support at this time, not being called a slut... Just be strong and make your child a responsible citizen and a good man so that he won't do anything what all Jason did with you... Teach him good manners... and if Kai supports you, then marry him! Hire a babysitter if you can... And yeah, try to stop and control yourself from sex and alcohol... You are a MOM now... now any school going girl!!! Keep smiling.. Best of Luck! :)

I am 16, you can't just expect me to have him on my mind 24/7. I have needs you know, sex needs, alcohol needs, personal time to myself. I have spent nearly a month never getting any time alone, and I need to just go out and have a day to myself. I know someone who can look after Jared while I am gone, everything is fine.

Sex and alcohol are what real mothers give up. So, you have spent "nearly a month" never getting any time alone. Guess what. That's what mothers do.

We give up social lives, sex lives, to raise our children properly. If you aren't willing to do that, then maybe it's time to reconsider keeping your child.

I should pass some of these around.

QueenLiz,

You've been given plenty of ideas to focus on for getting your life on track and making a future for yourself and your son. Please take the time to think carefully about what has been said. I understand that you won't be able to fully appreciate all of it right now at 16, but do your best. You may be 16, but you have responsibilities far greater than most 16 year olds, so your focus has to be elsewhere. It doesn't mean you won't get to go out now and then, but you will go out less often then most. Your time, money, energy, and focus all have to go to meeting your son's needs (both emotional and physical needs) first... then yours.

I can tell your this, if you don't meet his needs now, in the first few years, you won't make up for it later.

One more idea to add to the others... check out your local hospital or health department for parenting classes or groups. These will be other good sources of support, information, and guidance of what resources are available to you and your son in your area. You will also make friends (more support!) with other young mothers.

In all of this, you will have to make the effort. We have provided some ideas and suggestions, which is what you asked for, so now you have to be the one to make some plans and get started.

She will get there eventually guys, when her mind, body, and soul have healed from what she has been through. Don't do anything stupid until then. Specifically, alcohol, and sex.

You may want them to help feel better for the moment, but at this time, you don't NEED either!!

I do what I want, when I want. I don't live with my boring parents, I live with my party animal bisexual sister, I have a fine boyfriend and a cute baby. My baby is asleep right now, So I might as well have sex with Kai on the couch right now. And I will join parenting classes, I will take care of my baby's needs, but now, I need some "Mommy time".

Liz - I was kind of in the same shoes. I had my first son at 18. I had dreams of college and making it big and then oops, had a son. Then at 19 oops, had another son.

What did I do?

I worked two jobs, went to college, helped raise my boys, and now life couldn't be better. Just because there are bumps in the road doesn't automatically mean you can't reach your final destination. And both boys are college graduates with great jobs.


So you all think I should break up with Kai? Even though he is amazing with Jared, and he helps me while Katie is away, and if I let him go I won't find anyone else like him?

I did turn out fine! I did not plan any of this to happen. This is more criticism than help! Its "Ask Me Help Desk" not "Ask Me Criticism Desk"

Starting to think this has been a story all along....it's just getting out of hand now.

I am extremely stressed right now. I need my sister, but she doesn't come back until the middle of August. And this website sucks , I had no help AT ALL! Look, I will join a parenting class, I will meet more people like me, when I get my life back together. My life sucks right now, and I don't need people like odinn7, smoothy, or J_9 making it worse. I'm going to go to another help website. These adults are getting on my nerves.

Take a break then.

First, Again, this is not about Kai. If you want to continue seeing him then do so. Some of the responses have suggested that you concentrate more on your son then being in a relationship, and that is a valid point. But its not the main issue.

You are in denial that you have turned out fine. It is clear from the fact that you got pregnant at 15, that you didn't turn out fine. It is clear from the title of this thread that you didn't turn out fine. It is clear from your attitude to people trying to help you, that you didn't turn out fine.

What most of us have been trying to do is encourage you to understand that you made bad choices. That those bad choices have resulted in consequences that have changed your life. That you have to accept those changes and understand you can't live the same life you did before you got pregnant. That you need to understand that Jared is and must be the primary focus of your life for, at least, the next 18 years.

We are trying to tell you that you CAN change your life around. That you CAN make a success of your life, make a good life for Jared, etc. But you need to understand that it will take a lot of work on your part. It will take changes in your life style and attitude. But until you do understand that (and I don't think you do, based on your reactions), then the likelihood of you changing your life around and being a good mother to Jared is not good.


I'm going to go to another help website. These adults are getting on my nerves.

And you think any other site will be better? You think any other adults are going to give you any different advice? You think children your own age are going to be able to give you good advice?

You have gotten a lot of good help here, despite what you said. But we aren't going to tell you what you want to hear. We are going to tell it like it is. Your striking out at us with vulgarity and false statements, just continue to show your immaturity and that you din't turn out fine.