Hi, apologies for the sprawl of text.

I broke up with my girlfriend on the 10th July, so 12 days ago at the time of this email. The relationship up till that point had been pretty much perfect, we had only had one small bump and it got sorted within a day or two, we are both 35 years old (she has two children, I have none) and next month was to be our 1 year anniversary, we were planning to go away, and we were talking about the future all the time.

My ex came from long term marriage where she was emotionally and physically abused. She said it was at this point that she just learnt to shut down her emotions so she wouldn't have to deal with anything that comes up, she just ignores it and hope it will go away. About 2 months after her marriage breakup, she found herself in a situation where she did something she regretted with her sister's husband, she said it only happened once, but he messaged her a bit about it afterwards. I am the only one she has ever told about it, she has felt deep regret and guilt ever since.

Since I found out about that incident, I had expressed discomfort at her spending a lot of time over there with them, especially when they are drinking. She said she understood this and was making efforts not to make me uncomfortable.

On the night of our breakup, I had gone round to hers after finding out I had missed out on some work, so I wasn't very happy to start with. We sat down and I told her about it, this is when she turned to me and said she had booked a holiday away with her sister and brother-in-law for a week right around the time we had meant to be going away together. I became very upset but she insisted we could still go away together. I said a few things I regret about trust and being honest and I asked her to cancel it, but she refused. I asked her if she cared more about this holiday than our relationship and she still refused to cancel the holiday.

I start gathering my things up and was getting ready to walk out of the door, we got to her doorstep still arguing and she wouldn't compromise at all. I overreacted and threw my keys down on the floor, which really scared her. I have since found out from her best friend that this was the moment she decided it was over.

We talked in person for a little while over the next few days where I made all the usual mistakes begging and pleading etc, it looked like she was thinking about it a lot but she kept saying no.

The mains things she said to me were:

"I don't want to be in a relationship with you, or anyone, i want to make time for my kids in the way that i didn't after my marriage breakup"

"I know I overreacted, and I know you deserve a second chance, but I'm not going to give you one"

"Yesterday I really wanted to get up and cuddle you, today I don't"

"You deserve someone who can treat you better, please move on"

On the third day, she agreed to go on a coffee date with me the following week, but she texted the next day saying that she really didn't want to try again and to please move on.

I have spoken to her best friend, and she has since told me that my ex has told her that she doesn't want to try again (this was only yesterday, so 11 days after the breakup). She said that my ex seems to want to not be on her own. I made out that I was fine with it and that I hoped she wouldn't be uncomfortable talking to me at some point in the future, and the friend said that she needed more time, she wasn't ready to talk to me yet.

My ex has also started becoming more active on Facebook, saying how she's had such a great weekend and is looking forward to the holidays (she's a preschool teacher, so 6 weeks off over the summer here in the UK). She is also sharing more funny videos etc. She is not usually this active on Facebook.

She asked for NC at the start, and besides the few talks immediately after the break, a couple of accidental sightings as we live in the same town, we haven't contacted each other.

I am taking time during the NC phase to better myself and keep busy, but of course I'm terrified that I've lost her completely after all this. She has made it seem so final, even though I made the mistake of breaking up and walking away, she refuses to give it another chance. She said she was scared it would happen again, bearing in mind that I have never hit her, never cheated on her, never even really raised my voice to her. I had just had a combo of bad things hit me together in the same day.

Is there any hope at all in this situation?

The timeline seems interesting. But that isn't the point.

You broke up with her. Was that a calculated move to make her love you more? If so it didn't work. When you make a move like that you have to be prepared for any reaction. She gave you her's and you don't want to accept it. But that is what being prepared is all about.

She is putting her children first and you can't fault her for that. You will never be as important as her children.

I am voting on it's over between you two. The best thing you can do is no contact and move your life forward.

Not unless she changes her mind, and misses you, and from what you have written, it's a long shot, and not worth holding your breathe for. Take her at her word is my advice, and leave her, AND her friend alone, and stay off her facebook. That would be doing the NC the correct way.

That's what she wants so stop torturing yourself.

Thanks for your replies, I didn't go out of my way to speak to her friend, she spoke to me first.

I absolutely agree about the children, she always said they came first, and I always accepted that.

As for breaking up with her, it was not calculated, it was completely an overreaction on my part. I started regretting it almost immediately after the argument but I was still angry so went home. When she spoke to me the next morning was when she said she didn't want to try again even though she knew I deserved a second chance.

I should add that she did say that she knew if we talked that we would end up getting back together.

I'm staying off her Facebook, and staying away from her and her friend as much as is possible, although we don't live in a massive town and there has already been some random sightings. Thanks again for your replies.

I agree with the others... consider this a lost cause and move on. Sometimes you can't fix what's broken, and you can't take back what was said, This is one of those times.

Unless she wants to work it out....then there is nothing that can be done.