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PrinceNassim
Jun 29, 2014, 06:05 PM
Okay here is my story. I really need help, my brain is about to give up. I have not been a perfect husband. I cheated on my wife 2 years ago. It's been the worst experience ever. She kicked me out of her house and I had to live back with my parents. I have a 4 year old daughter with her. I left the woman who I was cheating on her with and tried to make amends with her. Ever since then it's been nothing but hell. She curses me everyday. She doesn't talk to me. She thinks I am doing the same thing but I am not. I've lost my job but regained another job. She said take her out on a couple of dates which I did. She needs money I give her money if it's something for our daughter I give her.

But to me with all this negative feedback she is giving me is making me feel crappy. She doesn't appreciate anything I do for her. She throws back my past in my face. It's like I can't win. I am getting to the point on being fed up cause all she does is curse and tell at me every time I want to talk she says leave her alone. Nothing is working. I need advice on what to do. It's driving me nuts. I can't no more, I can't take it.

Then she post up pictures with guys and my heart drops. She tells me such hurtful things. I can't deal with her and her ways. She is being selfish. It seems like she is using me for a toy. Idk what to do. I can't even eat or sleep. All I am doing is thinking about her. I avoid it so much but it's so hard. I tell her how I feel she says she doesn't care. Leave her alone.

And god knows I've been trying I've done everything in my power to be a perfect man. It's so hard if she doesn't want to communicate with me. What am I to do?

smoothy
Jun 29, 2014, 06:32 PM
So what do you do?. Divorce her. You really don't have a choice.

odinn7
Jun 29, 2014, 07:08 PM
She's bitter about what you did and is taking it out on you. You say she is being selfish but really, isn't that what you were doing when you cheated on her? Sounds to me like the marriage is over and your best bet is to get a divorce.

Fr_Chuck
Jun 29, 2014, 07:12 PM
The marriage is over... her cursing at you, and you living like this, is a bad way and bad example for a child.

You can not blame her, she does not have to forgive you... it is her right to hate you for the betrayal that you did.

So it is time to accept that it is over and just move on

J_9
Jun 29, 2014, 07:15 PM
You ended the marriage when you cheated on her. Make it legal and get a divorce.

I have no tolerance for cheaters.

Jake2008
Jun 29, 2014, 10:45 PM
You're the victim here?

What you are experiencing are called consequences. Not too many women would simply forgive and forget without the cheater having at least some of the anguish they've forced others to live with.

Think about what you have done. You destroyed your relationship with your wife, and your child. You destroyed your future. Their lives are forever changed, and with your attitude that you give her money, and try hard, and now it's her fault for not accepting you as, 'the perfect husband' shows that you really don't get it.

What have you really done to figure out how YOUR actions have created this aftermath. What makes you think that you try hard after the fact, and expect to be taken back when YOU think YOU have suffered enough?

Try counseling for starters. If you're a drinker and that was part of the problem, get yourself into a substance abuse program. If you have a history of cheating (really? Just once?) work out why selfish needs and a sense of entitlement have landed you in this place. But, you haven't said why you cheated, and my bet is, it probably was your wife's fault, right?

If you, the cheater, want to be taken seriously, then get serious. Nothing was done to you, you made the decisions to cheat, and cheating has consequences.

Two years might seem a long time, for her to just forgive and forget. But while you sit and ponder why you 'just can't take it any more after two years', you've wasted far too much time on YOUR wants and needs, and have yet to crack the surface of how to heal what you have broken.

At this stage of the game, I'd say your cheating is probably the end of the marriage.

Oliver2011
Jun 30, 2014, 04:15 AM
I agree with most of the others. Cheaters need the thrill of cheating. Personally I wouldn't trust you again and would have responded the same way your wife did.

You know life is about learning a bunch of lessons. This is a very difficult one for you but at the end of the day you have nobody to blame but you. The thing you can do now is pick of the pieces and move on. Hopefully moving on includes creating a wonderful life for your daughter. And if you don't want to experience this pain again, put on your big boy pants and don't cheat again.

DoulaLC
Jun 30, 2014, 09:46 AM
Find a quiet time when the two of you can talk alone. Tell her, again, that you are sorry for what happened before, that you know that you messed up and hurt her terribly, and that you understand that it would be difficult for her to trust you. BUT, also tell her that you want to work with her at rebuilding that trust. She may be angry/hurt because she hasn't yet felt as though you are really sorry, or acknowledged that you messed up big time. Has she had questions at all? "Why" is usually the biggest one. Have you been open to answering any questions, or has the whole issue been sort of quietly swept under the rug? Ignoring it won't make it go away, but of course it doesn't have to be nitpicked apart either.

It can take years to move passed infidelity, if at all, for many couples.

While it is understandable that she is hurt and angry, to continue to beat you up over it won't really make her feel any better, and won't heal the marriage.

Suggest to her that you would like the two of you to go to counseling so that you can work through this and build a stronger marriage. Let her know that you realize it will be difficult, but it is a process that you will have to do together and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to move forward.

Otherwise, letting her know that if she isn't open to counseling, and trying to work with you to rebuild the marriage, then you really have no other choice but to go your separate ways since how things are now is not healthy for any of you, including your daughter.

Say your peace, then give her sometime to think it over and consider what she really wants. Be prepared that she may decide that she can't forgive or forget and wants to move on without you.

talaniman
Jun 30, 2014, 09:56 AM
If I were you I would take responsibility for my part of this mess, and establish regular support for her and my child and leave her alone to calm down and get her head around your very selfish, disgusting behavior. That all you can control is YOUR own actions, not hers.

If she doesn't like your arrangement, she can take you to court for what she wants but the first step is own your actions, and accept YOUR consequences. You may be ready to move on, but she is NOT.

Alty
Jun 30, 2014, 12:49 PM
You cheated, you're married, you have a child. Just because you ended the relationship with the woman you were cheating with, and said sorry to your wife, doesn't mean she has to forgive you. It doesn't matter how sorry you are. You chose to cheat. You made that decision. Now you get to live with the consequences of your actions, just like all people do.

You give her money when she wants? I would hope so. You're still her husband, and responsible for at least half the bills to care for the home and your child. You don't give her money, you're paying what you owe.

Marriage is a contract. You entered into it, and you didn't stick to it. This is no ones fault but your own.

Your choice is to suck it up, ask for marriage counseling, and hope that it works. Or get a divorce, pay alimony and child support. These are the consequences of your actions. This is the price you pay when you cheat.

talaniman
Jun 30, 2014, 12:55 PM
You don't get to dictate the terms of the consequences for your actions.