So I've been with this girl for 6 months now.. We've had some problems where I didn't trust her, she then confronted me and said she wouldn't do anything behind my back... She showed me her messages and I saw she send guys x and to us x is a big deal (flirting) she said she won't ever do it again and I pleaded my heart out and she promised she won't do it again

So now she was on her Facebook account and she doesn't know I have it as well. She said to me if she can say hi to her friend (she says it's her big brother friend) and then I said sure.. She said to me she just said hi and then I said are u sure and I saw what she said to him (she said "hey big bro x") but she was lying to me again and I tried catching het out.. I then did but she threw a fit... She promised me she won't lie to me again but she did... What must I do?

She's a liar and you are a snoop. Neither one of you understand how a relationship works.

Yes, you need to break up with her so that you can take some time to learn how a healthy relationship works.

@J_9 what am I doing wrong?

You are snooping, have no trust in your s/o whatsoever (for obvious reasons) and you fail to realize that this relationship has gone down the drain. Why are you with a consummate liar ?

What are you doing wrong? You are snooping and controlling. There is no reason a woman cannot be friends with men when she is in a relationship.

@J_9 the reason for this is that she is really flirtatious and had a history with the guys she speaks with (ex and what she did with them)

Some women are flirtatious. If you can't accept that in your woman you need to move on and find one that isn't.

@J_9 but it's because she lied to me when she promised she won't do it again... What do you say?

She promised she wouldn't do it again. What is "it"? And why did she fell its necessary not to do "it" again?

@J_9 She said she won't lie to me again... And I must not lie to her. And I don't lie to her because she knows everything that I do.. When I lie she gets back at me and she says I'm not allowed to get back at her..

@J_9 She said she won't lie to me again... And I must not lie to her. And I don't lie to her because she knows everything that I do.. When I lie she gets back at me and she says I'm not allowed to get back at her..

She knows everything that you do huh? Does she know that you have access to her Facebook? Nah, you admitted above that she doesn't. So, you are lying to her too.

This is a toxic relationship. Just break it off. Heck, you just lied to us!



So now she was on her Facebook account and she doesn't know I have it as well.

@J_9 okay, so she doesn't know I have it still? (Her Facebook account) but she said I can look at what ever she does if I don't trust her (which I don't) and she lied to me about it, so what now? I didn't lie to you? I'm please asking you for your opinion on what she said and promised? Is that right to break a promise? Look I'm new to this forums... The truth is.. Yes she gave me her account long ago but I wasn't bothered to go on it until now. Lim sorry I'm thinking that someone here might just know her and this happens.. So yeah I'm sorry I'm just scared, I just please want your opinion on what she did to me and what must happen... If she sees I lie she gets back at me (by that I mean she slaps me in the face, she swears at me and tunes me and makes me in superior in front of my friends) and she says that I'm not allowed to get back at her (which I won't because that's just plain disrespectful towards a female)... So there you go.. I just want to know what I must do?

No one here knows her. This is an international site.

If she slaps you in the face this is abuse.

Look dude, this isn't a healthy relationship in any way, shape, or form. How old are the two of you anyway? 12?

Break it off with her.

We are both 18.. I'm just scared, I'm so attached to her and I'm scared to let her go.. I broke up with her before (because she slapped me just because I asked another girl for papers for a church test... And it was notes to study because I want at a church the previous week) when I broke up with her I went to a club the next day and she was there as well.. She got high with a guy I don't like and they where hooking up.. It destroyed me and I then begged her back because I couldn't see her with someone els... I'm scared that if I do this again (break up with her she's going to do this again, and after they hooked up she went to his house.. I then later asked her what happen and she promised that she didn't do anything)... I'm scared that this happens again and I don't know what I'm going to do to get over her... I've never loved a girl like her...

We are both 18.. I'm just scared, I'm so attached to her and I'm scared to let her go.. I broke up with her before (because she slapped me just because I asked another girl for papers for a church test) when I broke up with her I went to a club the next day and she was there as well.. She got high with a guy I don't like and they where hooking up.. It destroyed me and I then begged her back because I couldn't see her with someone els... I'm scared that if I do this again (break up with her she's going to do this again, and after they hooked up she went to his house.. I then later asked her what happen and she promised that she didn't do anything)... I'm scared that this happens again and I don't know what I'm going to do to get over her... I've never loved a girl like her...

You've never loved a girl like her? So you like abuse?

You have only been with her 6 months. That's hardly a relationship.

Oh, the drama. I'm so glad I am an adult.

@J_9 Fine then... What must I do.. I just don't know how I'm going to get over it..

Fine then... What must I do.. I just don't know how I'm going to get over it..

You break up with her and stay out of her life. What she does after you break up is her business not yours.

You put energy into your life. You stop dwelling on what she might be doing. Instead, you think about what you can be doing. Go out with friends. Get involved in a hobby or activity that keeps you busy. Meet new people. Make new friends. Let yourself forget she exists.

Stop all communication with her. Get rid of links to her Facebook page. Delete her as a friend. Get rid of her phone number. If you do see her, be polite but do not encourage a discussion. If there is work involved, be all about the business and discourage personal interaction.

You are young and learning that being in love is very different from what story books describe. Loving someone doesn't mean you become their doormat. It doesn't mean you take abuse from them. When you find yourself invading the other person's privacy, telling them who they can talk to and who they can't, not being able to trust the other person, and so forth, it is time to move on. It is only a matter of time before negative emotions override any positive ones and you both become abusive in your own ways.

Let the relationship (and her) go before it turns you into someone you won't like.

Wow thank you... I guess that would be best. Thank you guys for the opinion it helps me a lot... It means the world to me that someone can at least listen to my boring relationship.

You have given your heart, and your dignity and self respect to a female who doesn't deserve it, and you know it. Take them back and get her out of your life permanently, or be her fool.

Let her find another fool.

Your relationship is very thin. You snoop and she lies. Two wrongs don't make it right.
If she can't stop lying and you can't stop snooping, move on.

I just don't know how I'm going to get over it..

Consider if this is the kind of relationship you dream of being in? All will have ups and downs from time to time, but the basic foundation has to be trust to carry you through the downs and you've already said trust isn't there.

You will get over it with time... no other way. You'll spend more time with friends or family, get involved in things you enjoy doing, maybe try something new, figure out education and/or work goals and how to achieve them, etc. Eventually she will become simply a girl you once dated and your focus will be elsewhere.

Think of this as a learning experience of what you don't want in a future relationship... after all, that is part of what dating is for.

Ewwwww. Maybe you shouldn't be in relationships until you grow up more. Obsessions are not healthy and this sounds very not healthy. I am guessing you do a lot more than just snooping when it comes to her. And I bet they aren't healthy. You sound very needy and needy isn't attractive at all.



We are both 18.. I'm just scared, I'm so attached to her and I'm scared to let her go.. I broke up with her before (because she slapped me just because I asked another girl for papers for a church test... And it was notes to study because I want at a church the previous week) when I broke up with her I went to a club the next day and she was there as well.. She got high with a guy I don't like and they where hooking up.. It destroyed me and I then begged her back because I couldn't see her with someone els... I'm scared that if I do this again (break up with her she's going to do this again, and after they hooked up she went to his house.. I then later asked her what happen and she promised that she didn't do anything)... I'm scared that this happens again and I don't know what I'm going to do to get over her... I've never loved a girl like her...

+1 what Oliver2011 just said. Its going to make a lot more sense in a few more years if you can break those bad haabits and you can look back in retrospect.

Well that's not nice

Well if you came here to hear just nice stuff, then that's probably not going to work out well for you. Sometimes the truth isn't nice but it's what you need to hear. Don't take it personally - it is just the way I see it.

Think about this. I am with the love of my life and it's been about 3.5 years. We both kept our friends and our activities whether it includes my partner or it doesn't. I know if that relationship ended it would be a blow to me, but I would still have my friends and my activities. My partner is a huge part of my life, but not my entire life.

You have to keep the relationship healthy if you want the relationship to survive. From what I read about your relationship, it isn't healthy.


Well that's not nice

Its just telling you the way we see it speaking as fellow guys. If its sugar coated, you might be more willing to brush it off and not take it as seriously.

We are telling you what other people around you would see. These would be your friends, and even women you might have a future interest in. And many of them would shy away from someone that has those traits. And if they see them, it's a kiss of death.


So you see... sometimes you need to say something to someone that might not be nice... when its something they need to hear. It wouldn't be nice to not tell you some obvious things that you really need to hear to not repeat the same mistakes of your past. That's how we learn and grow into adulthood. And no... nobody is magically bestowed the widom of adulthood on their 18th birthday. Everyone has to learn it. We are tying to save you from future embarrassment and pain by telling you now.