Hi,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months now. I feel like I have known him forever, we have a strong connection and we are closer than ever. He's slept with 2 girls in the past and had a girlfriend (before he met me). Since we started going out he told me that he has never kissed anyone, has not gotten past kissing and I knew that wasn't true (he has lied to me about the girls he's been with since the beginning of the relationship) and he told me after that he was with one girl and that she died in a car accident right in front of his eyes which I can really tell is true by the way he acts about it when we do talk about it. When we were together for about 2 months the topic about girls came up when we were with friends, he told one of our friends that he had anal with another girl and then I realized he lied to me about that. When I talked to him about it he told me that he didn't want to tell me he about it cause he didn't want to bring back memories about his ex that died. I did forgive him but have been suspicious once in a while since then.

Eight days ago he traveled back to New York to visit his family for the beginning of vacation. And two days ago we talked on skype and I asked him a few questions about his ex that died and I told him that I hate bringing it up because it hurts him but that its driving me crazy that I don't really know about her, what happened exactly. While we were talking he told me he didn't have sex with her and that it was someone else. I was really upset with him and I asked him to call me back when he had his facts straight about who and how many girls he has slept with. I cried a lot and was really upset but then I had to try to focus because of exams. Then yesterday I chose to ignore him the whole day so he could have time to think (he messaged me like 5 times and tried calling me on skype too). I just hate that its happening when we are not in the same place. Anyway he messaged me and told me that he really didn't mean to lie, that he loves me, that he needs me to trust him that it will never happen again and to call him when I can. When I didn't answer him for hours he messaged me again saying that he wants me to know that he truly loves me and misses me and knows that we could get through it, that everyone makes mistakes and that he wants to move forward with me and not without me and he asked me to please forgive him.

I know he cried a lot and so did I. I told him that if he wants to he can call me so he did. When I asked him why he lied to me if he loved me he answered that he doesn't like talking about his past also cause he did drugs around those times (I knew that already.. and he really changed since then), told me he was anxious to tell me about his past with girls, scared that it may hurt me more that it actually hurt him and that he doesn't want to lose me. I told him that if he lied to me one more time we wouldn't last and that he will lose me because right now its hard enough to trust him again. He told me he was sorry and that he will work as hard as he can to gain my trust back.

He's always been there for me and our relationship has been a good relationship except for this particular subject. I love him and I know that he loves me. We really want to get through this. I want to trust him again. I believe this can pass and that we can get stronger as a couple but at the moment its hard for me. I'm also going to visit family in TX and he's coming for two weeks during the summer and I want to have fun with him. I feel like I need a little time but at the same time I really want to talk to him and I want to visit him in NY before I go to TX but I don't know if I should not go so we can have some time apart or go so that we can try to talk and be with each other a little, try to make things better in person and then have some time apart before he comes to visit in TX.

What should I do :(? Any advice? (Ps. Please don't be mean)

' I was relly upset with him and I asked him to call me back when he had his facts straight about who and how many girls he has slept with.'

UGH! I'm a woman too, and I'm sorry, but that really creeps me out. Why do people think they have a right to a lover's past? You don't, unless you want to get tested for STDs. You love him for who he is now, or you should. This isn't a job application!

Do you want to lose him? Are you willing to risk losing him for this nosy gratification? If it's worth the risk, keep harassing him. If not, stop.

As for trust, it's very common to lie when confronted in awful ways. Heck, it's common to lie about the past anyway. But the more you nit pick and get upset, the more he is going to lie, or going to want to lie, or going to want to leave you. This isn't what trust is all about anyway. Trust is the comfort of knowing that someone will stand by you through thick and thin, not pass interrogation. I hope you aren't going to say that you have never lied.

It is not relevant to your relationship who he slept with before the two of you were together.

If he slept with someone WHILE the two of you were together you have reason not to trust him.

It always boggles my mind why the new girl/boy thinks they need to know about the sexual past of their partner. It's really none of your business.

My POINT is that he LIED... the fact that he's slept with so and so amount of girls I don't really care about but I do care about the fact that he lied to me when I just asked him that question.And i actually never lied to him ;)

Why did you ask him that question? It's none of your business. Maybe he lied because he expected you to give a reaction such as this if he told you the truth.

Speaking as a guy here...

Ever hear the phrase "Be careful what you wish for, you might get it" ?

So if he admits to sleeping with 50 women... is that going to make you happy, is that going to end it? Or are you going to have to know what all he did with every one of them too? Then is that going to make you happy and put an end to it?

Somehow I don't think it will. If you go looking for something to use as an excuse to not trust someone over, you will always find plenty. There isn't a perfect human walking this planet. EVERYONE has said, thought or done something another can find fault with.

As the ladies above mentioned... what happened in the past... is the past. Unless he's been in jail for a sex crime or domestic violence... you really don't have a right to know about his past... particularly as a very new girlfriend.

And I hate to tell you, after only 8 months you really have only begun to know each other... you won't really know each other until you've been together for 3 or more years. And even then you will still be learning new things about each other for years to come after that.

Lighten up why don't you as you have only known each other for 8 months and that's way too soon to know every detail of the past. I think you are pushing too hard, too fast, too soon, and that will ruin the fun and stress you both out. Its already stressing you out that he lied about something he was not comfortable discussing with you, and to be honest was NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. That's why he lied because he wasn't ready and you were pushy.

I think things will go much better if you relax and lighten up and enjoy getting to know each other rather than engage in these petty emotional fights, LONG distance. As a guy, I would be worried about the next emotional drama you would be getting into. But that's the dance you two are doing and you just have to keep it under control or make mountains out of molehills and FORCE what you want from him.

Why do you even want to know at this stage of the game and what else will you force him to do? What if he had been honest and just told you he wasn't ready to talk about it until he thought on it? Would you have made a big stink over that too? Your turn to be honest.

I think you just have trust issues you project on him anyway, and anything you are insecure about you will throw to him. Baggage from the past? Insecurity? I don't know, but get a handle on it, or spoil the fun you should be having as you learn more about each other. Don't get stuck on his lie. Can you blame him, since you forced it?

Am I dreaming, or is this an old "repost"?

I agree with Joy and Smoothy. This rates very high on the creepy scale. Is there anything else you focus on in the relationship or does he get to come home daily and wait the 2 seconds in the house before you bring up the past relationship talk for the 18,903.6th time?

This conversation will become a burden to him and it will be drama. He will start thinking about making a choice. Are you worth more than the drama you cause or is being drama-free mean more to him? I would definitely choose drama free every single time.