Hello

I'll cut to the chase. My boyfriend of 2.5 years said he wanted to break up with me he wants to be alone isn't ready for a relationship and wants to stay as friends. It was a total smack in the face because it came out of nowhere and when I said to him well I better pack my things and leave then to avoid a messy break up he took my hand and said that's not what I want you to do don't do that and was crying. But then the next minute he just kept saying all these things that he thinks we are better as friends he still wants to be in my life and he thinks we make a great team.

I started to get really confused and I said to him let's try to work on this not just give up and he was like no no no pretty much. I love him to death he is my everything I'd be lost without him. Like it was so weird it was all fantastic all day lovey dovey he was kissing me hugging me laughing and out of nowhere he says this, he said he tried to break up with me in the past but he couldn't but that was after we had a real heated argument it's like that was his defense mode at the time. Then the weirder thing is he said OK I'm giving you one more chance, then he kept asking me if I'm OK after all that kissing me saying he loves me and after watching a movie I went to bed and was crying because I'm scared of losing him. I'm scared he will just tell me to leave one day without warning.

I know he is under a lot of stress and he takes a lot out on me because of it but I can't think of losing him he is my other half. I'm 27 I told my family he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. When he got to bed I just shut up and tried to show I didn't cry but then it's like he knew I was crying he hugged me was kissing me said let it all out then out of nowhere said forget what I said early today we'll be OK I already forgot about it I'm not worried you shouldn't be either.

This is why I'm so confused I don't know why he said that when a few hours ago he was adamant about breaking up to telling me forget what I said it will be OK. I really am scared that I will lose him and that's not what I want. Can someone please explain why he went so bipolar like this? We haven't argued or anything for months I've been his rock all this time he has been going through crap I've been supporting him making sure he's spirits are up and high and never is sad I've been there for him when everyone else has ditched him. I'm just really worried, confused, scared, angry real mixed emotions. He is an amazing person so caring and loving my family treats him like their own son. I just need advice guys and girls.

You know he is under a lot of stress...
He is going through a lot of crap...
Everyone else has ditched him...
You need to actually TALK with him about all that, and connect the dots. People often lash out at the one closest to them when all else is going wrong. They can be testing you, or feeling so worthless that they want to break up before you break up first. Countless reasons, probably all intertwined.
You need to do this talking calmly, and not in bed. An actual sitting across from each other, like you are being watched by a couples counselor. And once you have sorted out each other's feelings and reasons for acting the way you do, you need to tell him that much as you love him, you can't be tossed this way and that. He has to agree to get help AND talk with you about his problems, or you have to leave for your own survival.
Do this today, and let us know how it goes. If emotions rise, put a stop to it until tomorrow. And so on, each day. No TV, no music, phones off, while you TALK. No avoiding communication by letting him get all apologetic and lovey dovey either. That solves nothing. Tell him this is work, a job, a graduate course. If he wants you he has to get talking.

(Yes, people can and do leave each other with no warning. Happened to me, happens to many of us. If you shackle yourself to him out of fear of 'not being able to live without him,' the relationship is doubly doomed. Yes, it feels like a thousand deaths to be dumped. But you don't die unless you bring it on yourself.)