I'll keep this short, I've been recently seeing a really attractive girl, waaaay out of my league, over the last couple of weeks. The thing is she has a ton of baggage. I have a close friend who I tell everything to, I told her about the girl and she went online and pulled up a LOT of information. I'm 29, the girl is 31 (she originally told me she was 26, but has admitted to being 31). She was with a guy (he's 46) for 8 years, married for 6. She told me that she's been divorced for 6 months now. She didn't have to work because her ex took care of her financially and there's a few other small things, but the biggest thing is that I found out through social media that she has at least 3 kids. My friend's mom said that she has 5! I can't believe it because her body is insane.

Another friend (small world) said that he heard that she's not divorced and that she and her ex husband have recently got back together. Ok so here's where I stand: I've asked her half a dozen times if she's truly divorced and she always says "yes I'm single *laughs", BUT her ex is super controlling and wants her back and stays in her business as if they're still married. I've texted her a few times if she has kids, but she always responds an hour or 2 later on a completely different topic. When we're around each other in person I say slick like "kids are so annoying...they freak me out...I hate kids..." just to see what she says and she never even blinks an eye. So my theory is that she and her ex hubby are split and she hasn't mentioned her kids ever in life to me because she just wants something casual at the moment until she and her husband eventually get back together, which I'm completely OK with (I have no shame).

The thing that throws that theory kind of out the window is that she texts me sweet messages and wants to go out and have lunch and hang out and stuff and that freaks me out because if she wants something casual, why text me gf-like messages? My friend has a theory that she's waiting to lure me in first and THEN she'll spring her kids on me, but I mean that's a possibility, but it's messed up if she's doing that. But I've talked to a couple of girls in the past who had kids and they told me upfront that they had kids, but they were also looking for something serious, so what's the deal? Is she not telling me that she has kids because she wants to keep everything casual or because she doesn't want to tell me to keep me from running off? I also thought that maybe she was trying to "run game" or play me for whatever reason, but something just isn't adding up.

Oh yeah I also don't make a lot of money, I make just enough to pay my bills and get by and we joke around about how "broke" I am all the time, so her motive to reel me in due to money just isn't it either. I've asked her a few times why's she into me and she says things like "idk, you're just really nice" and she says this a lot "I'm scared of you because I'm starting to like you a lot..." etc. Always something about how she's afraid of me because she really likes me or whatever. I'm not naïve and that all sounds like game to me, but I don't know. It's just crazy because if she knew half of what I know about her she'd have an oh moment. Sorry for not keeping this short, advice please?

Man you really don't even have a relationship to speak of and the drama is already too much for anyone to bear.

RUN... don't walk away from this one... unless of course you are a masochist and just love misery and pain.

I've seen the type... nothing but pain and heartache for anyone that gets mixed up with her.

I mean no I don't want a relationship at all with her, the baggage is way too much. I just want to know what you guys think. Is she:


A) Not telling me that she has 5 damn kids because she wants something casual (we've had sex already)?

B) Not telling me because she doesn't want to run me off?

C) Not telling me because she wants something casual and she really is still married and is just being deceitful?

To many mind games my friend. Is this the bi polar girl? Whatever her agenda is or your feelings for her body, its obvious she doesn't feel the need to share her personal business with you. Maybe that's all she wants is male attention, and you are a nice safe boytoy. Who knows.

She's a liar that likes to play guys for all she can get away with... because it stokes her ego for whatever reasons that suit her logic. All of which might not make sense to anyone but her.


SHe is what we call a female Player... yep... Players aren't all guys. They aren't all after money. Some just do it to get even at guys because one may have played her before.

Thanks for the reply talaniman, nah it's not the borderline girl. I tried to structure my post with paragraphs and stuff in that question, but I couldn't and submitted the question too early. The borderline girl, she dropped my almost 2 months ago, but we're still friends.

But yeah see that's what I'm thinking and hoping that's her reason for not telling me about the kids. I've asked her "Sooo what exactly do you want from me?" and "I can't afford you. Ok so we date, it's not going to last a year because I can't offer you the same lifestyle as your ex." "...You're going to be back with your ex husband in another 3-6 months." She doesn't really say much other than a laugh or "I don't know what I'm doing with you." or "We've broken up got back together, broken up got back together way too many times to count."

Like I said I feel that she wants me as a boytoy as well, but if that's the case why get defensive when I straight up ask you that or send me texts that she misses me?

Again, I don't care if she THINKS she's playing me because I don't want to be with her like that anyway. So it could very well be a possibility that she's getting back at her ex husband/husband? She did say that he cheated on her a ton, so "Towards the end I started cheating on him as well."

To keep you coming back, why else? What do you expect after a few weeks?

If you play with fire... expect to get burned.

And that one is an out of control wildfire. Since I know what you are thinking... even if you use condoms and she uses birth control... she can get knocked up and you end in a bigger mess than you can ever imagine.

I don't care how hot she might be.....its a risk that just aint worth taking. I got lucky..I've had a LOT of friends that weren't.


There are women out there that decide they are having trouble making ends meet (many of them have kids) and they look for a sucker to milk for all he's worth.....even if that takes getting knocked up to accomplish. I've seen it happen.

Why play the game at all....if she's really good at it she can sway your opinion.....trust me some of them can be VERY convincing (all she needs to do is get the attention of the little head and the big head loses the capacity for all rational thought). I've had a run-in with one in the past....and she almost fooled me.....and yeah...I went into it thinking just like you are.

Why be a party to this nonsense then?

Sounds like you are a fun sex toy, and she wants some casual sex.

If that is all you want. Heck, who cares if she tells you, she is the queen of Scotland.

Decide what you want. A lasting relationship.. nope, not going to happen, according to your story.

Some great Friday nights or lunch breaks, until she gets tired of you. I am sure it would be.

Just a reminder... no form of birth control is 100% effective. She possibly has 5 kids... and has shown she can't be trusted.

Haha I really hope it's that simple, Chuck.

Doula, yeah that's always on my mind, but the 5 kids are all from the same guy, her ex, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't want any kids from some guy she just met almost 3 weeks ago who doesn't make 6 figures a year.

Not wanting anymore doesn't necessarily keep it from happening. I'm not talking about her trying to trick you into her becoming pregnant, I'm just sending a reminder that it can happen even if you try to prevent it.

She'll introduce you to her other 6 or 7 kids when she's pregnant with yours.

There are women that will intentionally get pregnant just to hang on to a guy for however long she can. THey tend to have a lot of kids by a lot of guys over time.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/think-girlfriend-has-borderline-personality-disorder-790748.html

Same girl?

If you don't want a relationship with this girl, what do you care what her motivation is for lying and playing games? She's shown enough of her real self so stop wasting your time with her.


I mean no I don't want a relationship at all with her, the baggage is way too much. I just want to know what you guys think. Is she:


A) Not telling me that she has 5 damn kids because she wants something casual (we've had sex already)?

B) Not telling me because she doesn't want to run me off?

C) Not telling me because she wants something casual and she really is still married and is just being deceitful?

No I don't want a relationship with her. I've done casual relationships before, so I have no problem not developing feelings and what not. I'm not wasting my time if all she wants is sex, I just want to make sure that's all she wants, that's why I'm curious about why she won't tell me about her kids.In the past girls who had kids told me upfront because they wanted something serious, the fact that she doesn't tell me she has kids makes me thinks she doesn't want to be serious, BUT she sends mixed signals at times that I don't know if it's either her just being flirty, running game or if it's something more.I want to know because I'm curious as to what her motive could be, that's it. In the end I guess it really doesn't matter, though.

Only she knows her motives. She is after what she thinks is best for her... that might be a sugar dady to help with the bills... some women can be a lot more conniving than some guys are. THey know guys are really stupid when it comes to sex and they play it for all its worth.

Sure like you, the guy THINKS he's in control when in fact she's pulling all the strings and playing him because he wants laid...

If she sees you as being a better earner than the others have been... she will find a way to get pregnant by you and you will find yourself supporting her and all her other kids too.

Don't laugh... I'm being serious.. I've seen it happen to a lot of guys over the years. I had one try it with me... she had more kids than she told me she had too. I was happy to be getting laid frequently at the time and it all didn't register with me until some time after she pulled something stupid enough I sent her packing.

And the more kids they have the fewer options they have open to them and the more the need to provide for her brood will be.

Just because she has X number of kids doesn't mean she is collecting support from the faathers or has even filed to. I've known a few like that and I know one now....they look at the next guy as a way to pay for ALL of them. And some guys will and do. Even without getting married.

Oh yeah, trust me I can see that happening, but she knows I don't make anywhere near the money as her ex.

We joke around about my lack of funds ALL the time. She even volunteers to by lunch. I make it a point that I don't make enough money to even be a sugar daddy. I've literally said things like "I'm too broke to be a sugar daddy.", "If you had it like that with your ex maybe you should go back lol." etc. and she jokes back and even said "You really think I'd have a kid with your broke ?", so I don't see how her possibly trapping me for money is even on the radar.

Now if I was making good money hell yeah I'd definitely think that was her primary goal.

You're a booty call don't overthink this.

Well a bit more info, her parents are very financially well off and since she and her ex husband split he still pays half of her bills and her dad pays the other half. She literally just started working a new job just yesterday. The only reason why she's working the new job is to gain her independence. She said that it may seem really good having a guy take care of you financially and not having to really work, but those 8 years that she was with her ex he was super controlling and did whatever he wanted because why not, he was paying everything.

Her ex owns a few restaurants and would put $3000-$3500 a month in her bank account to pay her car note, bills, shopping, nails, hair, etc. I told her the most I can do is buy a movie ticket and pay for a few drinks.

I even told her that I think SHE thinks that she wants to be independent, but she's going to eventually miss that lifestyle and toss me to the curb and when she does she's going to go right back to her ex. She told me that if that happens I can be her lil' thing on the side. I was like well what if I find another girlfriend and she said that she'll be my secret on the side. Sooo yeah.

5 kids she's got to be strapped for money... any money is better than no money... and the conniving part I was talking about... the best way to fool you is to try to convince you its NOT about money (or name a topic)... someone they view as reliable and consistent beats carrying to full load alone.

Like I said... been there before. As a mother her first priority is providing for her kids... everything else is secondary. A mother will do almost anything when it comes to her kids.

Try to rationalise it all you want... it always boild down to that in the end.

WIth 5 kids a single mom isn't going to have free time.....if she is making the time....its at the expense of time for her kids so you can be certain there is a strong motive and agenda at work driving her decisions.

A single parent with 5 at home doesn't have free time to be running around just for fun with no expectations. They need to see results for everything they do. Everything comes back to providing for the brood.

Getting involved with someone with kids isn't a bad thing...just keep in mind their priorities are not the same as someone that doesn't have any.

LOL! Talanim I really hope so! Haha I hate that I really think I am overthinking this, but just had to be sure. I wouldn't normally care, but the kids scare me, that degree of responsibility is frightening, so I just wanted to make sure she didn't want more from me.

Supposedly the kids are split, the ex has the 3 older boys and she has the twin girls at home with her and her ex still gives her good money. Like she's not strapped for cash at all because she doesn't even need the job she has now.

She has a business degree and never used it. She just recently got a job as a manager at a hair salon just because.

I can see protecting yourself, that's a given whether she has kids or not, but freaking out after a few weeks looking for motives and agendas is really a sign of your own fears and insecurities. You will learn more later a you spend more time and it's not that unusual that a female is establishing herself after the end of marriage and kids.

You know she has kids and baggage and an ex, and maybe they get back together, maybe they don't. But it's kind of obvious your curiosity and inexperience may be getting the best of you. Either enjoy it while it lasts or run for the hills. Not only would I protect myself, but be cautious since this can change rather quickly before your lust wears off. Can you blame her for keeping her booty call, distraction, mr. feel good when she needs it, at a safe distance?

I think your real question is why this smoking hot chick is wasting her time with a scared young broke guy when she can have a successful guy of means and manner. Don't think like that, just take your gift and be a good booty call and stay out of her business and lose the fear. More will be revealed later so stop assuming and presuming.

"Scared, young broke guy", the hell?

But yeah that's the plan. Thanks for all the advice, guys. I'll be here asking another question if something drastic happens.

Good luck. and make sure you have plenty of fresh condoms handy... not ones she poked holes in or she supplies. First rule of thumb here... keep your own butt well covered. Don't ever trust a woman you aren't married to that says...."I've got that taken care of".

Like Tal says, you're a booty call, don't over think it. If you are casual to her and she to you what does it matter of she has kids. It's really none of your business. If she is just causal to you why are your friends looking up stuff on her and telling you her business? That is messed up
Deal with what she is giving you or move on.

You are a "boy toy", and she likes it. Don't get it complicated, enjoy what you are getting and not having to worry about 5-7 kids.