I'm 28 yrs old. I'm a doctor, getting married to a engineer in 30 days. I don't want this marriage. I still love my boyfriend, he has left for the US, now lives in Texas. I fought with my parents for three yrs. got irritated, and agreed to this crap marriage.

You say no and refuse to do it. Sure you will probibly upset your parents because it sounds like an arrainged marriage. But are you a human or someone's property?

In most of the civilized world both people make the decision themselves to get married together. Not third parties.

You still have to live with them if you do it just because someone else thinks you should. Its only your life that will be affected.

Yeah... its an arranged marriage... im staying in madurai... they don't understand my feelings...

They knew I'm not interested in this marriage

You either do as they say, or do what you want. They will never be happy with what you want and don't care since they know best(?). So decide what you will do since you probably still live with them. What happen if you live on your own? If you refuse to marry this fellow? What if you told him you want nothing to do with him?

What happens if you go against your parents wishes? Do you have younger siblings that cannot marry until you do?

I do have a younger sibling... sister.. im frustrated... im irritated with these people..

All ing people in my life... i.dont wish to live...

This is a artificial world and fake, people

How does a woman with all your education and now skills out in the wide world still act so passive? You don't say anything about loving them and wanting to please them, or that you feel you have to because they paid for your schooling, or anything! So just GO. Apply for a work visa (doctors are now lacking in the US), get a passport, and if you can't get the work visa, get a round trip ticket for 2 months, and go as a tourist. Work out your relationship with your boyfriend, and if you have to, go back to India, and get your own place to live while you wait for Immigration let you live in the US.

Their mission in life is to get their kids married to suitable mates. What's yours? The boyfriend left this way of life, and if its not for you, why not change it and leave yourself? Can you? What are the consequences of doing what you want?

Can you delay the wedding until you have decided? No doubt they want you married so they can get your other sibling married to a suitable mate of their choice so being irritated is not enough to change the traditions of your society. Is leaving an option?

I tried to please them for three yrs n still they don't understand okay...

They want you married by their rules and traditions. What part of that is it you just don't get? If they are so wrong then leave and do your own thing, but don't expect them to like it. That's not going to happen. NEVER.

I'm 28 yrs old. I'm a doctor, getting married to a engineer in 30 days. I don't want this marriage. I still love my boyfriend, he has left for the US, now lives in Texas. I fought with my parents for three yrs. got irritated, and agreed to this crap marriage.

In india .tamil nadu... where are u from?

I was brought up traditionally.. I didn't know I would love a guy so deeply... I m very tensed...

I live in Texas, where such things as arranged marriages are not a part of the tradition. Why didn't you follow your boyfriend? Few of us know how we will feel from day to day let alone year to year. Get over your boyfriend and accept the traditions you were raised under or leave.

So... marry your boyfriend instead.

Forced me and did this engagement... I didn't know those people come and get me engaged... I thinking how to break this marriage... see I can't l live peacefully

I'm going to run away.from home...

You said you love him deeply.. you also said you don't want to marry the peron they want you to marry... So I am assuming they are not the same person.

As was mentioned by Talaniman... make arraingements so you can follow your boyfriend... and do what its clear you want to do.

Both are different... im mailing my boyfriend since four months.. he isn't responding...

Keep in mind the differences in time between Inda and the USA. As I post this its 12.55 in the afternoon in the Eastern time zone, Depending on what part of Texas he is it could be 10:55 (Mountain time) or 11:55 (Central time) in the morning and its in the middle of the night for you. Unless he works an off shift, he's probibly working right now.

Okay... im literally fed up with my life... thanks for your help

Okay... im literally fed up with my life... thanks for your help
Is there anything positive about this engineer? Is there any way to delay the marriage for a longer time?

What are the consequences for allowing yourself to be pressured into an arranged marriage. To you, to your life, to your husband to be, to your boyfriend.

You must have spent some time with who your family, and his family, chose for you. How does he feel in particular, and if I remember from prior posts like yours, if he is about your age, I think the added pressure to both of you is the older you get, the harder it is to get a husband/wife.

You are understandably feeling miserable. It is hard for someone like me (in Canada) to think that my husband would be chosen by others. I can't imagine that kind of family pressure. It was bad enough we were different religions.

But, with your education, you do have choices don't you? What I'd like to know is, if you choose not to marry, and instead follow your boyfriend, what will happen. Will your family come around? Will you have to face life without your family? Will you be shunned? Will they be?

And there is nothing to say that your boyfriend is worth betting the farm on. Maybe he will end up marrying someone else. Perhaps he will fall out of love for you- who knows what could happen.

In that case, are you able and willing to go alone to a different country and live your life on your own to fulfill your dreams? Why does there have to be a man in the picture at all?

WAIT - we aren't used to 'since 4 months.' Please explain whether you mean that you two have been in mail contact back and forth for the last 4 months, or you've been mailing him for 4 months with no response.

Both are different... im mailing my boyfriend since four months.. he isn't responding...

If he hasn't responded perhaps he is no longer interested. Or is it possible that your parents have taken your mail from him?

You have three choices: 1) stay and marry the man that your parents want you to... you may or may not learn to love him. 2) leave, take a trip, and go see your boyfriend... which may work out, but there is the chance that he is no longer interested. 3) tell your parents that you can not marry anyone right now and give yourself more time to figure out how you can best live the life that YOU want.

Your boyfriend may not be the right man for you either and in time you may meet someone that your parents may approve of as well.

Only you know what the consequences might be for any choice you make. If they are too severe, then you may just have to follow tradition. If not, then now may be the time to speak up and break tradition in your family.

I would like to say just one thing but very important! Before taking any final decision like, 'rejecting the marriage and leaving home to go with your boyfriend or getting married to the one your family have chosen', Please! Please! Make sure that, your boyfriend still have the same feeling for you what you have for him, if you leave everything and go, will he marry you? Is he also serious about this relationship how you are?
Think carefully again! I hope everything become good ASAP in your life.

What about younger sister marry the man,

OK, just a thought.

I guess as everyone else has said,

It is your choice, you can go into parents and tell them no, that you can not marry him. And if still living at home, move out and start your own life.

Or marry someone, and never be happy.

I have been mailing him for de past four months with no response... de prob is he got engaged to a girl... first n then breaked de engagement... before all these finally happened... they got me engaged...

I guess... u all live in abroad.. if I break this marriage my father may eeven murder me... this de truth. He knows I'm not interested..

I told them.. im not interested in it...

I know nischintha, "HONOR KILLING" cases in India, I am Indian too. These things make me sad :(, I know what kind of turmoil you are going through! Did you meet this ''Engineer'' guy? How is he?
I can say one more thing, if you can buy some time from your parents for this marriage and during those time try to contact with your boyfriend, even if you can fly to US to meet him. See if he is really interested in you and marry you, if not then I guess either you go and please your parents or you marry the one you want to. I hope everything gets well with you. Please let us know!

I think you guys are sleeping... no gal shld be in this situation... this ing arranged marriages...

No freedom to do what I wish too... threatened by society ,people ,status and crap

I guess... u all live in abroad.. if I break this marriage my father may eeven murder me... this de truth. He knows I'm not interested..

Yes, you are on an international site, so yes, we live abroad, but some are familiar with your problem but if you know the consequences, why are you asking here 'what to do'. We can't stop the inevitable; you either marrry this man, according to your father's wishes, or leave the country and disappear.


Both are different... im mailing my boyfriend since four months.. he isn't responding...

What is wrong with phone calls, e mails, skype ?

Did your parents know of your boyfriend? Was he committed to marriage? Did you talk before he left? If you are not ready for marriage to anyone then don't get married and allow yourself to heal from the boyfriend leaving and explain that to your parents as they may well think 4 months is good enough when its NOT.

I can't get you... they know we both are loving for de past three years... I called him through skype.. he didntattend... my parents knew...

Hope u get me.. he went n did engagement n he stopped it... before he couldstop it.. they got me engaged...

I can't get you... they know we both are loving for de past three years... I called him through skype.. he didntattend... my parents knew...
Do you not have ANY privacy. You are a professional. An adult.

I think you guys are sleeping... no gal shld be in this situation... this ing arranged marriages...



If you already know that ' no girl should be in this situation', then what are you waiting for? Just do what you can and think is right for you? Why you are taking your frustration on us, we are empathizing and taking our time to understand your situation and replying to you. We are not forcing you to marry anyone, its them your parents, so please! In this same temper tell your parents, may be they'll get it.

As adults there is rarely an answer that will make everyone happy... so we have to make the best decision we can... usually the one we can live with... and accept some people will not be happy.

I think you guys are sleeping... no gal shld be in this situation... this ing arranged marriages...

No freedom to do what I wish too... threatened by society ,people ,status and crap

So what do you want us to say?

You think we are sleeping ! How so ?

You haven't said anything new in about four pages.

GET off your butt and leave for pastures that are more suitable for you. You are an intelligent woman, put your thinking cap on and don't leave it all up to strangers.

Is your life in danger if you don't follow through with this marriage? I know from Indian coworkers that people in rural areas are much more conservative than in the cities. Can you move to a city and find a job?

Hi nischintha, I understand you completely. My native place is Madurai and I know how in the name of tradition people live a lie. I think you must listen to your heart and do as it says. People india in general think that if you are above 20 you must get married and most marriages are arranged, which makes it even more ridiculous. And that is the reason for the increasing divorce rate. Please don't make the same mistake I did. Go on leave the country ( I wonder why joypulv's answer didn't convince you), be with your boyfriend, try to work it out. If he proves to be a scum, amputate that relationship and move on. One life! Be honest to yourself and live a meaningful life.