Entire story merged

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years consistently starting my senior year in high school. When I went to college in AZ, we stayed together and did the long distance thing and it worked pretty well since I could come see him whenever. He's the kind of guy who is quiet about his feelings, and we never really talked about a future, we have been just taking one day at a time. For the past three months, I've become a little more needy for him, calling, texting, and coming home a lot. I could feel him pull away slightly but he never said anything. One day, I asked him what he thought about our future, and he said he didn't know. Last week, we were arguing and I said "I think we need a break" and to my surprise, he agreed. I don't really want a break, I just wanted to work things out. I saw him face to face and I couldn't change his mind. I asked him what our break would be like, and he said he did not intend to see other people, he just really needed space to deal with his life (he is in a hole ever since he got a dui, and has constant work and community service). I told him how I thought this was a bad idea, and he said he "we'd be on a break until summer" which is in 2 months. I feel hurt and devastated. Im doing my best to give him space, but he's such a huge part of my life. I want him back, even If I have to wait until summer. I asked him to see me, and he won't. So he gets space, what can I do , I don't want to see anyone else I love him. When I did see him, he said it wasn't over for him, which makes me feel more confused. How can I help shorten this break, Im a mess, I can't eat, Im crying constantly, and I want nothing more than to talk to him.

In this siuation, do you think he will come back? Three years, half of that long distance, all gone in a day?
He thinks Im too dependant, which has recently become true, how can I show him I can relax?
Summer is in two months, he said "its not over" when I lost saw him, what do you think will happen?

Im 19, he's 21, were from the same hometown, but I'm in az right now. I want this man back. PLEASE HELP

Ok your going to have to face the harsh facts here. First don't think you're the only person in the world who has suffered a relationship loss. Look at all the people on this board, it sux big time I know :(

Now is the time for you to work on yourself completely!

1) Abide by no contact
2) Please treat this as a life experience
3) Ever wanted to do something with your life? Maybe travelling, joining the gym etc? Now is the time to do it. You might have some fear, but do it anyway. ;)
4) Spend time with your friends and family - this is the time now that your realise who are your true friends, they will be your support :)
5) Its going to hurt for a while, maybe even a year. However time will heal, I know in my past and others people have died and I moved on, I think of the happy times now, its in the past and should stay in the past
6) You must give the guy space, he's asked for it, so give it! If you don't he will be gone - probably for ever
7) Go out and party - meet other guys, nothing serious but have fun !
8) Listen to music, read a book, go to the gym, get out and about - DO NOT Sit at home and mope!
9) Come here and rant if you need to, help others, read threads.

Thank you for the advice it makes me feel a little more in control. But did "were on a break til summer" really mean will get together this summer again? Im so upset, but this statement makes me rely on summer. Im not going to contact him, as hard as that is I think it's the only way. Its been only a day since we last texted, he's so withdrawn. Do you think it will be long before he realizes?

No it means nothing, as far as your concerned it's a break up, so treat it as one :)

Book some trips away in the summer so you have stuff to look forward to! I am going to a festival, gran canaria, spain and a kayaking holiday. I find it helps having stuff to look forward to :)

As I posted earlier, my boyfriend of three years decided after a heated argument that we need a break until summer. His reasons being, I'm smothering him right now (which is impossible since I go to college out of state and see him only on the weekends) and I have been a little needier and jealous than usual. I asked him if it was about wanting to see other people and he said it wasn't and he didn't plan on going on dates in the month and a half until I come home for summer.

Last night I went out drinking and broke the no contact and called: he didn't answer. I called wayyyy to many times because of my drunkenness and this morning he texted me an angry message basically saying that he didn't want to talk to me and he wasn't going to be my boyfriend ever. I think his words were out of anger, and I'm really mad at myself for breaking down. He's just so insensitive about the whole thing, almost like he's gaining confidence every time I say I miss him or break down. He also went off on me, through text, accusing me of trying to see other guys, which is simply not true. Its like, he doesn't want me to see anyone, and yet he won't have me either? All I want is us to be back to normal, and I want to be with him in the summer. I know I need NC, but do you all think he will rebound if I just give him space? Im devastated, we normally have talked everyday since we've been together and now nothing. Any advice I would appriciate, has anyone's partner said they needed space? Has it worked out in any cases?

As you can see contacting him (so many times) made things worse... so you learned, he asked for space. No matter what happens, he wants space. Its hard and it sucs, but do not contact him.
If there is any chance for the two of you, you should give him what he asked for, take some time then see what comes of it. The more you do this the more he will back off. Good luck

God its so true. I can't tell if I've pushed it too far this time. Im kicking myself. In the beginning I was a queen to him, the girl who had everything going. I always kept a separate life, many times making plans with friends on weekend nights even though I only stay for two nights. Now, I'm too available for him and I know it. I need my confidence back. Do you think a month of NC will be enough space for him? AH his mom would smack him upside the head if she knew... (im 19, he's 21)

I think you should leave him alone and get a life of your own as he ain't coming back.


He didn't want to talk to me and he wasn't going to be my boyfriend ever.

Accept that it's over and move on.

What talaniman said. I posted I think a pretty much detailed list of things to do in your previous post. It sux big time but I feel much butter now (since my breakup) its was 12th February. The best things are keeping yourself busy, having things to look forward to, spending time with friends, partying and generally having a good ole time. Maybe even reading a book or doing self improvement when alone - which of course is inevitable.

Time will heal your wounds. Won't stop the memories going away but it doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold. Its going to suck for a while but don't let it hold you down forever.

For those who don't know: (the previous question) Go back over and look what was suggested.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/he-wants-space-dont-78145.html

Drink dialing is a dangerous thing.
He obviously is very very angry.
It is time that no contact be reinstated.
It is important that you stick to it, no calling, no even when you are drunk.
You both need time, respect him and yourself enough to give it to both of you.

Okay, an update, after the drunk dial I later got a message from him saying "I have to ignore you like this because your not giving me any space with all the calling and texting" so now, I will reinstate no contact. I want to meet up with him so badly on Sunday, but I don't want to show up. I think he doesn't want that.

How come people are such babies about this whole 'space' thing? What the hell are they doing else in their life that's so important that they 'absolutely' need space, or you're a prick for not giving it?

It's very hard for me to respect things like that. Since when did people become such infants over the most trivial aspects of life?

They have the power to decline to answer calls or pass on a text. It's not like it's a life or death thing - 'I must ignore you now or my entire life will come falling down all around my shoulders! You have driven me to this!' Please. Get over yourself. Just because someone's calling too much doesn't mean they deserve anything less than common curteousy. Are people just raised to be selfish these days?

I've been called often in the past... And calmly telling someone to cool it for a couple of hours until I have time to talk is a doable thing. Also, if a phone conversation is going on too long... You can end it! Your minutes can be running out - this is a reasonable excuse.

So much drama. Yuck. You're better off without this guy. Find a man with a pair of stones who won't go into a fit over the tiniest mistakes. Not worth the effort.

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/missbeach123.html)missbeach123 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/missbeach123.html) disagrees: I think he said that out of anger, I will try to move on, but I don't think its overComments on this post (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/missbeach123.html)

The whole goal of No contact is for you to heal after a break up. Not to give him time to think and come back to you. That false hope will not allow you to get healthy and build your life that you enjoy without him.

So update, something felt fishy, I went to his house and there was another girl with him. I was so hurt, he stepped outside with me and explained that it wasn't going to work with us, and he hadn't intended on getting back together with me. He cheated on me with no apologies. I want to die I'm so crushed, I lost all dignity, and asked him to have her leave which he refused. God this hurts so bad I want to die

So update, something felt fishy, I went to his house and there was another girl with him. I was so hurt, he stepped outside with me and explained that it wasn't going to work with us, and he hadn't intended on getting back together with me. He cheated on me with no apologies. I want to die im so crushed, I lost all dignity, and asked him to have her leave which he refused. God this hurts so bad I want to die

You're obsessing, and you need to stop it. It sounds like he's made it clear to you that you aren't a part of his life romantically anymore. It's time to accept it.

If he said he wanted space and moved on with his life, he did NOT cheat on you. Just because you envision the two of you together, it does not mean he feels the same way. I'm glad he refused to ask her to leave. You had no right expecting him to.

It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt bad. But you need to focus on something else and be happy by yourself. You're going to have longings come out of nowhere, but you need to just turn your attention to something that doesn't include thoughts of him. Trying to force him to come back to will only cause him to react negatively.

Final Episode. The night after I left his house and he was hanging out with that girl, he texted me and said- I promise she didn't sleep over. I unloaded everything in my arsenal, my anger just poured out and I said every mean thing possible. His response was even stranger: he texted, Lets talk later. I went to his house at 8 o clock and I talked about my week of "space" and he became very jealous. This jealousy made me feel like he still cares... anyway, I started talking about two weeks prior, all the fun things we had done, places we'd gone, things we'd laughed about. He was warm, we were really close in proximity, I felt like I was talking to my boyfriend again. I told him where I went wrong, how he needed to spend more time with his friends and I needed more time with mine: I told him I wasn't looking to plan a future right now, just take things one day at a time. He said the reason he felt he had to end things in the first place was because I had asked him "why are we going to stay together all through college if you don't know what kind of future you want with me" . He said he didn't know about the future, and it was too much pressure. I said the only reason I did that was because I felt pressure from other people to find out where we were headed, but in reality, I'm happy with one day at a time. He told me he loves me, but now he feels it's a bad idea to stay together this summer, knowing that we'll probably break up when I go back to school in the fall. I agreed that the dynamic of our relationship could change. His major reason was freedom. And as for the girl, he had just met her and they were casually watching a movie. Whatever the case is, commitment seems to be too much for him right now. I told him if he ended this with me I was never going to look back, and I told him he didn't have to. THEN he said, if I could be mature about this, and let him think about it overnight, he would tell me on Monday if he wanted to give this thing another try. I said to him, don't bother saying this if your letting me down, I'm sick of dwelling on this, just tell me now if your not planning on truly considering what I've said. He said , No, he was in fact torn, and loves me, and didn't want to give me an answer without thinking seriously about it. And once again, he said, his decision had nothing to do with the other girl, as he said he didn't like her and didn't think he would pursue anything with her. So Its Monday now, Im supposed to talk to him later, I'm prepared for him to say its over, but I think something inside him wants to try. Its silly not to at least try after three years, its like throwing it all away. So its complete freedom vs. trying to make it work, at least for the summer where we both know, we'll be in all the same places anyway. Im prepared, but I hope this isn't going to be IT.

The last time I posted was awhile ago. My boyfriend of three years went on a "break" with me, but it turned into a complete break up when I caught him with another women at his house watching a movie, and things have deteriorated since then.

It started with him telling me he wanted to be alone, but as of today, he told me that he wanted to keep seeing this other girl, that he was never going to get back together with me and its over.

Your probably wondering why I am even still talking to the smuck, apparently I like being burned over and over. Every morning I wake up and its like my mind resets, that Matt is still Matt, not some heartless, insensitive ex that is now dating another girl. I can't sleep I can't eat. Nothing makes me happy. I've done the whole go out, go to the gym, meet new people, read books thing. I'm completely miserable and I feel so depressed I sometimes want to die.

My friends tell me its not about him, that him leaving me is a blessing in disguse, that he was a low life anyway. But all I can think of is him and up until today, I had been periodically calling him and trying to get him back, every time to no avail. He started telling me to leave him alone. I am going to now, but I can't seem to get myself out of this funk, I can't seem to heal or get over him.

He was my only love, why? I don't even know. He's not who I would ever marry anyway. For some reason, I can't just move on, I'm constantly obsessed with thoughts of him and her, or I constantly have an aching to talk to him, and when I do, all I get is cold mean responses, nothing that I want to hear.

Its been over a month, and I need help. Please help me get over this. I cry and no tears even come out anymore. I've lost 15 pounds, I cringe at the thought of seeing other guys, all the while, he is with a new girl having the time of his life, not suffering like me at all. HELP ME PLEASE my life is falling apart. My friends don't even want to hear me talk about my situation anymore because it is a dead situation, a clear cut answer: Move on already. I isolate myself, I stopped swimming (which I used to LOVE). I'm crying as I write this, I'm miserable and sick of it. I want to not care about him anymore, because I know he doesn't give a damn about me. I'm just so lost please help me I don't know what to do anymore.

Read over the board and read past questions and advice! If he says he doesn't want you then:

Its time to accept the harsh truth and start the transition to single life. Its hard but whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? More wary in the future and aware what we are looking for in a relationship and a person.

Treat your relationship as a life experience, you might not be able to treasure the memories you had right now but one day you will. Do not regret but learn and move on, as someone much better is just around the next corner.

You must try follow these: (be strong)

1) Abide by no contact, ignorance is bliss so don't go near the 'grape vine'
2) Work on yourself entirely - hobbies, work, gym
3) Ever wanted to do something in your life? Nows the time
4) Spend more time with your friends and family and renew old social ties
5) Box every memory away and stay away from your fav songs for now - when you can look at it without feeling ill - Ur halfway there!
6) Time does heal :P It just takes a god dam while, but don't mope at home, go out, party, exercise - helps a hell of a lot

You don't need anyone to be happy. Your not alone in this world and everyone goes through it. IT SUXXOR big time but hey there are plenty of nice guys waiting for the right person for them, that could be u! If one doesn't work out you move on to the next and next until they stick! Just takes a while and the only way you can move on is if you choose to. It has to be a personal decision. Keep yourself busy and it will become 2nd nature. Have things to look forward to, like holidays, concerts and other things :) Chat on IM with others who are going through the same situation. Hey add me, chat to me if you want. Msn is on my profile.

The best revenge is to be happy yourself :]

Thank you, I know even when you posted on my page a month ago I should have listened. I have self perpetuated my pain by contacting him, and allowing his ego to grow, and me to constantly be burned over and over. I've gone on a few dates, but its too much right now, all I see and think about is him, I don't want to be a basket case for some innocent guy to experience. I just can't get over this sadness, I wake up with it every morning. I can't seem to live on my own, I never knew I was so dependent its sick.

Hey don't worry :P Love is hard! But you get a thicker skin from this! The lessons learnt last a life time. Its not sick, just be yourself you can do nothing more. Enjoy life and keep yourself busy, there is plenty to see and do :P Don't wait for nyone, life is too short. One day you'll find someone and you'll be glad this guy now is history! Imagine yourself in 20 years time. Will you be thinking of him then? No!! =D You will have the kindest, sweetest guy in the world who you will love to the bottom of your heart. You will wish why couldn't have you been together longer.. :(

Your statement gives me so much hope. The bigger picture is so hard to remember every second, but Im trying to rely on it, it's all that matters anyway. Thanks sooo much you don't even know how much it means, I really feel like I have nothing left but sadness, my entire personality is different on the surface, as many of my close friends have commented on. Also, this new guy I've been going on dates with all the sudden drops a bomb with a "I have feelings for you", exactly not what I wanted to hear. I briefly explaned myself and my current position, but it didn't deter him at all. Ah I don't want to be with this one either, although it is nice having doors opened and having my words actually listened to, something he-whose-name I won't speak never did.

Take it slow if your not ready for dating don't do it, you will hurt people : ( Become friends for now. In time you will become the 'princess' you once were

Wow Jiser gives the greatest advise. I don't even have to post my problem. He already answered it. It's great to know that other people are going through the same things. I don't feel alone.

Personally, it seems like it much too soon to be dating. Your emotions aren't ready for that, and as good as it makes you feel at the time, you don't want to use other people as an emotional crutch.

I can't imagine that you are capable of having a relationship right now, its only been a month. Take a few months, or longer, to recover and become strong again. After spending some time with yourself, becoming who you want to be, you will be ready to start dating again.

How the hell is he already in a new dating/relationship with that girl I caught him with? Do guys just not care at all when they break up? He has been nothing but cold and an to me, even when I'm crying he acts like I'm burdening him. Can anyone explain this?

Generally when one partner in a relationship asks for a break, they have been thinking about it for quite some time. While you are blissfully unaware, they have been slowly detaching themselves from the relationship. In this way, when you are suddenly stuck with the shock of the breakup, he is well on his way to healing, and possibly ready for another relationship.

It does seem, however, that most of the relationships that cause the breakup of another hardly last. Many of the times, it appears these are merely crushes which crash and burn once the novelty wears off. Its hardly any consolation, but someday in the future, he will likely regret leaving a faithful relationship to pursue an infatuation.

Here's the problem. The last time I talked to him, he told me he wouldn't see me and I begged (I feel so stupid, I just lost it). He was really cold. I told him to tell me the truth, that he doesn't love me, and he said, I'm not going to do that. But finally he was like, fine, I don't love you. Its like I maybe forced him into saying something he didn't wholeheartedly believe. I really want to see him this summer, but he refuses. I really think he is going to stick with his guns on this one. I want to see him so badly, even after everything I just want him back, Ah what am I saying? I have completely lost it.

Also, how do I explain things to new dude? I like him, he's just getting to boyfriendy on me and I don't want anything with him. We have only kissed, but for some reason he is getting attached. I don't know how to approach this one without sounding like a mess.

First of all, My last post wasn't meant to give you any sort of false hope. I was just pointing out things that I have observed. Because he may regret being with his new girl, does not mean he is going to want to come back to you... Ideally, you won't want him back if he does.

On to the new guy. You first mistake was kissing him. If you had no intentions of getting into a relationship with him, you probably should not have kissed him. That's leading him on. Your best bet is to be open and honest with him. You stated that you have already told him how you feel, but he sort of ignored it. Tell him again - be a little firmer. Be completely honest with him, it may be tough but it is much easier than dealing with hurting him if he doesn't know your intentions up front.

Yeah thanks for bringing me back to earth with the false hope... I get stupid hope for us off any little thing. But Ideally, I don't want to want him anymore. I want to be cured of all this I do.

About the kiss. I thought it was something I wanted to do, but in the end I realised deep down I was doing it to get back at ex. But it didn't matter, when he found out it pushed him further away.

I know what the false hope feels like, many of the people here do. For me, it was the hardest thing, and I still fight with it, to get over. You come to a point where the hope doesn't matter anymore, because you dont hope for what you dont want :). Once that happens, you will know that you are on the path to getting better.

During my breakup, I would talk to my ex and every little thing she said I would analyze in hopes of finding some sort of hope. This was not healthy as it kept me hanging on a string, and 99% of the time, I was coming up with hidden meanings that didn't exist.

At this point, there isn't much you can do but give it time. You get busy, try to live you life without him. As time passes, it will become easier and easier.

I would like you to think about this... just sit for a moment, close your eyes and echo what I am going to tell you... "You have to let go of something that is not working in order to reach for something that is better.....as a loss can be negotiated but a LIFE can never be relived - so make sure that you r living it with the RIGHT person"... Think about it...

Diya, thank you, I know what your saying is true. I don't want him, he's not the kind of man I want in my life, I think I'm battling with extreme feelings of rejection. Ie: how could he do this to me, after everything I've put into this, etc. Plus, his demeanor makes me feel even worse, but I guess if he was nice to me, I would hold on even more.

I'm fighting the urges to purposely run into him, ah I want my dignity back, I feel like he must be laughing at me thinking, damn she's crazy. Has anyone ever heard the Nelly Furtado song "All good things come to an end">? The part that says lovers to friends really gets me choked up, but now I don't even think I can be his friend. He's not a friend I would want to have.

PS> I saw a post about this on another page. If an ex says he erased all of the naughty pics , should I believe it? I don't know, some of my guy friends told me Im crazy to think he'd erase them. That makes me so mad that he might still have them

Ah help I just saw his new fling write something really sexually suggestive on his page I feel like breaking down this is too much. How could he do this to me, I feel so replaced.

Ah help I just saw his new fling write something really sexually suggestive on his page I feel like breaking down this is to much. How could he do this to me, I feel so replaced.

Just calm down, relax, don't do anything drastic... like calling him.

Let that be a lesson - stay away from anything that has to do with him. We've all learned the hard way, and now you have to. People told me this, I didn't listen, and I ended up paying the price. Just don't let it happen again - it will only make things worse for you.

Diya, thank you, I know what your saying is true. I don't want him, he's not the kind of man I want in my life, I think I'm battling with extreme feelings of rejection. ie: how could he do this to me, after everything I've put into this, etc. Plus, his demeanor makes me feel even worse, but I guess if he was nice to me, I would hold on even more.

I'm fighting the urges to purposely run into him, ah I want my dignity back, I feel like he must be laughing at me thinking, damn shes crazy. Has anyone ever heard the Nelly Furtado song "All good things come to an end">? the part that says lovers to friends really gets me choked up, but now I don't even think I can be his friend. He's not a friend I would want to have.

PS> I saw a post about this on another page. If an ex says he erased all of the naughty pics , should I believe it? I don't know, some of my guy friends told me Im crazy to think he'd erase them. That makes me so mad that he might still have them

Missbeach, even he's laughing at you.. so? Even if he thinks u're crazy, so? What difference is it going to make the person that you actually are? There could be so many people out there who may or may not like you... can u make everyone like or love you? Nope... never. I know exactly what feeling you're going through... feeling of losing self esteem, feeling of dejection, that you're not worth being loved, right? But I want to know, u think one person in your life can write the whole script of You as a person that u're letting him to be the one... why so vulnerable? Compose yourself... write your own script for your life and you'll see people will come running to enact in it... positivity is what draws people to you... This guy is and can never be the end of the world... there's so much to do... really... which will give you more happiness than u think you deserve... Be happy.. and let past be past... future is looking into you.embrace it with a smile...

Sorry to hear about this. My girlfriend of three years cheated on me and I found out about it two weeks ago. It's a hard depressing time, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time. If take it one day at a time then before you know it you're a little bit better each day. And yes IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Stay away from that page! I had problems with this with my ex-girlfriend's Facebook, so I blocked it and even though I want to check it so bad, I know I'll probably feel like crap afterwards, so I don't and its paying off.

You have gotten a lot of advice and support, and I truly hope you listen and follow it closely. Accept this is over and get a life because from this point on, its not him causing you pain and misery its you, and no amount of crying is going to change that. You are the only one who can change the isolation, and the search for answers that aren't there, and find a life without him that makes you happy, and its your job to let go, and move on. Don't mean to sound harsh, because I know its important to have support and be able to vent those intense bad feelings, but its time to deal with reality, and stop letting him live rent free in your head. Now get busy, and find your happiness, Move on from this misery. Don't tell me how hard it is, because I already know, and so does everyone who has responded to you so far. Read their stories and you'll know we feel you.

Today was a bad day. I finally know its over completely. I'm faced with the reality that he has feelings for someone else. And I texted and got no reply. Im going to do better tomorrow I need to make a pact to myself. He's not doing anything to me anymore, Im just not letting go of him, not accepting its over. I want to see he, but I don't know what good that would do. I am thinking about maybe talking to someone about all this, my mind is just not on my side.

MissBeach... I feel your pain. I too, am on a break/breakup from a guy that is, in the end, no good for me. Not someone I would ever marry... etc.. etc... My friends and family all say he did me a favor... but that doesn't help me much. I am still VERY miserable... MOST of the time. What I can tell you is that No Contact is an amazing thing... I can't tell you how hard it's been to not pick up the phone and call or text, but the longer I go without doing it, the better I feel... and that I know it is the right thing. I am nowhere near over this... (still hoping he'll see the light... ) but I also know that if it's supposed to work, it has to come from him. Give him time to see what he's missing... then you'll know. You must leave him alone... for the sake of the relationship... (if there's any chance for it... ), but more importantly, for your own sanity!!

In time life will become normal again! Keeping yourself busy and enjoying life will be natural for u!

I'm absolutely ridiculous, you would think I like hurting myself. Today I was driving by, and I saw the turnoff to his house. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and alone in the car. I texted him and asked if I could stop by. He replied "No" instantly. When I asked why, he never responded, and hasn't responded since. It's so painful and ridiculous.

I never wrote about this, but a few days ago I sent him a "get your life together" email and basically said the harshest most personal things I could possibly say to him. Along the lines of, your not going anywhere and your always going to be in this rut etc... I must have really hit a nerve because he wrote back explaining how this new girl he's dating is so much better for him than me because she doesn't ask anything of him and he went on about how she's so perfect. It hurt so bad. But I guess I'm learning I can dish it, but I can't take it. I apologized for that letter, but he hasn't talked to me since or responded to any texts, (I'm really impulsive with texting, I never call, but I always text). He also told me to leave him alone. So now, he hates me AND won't see me AND has a new main squeeze. This girl even has him and her in her main profile picture it drives me insane and makes me really mad (BUT I was informed this new girl is also just broken up and may potientally be having him in the picture to make HER ex jealous, I don't know it seems like my ex and her are really dating though). Do you all think if I let it cool down he'll see me in a few weeks?? Its been three years!! He really won't see me??

ANY suggestions are sooo appriciated, my friends won't even let me start on Matt, I feel obssesed and depressed all together.

I feel obsessed and depressed all together.
Your depressed because you are obsessed. The truth is he did you a favor by telling you to leave him alone, just as we here have. YOU chose to ignore that, and run head first into a brick wall, and bust your head.. YOU chose to keep torturing yourself, by reading his pages, and his new g/f's pages. YOU chose to keep texting him, even though he doesn't respond. See the pattern? YOU keep choosing to be a pest, and a stalker, and torture yourself on a lost cause. Its up to YOU to stop beating yourself up, and looking silly and accept that he no longer wants you in his life and has moved on. So should you, and stop hurting yourself with the negative behavior. He may have been a jerk for what he did to you, but does that mean you have to be stuck on stupid. Come on, follow the advice given to you already and get healthy and heal. We all understand the pain, but we don't understand the behavior. MOVE ON, AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!

I agree with talaniman.

Its probably the tougest part, but accepting that it is over, and just moving on, is the hardest part of it all. But I promise you, once that part has come, it becomes a lot easier. Constantly exposing yourself to things such as his pages is only going to hurt you worse.

I know you feel like you just want to know what is happening, what is up with him and his life, but you must be realizing by now that when yo ufind the answers, they not only make you feel worse, but they open more and more questions in your mind... ignorance is bliss

Okay its been a few days, how long should I wait before approaching him again with a text? I don't think things with this new girl are going to work out, I miss him so much.

Do yourself a favour and delete his number and also while your there don't bother speaking to him again, as he's a complete waste of space. Don't pin your hopes up anymore, get yourself a life YOUR HAPPY WITH. Because trust me girl as soon as you start contact again your be back at the healing process all over again. I am talking from experience here as well. NC all the way please.

Hi, As I've posted in my last thread, my ex and I have been broken up a month and a half. He has been seeing this other girl, well, hooking up with her I don't know to what extent they have a relationship connection/ commitment.

Yesterday I received a text saying, "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". It was quite rude, and I don't have another boyfriend, and I'm not hooking up with anyone. If anything, he might have saw new pictures of me with guys, but nothing to make anyone think I had a boyfriend.

I have had no contact for nine days, and I didn't respond to the text. I want him back, but every time I've tried to see him, he says "no" and that "it wouldn't do any good". We went out three years.

What does this text mean? Is he jealous? Is this indicitive of feelings? Please, any advice. I know I'm obssessing a little, but I'd love to get peoples takes on this. Thank you!

There are two ways in my opinion of looking at this. He maybe jealous and is wondering if you are actually seeing anyone due to what he has heard or for example the photos that you have. If he sees you happy he may get jealous and see that you are strong and not bothering. Another possibility is he could be hoping you are seeing someone else so that he doesn't look like the bad one when seeing another girl, this I relate to my situation, but he is the one who has the answers to his motives. You are correct in making no contact, I'm doing the same and it is so hard but I've learned contacting the ex does not do any good and just highlights again that they are not interested. If you do no contact you will get used to it and deal with it better through time, they may contact you again but don't hold all your hope on this.

Thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.

I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.

What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truly means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?

Jiser, are you taking your own advice? Just a question, you give great advice about no contact, but it seems you are keeping in touch with you ex as you said in another thread. I'm having a really hard time not contacting him, but I'm sick of touching the hot fire and getting burned, over and over again, even to the point where he acts like I'm bothering him.

Its been nine days no contact and I feel good and bad. I feel like some of my pride is coming back, as I'm proving to myself that I can stick to my guns and not call him. I'm having a hard time accepting its over, I'm still hoping that no contact will work in my favor. Can I try contact after a few weeks and see where he's at? Or is that stupid? I don't want him to think that I've moved on, and not try to contact me if he has a change of heart.

No I don't take my own advise always but you can! Don't contact him until your over him. Keep busy.

Well maybe you should mr.! It sounds like your ex is a youngin anyway, don't you want a girl that is actually on the same level as you? I don't know, it seems like your getting burned over and over too, and she's enjoying the fact she can talk to you when her little heart desires. We'll, I guess you didn't ask for advice. I'm a little sad though your advice isn't being taken, it means you don't actually truly believe it, because if you believed no contact was the way, you wouldn't be living a lie... just thoughts

thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.

I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.

What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?

I admit I'm a jealous person myself. The girl I was seeing finished with me and I don't get her attention anymore and this gets me jealous as some other guy is now. Its not healthy feeling this way and I hate feeling like it but its very hard to control on my part. If I didn't have any feelings towards her then yeah I wouldn't be jealous so I see your point. He could regret it but if he does then he will contact you, if you contact him believe me your wasting your time you will just get hurt and he will say again he isn't interested.

Its unhealthy the whole thing with ex's. Leads you down this dark route of over analyzing. I can honestly say looking back over the past four months that Ive never done as much as I have in my life since the breakup. Ive seen allot and have experienced allot, it really gave me a kick up the the breakup. I had allot of hobbies before the break up and there still going strong :)

On a side note I believe jealousy is an off throw of being insecure in yourself.

The best thing which has helped me move on is planning good things to look forward to. I have two festivals coming up, many bands I am seeing, I am going away on short holidays and week long holidays. Life doesn't seem so bad when you have things to look forward to. Smile for now and stop worrying about jealousy and ex's and bla bla. Go exercise and meet some HOT guys in the gym and sauna :)

What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?

Jealousy comes from fear.

Fear of inadequacy, fear of not meeting the expectations, fear of being less attractive than the competition, fear of being rejected. Jealousy is a complex emotion and is often driven by insecurity but is also often based on false perception of a situation. Sometimes people look for faults in themselves and try to find things that are not there. Deep routed insecurity and the jealous personality can stem from early childhood experiences of rejection. Everyone gets Jealous from time to time, it is a normal emotion, but the green eyed monster can become destructive and the severity of this powerful emotion if severe should be treated with counseling (in my opinion).

It is true that in a relationship, often there would have to be feelings there for jealousy to develop but not always. There are different reasons for jealousy and as I said above, it is a complex emotion and the feeling can come from within. I believe that a certain level of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy but there is a very fine line between what is healthy and what isn't.

Back to your situation. Your ex could be fooling you into replying by creating a random suggestion of what he assumes is happening. He could want to know if you are seeing someone, so he makes you think that he knows you are seeing someone (even though you are not) He sees pictures of you with another man, he wants to know if you are seeing someone and if so, what the replacement is like, as he says here "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". He doesn't know you are seeing someone, so he plays this by creating a one liner making you think he knows what is happening. The purpose of this would be to get a reply from you which confirms his assumptions or not and to possibly see what the replacement is like. Maybe he is curious that you are moving on, that you don't care.

I could be wrong and that is just an idea... Only he knows his motives for sending you that text, but I agree that it is rude regardless.

I would not bother replying... No Contact is best for you.

She certainly is a youngin, 18 to be precise. I do want a girl on the same level just don't seem to meet any ;/ I have a lot of girl mates at work but that means nothing ;] when there all about 5-10 years older than you.

Well I really don't want to live a what if scenario. She doesn't talk to me when she desires but yes in a way I am still too much of a door mat for her which I won't be anymore. We don't text or call each other its just IM. Also I have planned to go to a festival with a friend and me ex. My ex's mother wants her to get back with me as well lol... she says she likes me to.

- My conclusion is - the now and future - she doesn't like me enough to get back with me, she hates being smothered - which I did, she's 18 and wants to go party and have fun without being committed and having to cheat, in 2-3 years time maybe longer she will feel ready and will say o dear that was a good guy, not always loads of them around, woops! However time would have passed and I won't be there anymore and neither will she unless we are friends. Chances are by then my sister and her long time boy friend would have split up, a million other people would have broken up, I will have a career, a different group of friends, new hobbies and a completely different life. - That is change, it's the only constant in life.

Well there is two reasons he would send a tezt like that!!

Firstly he definitely has no idea what your up to but geez he wants to know and figures bysending that message you will replywith somethinglike, what are you talkingabout I've got no one or you can say yes. Either way he pretty much has seenthe pics and is wondering and maybe thinkinghe mightwant to get you back becauseyour moving on.


The second reason I'm sorry to sayis also themost likely he has a new girl he knows your still keen on him and you are floating around and he prettymuch justwants tocheck in to see if his reserve girk=l still watshim. He is prbbly hoping you call and say ut I want you and h willl say yeah no hope.


In the end it does not matter why he messagedyou that for the real reason he messaged is because he is curious of what you are up to in your life and it is probably eating him up he wants to know what your doing and the less you tell himte more he will want to know!! Definitely hope you haven't replied caus if you think about it whatever yo reply what will it get you either way there is no answer the best answer you can give him is to say nothing and I guarantee h will ring you or send you anoher message soon that's for sur e, I believe his starting to get keen and if you want another shot you need the cntrok and your sowly getting it by pushing him away.

f he rings don't answer and if you must talk tell him yourve got a few options at the moment and youweighinghings up then say have fun bye!!

He is probably been trying to find out what is going on your life. I would definitely ignore the email but if you have the urge to reply I would tell him to leave you alone. This may make him more jeoulous because he knows that you are no longer interested (even if you really are) don't let him know that you still like him because he is playing games and if you tell him that you want to get back with him he will say no but just play hard to get and leave him alone and see what happens then. He may eventually want back in your life if you ignore him, just because he is jeoulous but in all honesty do you really want to be with a guy like that?!

Wow lots of great insights. I most certainly will not reply, I ALMOST did but stopped myself. My hopes is that me not responding truly BUGS him and naws at him until he comes to believe maybe Im gone. He's stubborn though, and he's locking it up with new girl (excuse my crudeness) so I bet he won't be calling me. Uh Im starting to despise him. Im having a revelation right this very second. He's getting with a girl half my quality, maybe that's what he needs.

Jiser you give some greta advice but you do not do what you tell everyone else we know that. You say strict no contact and missbeach in your case you must not contact him at all and I think you are still a chance with him. You must not contact him though because if you do contact him well how is that getting him to want you.

A MUST is if you want him back think of it likethis if you didn't want a guy and he kept calling you what would you do you would probably say something like you're a nice guy but we can just be friends. But look when you have a guy who is not caling you sit there and hope that he does. So let him sit there hoping you respond and when you don't he will realise he must contact you if he really wants you.

People don't think clearly I hear on here so often "I DONT WANT HIM TO THINK IVE MOVED ON AND NOT CONTACT ME IF HE WANTED ME BACK"

Well wake up girlfriend you know he is with some other girl and moved on but you are still contacting him arnt you.

THE FACTS ARE WHEN YOU MOVE ON THIS IS WHEN HE WILL WANT YOU BACK IT THE WAY IT IS , HE FINDS OUT SOME OTHER GUY MIGNT HAVE YOU AND DECIDES HE WANTS IN ON THE ACTION AGAIN AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE DECIDE You're the ONE FOR HIMA AND YOU WATCH HIM CHASE YOU DOWN. BETTER YET I THINK YOU SHOULD REPLY TO THAT MESSAGE AND SAY!!

THE LAST WEK HAS BEEN THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOURVE BEEN GETTING SPANKED SIDEWAYS" HE Won't BELIEVE IT HE WILL BE DREADING THE DAY HE LEFT AND WANTING YOU BACK THIS SOUNDS BAD BUT IM A GUY HIS A GUY ALL HE WILL THINK ABOUT IS HOW SEXY YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO BE SLAPPING UP AGAINST YOU AGAIN! 1

YOURVE GOT NOTHING ONLOSE GIVE IT A GO. NOW

JUST REMEMBER ONE THING HE IS MISSING YOU PEOPLE DO Not not MESSAGE YOU IF THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. ONLY OCCASIONALLY SOME PEOPLE JUST WANT TO CHECK IN BUT YOU WILL FIND THIS WILL USUALLY BE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT DUMPED AND MOVED ON AND ARE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW And the MESSAGE THE PERSON TO SHOW THEY MOVED ON TO SOMEONE BETTER.

Your situation here he is definitely wondering what your doing he is probably sitting there now waiting hoping dreaming of a reply. He wouldn't message unless he was thinking abot you GEEEZ you wouldn't message some guy you didn't give a about would you

THINK ABOUT THIS YOU MESSAGE WHEN YOU CARE AND WONDER OR ELSE YOU Wouldn't EVEN THINK ABOUT MESSAGING!!

DO NOT MESSAGE BACK HE WILL MESSAGE AGAIN AND NEXT TIME IT WILL Probably BE MORE LIKE "Hay babe you wanna catch up some time!!!!"

Let us kow what happens...

Damn, I don't know. You're a guy, so let me ask you. Im sorry, I've seen this girl, and it's a downgrade. And the jealousy message is another thing. But here's the thing, when I was talking to him, he found out about my rebound and it Didn't BOTHER HIM. But this new message comes after 9 days no contact. BUT the last time we talked, he said he was over it. What he's got with this girl is bothering me though, they hang out and talk all the time. BUT she's a skank, its practically tattooed on her forehead. AND Im 3 years with him, and a lot better looking etc, not that looks are key here, but Im trying to paint a picture.

I don't think Im going to message him because it pushed him away before. I want to see if he'll say more in the next few days, but Ive got my money on he won't he seems so sure. I need more. www.myspace.com/missbeach2 (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=26213964) here's my myspace, anyone whose answered I will friend, you've all been good to me on here!

Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.

So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?

Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.

Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.

So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?

Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.

Yes this is exactly how I feel, I'm not going to lie I really liked this girl and got all the excuses in the book to not see me or keep her distance but for some reason I thught she liked me, well she said she did. My ego has suffered a dent and I know ask myself what is wrong with me, am I ugly, boring etc. its also the fear of no finding someone good enough or better than what you though you had.

That is not my case bt I definitely believe that everyone likes to win and when you get dumped you feel automaticllylike you have lose. That is why when you are about to get dumped and you know it you either get in first or you agree and say yes definatel need a break we both need to clear our heads. Therefor this puts no pressure and puts you on a level playing field. Alo means your ex has no control feels just like you its as if you both ended it.

I do not like losing and Yes in the past I have thought well I want her back and that was probably cause I felt like I lost. But well my latest ex was 3 1/2 years when it's that longb missbeac you can't really say you are upset and feel like you lost the game because in hindsight you have lost more than the game youhave lost time.

In relationships which only go for a few months definitely the one who gets dumped thinks they lost but the onger it goes the less winning and losingbcome into it and I beleve with a longer rrlationship it is more along the lines of resentment of someone you new so well doing this too you.

Yeah I get you, Mckenzie, I was in a 3 year run too. It is major resentment, but also, I've been told it seems Im acting out of a need to 'win' . Not that I really truly want him back, but because I want to have some kind of satisfaction of being desired by him, by him making the mistake. Im not sure if I want HIM or I want him to regret things so I have the upperhand.

Well my relationship before this one was 4 years and when I got dumped I definitely was angry and the fact was I just actually really wanted to have the control and felt like I had lost. The relationship was stuffed though we were both young ad she was so insecur I was on with heaps of girls and there was always drama but I wasliving the moment and it was a huge ride and I will never forget the times we spent together those were some great days of my life and so much fun I had.

My latest relationship was much better though in terms f honest andn love we shared many things and I learnt so much about TRUST and being a good human being to others and treating everyone well. Learned this from a girl who was only 18 when I met her but had an amzing hea on her and new what she wanted. So intelligent and attractive the relationsip was such a succes. But in the end of the relationship she is now 22 she decides she doent knnow how she feelssaidshe never loved some the way she feels about me and isn't sure if that's enough how she feels so she broke it off. Hurt me a lot she was someone who I found a lot from and like no one I had met before.Still hurts now afte 2 and a half months... ont know if I will eve fully get over er he biggest problem is I hadn't met anyway who captivated me like her. I did not let hr know this for a long time but in the end yourfeelings come out and well she went te other way.

Just when I thought she was so honest and great wellm she did nothing wrong and the bad thing is in the end she had no one else she just wanted some time on her own and I guess realised I it wasn't right. Took a hell of a long time to work that out. Lot of years wasted to know that... probably more pissed off that I cared and gave her so much well in the end like they say made her too much of my life.


Thought she was more caring than to hurt me like this but then again she said I didn't want to hurt you I just had to do what was right for me. Girls have such funny minds wind he clock back a week before the breakup and she's saying how we are destined to be together and she misses me so much and loves me. Wel week later byebyebye!! \

I like my ex a lot, I love her laugh, we got on great, I miss the play fights, the hugs, the talks etc sex hah, but she had no ambition as said above, she was ultimately boring, never wanted to do anything, never wanted to go away for a weekend, was never up for much, wasn't very nice to me, lol I guess it is rejection in a way like I am in indqaute but I think I am the catch not my ex.

It is not unusual to be stuck, when you do yourself the deservice of just remembering the good times and all the love. That has to hurt. Let get real and play the whole tape next time you think of that ex, and remember the bad things he did and said, or have you selectively forgotten?? For a month or two it will hurt that's a given, but you will slowly come out of that funk, if you do the right things, and heal those emotions and accomplish the goal of building a life with out him. If he hurt you once, it is insanity to go back for more. He may be a great kisser and sweet lover, but he loves skanks. Let him have them, and get a real man who doesn't cheat.

Take your advice and Ill take mine. Its fail proof

I don't know, I got my money on no more texts. He's got a new girl to sleep with. I think maybe when he thinks I actually could be gone things will change but I don't want to bank on him anymore, Its not worth it. I guess its only speculation, I wish I was a mind reader.

After all these questions and good advice, aren't you ready for something good in your life. Please stop trying to analyze his motives, and just read all the posts here of those confused people who are holding out hope for their long gone exes, and you'll see how much time they wasted instead of getting happy and healthy and having fun in their lives. If you read those posts, they have a common thread of doing so well, then calling the ex and being confused again, and starting all over. That's what all exes do, string you along and give you false hope, so YOU can't move on and leave them in their own confusion. As long as your weak and confused, you can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality. Life is to short to waste on yesterday. Just review all your questions you've posted, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

After all these questions and good advice, aren't you ready for something good in your life. Please stop trying to analyze his motives, and just read all the posts here of those confused people who are holding out hope for their long gone exes, and you'll see how much time they wasted instead of getting happy and healthy and having fun in their lives. If you read those posts, they have a common thread of doing so well, then calling the ex and being confused again, and starting all over. Thats what all exes do, string you along and give you false hope, so YOU can't move on and leave them in their own confusion. As long as your weak and confused, you can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality. Life is to short to waste on yesterday. Just review all your questions you've posted, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

Darn, I really wish I could have rated this answer but I had to spead the rep.

This is perfect tal.

Listen to what tal has said here, please!!

It is bang on 100% good advice!!

Give up on the false hope and analyzing already..

Happens to the best of us, but you must let go.

I think its easily and often overlooked that really WINNING in life is to just be truly happy
Happiness is a personal decision, even if it requires you to shift your perspective or stretch the grey matter to understand the positive that has come from what seems negative at the time, with these things held firmly in mind you can never lose, ever.

Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.

So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?

Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.

I think its like this.

If you are the one left behind, regardless of the quality you think you hold, right or wrong you feel rejected and question if it is something about you that led to the breakup. Why, why, why?! Must be me, all about me and me alone.

You don't for one second believe that it could be the one who ended it or just the end of an era, the end of a relationship that is nobody's fault.

There may or may not be blame on either sides but its tough being the one left behind, that's for sure. I think a lot of what you have suggested above is quite true in some ways.

Moving on and letting go is the way forward and IN TIME you will feel so much better..

In time.

Thanks Geoff, Some times I wonder if I had a cell phone, and could text, and have a myspace, and emails, would I have been in the same boat as so many here, with all the break ups I had? Naw, After That first one, I was ready to accept it was over, and have never went back, for the extra misery and pain. But that first break up was a MoFu>

Thanks Geoff, Some times I wonder if I had a cell phone, and could text, and have a myspace, and emails, would I have been in the same boat as so many here, with all the break ups I had?? Naw, After That first one, I was ready to accept it was over, and have never went back, for the extra misery and pain. But that first break up was a MoFu>

LOL!

Modern technology has a part to play in all this eh?.

True though... text, mobile, email, myspace, yourspace, itsplace is the silent sniper to all those trying to heal.

Stay away from it all..

By the way, yourspace and itsplace is all made up but I wouldn't mind placing a bet on some computer geek (no offense intended) on coming up with some competitive website to the myspace c**p. (no offense intended, wink wink, nudge nudge)...

SPACE IS THE PLACE .COM, Where you can share and care. and make me rich.

I actually think that mobiles, texts, myspace, mobile technology has a bigger role in modern relationships now more than ever! They create undue stress... I wonder what life would be like without them.. Thing is we become so used to these stupid things, personaly I think if we got rid of them all a lot more relationships would be succeeding.

It is easier to reach out and touch someone , but I think that it still boils down to how people deal with each other. I will admit it was a lot easier to disappear from some ones life back in the day.

Hi, As I've posted in my last thread, my ex and I have been broken up a month and a half. He has been seeing this other girl, well, hooking up with her I don't know to what extent they have a relationship connection/ commitment.

Yesterday I received a text saying, "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". It was quite rude, and I don't have another bf, and I'm not hooking up with anyone. If anything, he might have saw new pictures of me with guys, but nothing to make anyone think I had a boyfriend.

I have had no contact for nine days, and I didn't respond to the text. I want him back, but everytime I've tried to see him, he says "no" and that "it wouldn't do any good". We went out three years.

What does this text mean? Is he jealous? Is this indicitive of feelings? Please, any advice. I know I'm obssessing a little, but I'd love to get peoples takes on this. Thank you!
I agree with a lot that the others have said. I have an ex that had the nerve to ask me not to "give it up" to anybody else, even though he didn't want to be in a relationship. He even admitted to me that he knew it was selfish of him to ask. My point is that whether people want the responsibility of being obligated to you or not, they still don't want to know that you might be doing a little bit better with someone else because that raises the question of how much of an effect did they really have on you. I had to learn that. The more that you stay away and do your thing. The better. I learned that from a great book that I read. I'm not really into reading but it's the best book I've ever had before in my life. I cleared up sooooo many of my questions about relationships. I would suggest that everyone check it out. www.myspace.com/heartrx (http://www.myspace.com/heartrx)

Talaniman leave them in their own confusion. You can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality.

Tal this is one of your best responses although i cut it down. I have no doubt this is vital information for everyone, i have realised so many people who get dumped don't think that there dumper may be missing them. This can definitely happen especially when they say i'm just not sure i'm cinfused i need to think. Well this is spot on why stick aroun and call them when they are confused hell if they really are unsure and can't thin let them do that on there own let them get upset and unsure by themselves half the time the only reason they are still unsure is beacause the ex is still calling and hanging around a truye decision can only be made when you walk away and let your dumper realise exactly what a break is not having you there to lean on and be with.

Problem is not many let there dumpers handle this on there own and they all say well i want to make sure he doesn't forget me i want to know what his her thinking / i want to know if we are getting back...

This should not matter to you hell they didn't want you last week or month so if they want you back they are going to have to contact you. Geeez leave them tro wonder what they have actually done by breaking up with you.

No one gets this if they break up with you they lose you most people just say i lost them well they are sitting there without you now let them do what your doing wonder.

Give them the treatment of missing you and if they want to come back or have contact hell it shoudnt be easy for them they can't walk in and out yourve got options plenty of people arnt like that why would you let someone tret you inthat way.

I undestand some people do need time as i thought my ex may after 3 years. But i realise now she may need time and that could be her honest truth she was deciding on the rest of her life but i now know why should i make and try and sway her decision for if im hanging around she still has me and doesn't realise what life will be without me in it. That's what the ex needs to feel for anyone to have a chance of reconcilliation. They need to know what it is like with you gone and some people do need a break to realise this just don't let them decide with you around show them you are a winner you don't take breaks...

I still haven't heard anything. Im having a really hard time with my own life, the saddness has been overwhelming. It should be easy. I dream about him, me chasing him, every night, so I have horrible mornings. Its been 10 days no contact. I want to talk to him so badly, is there any smart way I can go about talking to him?

That's so true Talaniman! I feel like when I run through memories I only think of the love, comfort and fun times. There was lots of bad stuff, but honestly, I have a hard time even remembering it, even though I want to. Its like erased from my memory! He didn't cheat on me, just to correct you. He did start screwing a girl not even two weeks after we broke up.

I don't want to want him back. I'm trying, but I'm not feeling any better. I am feeling so hopeless and uncapable of a life without him, which shouldn't be the case. Literally, I feel lost without him. I Don't WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. Its been 10 days NC and its touturing me because I feel like Im not contacting him to get him to respond in a certain way, not really for my own healing, its sick. I ideally want him to realize what he's missing and come back to me, but he's so stubborn and has a new chick so I don't think its probable. But yet Im holding on. I'd lie if I said I was better, I'm better for a day or a few hours, then its back to this.

MISSBEACH... I'm sure you know what is the right thing to do. If you contact him right now, that would not be smart. It's like drugs (not that I have any experience, but any addiction). Once it's not there, you want it so bad. It can give you a quick fix but then what? You're back in square one. Right now you need your drug. But you know it will certainly not do you any good. It will please you now but then you will be miserable longer and the process will continue. So far you are doing great. Keep it that way. Don't let yourself and us down. Stick with us... We are now a team! Emotional Team! We are here to save you! Believe me, you will feel this way for a while. It's only natural. We all have felt that way. Heck, most of us feel that way now. Life gets better.Ever heard how the sun is always shining somewhere else? Well, right now it's in China. Don't worry, it will come back again. But first you must go through this process. It's the best thing to do. Everything will be all right!

I want to talk to him so badly, is there any smart way I can go about talking to him?
In your nightmares.

Lol... Once again T-Man saves the day!

Grrr stop being so right T ! I swear I have the mindset that can rebound to knowing nothing in a minute. Im impulsive and easily taken by emotions. Im staying the course of NC. Thanks for bringing me to earth. Damn I need some hobbies besides the gym, swimming, and hanging out with friends. Any cool suggestions?

We all go through that. You are not alone, and if you can wrap your head around this, HE HAS MOVED ON WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Move on.


I Don't WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

Then you need to find something to do besides thinking of him, RIGHT?

The rest of your post is just another repeat of other posts, so I won't even bother with it. Now go straighten out your closet, and stay busy till the feeling passes.

Generally when one partner in a relationship asks for a break, they ahve been thinking about it for quite some time. While you are blissfully unaware, they have been slowly detaching themselves from the relationship. In this way, when you are suddenly stuck with the shock of the breakup, he is well on his way to healing, and possibly ready for another relationship.damn that's hard to bear!
It does seem, however, that most of the relationships that cause the breakup of another hardly last. Many of the times, it appears these are merely crushes which crash and burn once the novelty wears off. Its hardly any consolation, but someday in the future, he will likely regret leaving a faithful relationship to pursue an infatuation.

the guy i was involved with says there's a saying in his country something like" you shouldn't break up a sure thing for someone you're not sure of".... i wonder if he even heard himself when told me that.....

Ok so today after 12 days no contact I called him. He answered right away, which normally he didn't in past times, so I don't feel like a complete failure for breaking down and dialing him up.

He was at a bar, by himself which is a little disturbing. My voice was strong and unaffected, I sounded happy and upbeat. We talked about day to day things for a few minutes and then he asked me abruptly about my "new bf".

This is when things got confusing... He kept saying things like "Yeah, why don't you go talk to your new bf" and I would reply "Hey, I'm not in the buisness of getting into another relationship right now". He kept asking me whether I was sexually involved with another guy, and when I would answer, "I don't sleep around", but I didn't want to say anything to reassure him that I'm not seeing other people, I wanted him to wonder. And, I asked him why he was judging me when he was screwing new girl anyway, and he replied, "well its not like I have something with her, theres no emotional ties" ( classy, I kept thinking, just screwing.) He was clearly jealous, but not asking for me back either, just so unclear.

I started to wrap it up because he was clearly frusterated. I said, "you know, I'm not going to try to make things work between us, because I know they can't since I'm going back to college in a few months, but I would like to have a cup of coffee with you sometime" he never gave me an answer, he went off about the "new bf" I apparently have. I finished by saying strong and confident "well matt, if you dont want to get together with me I'm not going to waste my time, because really, it's your loss in the end".

All in all he sounded a lot different from how things were a few weeks ago, he clearly was jealous about me potientially with other guys, but yet he made no distinct move to see me. Our conversation really threw me back because we were so normal, and I could here he was happy/relieved I called. I'm going to leave it alone again, but does it sound like maybe there can be a reconcillation? I still love him, and I'm thrilled he told me that he does not have anything on an emotional level with skank face.

What do you all make of this? Why would he be sooo jealous and offer the info that he and skank face aren't emotionally getting into anything? Is he maybe beginning to see what he's lost?

AND ANOTHER THING read "Letting Go" by Dr. Zev Wanderer It shows you actually techniques to "thought stopping" and other exercises that help you put your ex lover back in perspective and help you get on with things.

If two are destined to be together, they would be happy for the happiness of another, and sad for sadness of another. Since you have been apart, why not forget the past. There are more wonderful things in the future awaiting you, and I am sure when you look back on those confusions someday, you would think it very trivial. Talking and caring your situation with other one, he is just immature. But you could keep your friendship in a proper manners.
Wish you good luck!

Well it does seem like he is thinking a bit. But to be honest if he really wanted you back he would have said why don't we catch up. He has nothing on an emotional level with this girl but that could be becaiuse she may have said to him I don't want a relationship with you at the moment. You can't trust anything he says. Think about this he says that yet he is still screwing you. Im a guy you screw the person who you wasn't to be with this is the truth, Why when he could have you would he be screwing her. Maybe though at the moment he thinks you have aanother guy and he cannot screw you which is good for you. But I just think he is playing you and does like this other girl but is not sure where it ois going. The only way you will know for sure weather he wants to reconcile. IS TOTOTALLY Disappear DO NOT ANSWER COUPLE OF CALLS WAIT FOR HIM TO RING IF THIS IOS GOING TO WORK HE WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO ASK YOU TO CATCH UP. THIS IS SO IMPORTABNT HE MUST MUST!! MUST BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO CATCH UP. THINK ABOUT THIS IF HE DOOESNT HE DOES NOT REALLY WANT YOU THAT MUCH SO WILL NOT WORK. HE MUST BE KEEN AND HE WILL RING!! WAIT IT OUT HE WILL CALL HIS STILL KEEN... HIS WONDERING LET HIM WONDER. YOUR WINNING HERE YOU HAVE NOTRHING TO GAIN BY CONTACTING HIM ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING HOM KNOW YOUR STILL THERE

Move on! You're toying with each others emotions.

Who knows what he wants. Who cares. The two of you aren't together anymore. Simple as that!

Do no contact properly and for the right reasons and concentrate on your life. Not his!

well it does seem like he is thinking a bit. But to be honest if he really wanted you back he would of said why dont we catch up. He hsa nothing on an emotional level wih this girl but that could be becaiuse she may have said to him i dont want a relationship with you at the moment. You can't trust anything he says. Think about this he says that yet he is still screwing you. Im a guy you screw the person who you wasnt to be with this is the truth,. Why when he could have you would he be screwing her. Maybe though at the moment he thinks you have aanother guy and he cannot screw you which is good for you. But i just think he is playing you and does like this other girl but is not sure where it ois going. The only way you will know for sure weather he wants to reconcile. IS TOTOTALLY DISAPEAR DO NOT ANSWER COUPLE OF CALLS WAIT FOR HIM TO RING IF THIS IOS GOING TO WORK HE WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO ASK YOU TO CATCH UP. THIS IS SO IMPORTABNT HE MUST MUST!!!MUST BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO CATCH UP. THINK ABOUT THIS IF HE DOOESNT HE DOES NOT REALLY WANT YOU THAT MUCH SO WILL NOT WORK. HE MUST BE KEEN AND HE WILL RING!!!! WAIT IT OUT HE WILL CALL HIS STILL KEEN... HIS WONDERING LET HIM WONDER. YOUR WINNING HERE YOU HAVE NOTRHING TO GAIN BY CONTACTING HIM ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING HOM KNOW YOUR STILL THERE

You still think it is all a game don't you mac? Silly silly mistake!

You will learn in time that tactics and game playing only hurt you more. It prevents you healing and moving on with your life.

I know your right, false hopes are so easy to get though. He sounded so like my man again, not cold and bitter. I just miss him so much

Silly girl, common after our chat on MSN! Don't call. Get a life where your happy, you're a very attractive girl - there's plenty more out there for you. The more games you play the worse it will be. Maybe one day you will meet or be friends again but that's not going to happen until your fully over him. YOU NEED TIME!

SKELL this is a partly a game weather you believe it or not and to get the most out of it she should use every advantage that she can. He is still trying to find out about her life qnd the only reason someone will do that is because they care or they just want to check in. Ive only suggested she should just disappear nc which in the end will helher or will ge him back either way she won't be so confused. There is no use contacting someone who doesn't want you . That we know.

Ok well things got bad. Never mind, the call meant nothing. He does not want me and he pretty much exploded on me. He is such an . We are meeting for coffee on Saturday, there must be something wrong with me, I practically am making him meet me, but yet there's nothing to say. WOW can you say ten steps back? I really feel worse than EVER. Geez, what the hell am I going to say to him on Saturday, he does not want me anymore, god there is nothing brilliant I can possibly say? Wow Im starting to really hate myself, I look psycho to him.

Just cancel the meeting!

Just cancel the meeting!

I couldn't agree less on this. I did the same, held a forced meeting long time ago, and guess what happened? He didn't even look at me... very cold and insulting. And all I got to hear was that it was all my fault... r u willing to hear all that crap? Listen, don't run after relationships especially if they have been strained... r/s r to be worked on from both ends and when both ends are ready to do this, you will know and it will happen. Why don't you just wait for right things to happen in your life than the wrong ones... trust me, if he would be interested, he will call you back but if not, then my girl, by you calling him will surely push him away further and I suggest, in the meantime, prepare yourself mentally that it was not meant to be... and do your own things... lots to do right?

Its probably best that you not call him as you did for a while. Although it hasn't bothered you quite so much, it obviously has you thinking a lot about him, which you really shouldn't be. "The last thing you should be doing at this point is thinking about him. your best bet is to try and move on, and by keeping him fresh in your mind, you might be setting yourself up for failure.

I know the feeling of "excitement" at the thought of a reconciliation in the future, but I also know the feeling of that being ripped away all too welll...

Please be careful

What he says is irrelevant. What he does is irrelevant. How he feels is irrelevant. Him and the skank irrelevant. What's relevant is your healthy and healing and moving on. Leave the bum and miss skank alone and worry about YOU.

So I really have done it this time, just so you all know, your comments are not wasted, I printed them out so I can read them when I'm feeling weak. I think I'm going to talk to a therapist too, well after you hear this you might agree I should...

I went to the "meeting" on Saturday. I spent a lot of time getting ready, looking my best. He met me in the harbor, because he didn't want to go anywhere on either of our grounds. Let me remind you guys, he did not want this meeting, it was something I pushed for, nay demanded.

When I got into his truck, he would bearly look at me. A friend of mine coached me on this one, it was like my last effort. I wanted to see if he really was completely over me. I talked nothing about us, our fights, the skank, I sat there, looked cute, and made small talk. I could tell he was fighting not looking at me, and I caught him looking me over when I would look out the side window. He told me about his day, warmed up more, asked about my life, which I said was "really coming together for me" with a smile. I offered, "hey lets get a bite to eat, I'm a bit hungry". He wouldn't, he said he'd already eaten. I didn't want to push things, because the more I discover about my ex, the more I realize he doesn't want to be pushed into a decision, he wants no responsibility these days because of how serious things were getting between us before it broke off.

I learned one thing, I run my mouth too much, so I did a lot of looking, listening, and smiling. I wanted him to see the down to earth girl he fell in love with in the first place. 20 minutes passed, and I felt the need to end the meeting on my own time, as to look completely okay with not proding him into taking me back. As I was hoping out of the truck, I offered, "you know, you could come over and watch some LOST with me, I just got the season on tape" to which he replied, to my complete shock "ya, okay see you there".

I felt victorious, like I had melted the wall that he put up. It felt great to use my womanly charms and careful construction of light conversation and silence to warm him up, like I used to be able to. IT FEELS LIKE A GAME, NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE Result, BUT THE DISTRIBUTION OF POWER, and this is why I'm going to tlak to someone, because this could never be a healthy relationship ever again. BUT for the stories sake, please read on to enjoy the debauchery that followed

Once at my house... we sat on the coach, we were US again, or so it seemed. Two hours went by. I KNOW I DID THE WRONG THING, BUT READ ON. I felt his gazes, and asked if he was seeing that girl still. He said, "ya were dating, but its not serious and its not going to be, I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU" I held back tears, not even a glisten, but I wanted to cry because I had really believed that he was completely over me. Another hour went by, and here it comes. Oh the shame. I suggested the unsuggestable, to which he replied "won't that make things harder for us?" I just wanted to be close to him again, and there was no reasoning happening in my head at this point. The experience messed with my head even more, because of all the slow kissing and tenderness that was there. This was not the kind of bang-were-done sex that two people who just want sex have. This was like a complete reverting for the night, but only for the night.

When I asked him to leave because I was meeting friends, I kind of lost it. He said, "what, see? I knew this wouldn't be good" and I said, "It wasn't the sex, its that, I still really care for you" and long pause, gazing eyes. "I'm not asking you for anything, " I said, " but I don't like sharing". And then I shut up. He couldn't walk away, his face became red, eyes glassy which is very uncharacteristic. He must have stood over the chair I was sitting in for 5 minutes, my eyes were teared, but no crying or yelling. He leaned down, kissed me, and started to move for the door. When he was sitting in his truck outside, he sat there for 5 minutes, I was wondering why he was just sitting there. I could see him through the window just sitting motionless. I went to my door and call him back inside. I said, "things don't have to be like this" and I gave him a huge hug, and then shut the door.

He drove away. Im going to leave him alone now, but I don't know how to reason this. I know I mean a lot to him, and I thought his feelings were completely gone. I'm not sure what to make of this.

This morning I was driving home early from a friends house, and he (what are the odds) was behind me on the highway. I didn't notice until he got into the passing lane and I waved. He texted me saying "Looks like you must have slept at someones house last night, too drunk? Your never up this early" I replied "Thats not how it is" and left it at that.

I know its all drama, that I opened the door for when I slept with him yesterday, but I feel like I have the answers to some of the questions that were killing me. He does still love me but as he sees it, "we just can't be" and I respect that a whole lot more than him just wanting to mess around. Were long distance 9 mo out of the year, and young, so it all makes sense.

I was just hoping to have my man this summer, one last time before I went back for junior year. NC re-instated, I hope you enjoyed the story.

Yea he definitely said all that out of anger. You should give him space because you don't want to seem too available to him or else he will take you for grantit. "you dont know what you have untill it is gone". Definitely give him space and you need to keep your mind off it for now and smile and try to enjoy life (I know its hard and it is easier said than done) but be positive and give him his space for now. You should be happy and if he isn't making you happy then you could definitely do better, a healthy relationship is a happy one.

I never thought I'd be writing this post. About 5 months ago my boyfriend of three years broke up with me and started a relationship with a new girl. I was utterly devastated, I sunk into depression, and I cried everyday.

I'm here to report that I am now Ok and I have a new respect for the quiet workings of the world. I wasn't meant to be with my ex, and the breakup was actually a very good thing in retrospect. I met WONDERFUL guy, and we are in love. He treats me like a queen, and I never worry about what he's doing or have any insecurities (something that was a problem in my last relationship) because his actions show me he only has eyes for me. We've been together for almost 3 months now and although I thought maybe it was too soon to be in a relationship, it felt stupid to pass up on this wonderful chance at love simply because of a 'rule' that doesn't really apply to every situation. Everyone takes a certain amount of time to be ready to date again, and this guy (I hate to say it) helped me back into happiness and made me ready.

Where ever you are in your breakup now, just please think of the mystery the future holds for you! I am so HAPPY my ex never came back for me, because it might have caused me not to allow myself to see my new boyfriend. It's a breakup because its broken, and the person that will make you happy is truly just around the corner, you just have to be ready.

Thanks for all your support, I really appriciate everyone who posted and helped me when I was ultra low. Good Luck!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Isn't this the BEST feeling? I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling good and are happy post break up.

Wish You happiness forever!

It really is, like a fresh start, and I feel so grateful to be out of that dark stage! You only suffer as long as you allow yourself to, I've discovered. A famous quote about sadness "THIS TO SHALL PASS" and it always holds true

I hope that our folks who are now in their "darkest hours" will find some inspiration in your experience. Thanks so much for the update.

Congrats... Hopefully in about 3-4 months I will be where you are at. I'm 6 1/2 months post breakup.

I am so happy for you, and thank you for the advice, because this site really does help people with a lot of thing, just to know that you have people out there that care. Good luck to you and your new love. I wish lots and lots of happiness for the 2 of you.

I wrote about the breakup between my ex and I and a lot of you helped me through it. We've been broken up about 5 months, went out for three years... HEARTBROKEN after he broke up with me, and then shortly after got into a relationship with another girl, a down grade on all accounts... (easy, not too cute, un educated, clingy etc... )

I drunk dialed him when I was on vacation one month ago, but he didn't answer ( I assume he was with her). And the truth of the matter is I'm dating a guy I really like now, but my feelings for my ex are still so strong, and sometimes I want nothing more then him to contact me... WELL...

30 minutes ago I was doing some reading for college and he texted me. "hey whats up".. This is the first contact he made first the entire period we've been apart. I didn't text back but I couldn't stop starring at my phone. I know he doesn't really care what I'm doing, I see it as an attempt to talk to me. He's very stubborn and sticks to his convictions (especially stubborn in breaking up with me, in the first week he refused to see me and I couldn't get him to break).

Why the text? Does he still care? A man's opinion would be great. I heard through a mutual friend that he is annoyed with his rebound girl and he said that "she won't leave him alone" but yet his myspace says he's in a relationship. I know they are on the rocks.

Comments??

I would leave it and don't text back. Not only would it be silly to go back after you have done all this healing it's not really fair on the person you are dating at the moment. If he is annoyed with his current girl that's his problem , NOT YOURS.

Hewants to check your still available. E may want you back. Stay silent if he really wants you hen he will let you know...

I wouldn't give him the time of day sounds like a creep...

I wouldn't say that he still cares... to me it sounds more like he wants to know you are still an option. Jumping from one relationship to another doesn't give the person the time to sort through their emotions. The rebound relationship is only filling that void left by the person before. If he realize the new girl isn't all she started to be, he will start to long for the confort he had when he was with you. Let's face it though, who wants to be with a guy who considered them comfortable? Sounds like you are doing the right thing by not responding. Keep moving forward and let the ex figure things out for himself.

You are moving on MissBeach and that's the important things. As everyone else here said he just wants to see if he can still pull you in hook, line and sinker. Problems arise with the rebound girl all of a sudden you don't look so bad. But honestly, after 5 months and him dating someone else there is no reason to go back to him. He really just wants to see if his options are open. Delete him out of your phone if necessary block the number.