PDA

View Full Version : I fell in love with my best friend


NDaniels82
May 13, 2014, 03:36 PM
I have fell in love with the youngest sister of one of my best friends, and for the 15 years that I've known her, I have treated her like my own younger sister. I've watched her grow from elementary to college, and even been involved in key events in and around her life, including her brother's wedding and the passing of her grandparents. Fast forward to a few years ago, we get to an age where she is beginning to experience life. At this point she's been in a relationship for a few years with her now ex, finishing school to jump-start her life's career goals, and developing very rapidly. I have always been the kind of guy to take chances (without being too pushy or weird) when it came to human nature in the sense of sexuality. Mind you at this point she is of a legal age. Well, one day I brought up my curiosity of the one day I was at their house (at the time she and her brother were still living with their parents), and was in desperate need of using the only bathroom in the house…with her in the shower to my dismay. I subtly mentioned that she had pulled the shower curtain back slightly too far to inform me that it was OK for me to just come in and use the toilet. To my surprise, this opened up quite the wormhole, starting with the sharing of some very intimate picture swapping. This eventually led to sexual encounters that lasted for about 2 years. Yes, at this point she is still with her ex, and I know what the resulting answers will yield, but there will be more explanation to it coming up.

Now we move into the more current part of the story where my problems begin. Throughout our sexual endeavors, I have been very cautious to her about several ideas surrounding these activities, including her relationship and her family, yet we kept it cool. Whenever she was down or otherwise frustrated, she was entrusted to coming to me for comfort or advice. Well, about a year and a half ago, her relationship started going sour (after he decided to pop the big question to her, which she accepted). At first, my story was that I hoped she was able to find reconciliation with him. As she started getting closer to me as she got farther from him, the story started to change to telling her to do what she felt necessary for her to be happy. That ultimately changed to ensuring that she was not breaking up with him for me. Of course, she eventually breaks up with him, and that's where the adventures start.

She ends up staying over at my house A LOT, oft times unexpected. Not every moment was a sexual encounter, although this became a moment in her life when she started exploring her sexual prowess. We also started getting real close and doing things as a couple would do, such as road trip and dinner dates, although we jointly agreed against the label between us. This all led into my current feelings, which at first I suppressed even during that time, but at the point she felt like we have gone a bit too far and got too close, she started dating around. She had also cited that she did not want me to become a rebound because she was afraid of what would become of our friendship (she had a rebound about half way through her relationship when they had broke up, and things ended a bit badly with the rebound guy). I had actually encouraged dating at the time of my feelings then when I had no intention of trying to date her.

This all somehow made my feelings surface and progress into what they are now. I had most recently brought about the idea of us dating…an idea that she turned down. She was reluctant to doing so at first, recalling what we were during the time after her break-up actually looked like two people dating, especially in the eyes of those around us. Her reasons included (again) the fear of our friendship going sour if we were to break up, and that it's hard for her to look past our brother/sister relationship. I had attempted to ensure her that our friendship would never go away, mentioning her previous failed attempts to ignore me or push me completely away to only have her come back and apologize each time, mainly after failed dates.

So here I sit on my current situation: A 15 year friendship that became tainted by love and lust, that has endured regardless, and that has brought me very close to a very unlikely candidate. So here finally is my question. What do I do? I have fallen in love with my friend and “sister”. It was so much so that I ended up confessing my feelings to her mom and sister (without the sexual fillings), who both surprisingly took it well. I guess I shouldn't hold too much hopes on her, but I'm one of the few people who actually believes that the best type of relationship can come out of a friendship. I feel the only way to remove these feelings is to remove her from my life, which is something I know I can't do and would hurt even more by doing so.

Forgot to mention current ages: I'm 32, and she's 24.

talaniman
May 13, 2014, 06:01 PM
You need time away to clear your mind and emotion so the feeling don't outweigh the facts of this "friends with benefit" secret affair. 15 years is a long time to have feeling stoked so grandly, but alas, reality has taken over. Heal, and enjoy the memories, and make new one.

foolsoul
May 15, 2014, 06:31 PM
That's a very complex relationship. Is she still not wanting to be a couple or does she seem like she's considering it? If not, then probably best to let her be and distance yourself. She could come around, then again might not but you've voiced your feelings so it's up for her to decide if she's in. If so (seems to be considering the idea), then I guess just showing her / slowly treating her more and more as you would a partner could ease her into the idea?

I realize what I'm suggesting is pretty basic and given, but kind of grasping at straws and figured I'd give my two cents in case it could help. Hope you can find peace either way.

NDaniels82
May 21, 2014, 05:30 AM
Thank you both for your insight. To update this story, recently I've been trying to create distance between us, which has been a failure. We've hung out much in the past couple of weeks, and convos have been our normal chit chats and goofiness as usual. Earlier in the year she was dating some guy in MD (we live in Harrisburg, PA), which was one of her many failed dating attempts in the past year. While in that relationship, she applied to a hospital when she was all gung ho about moving down that way because of him. Recently, they called her saying a position was opening up, and the manager was VERY pleased with her interview that they basically want her for it. Well, she had brought up the idea of moving if the pay was much better that what she's currently making. Well now I'm conflicted because she asked if I'd be interested in moving down there with her. She gave no indication of the "us" factor in her inquiry, but my heart and mind conflict because one says "that's exactly the way it'll go", yet the other says "I know better". What's the best way to approach this?

talaniman
May 21, 2014, 07:20 AM
This is a no brainer. If she wants to go let her. Wish her luck. Explain how a grown mature man lets a young girl play with his heart this way? You didn't have the guts to ask why she offered you to go with her? Since you didn't you dismiss this offer. Its sort of insulting she would make it, if you think about it.

It's telling you would rather dwell, speculate, assume and be confused rather than ask her what the hell she means.