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View Full Version : Where do I go from here


mtlguy
May 13, 2014, 01:33 PM
Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this. I'm a guy in my early 30's and have been married almost 10 years.

For the past 6 months my wife has been very distant and has been talking to some guy she met online in the US (were in canada). They talk maybe 3 hours a day that I know of and she often goes outside to talk to him with the door shut. At the same time for maybe the last 4 months we haven't had sex.

She's going to visit him in a few days and recently I've heard her tell him on the phone she's not in love with me anymore.

I have confronted her about all this and got an excuse for it all. She doesn't "feel" like sex lately or other times it's cause she's worried about finances. I'll admit we live paycheck to paycheck but everything gets paid, we bought a new car in 2012 and moved to a higher rent area of town by choice cause we wanted to live in a nicer area. And she claims the saying she didn't love me comment was a joke cause I was eavesdropping.

I feel like I've been alone for a long time now, even when she's home all she does is talk to him. I want to get out there and meet someone but I don't feel it would be fair or appropriate to see someone in this situation. Just FYI we don't have children

I also don't know how or where to meet someone. Most of my friends moved away for work or if my wife didn't like them she pushed them away.

odinn7
May 13, 2014, 02:02 PM
You are better off getting a divorce first, before thinking about getting out there and meeting someone. Worry about what you need to do to take care of yourself...then worry about adding someone.

Is she cheating? I would say so...if she won't talk it out, it's time to move on. File for divorce, be done with her, and make your own way. You will be better off.

talaniman
May 13, 2014, 02:13 PM
How do you know she is going to visit him? With what money? Any kids? Don't worry about your social life my friend worry about talking to your wife and solving your problems and you better be right about her talking/visiting a guy.

If you had hard evidence confronting her would be the thing to do.

smoothy
May 13, 2014, 02:42 PM
Move all your money from the joint account NOW into a private one... she might do that right before she leaves.

ITs really clear to me what she's doing... protect what's yours before she takes it.

She's not traveling ALONE to see visit a GUY friend from online without hanky Panky planned.

smearcase
May 13, 2014, 03:18 PM
I like smoothy's advice but some U.S. states may have some restrictions against it, and maybe Canada too. This site discusses some of these questions but I can't attest to its validity. Talk to an attorney.
Can a spouse legally withdraw all of the money out of a joint bank account before filing for divorce? - Avvo.com (http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/can-a-spouse-legally-withdraw-all-of-the-money-out-11119.html)

smoothy
May 13, 2014, 03:22 PM
Well, legal or not... I've known more than a few people that actually did that... and didn't know if any of them ever had to give it back in the end...

Tough paying for a quality lawyer after the accounts are emptied out... and its going to take winning in court to even have a shot of getting it back. A catch-22 situation.

DoulaLC
May 13, 2014, 03:41 PM
Sadly, she already has one foot out the door. I would confront her as well... before she goes. Let her know you want to discuss the current status of your marriage and, if you are both so inclined, consider marriage counseling if you want to try and rebuild the trust and commitment. The onus would be on her to make the change of no longer talking to this other person however. If she won't make that change, then seek a separation or divorce before you consider seeing anyone new. As was said, get legal counsel lined up.

Better to give yourself time to heal before involving someone new in the picture. It wouldn't be fair to that person. Now would be a good time to contact those friends that she pushed away, as well as seeking the support from family and the friends who have moved away.