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hex1234
May 12, 2014, 10:16 AM
Well we have been dating since 3 years on and off cause she had a bad breakup (her ex cheated on her)... In the beginning it was hard for both of us because share started to have feelings for me but on my behalf I wanted to give her time to heal up..

However it went bad on the last day of university and we cut contact for 4 months but now we are working in the same company but not in the same place... When we did gather together she told me that she still had feelings for me, she would like to be in a relationship with me but she wants to take it slow... I am not saying she is lying but though I am a very patient guy, I just want to know if this will really work out because we have strong feelings for each other but she is taking it slowly...

smoothy
May 12, 2014, 10:33 AM
Don't bother... she is working somewhere else... you didn't even say if it was close or not. If you are not geographically very close....don't bother at all.

Find someone else where there isn't so many problems. A relationship that's meant to be isn't going to have the both of you moving from one problem to another problem. Its going to work with very few real problems at all. I see huge problems in yours.

catonsville
May 12, 2014, 11:41 AM
Smoothy, appears to have nailed it. Sort of like "Wait until I see if my present quest is going to workout, if not you are next"

hex1234
May 12, 2014, 12:46 PM
Well her workplace is like 20 minutes from mine and we do share mails because her department is related to mine...

talaniman
May 12, 2014, 12:49 PM
No one can say if this will work or not but if you reach no compromise that works for you both I doubt it. The last time someone told me she wanted to go slow, I asked what the hell does that mean?

Why haven't you asked her what the hell does go slow means and go from there.

hex1234
May 12, 2014, 12:52 PM
She just texted me 10 minutes ago and told me " what you want now is not what she wants now".. let time do things... guess I'm butthurt (maybe a complete idiot right now) and guess having patience for more than 3 years is not enough..

talaniman
May 12, 2014, 01:00 PM
Patience for what? Off and on for 3 years? You are off again, what's the big deal?

smoothy
May 12, 2014, 01:44 PM
Who ever told you that patience will get you anything you want? Because it doesn't. As you see. You give something days, weeks, maybe months in some rare cases. Waiting years for somethig to start to go the way you wish is wasting your life. THings that are this broke simply don't fix themselves... are can rarely BE fixed.

hex1234
May 12, 2014, 09:15 PM
I do get your answers... how should I ever overcome all of this ? :/
Geez kind of feel like some desperate guy...

smoothy
May 13, 2014, 05:30 AM
Sounds more like you are just inexperienced... The rest of us learned out lessons the hard way... by going through them ourselves or seeing others close to us go through it. Many of us long before online forums like this existed.

We are passing the benefits of our experiences on to others.

Walk away from her... move on with your life.. find someone else... and probibly you will find someone significantly better. THen you will understand why a person should never stay in a relatiuonship that's not almost always good and positive. Every relationship has a few potholes... along the way... but most of the road should be smooth and clear. If it looks like a farm path... its time to move on.

Jake2008
May 13, 2014, 05:57 AM
The mistake was getting into a relationship with her in the first place, because she had not moved on from her last boyfriend, before getting serious with you.

I'm not faulting her. Many people make the same mistake of jumping right into another relationship, and do not allow time to heal from the last one. It is just too painful sometimes.

That being said, I would believe that she is ready for a relationship. That she wants one with you, needs some advice.

Talk to her. Tell her that you don't want to live through her past again, but to start instead, with a new future with you. Enough time has passed between you, that you've both matured, and are no longer students, but independent, with jobs, and your own future to forge.

Let her know that taking it very slow, is also your beginning. You have an opportunity to get to know her, without her past, and she too. You are different people now, heading in a direction, that you have complete control over. How? By being honest, and slowly building a foundation of trust.

I don't think that an investment of your time at this stage of things, is a waste at all. Had you just met her now, your opinions would not be clouded with what was. Try to see things, as new.

But, like all new relationships, keep your guard up, learn how to communicate, by both talking, and listening, and avoid slipping back into the past.

If you can do that, you might just have another shot at a healthy relationship with her.