Swerd89
May 9, 2014, 07:18 PM
So a little background on me
I'm 25 year old male from the Vegas .started using meth when I was 19. I have struggled to stay clean since the day I started using it. When I was 19 I was out of high school and felt very much alone all my friends left and went off to college and I only really had a few close friends. I felt very alone and started hanging around people that were bad for me. When I was 19 I started expirementing sexually and I would go on this site and find local hookups. So one day I decided to meet up with this older guy I had met on the site, bear in mind this was my first time doing anything like this and he introduced me to meth. I had no idea what it was or how to use it.. My addiction took off fairly rapidly I stayed clean for about 6 months after my first encounter. Then I would hit this guy up again when I had the urge until I was full blown using everyday. Eventually this guy introduces me go needles and I started using iv. In a few year span I had lost a couple good jobs my girlfriend at the time, some good friends, and all self respect and confidence. I was extremely skinny and looked like a zombie.
My addiction took me to places I never imagined and put me in horrible situations. Having unprotected Sex with strangers using needles that might have been dirty going to trailer parks and ghettos. I ended up living in a rough part of town with a hooker I met on the hookup site. We would get high off the money she would make prostituting.
I remember going to get tested everyonce in a while and every time it came back clean I would tell myself OK now I'll quit using etc. but I couldn't stop. Until one day I got bad news that I had tested positive for HIV in September of 2010. I thought my world had ended at this point. It was extremely painful to go through and I told myself if I gave it to my ex I'd probably kill myself.eventually got honest with my family and told them I had a problem and needed help. I checked into an outpatient rehab and relapsed a week before it was complete. I started going to NA meetings and had a family friend with 10 plus years in the program sponsor me. I would get 30 or 60 days clean and I would go out and use again and again this happened for quite a while. I ended up getting decided I needed something more than this so with my family's help I went out to Cali for an inpatient recovery program. The program was a year long but I decided to leave after 10 months and flew back to Vegas . I was looking and feeling great. I was completely changed and everything was new. I eventually relapsed after getting out. I got right back into the NA program and got 10 months then relapsed again. Then I got another 9 months and relapsed again.
I have gotten 6 months a few times then relapsed and lately it's been only a couple months at a time then I'll go out and use for a few days until I need sleep then stop using for a while etc. I got out of that rehab in 2011 and have been living with my parents ever since. I feel really ashamed of using because I lie to my parents and they think I've been clean since I got out of rehab 3 years ago. I lied maybe once and told them I drank alcohol since NA considers that a relapse. Anyway I can get clean I just struggle with staying clean and I'm miserable when I use. You'd think after everything I've put myself through I wouldn't go back but here I am just coming down from a 3 day run.
Anyway hope this made sense and thanks for reading.. Any advice is appreciated
I'm 25 year old male from the Vegas .started using meth when I was 19. I have struggled to stay clean since the day I started using it. When I was 19 I was out of high school and felt very much alone all my friends left and went off to college and I only really had a few close friends. I felt very alone and started hanging around people that were bad for me. When I was 19 I started expirementing sexually and I would go on this site and find local hookups. So one day I decided to meet up with this older guy I had met on the site, bear in mind this was my first time doing anything like this and he introduced me to meth. I had no idea what it was or how to use it.. My addiction took off fairly rapidly I stayed clean for about 6 months after my first encounter. Then I would hit this guy up again when I had the urge until I was full blown using everyday. Eventually this guy introduces me go needles and I started using iv. In a few year span I had lost a couple good jobs my girlfriend at the time, some good friends, and all self respect and confidence. I was extremely skinny and looked like a zombie.
My addiction took me to places I never imagined and put me in horrible situations. Having unprotected Sex with strangers using needles that might have been dirty going to trailer parks and ghettos. I ended up living in a rough part of town with a hooker I met on the hookup site. We would get high off the money she would make prostituting.
I remember going to get tested everyonce in a while and every time it came back clean I would tell myself OK now I'll quit using etc. but I couldn't stop. Until one day I got bad news that I had tested positive for HIV in September of 2010. I thought my world had ended at this point. It was extremely painful to go through and I told myself if I gave it to my ex I'd probably kill myself.eventually got honest with my family and told them I had a problem and needed help. I checked into an outpatient rehab and relapsed a week before it was complete. I started going to NA meetings and had a family friend with 10 plus years in the program sponsor me. I would get 30 or 60 days clean and I would go out and use again and again this happened for quite a while. I ended up getting decided I needed something more than this so with my family's help I went out to Cali for an inpatient recovery program. The program was a year long but I decided to leave after 10 months and flew back to Vegas . I was looking and feeling great. I was completely changed and everything was new. I eventually relapsed after getting out. I got right back into the NA program and got 10 months then relapsed again. Then I got another 9 months and relapsed again.
I have gotten 6 months a few times then relapsed and lately it's been only a couple months at a time then I'll go out and use for a few days until I need sleep then stop using for a while etc. I got out of that rehab in 2011 and have been living with my parents ever since. I feel really ashamed of using because I lie to my parents and they think I've been clean since I got out of rehab 3 years ago. I lied maybe once and told them I drank alcohol since NA considers that a relapse. Anyway I can get clean I just struggle with staying clean and I'm miserable when I use. You'd think after everything I've put myself through I wouldn't go back but here I am just coming down from a 3 day run.
Anyway hope this made sense and thanks for reading.. Any advice is appreciated